Under the Mistletoe (6 page)

The sensation of needing more room had figured prominently in Nick’s life. He’d always needed far more room than he’d been given. Then he’d turned eighteen, been free of the system, and made sure to never be cornered again. That she needed room from
him
sucked. “I never meant to hurt you, Mia.”

“Is that what you came all the way across the country to tell me?”

“Yes,” he said. “Partly.”

“You could have said that much on the phone.”

“You didn’t answer your phone,” he pointed out.

“I was on a plane. And I called you back, and
you
didn’t answer
your
phone.”

“Because
I
was on a plane,” he said.

She sighed. “You shouldn’t have come.”

There was something terrifying in her voice. A distance, he thought, and felt the licks of a newfound and very unwelcome emotion blocking his throat. Panic.

She apparently didn’t have the same problem. “We’ve said all that needed to be said,” she told him.

“Not by a long shot.” Turning her to face him, he pulled her in close, which took some doing because she was stiff as a board. “I didn’t come out here just to apologize, Mia,” he said, cupping her face. “I wanted to be with you. I’ve wanted to be with you since day one, when you saved my ass.”

“You’d have figured it out. That class wasn’t hard.”

“I don’t mean the stupid class,” he said. “I mean life. You saved my ass in life. And you’ve been saving it ever since. Keeping me on track when no one else ever gave a shit, encouraging me to go after what I want. And what I want, Mia, is you. I want you in my life, in a relationship with me.”

She searched his gaze for a long beat. “When I asked you to this wedding,” she finally said, “I really just wanted your company. I wasn’t asking for—”

“I know. I was an idiot, Mia.”

She rolled her eyes again but definitely warmed toward him. “Look at us,” she said. “Two ridiculously scared peas in a pod.”

He shook his head. “Scarred, maybe. Not scared. I’m not scared of this.”

“Well, that makes one of us.” She let out a breath. “I thought I knew what and who we were. But I was wrong.”

“I screwed up.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “No one can blame you for not being ready for a relationship. I thought I was ready, but the truth is, I’m not even sure what a real relationship is.” She paused, and a frightening solemnity came into her eyes. “We were both given away once. I’ve made peace with that. I grew up loved, so I know what it feels like. Now I have my birth parents in my life, too, and have had nothing but acceptance. I even had a teenage love that I have nothing but fond memories of. But the fact is that
I
picked these relationships.
I
found my birth parents.
I
forced my way into their lives. Hell, I forced myself on Carlos, for that matter. He had no choice; he never knew what hit him. I’ve always done the picking, Nick, and—”

“—And for once you want to be picked,” he said softly. “I know. I’m picking you, Mia.”

“No, listen to me…that very first day when you strolled into class? There were two girls sitting in the seats on one side of me and my backpack on the other. I saw you come in and my heart stopped.” She put a hand to her chest as if it ached. “I told the girls that James Franco was in the back row, and when they scampered off to check, I quickly kicked my backpack beneath the seat in front of me, making it look like I had nearly a whole row to myself so you’d take one of the seats. And then…” She sucked in a breath. “Then I broke the cardinal girl rule.”

Nick was confused. “Girl rule?”

“I didn’t wait three days to see if you’d contact me. I made sure to run into you the next day with brownies. I threw myself at you, Nick. Don’t you see? You had no choice.”

He stared at her for another beat and then laughed.

She smacked him. “I’m serious!”

“So am I.” He let his smile fade, let his own intent ring clear in his voice. “So now
you
listen. Mia, I think of you from the moment I open my eyes to when I close them at night. You make me smile, you make me ache. You make me think, you make me strong. You make me frustrated as shit, and I honestly can’t see myself without you. I know you don’t quite believe that right now, and that’s okay. I can wait for you to catch up.”

She shook her head. “I’m so confused. I really thought that this whole thing was your fault, but now I’m confused because you’ve changed your mind about commitment. I’m going to be a counselor, Nick. How can I be a counselor when I’m so confused? God, I was such a smug idiot.”

“No, you’re the smartest woman I know. And if anyone’s the idiot, it’s me. A slow idiot.”

She didn’t disagree with him, which might have made him smile if this hadn’t been so serious. “I didn’t change my mind, Mia. I always knew.”

She stared at him, and he touched her, running a finger along her temple. He couldn’t help himself. “I just didn’t know how to make this work,” he said.

“And you know now?”

“No, but I want to figure it out. Together. Mia, I heard back about the job.”

Her breath hitched, and she stared into his eyes. “You got it.”

He nodded, taking in her expression. She was happy for him. He could see that clear as day. Past any sadness for her own heart, her relief for him was tangible. Tugging her close, he buried his face in her hair. Carlos was right. Neither of them deserved her, himself especially. But hell if he’d walk away. “I was going to tell you about it at dinner the other night, but then I couldn’t.”

She pulled back and stared into his eyes. “Because you thought I would hold you back?”

“No.” He tightened his grip on her. “I knew you wouldn’t. But you were talking about us going skiing next month, and then on a Valentine’s Day trip. I want to do those things, but I probably won’t be able to. And I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“So you told me nothing?”

“Not my finest moment,” he admitted. “Look, this is going to be a challenge for us, but it can work. Tell me you know that, that you still feel something for me.”

“I feel lots of things for you, Nick. Probably too much. But that doesn’t change anything.” She turned away from him to the controls and adjusted their course. “It’s just too complicated,” she whispered. “You shouldn’t have come.”

“I’ll always come for you.”

Chapter 7

M
ia kept her eyes on the horizon, but she didn’t have to turn around to know that Nick was there, right at her back, so close that a sheet of paper wouldn’t have fit between them.

“Anchor us,” he said.

Her heart sped up, in reaction to both his low, sexy voice and his proximity. Her body always reacted to his like this. Zero to sixty. This condition wasn’t improved when he brushed a kiss to her jaw, and lingered. “Nick—”

His mouth slid over her throat, his warm palm settling on the nape of her neck to hold her steady. “It’s my turn to be the boss, Mia.”

She had no idea what it said about her that this made her quiver in anticipation, but she hurriedly steered them into a quiet, deserted bay and dropped anchor.

Turning her to face him, Nick took her hands in his and directed them to his chest. Unable to help herself, she let them wander. She loved his body. Lifting her head, she found his eyes on hers.

“Do you want this?” he asked quietly. “Do you still want me?”

“Yes,” her mouth said without her brain’s permission.

With a groan, he pressed her against the controls, pinning her there with his deliciously warm body. His mouth skimmed over her jaw to her lips as his big, warm hand palmed her breast. With a sound that said it wasn’t enough for him, he slid his hands beneath her sweatshirt and thin tee. Another sound escaped him at finding her braless, this one of rough, male appreciation while his thumb strummed over her nipple. “God. God, I missed this,” he said, his lips hovering over the pulse beating frantically at the base of her neck. “I missed you.”

She didn’t want words. She wanted him to banish the hurt, just for a little while. Rocking into him, she reached for the zipper on his jeans. “We have to be quick.”

Catching her hands, he pinned them on either side of her.

“Nick—”

“
My
turn,” he said firmly, and dropped to his knees in front of her.

Pushing up her sweatshirt, he cupped her breasts, leaning in to take a nibble of her quivering abs. “Mine,” he said, untying the sweats.

She had no idea if he meant the sweats, or herself. Had no idea how she felt about that either.

Okay, so that was a total fib. She knew exactly how she felt about it. She’d just gotten a rush that was a millimeter short of an orgasm.

When he tugged the sweats down, she gasped.

“Commando,” he said huskily. “My favorite.”

“I was sleeping, and I don’t like wearing underwear when I sleep.” A little panicked, she searched their immediate surroundings. How had she gone from so hurt to so nearly naked? “Uh…”

“No one’s around,” he assured her. “Not for miles. Relax, Mia. This is for you.”

Relax?
She had no idea how she was supposed to do that with her emotions seesawing, not to mention the fact that her pants were at her thighs and Nick’s hands were cupping her ass, pulling her to his mouth, and— “Ohmigod.” She slid her hands into his hair, holding him to her because his mouth—good Lord, his
mouth
. It took her an embarrassingly short amount of time to come, which she decided to attribute to adrenaline and not to his considerable skills or the fact that she was still helplessly in love with him.

When her knees buckled, he caught her. Feeling incredibly emotional, and far too vulnerable, she tried to push him away. He simply and devastatingly pressed a sweet kiss to her hipbone. Then just beside her belly button.

She stared down at him, nearly choking on her heart. “Nick.”

He tugged off her sneakers and then her clothes, and surged to his feet. “I need you, Mia.”

He did. She could feel his erection pressing against her through his jeans. She let her hand glide down his chest, his abs, and then she palmed him.

He groaned but took her hand. “Not there.” He slid their entwined fingers back up to his chest against his heart. “Here.”

Undone, and unable to resist, she went up on tiptoes and kissed him, long and deep. They’d do this, and she’d hold the memories warm and safe inside her forever.

Nick pulled a condom from his wallet and Mia freed his essentials—and oh how she loved his essentials—and then he lifted her up. “Wrap your legs around me,” he said, and when she did, he slid home.

And in that moment at least, her world was complete.

*  *  *

He was going too fast with her, Nick knew it. But the pent-up lust and longing had drawn them into this explosion of deep, wet kisses and slick, needy bodies, and he couldn’t slow himself down. When she came, shuddering in pleasure, his name on her lips, she took him right over the edge with her.

They ended up on the floor of the houseboat flat on their backs, staring up at the sky through the skylight, panting for breath, trying to recover. He wasn’t even sure he could move, but somehow he managed to pull her into him, holding her to his side, gliding a hand up and down her satiny, still-damp skin. She shivered at his touch and arched into him as if needing more, and he discovered he
could
move plenty. Catching her hands in his, he rolled, tucking her beneath him.

She stared up at him, her eyes two fathomless pools, and he felt his heart give a hard kick to his ribs.

She was it for him.

“Mia,” he said quietly, brushing her hair from her face, breathing deeply of her scent—part shampoo, part satisfied woman. “I love you.” He kissed her before she could respond because he wanted her to absorb the words and believe. He kissed her as if he could breathe the truth into her lungs.