Under the Moon (45 page)

She sobbed for Jennifer and the goddess in South Carolina, for Tanda’s and Chloe’s losses and her inability to make things right, even if she’d brought them justice. She wept for Marley and the relationship that had been broken before they could even start building it. From there, it was easy to cry for her birth parents, who’d never wanted to know her, and her real parents, who’d died too young.

She sobbed for Sam and all he’d meant to her, and for Nick and everything he’d almost become.

When she was empty and could cry no more, the loneliness that had hovered over her for so long crept in, ready to fill the space. But she wasn’t going to let it. She’d wallowed in her longing for Nick, let things go too far with Sam, because it ruled her life after her parents died. It was long past time for her to grow up.

The sun had moved past its zenith when her phone rang. She stretched out on the grass and stared up through the trees, letting the rhythm of their sway soothe her rawness. On the fourth ring, right before it would have gone to voice mail, she answered.

It was Sam. Quinn’s eyes filled with tears again, and she cursed. She had to be stronger than this.

“We’re getting worried about you,” he said. “How did the hearing go?”

“Fine.” She told him about the board’s decision and Barbara’s request.

“Are you going to do it?”

“I don’t know yet.” She didn’t want to tell him about the power issue she had to deal with first. It wouldn’t be a clean break if he thought she still needed him, even if only for his research skills.

“It would give you a chance to work with Marley,” he pointed out.

“You talked to her, then.”

“Yeah, she called when they released her. She sounded okay. Sad. But strong.”

“She is strong.”

“It runs in the family.”

She listened to his breathing for a minute, taking every last drop of time she had with him.

“Are you coming back?”

“Soon.”

“I’ll meet you in the coffee shop. We need to talk.”

“Okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

She sighed and lay there for a while longer, not wanting to give up the minute peace of the trees and cool air. Resolve was a lot easier than action. But eventually, she struggled to her feet and trudged the few blocks to the hotel, finding Sam in the coffee shop, as he’d said.

He stood as she approached and enfolded her in his arms, resting his chin on top of her head. They stood like that for a while, and Quinn knew they were on the same page. It was a relief to know he was ready, that he wouldn’t argue, but it didn’t help repair the tear in her heart.

They sat, Sam not releasing her hand. “I think you know what I’m going to say.”

She drew a deep breath. “You’re resigning and moving to Boston. Marley needs an assistant, and you can’t work for me anymore.” Her voice broke at the end, belying the confidence she’d tried to project.

“I don’t want to leave you, Quinn. But last night—”

“Was too horrifying to bear?”

His lips curved. “Not exactly. But I know it wasn’t just taking care of a physical need.”

“Sam—”

“It’s okay, Quinn. You’ve been trying to say good-bye for a long time.” He absently rubbed his breastbone. “And now I know…well, I already knew,” he admitted. “You only love me. You’ve been in love with Nick for years.”

She couldn’t speak. The stupid tears started again. Sam cupped her cheek and wiped them away with his thumb. “Quinn, a lot of people live their entire lives without loving someone like I’ve loved you. But I understand why it can’t work. You belong with Nick. But I can’t handle watching it.”

A sob broke through. Quinn choked it back. “Nick’s not going to stay, Sam.” She didn’t want to say this. If he knew, he might not be willing to move on. But she couldn’t help herself. It hurt so much she had to let it out. “He can’t protect me anymore. His job will take him all over the country and he won’t have time for me.”

Sam shook his head wonderingly. “You are the biggest fool I’ve ever met.”

“Hey!”

He cupped her face in both his hands and bent to kiss her softly on the mouth. “I love you. Now get your ass upstairs.”

She hesitated. “Are you coming back to Ohio?”

“I’m going to help Marley get started down here, move her things from Maine. She’s a mess, organizationally. She needs my mad skillz.” Quinn smiled, and Sam looked pleased with himself. “I’ll come out to get my stuff in a few weeks, if that’s okay.”

“I can ship it if you want.”

“No, I want to see everyone at the bar, say good-bye to the clients. But I think it’s best if I wait a little.”

She nodded and stood to hug him again. “Good-bye, Sam.”

“See you later, Quinn.”

He walked her to the elevator, and Quinn wondered if he thought she wouldn’t go upstairs if he didn’t. She might be an emotional wreck but as he’d said, she was strong. She’d get through this all at once, like ripping off a bandage, and move on without regret. Or rather, with tons of regret but equal amounts of determination.

When she got upstairs, though, and let herself into the suite, it was empty. Cleaning services had been in, and there was no evidence of their night together, nor of the attack by Anson prior to that.

He’d done it. Nick had left her, and he hadn’t bothered to say good-bye.

At a knock on the door Quinn spun to open it. Her heart pounded with foolish hope, though she knew damned well it wouldn’t be Nick.

The bellhop motioned behind her. “I came up to get your bags? Your friend is retrieving the car.”

Relief flooded her. He hadn’t left. He might be trying to move things along at top speed, but he wasn’t gone yet.

“I don’t have any bags, but please tell him I’ll be right down.”

The bellhop nodded and backed out. She went into the bathroom to splash water on her face and eradicate the evidence of all her crying. Her eyes were puffy and red, but as she stared at herself in the mirror, she realized they didn’t have to stay that way. With a glimmer of power, they became normal. She ran her fingers through her hair, and it looked freshly brushed. She smiled. Maybe there were some benefits to her new status, however insignificant and hopefully temporary.

She headed back downstairs and turned in her keycard at the desk, then went out through the automatic doors at the front of the building. The Charger, freshly washed in her absence, gleamed in the sunlight. Nick leaned against it, his jeans-clad legs crossed, his leather coat looking even more beat-up and disreputable than ever. But his posture was open, the look on his face enough to stop her breath.

Quinn stepped forward, not sure what was about to happen and afraid of being crushed.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi.”

“The hearing went okay.”

“Sam told me. You going to run for president?”

“Maybe.”

He nodded.

“Barbara told me the need for protectors will be bigger than ever. I suppose you’ll be traveling more. You won’t need to come to Ohio, at least.” She was the only goddess in the state now.

“Why not?”

“Since I leeched Anson, my power won’t wane.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So I won’t need a protector during the new moon.”

“Is that all I am?”

Her heart skipped a beat. Hope came back to dig a furrow though the sorrow. “Isn’t it?”

He blew out a breath and shook his head. “Come on, Quinn. You know I’ve been more than that for a very long time.”

She took a step closer, her entire being lighter, even the uncomfortable power inside flipping joyfully. “I know, but—”

“Do you think I spent as much time with any other goddess as I spent with you?”

“I don’t know.”

He took a deep breath. “My parents didn’t want to retire. My mother insisted they could have it all. They took turns protecting, or left us with our grandmother, and came back to tell us all stories about the noble goddesses who were able to do such amazing things because we let our parents help them. And then they got hurt.”

Quinn swallowed and nodded, confused about what was happening. Nick stared at the cobblestones at their feet, hiding his expression from her.

“My dad could have continued. But my mom was just…so broken.” He straightened and focused his gaze over Quinn’s shoulder now, remembered anguish filling his eyes. “He decided to stay with her, with us. It killed him, so my mother told him to go, but that was worse. So they stopped, and as we grew up and my brothers chased other dreams, it was clear I was going to have to carry on that legacy.”

“It sounds—” She paused to clear her throat. “That was a big burden for a little kid.”

He shook his head. “Not for a second. Until I met you.” Now his green eyes burned into hers. “I swore I’d never do that to someone. Let them do that to me.”

Tears spilled over Quinn’s lashes. She tightened her hands on her elbows to hold herself together. The more agitated her emotions got, the more the power in her swirled and flipped, making her nauseous. “I get it.”

“No, you don’t. Come here.” He raised his arm, wrapping it around her back as she stepped still closer. All the anguish was gone. “I love you, Quinn. I always have, but I wasn’t going to trap you, or be trapped.”

“I wouldn’t have done that to you,” she said fiercely, anger that he thought she would drying up the tears. “I never would have pinned you down, taken you away from the Protectorate.”

“I know. I know. Shh.” He stroked his thumb across her cheekbone, though no more tears had fallen. “It took the leech, the threat against you, to understand what I was doing. I didn’t want you to live that way, but you were anyway. It hurt us both just as much.” His brows dipped low. “I thought Sam would give you what you needed. But—”

Quinn sighed. “You are such an idiot.” So was she, of course, but she wasn’t going to say it out loud.

“But?” A smile flickered at the corners of his mouth, the rest of his features relaxing.

“But I love you.”

“Good.” He breached the inches between their mouths and kissed her with promise. “Partners?”

“What about your job?”

“We’ll work it out.” He tightened his arms around her. “Partners?”

“Partners.” She buried her face in his neck as he held her tightly to him and sighed when he let go.

“I hope you don’t mind driving back to Ohio.” He pulled open the passenger door for her.

“Of course not.” She slid into the car and watched him round the hood and climb in beside her. “You’ll have to fly sometimes.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He put the key in the ignition. “If you say so.” He started the car with a roar and hit the on button for the radio. As he pulled out of the valet circle, the opening strains of AC/DC’s “Back in Black” pounded through the speakers. He turned right onto the main road and headed home.

Acknowledgements

First and most importantly, thank you to my Mini Boot Squad, for all the magic you have brought me since we started back in June 2006. M1, M2, Bix, and Smith, you help me make everything better and, in sharing my journey, enhanced the joy. I don’t want to be a writer without you.

Additional thanks to Lisa Mondello, Ava Quinn, and Jody Wallace for helping me in ways I can never repay. And even greater thanks to Tracy Madison, for reading chapter one over and over (and then the rest of the book!), nursing me through my neuroses, and gushing like a fangirl at appropriate moments. You are a complete gem.

Liz Pelletier has the honor of being the first publisher to ever offer me a contract by phone. Thank you, Liz, for staying up to 3:30 a.m. to read
Under the Moon
and giving me the opportunity to be part of an amazing company like Entangled Publishing. Thanks, too, for assigning me to Kerri-Leigh Grady. Starting work with a new editor is frightening, but KL, you’ve made this one of the best experiences of my career. Thank you for your insights, your confidence, and your support. You rock.

To Eric Kripke, for helming a television show that sparked my imagination and helped me remember both the new feeling of being in love and the despair of choices too hard to make, so that I could pour them into this book. And finally, to Jason Manns, whose music I discovered when this book was first born, so many years ago. I will always think of honeyed clouds and motorcycles when I listen to you sing.