Undaunted Love (PART ONE): Banished Saga, Book 3 (21 page)

Savannah settled in her seat again but not before Jeremy grabbed her fingers and clasped her hand. He raised fatigued, thankful eyes to her. “Thank you for taking such good care of me while I was ill and giving Flo time to rest.”

“It was my pleasure,” Savannah whispered. “I’m glad you’re recovering and will soon be back to work.”

Jeremy groaned as he rolled onto his side, releasing Savannah’s hand in the process. “I doubt I’ll be working for a few days yet. The thought of walking there makes me break out in a sweat.”

“How long does it generally take you to recover?”

“Up to a week. Generally not much longer.”

“But this time the doctor thinks he has treated you so that you will not have a recurrence.”

“I can tell you that, if I do have a malaria ague again, I’m not taking that wretched medicine.” Jeremy shuddered at the thought. “It’s part of the reason why I was never fully treated. I fought them so hard not to take it that they gave up.”

“You mean you’d rather be ill, for years to come, than suffer through a few days of taking a horrid-tasting medication?” Savannah shook her head in disgust.

“You haven’t tried it.”

“And you’re a fool not to take what might cure you. I wouldn’t think you’d relish living through too many more bouts of malaria.”

Jeremy sighed and then shivered.

Savannah frowned and raised his blankets up over his shoulders so only his head was visible.

“You’re right of course. And thank you.”

“I’m wearing you out. I should leave,” Savannah said, unable to resist stroking a hand along his head and brushing the hair off his forehead.

“Come visit me when I’ve recovered. At the workshop.” He reached up a hand from inside the blanket to grasp hers.

Savannah’s eyes shone with pleasure. “Send word once you are recovered.” He nodded, gripping her hand a moment before releasing it. She turned to face him as she opened the door and met his intense gaze before slipping into the hallway and departing for home.

CHAPTER 19

SUN STREAMED INTO THE HIGH WINDOWS of the workshop. Dust motes danced in the air as Jeremy stood at his workbench sanding a piece of cherrywood, humming an off-key version of “Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-De-Ay” to himself as he worked. A drawing of a square table was tacked to the wall in front of him along with different design ideas for carving. A small pile of wood lay against the wall next to his workbench. Chisels, metal files and other tools hung from a board attached to the brick wall behind the workbench. In the corner of the room, near the stove and rocking chair Gabriel had created for Clarissa, was a small pallet on the floor for the nights when he worked late or didn’t want to return home.

He studied the drawing of the design he wanted to carve into the wood. He took his pencil and tried to trace the design onto the wood, a faint line showing on the raw, unvarnished maple. He took out a chisel and began the slow process of carving.

Although he attempted to focus solely on his work, his mind continued to wander to Savannah. Nearly two weeks had passed since he’d last seen her, and she’d yet to visit him at his workshop. He grunted his displeasure as he nicked off an extra sliver of wood, causing the arch to be wider than desired at the corner of his design. He blew on the wood dust and extracted a smaller, finer chisel to carve more slowly but with more precision.

What did it say about him that she only wanted to see him when he was insensate? Had he acted in an improper manner when she had cared for him? He sighed, cursing the malaria and his inability to remember her ministrations while he was ill.

A gentle tapping at the door caused Jeremy to lay down his chisel. He glanced at the carving with a scowl before wiping his hands on his worn pants and striding toward the door. He pulled the door open and nodded at the sight of Savannah on his doorstep, the scent of a crisp October day clinging to her.

“Hello, ma’am. It’s nice to see you again.” He motioned for her to enter.

She hovered near the door as he moved toward the workbench. He rolled his shoulders a few times, as though in an attempt to release pent-up tension. As he picked up his chisel, she said, “If you’re too busy for a visit, there’s no need for me to stay.”

He paused his motion before placing down the chisel. He stood facing away from her for a moment before turning to her, his expression carefully neutral. Savannah studied him, noting the healthy color on his cheeks.

“You didn’t shave after you recovered,” Savannah said with a small smile. Jeremy rubbed absently at his beard and shook his head no. “I like it. You look healthy.”
Virile
, her mind whispered, and she looked away as she fought a blush.

“You look better too, Mrs. Montgomery, than the last time you visited me here at the workshop.”

Anger flashed through her eyes, and a flush, brought on by irritation rather than embarrassment, limned her cheeks. “Never call me by that name again. Call me, ma’am. Call me Savannah, but never Mrs. Montgomery. Not you.”

Jeremy let out a pent-up breath and relaxed a fraction at her anger. “I had hoped you’d call sooner. After caring for me while I was ill, I had hoped …”

Savannah shrugged her shoulders in response.

“I’m sorry if my discussion about imaginations frightened you away.”

“No, no, of course it didn’t,” Savannah said. “I’m sorry I’ve stayed away for so long.”

“Why did you?” Jeremy frowned at the faint longing he heard in his voice. “Why did you only come to see me when I was out of my mind with fever?”

“I was advised that a liaison, with any man, was not to my advantage at this time.”

“Due to the divorce proceedings?”

“No. Well, not only because of that but mainly because I finally have the opportunity to learn what I desire from life free of the influence of a man or family.”

Jeremy took a quick step toward her before stopping himself and attempting to hide the anger from his voice. “Do you think I would try to bend you to my will? To make you see things as I do? That I would be disappointed if you had your own thoughts and ideas?”

Savannah searched his gaze, and a wondrous smile bloomed. “No. I don’t. It’s why I decided to finally ignore that advice and visit you again. I’ve missed you.” Savannah moved from the door and walked toward the rocking chair. She removed her coat and hat, sitting with a small sigh.

Jeremy tracked her movements, an intense longing in his eyes. “I’ve missed you, too. Not seeing you has made me nearly mad with frustration.”

“Why?”

“I worried I had offended you in some way. That you had decided you no longer desired our friendship. Not being able to talk with you …” He paused and shook his head. “I’ve taken to sleeping most nights here on the pallet, so that Florence and Richard don’t have to contend with my black mood.”

“I’m sorry, Jeremy. I was attempting to follow the advice of those who care for me. However, the more I did, the more miserable I became. I realized I was obtaining no further clarity remaining away from you than if I visited you.”

Jeremy nodded with a half smile before becoming serious. “Any word on the divorce?”

Savannah jerked and stopped rocking. “None,” she said in a dull voice. “I can’t do what they say I must.” She looked up, startled to find Jeremy crouched by her side.

“And what is that?” He took one of her hands in his, massaging her fisted hand until it relaxed in his.

“They want me to detail every episode of abuse at his hands. They say it’s necessary for any proceedings to be successful.” She stared into Jeremy’s eyes, his calm acceptance encouraging her to continue. “And I can’t! I can’t speak of everything that happened.”

“Why not?” He squeezed her hand gently in support. “As I said before, there’s no shame in survival.”

“If there’s no shame, then why am I filled with it as I imagine the newspaper stories and their lurid headlines? Why do I feel as though it were my fault?”

“If you are unwilling to detail what you suffered for the sake of the court case, you may find there is nothing you can do, Savannah,” he murmured. “You may find that there is no way to obtain a divorce.”

“I can’t accept remaining his wife,” Savannah said as she attempted to blink away tears.

Jeremy reached toward her, pulling her onto his lap as he settled onto the floor.

At first Savannah stiffened, but soon she relaxed.

Jeremy whispered, “Why? Why does it bother you to remain his wife if you aren’t living with him?”

“Because he may believe he still has some rights over me.”

He crooned, rocking her and brushed a hand over her head and down her back. “Sometimes, even though we don’t get what we think we want, it all turns out for the best.”

“How can you say that?” She sniffled and leaned deeper into his embrace.

“Well, I’m sitting here, with you in my arms. And no matter what happens, it brought us together,” he whispered into her ear, kissing the side of her neck.

“Jeremy,” she breathed as she leaned her head to the side to allow him better access. “I am a married woman.”

“In name only. In all the ways that matter, you are free. Free to decide what it is you want.” She shivered at his words. “Tell me to stop. Tell me that you don’t desire me, and I will …”

“No,” Savannah protested, turning her head to kiss him. “No, I want …” She moaned as the kiss intensified. Jeremy carefully moved her up so that she was facing him, and soon they were kneeling in front of each other.

He leaned away for a moment, breaking contact.

“No, please,” Savannah whispered as she reached out to twine her arms around his neck.

“I know things between you and your husband must have been difficult,” Jeremy said as he kissed her under her chin.

Savannah shivered. “I don’t want to think about him. About any of that.”

“I know. I don’t either.” He leaned away and met her passion-filled gaze. “I want you to know I will only ever touch you with care. If at any moment I do or say something that you do not like, tell me.”

Savannah leaned forward and kissed him for a long minute before breaking the kiss and nibbling on his ear. “The only thing that would make me upset is if you stopped. I never knew I could feel like this. That this was what it was supposed to be like.”

Jeremy smiled at her dazed admission. “My love,” he murmured, “let me lock the door.” He nuzzled her cheek, caressed her shoulders and rose, striding purposefully toward the door to lock it. He turned to gaze in wonder at Savannah waiting for him.

“Let me,” he whispered, moving toward a far wall. He opened a rusty trunk, extracting a few worn wool blankets and placing them over his pallet. He spread them on the floor and held his hand out toward Savannah. “It isn’t nearly fine enough for you. I—” He broke off, glancing away with embarrassment as she continued to stare at him.

He returned his gaze to hers. “Forgive my presumption,” he muttered, as he turned away to stare at the wall.

After a few moments, he heard her rise, and he closed his eyes in agony as he imagined her making her way toward the door and departing. Jeremy flinched as he felt her hands tracing the contours of his back through his thin shirt. He spun to face her. “I thought you’d leave.”

“Never.” Her luminous smile lit her eyes with joy. “Kiss me.” She leaned toward him, and he clasped her against his chest.

“I don’t want you to regret this.” His worried gaze took in her exultant expression, and he half smiled.

“Never.”

He leaned toward her, teasing her lips with his before kissing her deeply. They collapsed to the blankets, on their knees again, facing each other. “I promise to be gentle. To always treat you with respect.”

“I know,” she whispered as she kissed his neck. “Show me what I’ve missed all this time.”

***

SAVANNAH NESTLED HER HEAD on Jeremy’s shoulder, attempting to banish her anxiety and fear at his continued silence. She pushed herself up, deciding she should leave.

“No, don’t go. Stay with me,” he murmured, caressing her back. He curved his head down to kiss her tenderly.

“For how long?” Savannah teased.

“Forever.” He sighed as he gathered her close. Savannah stilled, her tension mounting. “Shh, forget I said that. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t mean what you said?”

“Of course I do, but I don’t want you to worry. I have no expectations.”

Savannah pushed herself up, gripping a blanket to her chest as she glared down at Jeremy. “Why? Am I so unworthy?” Tears glistened in her eyes, and she moved to stand.

Jeremy sat up and grabbed her hips, pulling her onto his lap. “Not so fast.” Savannah struggled to break free of his hold, but he clasped her firmly. “Don’t fight, love. Don’t hurt yourself.”

She lowered her head, and he heard a soft sob. “Oh, God, don’t cry, my Savannah,” he pleaded in a tortured voice, tilting her face to his to kiss away the tears.

“Please listen to me. Please,” he begged. “I’m not worthy of you. I should never have touched you.”

“Don’t say such things,” she hiccupped.

“You look at me and have no idea the monster I was,” he rasped. “These hands”—he held one out to the side to stare at it–—“I’ve used them to hurt so many people.”