Under His Skin (18 page)

“What, you don’t believe me?  Ask her yourself,” he motioned toward Addison standing frozen in the doorway.  The look of shock turned to terror as our eyes met.  I stalked over to where she stood, getting so close I could feel the heat radiating off of her body.  She didn’t move an inch.

“Is it true?” I snarled.

“Stephen, let me explain.”

“Are you fucking kidding me Addison? And you had the nerve to get pissed off at me?” 

“Stephen please…” She dropped the swimsuit and the doll and grabbed my arms. I shook her off.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” I growled.  “Why, tell me why you did it.  Why did you make my life miserable? I had to change everything about me to get through that all because you lied.  What did I ever do to you to deserve that?  I loved you!  I fucking loved you, that’s it.  That was all I ever did.”

“Please Stephen wait... just listen.  I’m not her anymore.  I’m not that person.”

“You know when I found out that it was your business that applied for the investment I almost said “no” immediately but old feelings took over and I was curious.  I wanted to see if you were same “Addie” from high school and you’ve proven to me that you are.  I don’t need this shit in my life, I deserve better.  I doubt it needs to be said, but your application has officially been declined.”  I turned to leave.

“I don’t care about that money.  PLEASE STEPHEN WAIT…” I stopped in my tracks and turned back around.

“You know what the really fucked up part about all of this is?  You tell me the “story” about Nicky and the party, but you conveniently left out your part in all the humiliation I suffered.

“I swear I’ve changed.”

“No you haven’t because you can’t really even own up to what a bitch you were back then.   Goodbye Addie.” 

I turned to walk to my car.  “Hadlee call me sometime,” I winked at her.  Chad looked like he was ready to try me again. 

“Try it asshole, I’ve already beat your ass once.  Don’t make me embarrass you in front of your woman twice in one day.” 

He was pissed, but he knew he was outmatched, so he walked over to Addison and picked Chandi’s things up off of the ground as I got into my truck.

“Let’s go Hadlee,” I heard him yell as I drove off without looking back.

Chapter 32

Addison

How did my world go from perfect to crashing in a matter of hours?  First, I find out that Stephen was Nicky from high school, then Stephen finds out the truth about what I did to him.

After everyone left I was in an emotional whirlwind.  I needed to talk to Stephen to explain myself.  I don’t even remember grabbing my purse or keys, I just remember getting halfway to his house and rehearsing what I wanted to say.

“Stephen, I’m so sorry. I was wrong,” No, that’s
not it
, I thought.  Stephen, please listen I love you and never meant to hurt you, I had no idea it was even you. 
Nope, that’s not it either.
  “Stephen, I’m an ass,” I shook my head in frustration.  I pulled up in his driveway and saw his truck.  I jumped out and banged on his door.

“Stephen, I’m so sorry.  Please let me in.  Please let me explain.”

“There’s nothing left to be said Addison, go home,” he said through the door.

“I’m not leaving. Please!”

“Leave now!”

“Please Stephen.”

“Addison, I’m being very patient with you right now. Please don’t make me escort you to your car.  Leave Addison!”

“Just give me five minutes, please!”

There was no response.  He was completely silent, so I just kept talking, hoping that he was on the other side of the door listening and not calling the police on me.

“Stephen, I can’t change the past.  I was young and stupid and yes, I was to blame for what happened to you.  I can’t tell you how incredibly sorry I am.  Honestly, I don’t know why I did it.  You were so sweet to me, the way you looked at me and spoke to me.  No one had ever treated me like that.  You were so different.  The fact that you liked me wasn’t as big of a secret as you thought.  I saw you watching me.  At first I didn’t know what to think, but you never said anything you were just there.  I expected it.  I realized later that I looked forward to it. If there were times that you weren’t there because maybe you weren’t in school or you had a different commitment, as rare as those days were, I found myself disappointed.  For four years you were a fixture in my life.  Someone I could always count on to be there.  I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true.  Then at the party I was hurting.  Chad had cheated on me… again and you were there.  Not only were you there, you were talking to me saying all these things that I was dying to hear from someone.  You won’t believe it, but I felt so alone.  No one ever believes the popular girl can be unhappy.  I was unhappy and then you came along.  You made me feel beautiful and loved and for one night I was happy.”

I heard something brush up against the door. 
Oh god, thank you he’s listening,
I thought.  I paused for a moment, hoping that he would open the door, but he didn’t.  I continued with my story.

“The next day I woke up so confused.  I loved the way I felt with you, but I also thought I loved Chad.  He had been all I’d known for four years.  He was the only one that I had been with up until that point.  I knew him.  We had made plans for the future, marriage and kids and all of that was about to come crashing down around me and I got scared.”  I stopped to take a deep breath.  “Stephen, no one else ever knew this, but I had just lost a baby and I didn’t think I could handle losing its father as well.  I thought I needed him.  It doesn’t make what I did right or okay in any way, shape or form.  All I can say is that I was young and stupid.”

I paused again, waiting for some type of acknowledgement.  None came.

“You asked why I didn’t say anything before and since you can’t think any less of me than you do now, I’ll tell you.  I never thought you would find out.  At least I hoped that you would never find out what a horrible person I used to be.  I was awful!  I look back and I’m appalled by not just what I did to you, but how I treated people in general.  So why would I tell you something so awful about my past and have it possibly change how you felt about me.  I haven’t been this happy, well since that night and I didn’t want to mess that up. Was it totally selfish, yes, absolutely, but you are amazing and I fell for you so fast and I didn’t want to lose you.  I love you. I hope you know that.  I’m not her, I’m not that person.  I hope that you can see that.  I’m sorry Stephen. From my heart, I am so sorry.  Please Stephen open the door.”

I heard the ‘click’ of the door unlocking and I waited to see his face.  Instead, I was greeted by the sound of it locking again.

“Okay, I get it.  I will give you some time.  Please just… I don’t know… just know I’m not her.  I love you and I’m sorrier than you will ever know.  I’m leaving now, but I’m a phone call, text message, drive away.”

Chapter 33

August 29, 2015

Addison

Almost two months had passed since I spoke to Stephen.  Deep down I hoped that he would fling that door open, tell me that everything would be okay, and we’d have passionate make up sex.  Sadly, that didn’t happen so I let a few days pass after I left his house before I tried to contact him again.  A few days later I tried to call, I had no idea what I would say if he answered but I wanted to try.  He sent me to voice mail.  I tried again the next day with the same result.  I tried to text him.

(July 15 6:15am)

Addison:  I know you don’t want to talk to me.  Just know that I’m truly sorry.

No response.  I tried to call a few more times, but he always sent me to voicemail.  I even stopped by his house a few times.  The truck was always in the driveway, but he never answered the door.  I was beginning to feel like a stalker and the more time that passed, the more hope I lost.  Eventually I stopped altogether. 

I felt bad because the girls at work were walking around on eggshells.  I never knew what my emotional state would be.  I would go from happy to snapping at them to having a meltdown all in a matter of minutes.  Chandi was constantly asking when we would see Mr. Stephen again.  I didn’t have the heart to tell her that we probably wouldn’t.

It was a Saturday evening, and I had sent Monica and Bronwyn home early because traffic was a little slow.  I was organizing some of the accessories when I heard the bell on the door ring.

“Welcome to Bree Elle Boutique, my name is Addison, let me know if there is anything that I can help you with,” I uttered by rote memory without turning around to see who it was.

“Thank you, dear.  I’ve heard great things about this place from my son, so I came to check it out.”

The voice sounded vaguely familiar, so I turned around and was taken aback to see who it was.

“Mrs. Pascarelli!”

“Hello dear.”

“Um… hi!” I was still in shock.  “Um… is there something I can help you find?”

“No, sweetie, I’m just looking.”

“Oh, okay.  Well… um… if you need anything please don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Thank you, dear.”

As she walked around the store, I was too nervous to finish the work that I had been doing.  I was trying not to watch her, but I was just a jumble of energy.

“My son is right.  This really is a beautiful store.”

“Thank you Mrs. Pascarelli.”

“You’re welcome.  So how have you been Addison?” I couldn’t tell if she was genuinely concerned or if she was being sarcastic.

“Things here have been great.  Summer is one of the busier times for us…”

“That’s great dear, but that’s not what I meant.  How are you?”

“Oh… um… well, I don’t really know how to answer that.”

“Well, I tell you how my son has been, miserable.  Absolutely miserable.”

“I’m sorry Mrs. Pascarelli.”

“Addison dear, let me finish.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“My Nicky has not been himself these last few weeks. Now I don’t like what you did back then in high school or a few weeks ago, but I also know that my baby was happier with you in the few weeks that you were together than he had been in a very, very long time.  As a matter of fact that last time I saw him that happy was in high school after “your time together.”  What you did Addison was deplorable, but I also know that when you are young you can make terrible mistakes.  I think we all have done some things that we wish we could change. Lord knows that I have.  I wish that the both of you had been honest from the beginning and maybe we wouldn’t be here, but you can’t change what happened in the past.  You can, however impact how you act moving forward.  I think you are a lovely girl and mothers usually know what’s best for their children and I think that you and Nicky need to work this out before one of you do something that you will regret in the future.  Now that I’ve said my peace dear, I would like to buy this scarf.  I think my best friend Michelle would love it.”

“Please, take it.  Consider it a ‘thank you’ gift from me.”

“Oh, I couldn’t dear.”

“Please, it’s my pleasure.  I hope Michelle enjoys it.  Her grandbaby is due soon right?” I asked as I placed her scarf in a bag and handed it to her.

“Yes, just a few more months.  Don’t tell her, but I’m a little jealous.  I can’t wait for the day that Nicky gives me some grandbabies.  That big old house of mine is so lonely.  It needs some pitter-patter in it.”  I laughed outwardly, but inside my stomach sank.  I knew that I probably wouldn’t be the one to help out with that pitter-patter.  I didn’t even know how to respond.

“Well, I better get running, I have a hot date tonight.  He’s a few years younger, but I love him to pieces.”  I smiled.

“Have fun with Stephen this evening Mrs. Pascarelli.  I’m sure he will spoil you just like you deserve.”  She walked closer to me and gave me a hug.

“Thank you, dear.  I hope that you two can get on the same page,” she said as she opened her purse and took out what looked like a card.  She set it on the counter, squeezed my hands and walked out.

I looked at the paper on the counter and my knees went weak.

Stephen Nicholas Pascarelli

Son of the late Mr. Joseph Pascarelli and Mrs. Marion Pascarelli

And

Kellie Harrington

Daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Jeffrey Harrington

Invite you to join in the celebration of their marriage

Saturday, the third of October

Two thousand fifteen

Four o'clock in the afternoon

Samuel’s Grand Manor

8750 Main Street

Williamsville, NY 14221

I immediately closed up the shop and went home.