Under the Lights (23 page)

“You're packing,” she said simply as she stepped farther into the room.

I nodded. “Figured I'd be productive.”

She frowned. “I don't want to send you off, Willa. I love having you here with me. You're home here, and it makes life brighter. But I can't let you down like I did your mom.”

Just as I'd guessed, it was about my mom. “I know” was all I could say.

“You've got so much potential. Potential that your mother didn't have. You've got a big heart, and you know how to overcome obstacles.”

The tears that I said I wouldn't cry stung my eyes.

“I love that boy. Gunner is a good boy. He's been neglected, and he's damaged because of it. But deep down he's got a heart ain't neither of his parents have. He's special, too. But he is damaged, Willa. The boy ain't ever been loved in that home. He don't know what that feels like. Close as he got was me, and I'm just the hired help. Not being loved by the people who are supposed to take care
of you messes you up. I can't trust him not to ruin your life. He won't mean to, but he will. He can't be that guy for you.”

She didn't know the Gunner I knew, but she had been around him more than I had. She had watched him grow, and she'd seen all his troubles. Maybe she was right. He hadn't told me he loved me, and he'd used my love against me to get his way. Was that the only way he knew how to accept love? Could I let him take a piece of my heart and not know how to protect it? I didn't have much left. Poppy and Quinn had already taken a large chunk.

“There's a girls Catholic school about two hours from here on the north side of Nashville. My friend Bernadette is the headmaster there. I've known her since she was a girl. We can't afford to pay the tuition, but you could get in on scholarship if you worked hours in the office every week before school and after school. Bernadette will let you stay in her guest bedroom and feed you if you'll do daily chores and then deep-clean on the weekend. It won't be easy, but it'll keep you busy and out of trouble.”

I had already heard most of this when she'd been talking on the phone. This sounded very lonely, and my heart ached to think of leaving here again. I would miss Nonna, and Gunner and Brady. Coming back here had been my hope for healing, if that was even possible. I'd barely
been here, and I was already being shipped out. When my mother had kicked me out, I'd begged her to let me stay. I had been scared. She'd ignored me. I couldn't beg again. That hurt too much.

“Okay” was all I said. Why say more?

Nonna frowned and walked over to me. When she put her hand on my shoulder, I tried not to flinch. Because even though I knew this was out of love, it still was too similar to what had just happened with my mother.

“But that idea makes me sad. I like having you here. I can't get a good feeling about sending you away, even though I know Bernadette would take care of you. So here's my other offer. Stay here with me and homeschool. I've got the Internet, and I'll get you a computer. Don't socialize with those boys and study hard. Could be that you graduate early. Get that diploma, and then we will focus on college. You've got a big world out there, Willa, and I don't want you to miss it with one mistake.”

I could hear what she was saying, but I was afraid to believe her. Was this real? She was giving me an option to stay here. Even if it was basically house arrest. I wouldn't have to go to some strange place and readjust again. I could stay in my room and work here. Prove to Nonna I was as smart as she thought I was.

This meant no more Gunner, but after last night I wasn't
sure there would be anyway. Loving Gunner wouldn't save him. It hadn't changed him. He was self-destructive and angry. And loving him didn't mean I could sacrifice any more of my life for him. I had my own past to overcome.

“I want to stay here,” I said. “I'll work very hard and make you proud.”

She smiled and pulled me into her arms. A place I had always found peace as a child. “You already do, Willa. You already do.”

BRADY

Last night Gunner and Willa hadn't returned. I wasn't sure what was up with Rhett, but Gunner hadn't seemed surprised by his behavior. Neither had Willa, which was odd. Gunner had wanted her help too. It was almost like she knew a secret.

Pulling my truck into the Lawtons' large circular drive that went in front of the house, I noticed Gunner sitting on the top step. What the hell? I killed the engine and jumped out to go check on him. He looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep. Was Rhett on drugs or something?

“Hey, you okay?” I called out as I climbed the steps to where he was sitting. As I got closer, I noticed he was
eating a bowl of cereal and had a cup of coffee beside him.

“Fucking fantastic. How are you?” was his snide response.

“Seriously, Gunner, you didn't come back last night. What happened with Rhett?”

He took a drink of his coffee, then stared up at me. “He's a selfish bastard just like his father. How's your family?” He still sounded snappy.

Most people got annoyed with him when he did this and left him alone. But I'd seen the shit inside that house and I got it. He might have all the money in the world and the power of the Lawton name, but it wasn't as easy as all that. His family was screwed up.

“Did you get any sleep?” I asked him, ignoring his question about my family.

He chuckled. “Don't I look like it?”

His hair was messy, and he had dark circles under his eyes. “Not particularly. No.”

Again he laughed, then ate some more of his cereal. “Ever think of just running away from this place and not looking back?” Gunner asked.

No, I never thought of that. My parents were my biggest support system, and I had college football next year to look forward to. I shook my head no, but he already knew my response.

“Didn't figure you did. But damn if I don't want to run. Forget this town, my last name, these assholes who live in this house with me. Just leave it all.”

“College is in just a few months. Our senior year will be over before we know it. Then you can leave it all behind. Start new. Get a life without them in it.”

He nodded. “Yeah. That's what Willa said too. But y'all don't get how just one more day is hell. A few fucking months is a big deal. I want out now. I never want to see their faces again. Not one of them.”

“Not even Rhett?”

He glowered as he stared straight ahead. “Especially Rhett.”

There were things he wasn't telling me. “What's going on with Rhett? Y'all have always been close.”

Gunner snarled, but there was a softness behind his anger. “No, Rhett's just always been fake. That's all. None of that was real.”

“Is this about his getting drunk last night? You know college life sometimes does that to people. He was probably out at some frat party and had too many drinks and got stupid. Talk to him this morning when he sobers up.”

Gunner turned his gaze to me. There was a cold emptiness there I hadn't expected. “I've talked to him sober this morning. It's even worse than last night's drunk. Don't talk
about things you know nothing about, Brady. Just go back to the happy place you call home and eat your momma's pancakes with those damn blueberries and whip cream on top and have one big ole family hug. Leave the real shit here with me. I can deal with it.”

Ouch. He was bitter and angry. I got it, but I was trying to help. “Talk to me, then. Explain it to me. Maybe I can help.”

“You. Can't. Help. Go home, Brady. Just fucking leave me to this.”

I was a good friend, and because I was a good friend I was going to leave and let him settle down and calm his shit. I couldn't help if all he wanted to do was take shots at me. I didn't give him this life. I was just trying to listen and be supportive.

“Fine. I'll go. You know where I am if you want to talk.”

He gave me a sharp nod; then he stood up and walked up the stairs and into the house.

On my way back to my house I thought about stopping by Willa's and seeing what she knew but decided against it. Ms. Ames would be there, and she didn't seem too keen on me being around Willa. I didn't want to cause any trouble.

Pulling off the Lawton property, I turned right to drive through town before going to the house. See if anyone was
out this early. Momma was probably making breakfast, and I would need to get back before long. I was sure West would be joining us for that too. He always did on Saturdays.

Stopping at a red light, my gaze landed on a familiar face as she walked down the street. Riley was Gunner Lawton's ex and the reason Rhett almost lost his football scholarship. She'd accused him of rape. Everyone knew Riley was a virgin. She was the typical good girl, and why she was dating Gunner, no one knew. It was only a matter of time before he cheated on her, but then the rape thing came out and . . . my eyes finally left her face to focus on the fact she was pushing a stroller.

Was she babysitting these days? Glancing down, I took in the small face of the baby girl. Her blond curls and big blue eyes looked so much like Riley's. Had her parents had a baby? I didn't really care. Riley was a lying bitch who couldn't be trusted. Why she was back in town made no sense to anyone. She wasn't wanted here. Maybe that was what was wrong with Rhett. Riley being here was causing issues at the Lawtons'. That made sense. Why didn't she just leave and let them be?

Turning my truck around, I headed home. I should have stopped and told her what a mess she was making of Gunner's home life, but she wouldn't care. She only cared about her own gain. No one else's. That was the kind of girl
you ran from. She wasn't anything like Willa.

Willa was something else I had to work through in my head. I liked her. A lot. I wanted to be with her. But from the way she and Gunner had looked at each other last night and the fact he'd only let her leave with him meant something. Right now he needed someone more than I did. If Willa was helping him, then I had to stand back and let it happen.

GUNNER

Ms. Ames was working in the kitchen when I got back inside. The smell of cheese and eggs coming from the oven meant she had a quiche going in there. That would be a hell of a lot better than my cereal had been.

“Morning, Ms. Ames,” I said as I took my bowl to the sink to rinse it. When I was a kid, I had been instructed by Ms. Ames that real men didn't leave their dishes dirty in the sink. My father left his on the table for Ms. Ames to pick up. I liked the idea of being more of a man than him, so I had started cleaning my own dishes. Even if it was to one-up my dad, it made Ms. Ames happy. That was a bonus.

“Good morning,” she said, not smiling in return.

I paused and studied her a minute. She seemed concerned about something.

“You okay today?” she asked.

I nodded. No use in telling her my shit. She was just the help. She didn't need to know the mess going on around her. “I'll be better when I get some of that quiche.”

She didn't smile but nodded, then turned to go back to her work. I thought she was done with me when she said something else. “Willa's got some hurt deep inside like you do. She has healing to do. Let her heal.”

I paused and thought about what she'd just said. I wasn't keeping Willa from healing. She had talked to me more than anyone else. I was helping her. “I know that. She talks to me.”

Ms. Ames stopped what she was doing with the bowl in front of her and glanced back up at me. “Girls don't need to be sneaking out to see boys in the middle of the night. That don't lead to good things. Willa doesn't need that right now.”

That's what this was about. Willa had been busted last night. Well, damn. It was times like this I really wish she had a phone like the rest of the modern world so she could text me and prepare me for this kind of thing.

“Won't happen again,” I assured her, picking up a croissant and heading out the door.

“No, it won't,” she agreed.

That had sounded a little forceful and matter-of-fact. Ms. Ames putting her foot down. That made me smile. I went back toward the stairs like I was going to my room but headed for the back west entrance so I could sneak over to see Willa. I needed to make sure she was okay. Ms. Ames didn't seem real happy with her. Or me.

Dealing with Brady's nosy ass this morning hadn't helped after my interaction with Rhett and his father. Rhett was currently in his father's office being told the truth. I'd started this, and now they all had to finish it. I knew the truth now. Didn't mean I still didn't want to run away, but knowing it made me feel more powerful. Not complete or a part of this family, but I still felt in control. It was the best I could do with this situation, though a part of me still ached for the family I never had, and would never have.

When I made it outside the house, I ran back near the tree house and used the wooded area for cover so no one saw me headed to Ms. Ames's house. Especially Ms. Ames. Seeing Willa and hearing her talk would make my morning better. She was the only thing that could. Once I got to the back door, I knocked and waited. After a few minutes I knocked again. Nothing.

Where could she be? Just before I walked away to go
knock on her window, a letter fell through the slot on the door and bounced on its corner when it hit the porch, before flopping on its back at my feet.

Gunner
was clearly written on the front in Willa's handwriting.

“Willa? Open the door,” I said loud enough so she could hear me.

Nothing.

What in the hell was going on? She was in there. Proof was at my feet in some silly letter. Bending down, I picked it up and opened it to pull out a handwritten letter folded neatly inside. “Willa! What is this about?” I called out, my heart sinking. Letters from girls who won't speak to you are never a good thing. I needed her to talk to me. I didn't need a note! Dammit!