Under Your Skin (11 page)

Norah smiled. She knew Avery was a good guy. “I know. I never implied you couldn't. I just don't think we're ready. Do you?”

Silence met her.

“Avery?”

“I'm still here. I don't know what you expect.”

The sudden edge to his tone cut her. She swallowed hard before continuing. “A baby needs more than money. How would we raise her? Where? As a couple or two independent parents?”

“I'm offering you financial support.”

Those five words hanging between them were enough to make her cry. Financial support. That's all her own father had ever been. Her eyes filled and her throat burned, but she pushed on. “Money isn't enough. I can't be a parent by myself.”

“So you're going to abandon our baby?”

The tears started to fall and her breath caught. Of all the things he could've accused her of, it was like he knew this would hurt the most.

“You're going to leave her just like your family pushed you away.”

“It's not the same,” she choked out.

“Yeah, it is.”

Her anger rose above the hurt. “You're not stepping up to be a father. You think it's okay to abandon her as long as you throw some cash her way. She needs to be loved and cared for. I am
not
abandoning my daughter. I'm finding a place for her where she has a chance at a real life with people who not only want her and are ready for her but will also love her.”

“Well, I guess you're going to do whatever you want. Send the papers to my school. I'll text you the address.” He disconnected without another word.

Norah sat staring at her phone until a text buzzed through with Avery's address. Huge sobs jerked her body. Why the hell had she thought he'd want to be with her? That they would make some kind of family? She was in this alone and she needed to accept that.

Kai parked in front of the house and saw Norah's car still there. He'd figured she'd be gone since his mother was always in bed before ten. With his luck, he'd find Norah sleeping peacefully on his couch and then he'd have to rein in the desire to touch her.

For the past couple of days, they'd fallen into a routine where he'd been successful at having very little contact with her and it was working for him. She'd given him a hard time about his mom this morning, but their interaction had still been minimal. Which was fine by him.

He let himself into the house determined to wake her and send her on her way so he could enjoy the remainder of his night in peace. Except she wasn't on the couch or in the living room at all. He peeked into his mom's room where a small night-light illuminated the space. Mom was sound asleep. Where the hell was Norah? No sound came from anywhere in the house.

He moved to the kitchen and flipped on the light. She bolted from her seat, swiping at her face.

“Sorry. I didn't realize you were home.” She stared at the floor as she moved around the table.

“What's wrong?” Even as the words left his mouth, he knew he shouldn't ask. That he shouldn't care.

“Nothing. I'm fine.” Her voice wobbled as she spoke and he thought she might not be done yet.

He stood in her path and touched her shoulder. “What happened?”

“It's nothing. You know, hormones.” She waved a hand but still didn't look up.

He knew all about the hormones she'd been throwing around, but this wasn't the same. Even he wasn't clueless enough to buy that. Then he did the unthinkable. With his fingers, he touched her jaw, tipping her face up. “Tell me.”

Her throat worked and she licked her lips. The movement had him wanting to shift closer to taste her. He locked his legs to prevent movement.

“I had a conversation with the baby's father. I told him I planned on adoption.”

“And the problem?”

She pulled from the slight grasp he had on her face. “It's stupid. It's me and my dumb imagination. When I e-mailed him that I planned on adoption—”

Kai cut her off. “You did that in an e-mail?”

“Our last conversation didn't go well. He accused me of lying about the baby being his.” She licked her lips again. “Anyway, he e-mailed back he didn't want me to make any decision yet.” She shook her head. “In my twisted mind, I interpreted that to mean he wanted the baby.”

“What does he want?”

“Basically to hand me money to raise our child. He doesn't want any further involvement.”

Kai thought of his own deadbeat dad. “It's more than a lot of guys would do.”

“Really? So I should be grateful?” She looked up. Fresh tears welled in her eyes.

Fuck. “I didn't say that.”

“Forget it. I'm sorry I stayed so long. I lost track of time.” She moved to step around him, but he didn't budge.

He couldn't let her leave like this. Her hands shook. “You're too upset to drive.”

“I'm fine.” Yet she was back to staring at the floor.

He shifted closer and held her face again. A surge of lust shot through him and he squashed it. “You're not fine,” he said quietly.

Tears fell and he wanted to run but couldn't. Her pale blue eyes were crystal clear and drew him in. “What did you want from him?”

A tear tracked down her cheek and hit his hand.

“It's not even what I want. It's what I thought. Part of me—okay, a lot of me—thought he was going to want to be together. That he'd want us to be a family to raise our child.”

More tears fell and Kai brushed them away with his thumb.

“It's stupid.” Her lips trembled.

She looked defeated, which didn't match any other image he had of her. It made him angry. “Do you love him?”

Kai didn't really want the answer. It was torture to even ask.

Her laugh came out as a half choke, half sob. “That's the sick part. I don't think I do. I think I could've if we gave it a shot, but I haven't seen him in months.” She closed her eyes. When she spoke again, her voice was barely above a whisper. “When we were together though, it was good.”

He didn't want to try to explain why he felt relieved by her answer. He didn't want her to love a guy who didn't want to be with her. No wonder his mom saw Norah as being like him. She was searching for a safety net. It was why she'd come back to her family.

Kai didn't have any words to comfort her, so he continued down the path of doing what he shouldn't. He pulled her close and held her. At first she stiffened in his arms, but when she realized it was nothing more than a hug, she relaxed. A breath shuddered through her and she hiccupped. Another moment passed and her arms wrapped around him and she held tight.

He'd wanted to comfort her the way he'd comfort Jaleesa, but no matter what he thought, his body had a different reaction. She smelled delicious and inviting as the scent of her perfume or shampoo wafted up to his nose. He caught a breath full of her and he wondered what it would be like to bury his face in her neck and inhale.

When her crying stopped and his shirt was damp, she pulled away. Her face was blotchy and her eyes red-rimmed. Heartbreaking sadness filled her face.

She wiped her cheeks. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pulled you into my drama.”

“It's okay.” But it wasn't. He'd spent years carefully crafting his life to be drama-free. He didn't want to care. It didn't stop him from wanting to pull her close again.

In the quiet of the kitchen, the only sounds were the hum of the refrigerator and their breathing. She stared at him and he couldn't help but look at her mouth again.

She let loose a nervous laugh. “I'm a mess.” She pushed at her hair and patted her cheeks.

“You're gorgeous.” Even with her blotchy cheeks and tearful eyes, her smile was beautiful.

She snorted and averted her eyes again.

Hand on her jaw, he brought her face up as he lowered himself to be eye to eye. “Don't.”

“What?”

“Don't put yourself down.” She stood so close, her eyes pleading for proof of what he said, and he lost the bit of control he'd been clinging to. The hand cradling her jaw slid back to her neck and brought her mouth to his.

She sucked in a quick breath but didn't protest. Her eyes fluttered closed. Her lips parted immediately, inviting him in to taste her. Her hand fisted in his shirt as their tongues met.

The rush he felt told him it was a mistake. He could get drunk on her like this. Anything more would be explosive. And he couldn't afford that.

With a hand on her hip, he pushed her gently as he pulled away. The small distance was like a cold breeze blowing over his skin. She blinked, eyes wide.

His fingers flinched. “Sorry.” He released her and took a full step back. “I shouldn't have done that.”

She took a step toward him, but he held up a hand. Regardless of how much he wanted her right now, he said, “You should go home now.”

She froze, looking more stunned than she had when he'd first walked in the room. He waited for her to tell him off, call him an asshole, something. Instead, she nodded and left the room. He leaned against the wall and tried to figure out how many ways he'd just fucked himself when she came back into the kitchen with her purse on her shoulder and keys in hand.

“What time do you need me tomorrow?”

Such an innocent and unassuming question. He needed her now, wanted her more than he'd ever let on. Yet he strove to answer her question as normally as possible. “Weekends are really busy. I usually go in by ten and I could be there until midnight, but I can have Jaleesa come by for a while if you can't be here all day.”

“I have another appointment but it shouldn't take too long. I can be here by noon if that's okay.”

“It's fine.” Better than fine because then he'd already be gone before she arrived and he could go back to keeping a safe distance.

She walked silently through the house and all he heard was the quiet
click
of the front door as she left.

* * *

Norah left her meeting with Teagan with five folders containing the profiles of couples Teagan thought Norah might like. Norah had told Teagan about her conversation with Avery, leaving out the ridiculousness of her imagination. She gave Teagan his address to send him the information.

Now on her way to Kai's house, she realized how much she loved the regularity of having a job. Sure, the hours were a bit wonky, but so was her sleep schedule these days. The baby kicked and punched every time Norah crawled into bed. And being at Kai's house gave her a chance to be alone to think. Ms. Ellis didn't need much and she always went to bed early.

Since Kai had said he'd be working until midnight, Norah had told her brothers she'd be late. She planned to use the late-night quiet to look over the profiles from Teagan. She hadn't mentioned anything else to Jimmy, not her conversation with Avery or her meeting with Teagan. Although she liked knowing Jimmy was there for her, she felt the need to do this on her own.

Norah knocked on the door before using her key. Kai had said his sister would be here this morning, so Norah didn't want to assume she'd have gone already. She'd learned her lesson every time she'd thought Kai was gone. Just as she was about to pull out her key, the door swung open and the beautiful goddess from the other day stood before her.

“You must be Norah.”

“Uh, yeah.”

The woman stepped back from the door. “I'm Jaleesa, Kai's sister.”

His sister? Now she felt dumb for jumping to conclusions. She forced her feet forward. “Nice to meet you.”

“I can't thank you enough for taking this job. I'm sure it's not easy.”

“I like it. Your mom isn't hard to work with.”

Jaleesa let out a laugh that seemed too big to come from her thin frame. “You must be playing nice then because difficult is something she's perfected.”

Norah smiled. “Like I told Kai, my dad owns the real estate on the corner of crotchety and cranky. Difficult is nothing new to me.”

Jaleesa laughed again, which put Norah at ease. Now that she got a close look at the woman, she could see the resemblance between the siblings, height not being the only thing they shared. Her eyes were as dark as his and the wave to her hair reminded Norah of when Kai had just gotten out of the shower. Hearing Jaleesa laugh made Norah wonder what Kai's laugh sounded like.

As she walked ahead of Norah, Jaleesa spoke over her shoulder. “I already made lunch for my mom and we've done her exercises for now. Kai told me you got her out of the house the other day. It would be great if you could make that happen again.”

Norah followed her through the house to the kitchen where Ms. Ellis sat at the table finishing a sandwich. She looked up from her food. “'Bout time you got here. These children of mine treat me like I can't do anything.”

Norah smiled. “I guess we know better, don't we, Ms. Ellis?”

“I think you can start calling me Lani.”

Norah wasn't sure she could do that. “We'll see.”

The woman laughed and waved her hands. “You've washed my underwear and read about sex with me. I think we're friends.”

Norah froze and her cheeks flamed. Jaleesa ran a hand down Norah's arm. “Mom, you're embarrassing her.” She leaned over and said, “I'm aware of the smut my mom reads. Don't even pay attention.”

Norah wanted to defend Ms. Ellis and then realized there was no need because the woman spoke up just fine for herself.

“It's not smut. They're good stories. Better than most of the junk on TV. It keeps my brain working too so I won't have to worry about Alzheimer's and being put in a home.”

Jaleesa rolled her eyes. “The woman's greatest fear is being put in a home.”

Norah helped Ms. Ellis—Lani—back to the living room while Jaleesa cleaned up the dishes. Jaleesa seemed to be the opposite of Kai. She was friendly and talkative and made jokes. She was as beautiful as he was hot, so they had that in common, but their personalities were so different.

She thought about her own brothers. They weren't that different. Sure, Kevin was always starting trouble and making jokes, but none of them would qualify as talkers. She supposed it was a guy thing. Jaleesa thanked her again on the way out, and Norah and Lani spent the afternoon reading and taking a couple of small walks.

By nine o'clock, Lani was tucked into bed and Norah curled on the couch to read the profiles that had been tugging her attention all day. She didn't know what to expect. How would she know who would be the right parents for her baby girl?

She did a cursory look at all of them and found that all five were structured in a similar manner. They contained a letter to expectant parents and tons of photos of family and friends and their homes. Norah immediately put two of the files aside because the couples lived in an apartment or condo. They were nice places and more than Norah could hope to afford, but she wanted her daughter to have a backyard and neighbors to play with. She wanted her to have a neighborhood like she had grown up in.

Then she read the remaining three. They all seemed like decent, caring people. She studied the pictures, waiting for something to jump out at her like a beacon saying “This one!”

Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Lila and James, Kim and Trevor, and Brittany and Robert all appeared to be competent adults who wanted a child. She returned to the files again and read the letters the couples wrote. Kim and Trevor made her laugh with their dorkiness. She liked that. The other couples were very serious in their letters, and there was nothing wrong with that. Her heart went out to them. But she liked that someone could be silly and joke.