Undefeated - A New Adult Romance Novel (10 page)

Please Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.

A quick right jab that glanced off of his ear caused him to raise his head. I threw a left uppercut with every ounce of my being. The left impacted his chin solid, lifting his head sharply. He was immediately unconscious. The unnecessary right cross missed his face as he began to fall to the mat like he was dead.

Time stood still.

His body collapsed to the mat. I stood over him. I wanted to see his eyes.

The referee stepped in front of me and pointed. I went to the neutral corner and paced
back and forth.

Come on, get up. Get up. Get up.

The referee waved his arms. This fight was over.

I heard Ripp scream.
Shane motherfucking Dekkar.

I waited.
Get up, you big fucker. You can do it.

I saw Kelsey out of the corner of my eye. Wilson opened his eyes and began to sit up.

Thank you, Lord.

I turned a
nd faced Kelsey. He was crying. He rubbed his eyes and opened his arms.

“We made it kid,” He said as he hugged me.

I pulled my face away from him and smiled. He pulled my mouthpiece.

“Stop
calling me kid, you old prick,” I said.

“Boy he underestimated you with that peek-a-boo shit, didn’t he,” Kelsey laughed.

I nodded.

Kace
and Ripp stepped into the ring and rushed toward us.

As Kace
smiled, I remembered what she looked like without her tooth. Her now repaired teeth were perfect. I smiled in return.

“Exciting
…hungry,” she blurted as she reached into her pocket.

I placed my gloves on each side of he
r shoulders and held her still. As I bent my knees and lowered my head, she placed my dog tags over my head and onto my neck. As I started to speak, I heard the announcer.

“At 2:37 of the second, by knockout,
the winner
….Shane Shame on Dekkar…”

I turned and raised my hands. I walked toward Wilson and patted him on the back.

“Great fight, Wilson,” I said as I looked him in the eye.

“You got hands, kid,” he said as he patted my shoulder.

I nodded and turned toward Kace and Ripp. As I walked to Kace, I could tell that she had settled down and wasn’t quite as nervous.

“You okay?” I asked.

She nodded, “What were you going to say?” she asked.

I bent my knees again, lowering my face close to hers.

“Kith me,” I chuckled.

As our lips parted I looked at her beautiful face. I looked up at Ripp, who stood beside her, his hand on my shoulder.
Kelsey stood behind Ripp, wiping tears from his eyes, as he talked to Joe. I looked toward Kace again. As she looked up at me and smiled, I realized that
this
was my family.

The
ring was my home.

And
I smiled.

KACE.
The difference between wanting someone to love you and actually
being
loved is the difference between black and white. I suppose I could have lived the rest of my life thinking I was being loved; but now that I actually had it, I knew what I had in the past was nothing more than some fucked up form of affection.

Shane and I had been seeing each other for six weeks. In some respects, I felt like I had forced myself into his life. In others, I felt that I was invited. After the incident with Josh, I moved in with Shane, in his spare bedroom. It pleased him to look over me and feel like he was protecting me from anything or anyone that might hurt me.

The month or so that Shane and I met before I left Josh, and the six weeks that have followed - seems to me like two years of time has passed. I know more about Shane in this period of time than I ever knew about Josh. Shane is quiet to everyone except Ripp and I. To me, he can talk for hours on end. I like it when Shane talks to me, it’s proof that he cares about what I think, want, or expect in life.

Shane has not told me that he loves me, but I know in some sense that he does. I can feel it. He isn’t broken inside like a lot of people are that do not have family, he’s just shy. He’s shy, but he’s able to love and be loved. More than anything, I want Shane to love me.
I want to be his, and I want him to be mine.

“I can’t decide if I like the five miles better than three or not,” he said as he collapsed on the couch.

I walked over and sat at the edge of the couch beside him.

“Well, you ought to know by now, we’ve been running the five for a month and a half,” I said as I pressed my hands into his shirt.

“Well, there are things about it I like, and things that I don’t. I like the amount of time that it takes, but I don’t like the speed we run. I’m just used to running faster,” he said as he sat up.

“Everything you do is a competition. In your head, you compete with yourself,” I said as I slipped my hands under his shirt and felt his
stomach muscles.

“I suppose so. I’m just used to running a mile in a little less than six minutes. We don’t run that fast. You run like a girl,” he chuckled.

“You can’t run five as fast as you run three, and I
am
a girl,” I laughed as I pushed him backward onto the couch.

As he
fell, he pulled me with him. I landed face first on his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me. I pressed my face into his massive chest, smelling his shirt as I buried my face in between the muscles of his chest.

“I love how you smell when you get out of the shower,” I said as I raised my face from his chest.

“Who’s the most beautiful woman in the world?” he whispered.

I smiled.

“Who?” he whispered as a smile formed on his face.

I love it when he does this.

I pointed to my chest.

“That’s right,” he responded.

His hands massaged my back as I looked into his eyes. His eyes were the strangest color of grey. They were almost a translucent grey/blue. His eyes alone caused me to feel as if I was powerless against him. Combining his personality, sensitive nature, shy quiet demeanor, and the fact that he was muscle from head to toe was enough to push me over the edge. Every time.

He could take advantage of me at any point in time that he preferred; the fact that he didn’t made me both admire him and hate him both. I pushed my hands against his chest and raised my body from his. I looked down at his torso and chest.
His tight tank top hugged his muscled torso.

This is
freaking ridiculous.

“Why don’t we ever go any further than this, Shane?” I asked as I admired his body.

He raised his hands to his face and covered his cheeks and eyes with his palms. As he rubbed his face, I grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands free and up to my shoulders. I wanted so desperately to place them on my chest, but I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

He squinted his eyes and cocked his head to the side, “I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“We’ve talked about this. Please, take advantage of me. I’m begging you,” I laughed.

He smiled and rolled his eyes.

“It’s not taking advantage of me if I want you to do it,” I said as I held his wrists.

“It is if you’re not ready,” he responded as he squeezed my shoulders lightly.

“I’m ready,” I said.

“I don’t think so,” he responded.

“Why?”

“Because it hasn’t been
that
long. It’s been seven weeks. That’s it. A codependent woman will attach herself to the first man that presents himself after she gets out of a relationship. I don’t want to be your man out of a feeling of necessity. I want to be your man out of feelings of deep desire,” he said as he began to sit up.

I pushed against his chest, forcing him back to his laying position on the couch. I liked that he let me do things like this to him. He could, as strong as he was, k
eep me from even making him move at all, but he played with me. He let me push him around and play with him. He knew just how to act and what to do to make me feel comfortable, and he never made me feel out of place or uncomfortable.

“Lay down,” I said, pointing to his chest with my index finger.

“Yes ma’am,” he responded as he leaned back onto the couch cushion.

“We’re going to talk,” I said.

“Talk. Alright. Get busy,” he chuckled.

“Do you want to make me happy?” I asked.

“Absolutely,” he responded.

“Let’s make progress in this thing we have,” I said.

“This thing…” his voice faded as he raised his eyebrows.

“Yes. I don’t know what to call it.
This thing
. Let’s go one step further. I want that,” I smiled.

“One step,” he responded with a smirk on his face.

I nodded.

He slid h
is hands from my shoulders to behind my neck, and slowly pulled my face to his. As his lips parted, I pressed my face hard against his. Kissing Shane was something I could do forever. He once told me everything he did he was great at, and kissing was no exception.

I closed my eyes and held his head in my hands. Our tongues intertwined, our moist lips massaging each other, I got lost in the feeling. Thoughts of the men in my erotica novels ran through my head. I opened my eyes and raised my face from his.

“I want you,” I said, my voice filed with emotion.

“You
have
me,” he responded as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand.

“No, I
want
you,” I said.

“Kace, you have me - a
s much as I am willing to give. I am yours. You have all that you can get. There is no more,” he said as he started to sit up.

Frustrated,
I pushed myself toward the other end of the couch and sat between his legs.

“Don’t get angry, babe. Everything I do, I do for what I believe is best for you. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t
want anything to develop in this relationship because you’re vulnerable,” he said softly as he sat up.

He ran his fingers through my hair and moved it behind my ear.

“I like seeing your face, Kace. You’re beautiful. Sex can be a manner of
expressing
one’s love, but by no means is it a method of
measuring
the love one has for you,” he ran his fingers through my hair and smiled.

“Sex is all we have left, Kace. Don’t look at it as a form of verification or validity to confirm how I feel about you. The fact that we’re here together is validity in itself,” he moved closer to me and kissed my forehead.

I wrapped my arms around him, feeling selfish as I did so. He was right. I didn’t
need
to have sex with him to prove anything. I
wanted
to have sex with him because I wanted to. I hadn’t had sex for almost four years, and I wanted Shane to fuck me until I couldn’t walk. The fact that he held this one act in reserve proved to me that he cared more about me than I could ever expect anyone else to.

I was incapable of recalling what sex felt like. I relied solely on the descriptions in the books that I read for the memories associated with sex. My memories were false, and they were the scenes from the many books on my Kindle. I lived vicariously through the heroines in my books, and made love to my book boyfriends.

“Okay. I understand better now. It’s just hard,” I admitted as I moved my head closer to his hand.

This man made it difficult for me to do anything but want more. To have someone who was built the way he was one thing in itself. His body clearly defied the laws of everything that was human. He had a small waist and abs that were as if constructed of a flesh washboard. A chest that was massive and wide. His arms had muscles along the side of muscles. And he didn’t care. He didn’t flaunt it. He wore a hoodie in the summertime, covering his body, not exposing it for all to see.

He was intelligent. He didn’t speak in a manner I would have expected a boxer to speak. He often thought for some time before he committed to answering a question. When he did answer, be it immediate or after some thought, his answers were clear, concise, and well defined.

He was kind, compassionate, considerate, romantic, loving, caring, and loyal. This combination, for me, was proving to be far more than I could take. An alpha male that would destroy a man in a moment for any number of reasons that were contrary to what he held precious to his system of beliefs.

Yet.

Hold a woman close to his chest and make her feel like she was the most precious person on this earth, and that she had no reason to fear anything when she was in his presence.

Shane Dekkar. A man to define what all men should desire to become.

Perfection, defined.

Perfection is defined in the mind as it sees what stands before it. We compare what it is that we now see to what we have seen in the past. This comparison is only based on what experiences we have, and what we have exposed ourselves to. I have had minimal exposure in life, but I am not a fool nor am I foolish. Shane Dekkar, to me, is perfect. I could spend a lifetime exposing myself to the offerings of life, and this would not change. It is not an opinion, it is a fact.

His fingers continued to rake through my hair.

“I’ll give you a lifetime to stop that,” I whispered as I closed my eyes.

“I’ll never stop,” he whispered back.

“Promise,” I asked as I opened my eyes.

Softly, he pushed me onto my back, and crawled on top of me. His hands quickly moved into my hair, his fingers raking through it as the massaged my scalp. I closed my eyes again.

“Open your eyes, babe,” he whispered.

I opened my eyes.

“Do you understand how I feel about you?” he asked, his eyes filled with passion.

“Tell me,” I responded as I closed my eyes.

I relaxed as he massaged my scalp with his fingers. He lowered his chest to mine and softly laid his body against me. He positioned his head beside mine, and began to whisper in my ear. His warm breath made me shiver as he began to speak.

“Kace, I could spend the rest of my life happy with you, I am certain. I have no reason to believe otherwise. And although I suspect you feel the same way, I do not believe that you are able to make a decision regarding a relationship with anyone that will be one hundred percent heartfelt, considering what you have been through for the last ten years,” as he paused, I started to speak

“Shhhh,” he said into my ear.

“If you feel the way I suspect you feel, the end result will be the same, regardless of when we make the decision to take the next step. It is very important to me that the decision be made by what your
heart
desires, and not what you
think
you want. Almost daily, I wish we would have met by different circumstances,” his breath on my neck made me smile a slow smile.

“Why different?” I whispered, my eyes still closed.

“Well, because. I imagine part, and only part of what you feel – you feel because you believe that I
saved
you. I don’t want you to desire me for that reason. I want you to desire me because of
who
I am, and what we have to offer each other for a lifetime, not for this moment,” he kissed my neck as he finished speaking.

“So how do you know when it’s time?” I could feel his heart beating against my chest.

“I’ll just know, I imagine,” he responded as his hand touched the side of my face.

“Open your mouth,” he whispered.