Undeniably Yours (14 page)

“I know that.” He shoved a hunk of steak into his mouth so he wouldn’t have to say more.

He did know that. But he also knew how much time he spent thinking about her. Wanting to kiss her when she was with him and counting the minutes until she returned when she wasn’t. The hours he spent tossing and turning at night, imagining what it would be like to wake up every morning to her in his bed. That couldn’t all be just because she was carrying his baby.

He was almost sure of it.

***

Four hours and seven elevator trips later, Paulie collapsed next to Beth on the couch and waved a hand at the mountain of shopping bags. “Did we even remember to get some pants?”

“I think so.” Beth looked as exhausted but happy as she felt. “I still can’t believe I let you talk me into all this. It’s too much.”

She didn’t think so. A few grand was a small price to pay for the afternoon she’d had. “I loved every second of it.”

Uh-oh. Beth’s eyes had that welling-up-again look. Damn pregnancy hormones. “Thank you, Paulie. I…thank you just sounds so lame.”

“You’re welcome. And happy early baby shower.” Paulie stood before the waterworks could start. “I should get downstairs and see how Randy’s doing. This is the first time he’s run the show alone. Plus, there’s no way in hell I’m sticking around here to cut the tags off all that.”

She managed to get out of Beth’s apartment without triggering another pregnancy-related crying jag and stopped by her own place for a yogurt before heading down to the bar. Not too busy, but a steady crowd of mostly regulars. Nothing Randy couldn’t handle. She gave him a wave, chatted up a couple of regulars for a few minutes, then went back upstairs. When it picked up around suppertime, she’d head back down but in the meantime, maybe a movie.

First she fired up her laptop, disgusted to find herself holding her breath as she checked her email account.

And there it was, the email with the sender listed as S. T. LOGAN.

She shouldn’t be so ridiculously happy to see it. It was a dead-end relationship, after all. Not even a relationship. It was a flirtation destined to go absolutely nowhere because the reason she’d run was still between them. But she couldn’t stop the pleasant thrill of anticipation as she clicked to open the message.

Do you remember the day we blew off that luncheon and drove the convertible up to the mountains in New Hampshire to see the fall foliage? In the sunshine, laughing, and trying to keep your hair out of your face, you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. You still are.

How could she forget that day? They’d played hooky—running from their social calendars and responsibilities—and cruised up the Kancamagus Highway until they found a pull-off overlooking a panoramic blaze of autumnal color. He’d kissed her senseless as the sun slowly dropped behind the mountains and she remembered wishing they could keep driving north and leave it all behind.

But, as always with Sam, business and duty beckoned and the idyllic day faded into a fond memory. When she suggested they do it again, he was too busy. She pushed and got the lecture—he couldn’t just drop everything on a whim, especially her whim. He had
responsibilities.

Her hand hovered over the touchpad, ready to hit Reply, but she didn’t know what to say. Was there any sense in encouraging him? If she let him continue laying on the charm, she was going to end up in his bed. And if she ended up in his bed, he was going to push for more. It was in his nature.

Her cellphone rang, the bar’s main number showing in the window. “Hello?”

“Hey, Paulie.” It was Darcy. “We’ve got a table getting rowdy and they’re not all that impressed by Randy’s stern looks.”

“I’ll be right down.” She closed the lid on her laptop, grateful for the reprieve. She’d deal with Sam later.

Kevin would be home soon. That, and thoughts of a Jasper burger, were all that kept Beth going through a long seven hours on her feet.

One of the other waitresses had a sick kid at home, so she’d agreed to work the early shift on her scheduled day off. Opening at six in the morning was tough enough, and now it was the tail end of the lunch rush. Her tip cup was full, but her back and feet ached.

To make matters worse, the manager had made a few snide remarks about priorities and single mothers being unreliable because it was the second shift in a month the other waitress had missed. Then there were a few sideways glances at the burgeoning bump under Beth’s apron and she was getting nervous. Now that she was feeling a lot more pregnant, she was more aware of what a maternity-unfriendly place she worked for.

Which meant if she didn’t keep her aches and pains to herself and a smile pasted on her face, she could find herself out of a job. But dwelling on the possibility of financial ruin wasn’t conducive to the fake smile, so she’d shoved it out of her mind.

Kevin had told her he’d be home in the evening, but probably not early enough for supper. That left her time to enjoy a long, hot shower and a cheeseburger before she saw him. With her spirits bolstered, maybe he wouldn’t be able to tell she’d spent the day exhausted and stressed out.

When the time finally came to punch out, she wrapped herself in her warm winter coat and made the walk back to Jasper’s. She let herself in the back door so she wouldn’t get sucked into a conversation with Paulie or Darcy or even Randy, if he was feeling chatty.

The shower revived her, as did slipping into one of her new maternity outfits—a soft, pink dress with a white sweater to throw on over it. The fabric felt like heaven against her skin and the color cheered her up immensely. All she needed was a bacon cheeseburger and Kevin and she’d be one hundred percent.

Not that she needed Kevin to feel complete. It would just be nice to have him home so she could stop worrying about him. He was her baby’s daddy after all. It was natural for her to be concerned about him getting in an accident.

Or so she told herself as she rode down in the elevator. It couldn’t be a simple matter of her missing the sound of his voice or his touch or the way he looked at her because that would mean she was falling for him.

There were people in the hallway when the elevator landed and it took her a second to realize it was Terry, Lisa and Keri, in the middle of a rousing debate on whether or not the elevator would hold all three of them.

Keri spotted her first. “Hey! We were just going up so we could drag you down here for dinner, but there was some question about plummeting to our deaths.”

“I don’t think you can plummet to your death in a three-story building,” Terry said. “Fall, yes. Plummet? No.”

Since she rode in the elevator several times a day, those weren’t semantics Beth cared to dwell on. “So you’re all going to dinner?”

“No,
we
are all going to dinner,” Keri corrected her. “A quick last hurrah before our men come home. We called ahead and Paulie held us a table. We’d go somewhere else but we heard you’re in a pretty monogamous relationship with Jasper burgers.”

The women’s laughter was comfortable and easy, and she found herself joining in. On the surface she would have thought they had nothing in common. Keri, with her blond hair and lingering big-city chic. Lisa, a short but feisty mother of four. And Terry, who had the same blue eyes and dimples as her brothers, but wasn’t quite as rowdy as the men in the family. An unlikely trio who seemed more than happy to make her their fourth.

It was nice, having Paulie and the Kowalski women in her life. She hadn’t realized how her nomadic lifestyle had robbed her of close friends until she made some. Not that they were the kind of friends she could spill her man troubles to because, if there was a his and hers column, they were definitely in Kevin’s. But it was nice, nonetheless.

They all ordered burgers with fries and Darcy brought them a pitcher of soda and frosted glasses. They talked about movies, most of which she hadn’t seen, and Mike and Lisa’s wedding cruise. Then the kids and whether or not they’d all survive a week off from school since winter break had begun that day. All the while, Beth kept sneaking glances at the clock, wishing Kevin had given her a better idea of when he’d be home.

“Look at these two,” Terry said to Lisa, waving her hand in Beth and Keri’s direction. “Watching every minute tick off the clock.”

Beth blushed, but Keri just laughed. “Damn straight. Joe and I are looking to make some babies and that’s not going to happen while he’s two hours away. I’ve got an itch and he needs to get his ass home and scratch it.”

Thankful the other woman had drawn the attention to herself, Beth took a drink, hoping her face would cool off. She had an itch, too, and it was hard sometimes to remember why she couldn’t let Kevin scratch it.

Terry shook her head. “Trust me, in a few years you’ll look forward to him being gone a few days so you can sit around in sweatpants and read. Although it’s a lot easier when your kids are old enough to leave you alone for a few minutes at a time, at least. Eventually, though, you guys will be packing their bags for them. Trust me.”

It was on the tip of Beth’s tongue to point out it was different for her because they were talking about their husbands going away for a long weekend. In her case, it was her neighbor who was away. And, of course, when the baby was older, he or she would miss him while he was gone. But it wasn’t the same.

But she couldn’t say it. One, because she wasn’t sure exactly what Kevin had told his family about the status of their relationship. And, two, because deep down she wasn’t sure it was true. She could try to tell herself anything she wanted, but the truth remained Kevin was more than her friend and neighbor. He was more, even, than the man who’d fathered her child.

She craved him, the way a dieter craved a thick slab of chocolate cake. With ice cream. And whipped cream. And maybe a drizzle of hot fudge sauce.

But like any dieter, she knew that, although chocolate cake might be delicious and sinful and make her feel so very, very good, that didn’t make it a good choice. And if there was one thing Beth had in spades, it was willpower.

No chocolate cake—or Kevin—for her.

***

Kevin rushed as much as he could without attracting the ridicule of his brothers and brother-in-law, anxious to get home to Beth. Or anxious to get home across the hall from Beth, really, since she was stubborn and wouldn’t even sleep with him. Chances of her agreeing to move in with him were pretty slim.

Because he didn’t have a garage at Jasper’s, he left his snowmobile in its enclosed trailer behind his dad’s and jumped back on the highway. Twenty minutes later he was fresh out of the shower and knocking on Beth’s door.

She was smiling when she opened it and the warmth in her eyes was all the welcome home he needed. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he said back as his gaze wandered down her body. She was wearing a long pink dress with a sweater unbuttoned over it that looked new.

And there was a bump. A little round bump where her taut stomach used to be.

It was beautiful. “Holy shit. It’s a baby.”

She put her hand on the bump, a shy smile warming her face. “The maternity clothes make it look bigger than it really is. Paulie took me shopping. As an early shower gift.”

In the recesses of his mind, a not-very-happy voice wanted to know why she’d accept stuff from Paulie but not from him. He ignored it though, for now, because all that mattered was the sweet curve under her hand.

A baby. Not an
idea
of a baby that brought to mind memories of his niece and his nephews when they were small, but his baby—real enough and big enough to be seen…sort of.

Beth stepped back to let him in, forcing him to look away from the baby bump. “I heard you come home. Was wondering if you’d stop in.”

“I grabbed a quick shower. Smelled like two-stroke and sweat.”

She closed the door behind him. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah. Missed you, though. Everything go okay?”

“Fine.” Pink tinted her cheeks. “I missed you, too.”

Interesting. “I thought you’d be glad to be rid of me for a few days.”

“I thought I would be, too. But I was worried about you being crazy up there, which made me think of you in general, which made me miss you, I guess.”

It was a big risk—huge—but he lowered his head and kissed her. She stiffened for a second, but then her mouth turned soft and welcoming under his. He shifted his body closer and when he dipped his tongue between her lips, she slid her arms around his waist so her hands pressed against his back.

Afraid the mood would be broken along with the kiss, he made it last as long as he could, until her body melted against his and her fingernails dug into his back and she made a whimpering sound deep in her throat. His body tightened in response and he pulled her hips against his so she could feel exactly how much he’d missed her. How much he wanted her.

“Chocolate cake,” she whispered against his mouth.

“Okay.” He blazed a trail of kisses down her jaw line, trying not to lose the moment. “Is this one of those food cravings pregnant women get, because…really? Right now? I mean, I’ll go, but it might take a while because I’ll be walking funny.”

“No, you’re my chocolate cake.” When he moved on to her neck, she tilted her head. “It’s like being on a diet and you’re my chocolate cake. I really, really want a slice.”

That’s when it hit Kevin and all the blood north of his waist rushed south. She was pregnant. It’s not like she could get
more
pregnant.

He’d never in his life had sex without a condom. Vicky hadn’t wanted kids yet, which turned out to be a blessing, and she couldn’t take the Pill, so even as a married man he’d had to make regular trips to the drugstore. But Beth was pregnant and she was clean and he was clean and…if she made him stop now he was going to spontaneously combust.

“The problem with you,” she said as she threw back her head to bare her throat for him, “is that I’ve already had a taste. You’re not just any old slice of chocolate cake. You’re really,
really
good chocolate cake with whipped cream and a swirl of hot fudge.”

He slid his hands under the open sweater to cup her breasts through the soft fabric of her dress. “One slice wouldn’t hurt.”

“One slice,” she agreed. He pushed the sweater down her shoulders, ready to find out if the dress had a zipper or not, but she took his jaw and forced him to look at her face. “Just one.”

He knew what she was saying—this wasn’t going to change anything between them—but he didn’t let it discourage him. One slice, then another. Sooner or later you had yourself an entire chocolate cake.

Grinning, he pulled his T-shirt off over his head and tugged her toward the bedroom. “If we’re only having one slice, let’s enjoy the hell out of it.”

He savored her like she was the last bit of chocolate cake he’d ever have—taking his sweet time licking her, tasting her, nibbling at her until her back arched off the bed and she pounded a fist on his shoulder.

“I can’t take anymore.”

At least that’s what he thought she said. She was panting pretty hard, so it was more gasping than talking. He lifted his mouth from the nipple he’d been enjoying, though he kept his hand right where it was, between her thighs. “I’m going to make damn sure you don’t ever eat a slice of
actual
chocolate cake again without thinking of me.”

“It’s bad enough you’ve ruined me for other men, but now you have to ruin dessert for me, too?”

Hearing that—that he’d ruined for her other men—almost sent him straight over the edge but, just to be sure, he kept a tight leash on his control and made her whimper his name a couple more times before he surrendered and gave her what she wanted. What they both wanted.

Sliding into her uncovered, just flesh against flesh, was by far the most amazing feeling Kevin had ever experienced. So amazing, in fact, he had to stop moving and just hover over her, his weight rested on his forearms.

Unfortunately, he must have teased Beth too much because she wasn’t messing around. Digging her fingers into his hips, she tried to force them to move. He resisted, determined to get himself under control before sliding another fraction of an inch into her.

He saw Beth smile a second before she raised her own hips, taking all of him, and that was all she wrote. A few hard thrusts. A few seconds of hot, unfettered friction and he was a goner, and he took her with him.

Gasping for air, he took pity on his trembling muscles and collapsed, sliding slightly to one side so his weight didn’t crush her stomach. “Holy…wow.”

“Mmm.”

“Good cake?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

He rolled onto his side and she spooned against him, both of them still trying to catch their breath. There was more he wanted to say, but she was so soft and pliant against him, he didn’t dare open his mouth for fear all of his feelings would come falling out and she’d run screaming.

For now it was enough just to hold her.

***

Beth spooned against Kevin’s warm and naked body, determined not to let the first pangs of regret ruin the
oh yeah, I needed that
afterglow.

And when he draped his arm across her waist so he could rest his hand on the small bump of baby, she closed her eyes and smiled. Whether they should have gotten naked together or not—and it was definitely a not, even if her willpower had evaporated the second she opened the door—she was going to let herself enjoy this moment.

He nuzzled her hair. “If I go snowmobiling tomorrow, can we do this again tomorrow night?”

She didn’t want to talk about tomorrow night—or any other night—because her arguments against their sleeping together were still valid, if temporarily forgotten. Making a noncommittal noise, she avoided answering the question.

He was quiet long enough she would have thought he was asleep if not for the fact she already knew he snored. And he was lightly stroking her belly, too, in a distracted way that made her think he was lost in thought. Maybe thinking about the baby or maybe about the fact they’d just had sex despite her best intentions to stay out of his bed. Or her bed.