Under the Moon's Shadow (33 page)

Beth grabbed her mother for a long, close hug. “I’m fine. I’ve packed for cold and warm weather. I have my laptop, and I have my bank card. I’m carrying petty cash in the safe in the Beast, and I’ve even got my entire music collection in MP3s. I’m actually looking forward to this.”

Drawing back, Jackie framed her face with her hands. “You call us every night, okay?”

Beth nodded as she moved to hug her father. She had already hugged her brothers and Joely, and as she drew back from Richard, she looked at Sampson. After moving to embrace him, she held on extra tight for a minute, not saying anything.

He kissed her forehead. “You’ll be fine, granddaughter.  I’m proud of you.”

As she got into the Beast and looked at her family, part of her was crying to stay, and she knew that if she lingered, she would change her mind. Putting her seat belt on, she backed out of the driveway with one last wave and headed for town and the interstate.

By the time she reached the town square, she was feeling certain she had made the right decision. The urge to get on the road and just go was so strong, she thought about not even stopping by the river. She wasn’t sure what her future held, but she hoped she would someday be able to make her way back to the
Journal
, back to Leroy. Right now, though, this was the last place on earth she wanted to be.

At the entrance to the Riverwalk, she pulled into the empty parking lot. It was foggy on the river, the sun barely up, and the park was completely deserted. Tugging one of the hats Joely had made for her down over her ears, she got out and walked to one of the observation platforms. Standing against the railing, she took in a deep breath of the cold air. The wind tickled her face as it played with the fringe of bangs on her forehead, and she felt part of her stress ease.

As she stood on the platform, she heard the crunch of tires behind her and turned. A sheriff’s department cruiser had pulled up beside her SUV. As she watched, Ethan unfolded his long frame from inside the vehicle and stood there for a moment without moving. He finally shut the door and walked slowly to where she stood. She was surprised to see that he had lost weight, and his eyes seemed years older than the last time they had seen each other.

“Hey.” It seemed fitting that she would see Ethan here and now, as she was saying goodbye to the town.

“Hey, yourself. How are you?”

“I’m okay. You?”

He shrugged. “Day to day. What brings you out this early?”

She looked away from him, turning her gaze downstream. “I’m on my way out of town, and I wanted to stop by the river and say goodbye.”

“Where are you headed? Somewhere for the paper?”

Her hands tightened on the railing. “No. I’m leaving Leroy for a while. I can’t stay here any longer.”

“You’re what?” Ethan shook his head, reacting for all the world as though someone had punched him. “What about your job? Your apartment, your family?”

“I’ve taken a leave from my job, leased out my apartment, and my family knows how to contact me. There’s nothing for me here right now. I’m not sure there ever was.”

“You can’t leave. Leroy is your home, for crying out loud. Where are you going to go?”

Beth tipped her head back to meet his gaze, the small laugh that escaped her full of pain. “Do you know what I feel when I look at this town, at my ‘home,’ Ethan? I don’t feel anything. I don’t care about anything, or anyone. Not the way I should. Nothing in this town calls to me anymore, not my job, not my family, not even you. I really just don’t give a damn anymore, and I don’t want to be here. Everything I thought I had, thought I was, didn’t exist. It all got blown away in a field in the middle of nowhere, and I’m left with nothing inside me.” She tilted her head. “I’m not here anymore. I’m already gone; my body just hasn’t caught up yet.”

He swallowed, and it was obvious he was struggling to understand her words. “Is this because of what I did?”

“It didn’t help. But, no, I set this path for myself, and I went down it hell-bent for leather, damn the consequences. Now we’re all paying the piper for my foolishness.”

Reaching out, he grasped her shoulders. “Beth, please… don’t go. Let me fix this.”

She just stared at him, not feeling anything inside. “You can’t fix this. Take care of yourself, Ethan.” Extricating herself from his grip, she walked away from the only man she had ever loved without a backwards glance.

Hitting the interstate, she headed south.  As she drove, she reached inside, trying to find any emotion. All she could come up with was relief to be going, and a great, yawning emptiness. As she hit cruising speed and settled in for the long drive ahead, she knew she had made the right decision.

Chapter Forty Six

By the time Christmas rolled around, Beth had made her way to Las Vegas. Her route had taken her through the Carolinas, Georgia, and Florida, then traversed Louisiana, Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona before ending in Sin City. Her mother had been pressing her to fly home for the holidays, but she wasn’t ready. This would be the first Christmas she had ever spent without her family. That hurt a little, but the very idea of going home, even for a few days, was repulsive. The decision made, she figured Las Vegas was as good a place as any to pass the time.

She had been there before, having gone with friends while in college, and it had provided a welcome distraction at the time. That trip had taken place right after she had found out about Ethan’s engagement, and she had been desperate to just get away from the pain. One of the friends who had gone to Las Vegas had been male, and that weekend, she decided to try and expunge Ethan from her memory. She’d started a sexual relationship with him, which she’d known was a mistake almost from the get-go. It was her first intimate relationship, and it had been a short-lived disaster, though it had worked to get her mind off the engagement for a short while.

One thing she had learned from the brief relationship, though, was that she was not cut out for casual sex.  If she had remembered that with Ethan a few months earlier, she could have saved herself a lot of heartache.

She arrived in Las Vegas late in the evening on Christmas Eve. After she checked into her hotel room, she stood at the window gazing down at the famous strip. The sparkling city was laid out before her, dressed in a mammoth display of holiday cheer. Many of the casinos had enormous Christmas trees, some with upwards of a million lights. Penguins, snowmen, elves, and reindeer danced happily across the town, and as she watched the world below her, she thought it resembled nothing less than the world’s largest Christmas store on steroids.

Turning away from the lights, she curled up in the comfortable easy chair with her cell phone tucked into her palm, and closed her eyes. Back home, her mother had probably been in the kitchen for days, baking cookies and making candies which the family would take around to the less fortunate. Earlier that evening, they would have sat down for a rowdy and festive dinner, gathering around the tree in the living room afterward to open presents. There would be brunch in the morning, followed by church services. Then, late on Christmas Day, family and friends alike would gather at the farm, and their annual leftovers party would take place. This year would be the first time in years Ethan wouldn’t be invited. She hoped that, with his own family close by, he would at least not be alone.

Browsing through her phone’s contact list, she stopped on his name, toying with the idea of calling him.  Since she’d left, he had called her a couple of times, but she hadn’t answered.  He hadn’t left a voice mail, and she hadn’t returned the calls. It was nearly midnight in Leroy, and as she wondered if it was too late to call, the phone rang.  The noise startled her so badly she nearly dropped it. She managed to catch it before it hit the floor.

When she answered, she heard a chorus of “Merry Christmas” coming from the other end. She felt tears came to her eyes. The party on the other end was loud and cheerful, and her father finally got them quieted down enough so that he could hear her.

“Hey, honey. Merry Christmas! How’s Vegas?”

She laughed as she brushed her tears away. “It’s gorgeous and not cold at all, only around forty degrees or so. The entire town is decked out like a giant Christmas display. How are things there? Do you have snow?”

“No, but it’s looking like we might by this time tomorrow. How are you, Beth?”

“I’m okay, really. I miss you all, but I’m not ready to come back yet, Daddy.”

He sighed. “We understand, sweetheart. Your mom wants to talk to you.  I love you.”

“I love you, too.” For the next half hour, she laughed and talked with everyone. After promising to call again the next day, she hung up, exhausted by the emotional call.

With a small groan, she headed into the bathroom to get ready for bed. She didn’t have to worry about getting up early in the morning, and she fully intended to sleep as late as possible. There had been days during her trip where she had not felt the pull of the road, and on some of those days she had stayed in the hotel room from the time she checked in until the time she checked out two days later, relying on delivered take out for food and avoiding the world in general. She thought tomorrow just might be one of those days.

Chapter Forty Seven

Beth’s journey had taken her through areas that often boasted some of the roughest winter conditions the western half of the United States had to offer. She had been very fortunate to not be stranded anywhere, but in mid-January, her luck ran out. After she circled around California, she had headed back east, deciding to spend several days in the art- and culture-rich town of Taos, New Mexico. By the end of her fourth day there, however, weather forecasters were calling for a hard storm with heavy snowfall to blow in from the west.

Traveling in the winter had never been something that bothered her, but she decided to try and reach Santa Fe before the storm hit. Somewhat reluctantly, she said goodbye to Taos and hit the road, making the trip in good time. Less than an hour after she arrived in town, the snow flurries started coming down in earnest. Before she had fully settled into the room she had found at a quaint bed and breakfast, conditions had deteriorated to the point where it was hard to see more than twenty feet into the blowing snow.

Watching as the snow swirled madly around the corner of the building, she wondered how long the storm would last. She hoped her wanderlust would not kick in again before the roads cleared. There was a good energy in the state, something she had picked up on when she passed through in December, and she was beginning to think she might stay longer than her standard few days. She decided to take it one day at a time, and settled in and watched the snow fall.

~ * * * ~

To Beth’s surprise, the storm didn’t last long, and it didn’t produce as much snow as she had been expecting. She said as much one morning to the manager of the bed and breakfast, Hannah Gray, a single mother who was only a couple of years younger than Beth.

“Oh, it doesn’t get that bad here in town, but up in the mountains, it can get really nasty. You definitely don’t want to get stuck on the road when a storm is moving in. Too many people make that mistake, and it has cost several their lives.”

Surprisingly, Beth was the only guest at the B&B, which was usually booked solid. As a result, Hannah was able to visit with her more than she normally would have been. It didn’t take very long for the two to learn that they had many interests in common, and they were chatting like old friends within a very short time.

“What brings you out to New Mexico?” Hannah asked one morning as she sat down to have coffee with Beth. “It’s a long way from Indiana.”

Beth shrugged, looking down at her mug as she spoke. “I needed to get away from where I was. I went through some things last fall and I just…needed to leave.”

Hannah made a sympathetic noise. “I’ve often thought about doing that, myself. I’d love to pack up and leave here, go somewhere different, but I have a good job and Paulo is happy here. It’s just too easy to stay. Are you planning on going back to Indiana?”

“I don’t know. My family is there, my job.” She told Hannah about the paper, and about the town itself. “I just really don’t know what I want to do right now. I’ve been driving for the better part of six weeks, and I’ve finally gotten to the point where I think I can stay in one place for more than a couple of days. Shoot, I’ve been here what, four days already?”

Standing, Hannah smiled. “New Mexico has that effect on people sometimes. We don’t call it the ‘land of enchantment’ for nothing, you know.” She moved toward the kitchen and spoke over her shoulder. “There’s a new art exhibit at the public library downtown. You should check it out.”

Beth decided to take Hannah’s advice, and headed up to her room and bundled up. Though the winter weather didn’t seem as harsh here as it could be in Leroy in January, the air was still plenty cold enough to make a person uncomfortable. As she drove down to the library, she noticed quite a few galleries and museums in the vicinity, and decided to make a day of it, take in some sightseeing and shopping. If she was playing tourist, she might as well enjoy herself.

It was nearly dusk by the time she made it back to the B&B, and she stopped by the front desk to let Hannah know she had returned. When she saw the bags Beth was carrying, she smiled.

“Looks like you had a busy day. Did you have fun?”

With an embarrassed, but happy grin, Beth nodded. “Oh, yes. I found the neatest shops and bought way more than I should have, but I couldn’t stop myself. I can’t wait to get some of it packaged and sent out to my family tomorrow.”

After wishing the other woman a good evening, she headed up to her room, exhausted. For the first time in a long time, she had truly enjoyed herself. Neither the shooting nor Ethan had crossed her mind for hours, and she felt like a normal person who was enjoying a holiday. Sitting down to write her weekly travel article for the paper, she was surprised to find that the words were flowing, and before she knew it, she had written several pages more than what Marshall would need. She also caught up on her correspondence, something else she had been neglecting.