Uncut (Unexpected Book 4) (27 page)

I
fidget with the violet crystal Thea gave me months ago, while waiting for Thea or Matthew to open the door. The irony about the message she tried to deliver when she gifted it to me.
You’re not alone.
Now I’m only feet away from the same place to reassure her that I’m here for her. I look back at the door as it cracks open.

“You still have it.” Thea’s smile greets me, but the usual brightness in her face is gone. Her long wet hair is hanging down a thin camisole, under it a sports bra.

Fuck, I’m getting hard.

“Of course I have it. It’s not every day that someone gifts you hope.” I shove the crystal back inside my pocket, never moving my eyes from her delicate face. “It’ll be a sin to lose that special item that reminds me that I’m not alone.”

“You must’ve thought that I was crazy.”

“Maybe. Honestly, when I need you close, I just grab on to it for a few minutes. Maybe it’s contagious, because you’re a little crazy, Butterfly.” She chuckles. “But now I know you better, I know that you’re different. Special. Unique.” A strong girl that has me tied into knots. I open my arms for her, and she walks right into them without hesitation, relieving the tension I carried since Matthew called me. “And I also know that you always look happy. Except today. Where’s that smile I love so much?”

She doesn’t respond, but she holds me as tight as I hold her. I inhale that warm-sweet aroma of hers that sends my heart into overdrive.

“It’s good to see you, but why are you here? Didn’t you say that you couldn’t come anymore?” Thea breaks the silence, her words muffled against my chest.

That’s something I can’t answer with honesty. I didn’t want to come because Matthew is stupidly in love with Thea. Fuck, maybe I’m also in that same chapter. In love. There’s no way I’d take Thea away from him. This is a fucked-up mess, and I should be jetting off, but it hurts to stay away when I know they need me.

“Can we take the love fest inside?” Matthew’s low voice questions.

“I thought you left.” Thea pushes herself off my chest. I loosen my hold but reach for her hand, not wanting to lose contact with her.

“No, I’d have said goodbye.” He lifts a plastic bag. “Went home to take a shower, grab my shit for the trip, and brought some groceries. You have this crazy idea that milk comes from coconuts, not from cows.”

Thea rolls her eyes at him, but smiles after he brushes a quick kiss against her lips. He follows that with a peck on mine and climbs the stairs without giving us a second glance. She frowns. I shrug and follow after him, tugging her along.

The apartment is upside down. A yoga matt takes up the only clear path in the tiny area where she lives. Every time I visit this place, the clutter makes me want to leave, but the aroma of incense and freshly cut flowers invite me to stay. It’s a welcome-home scent that makes me forget everything but the two people in front of me.

“Want coffee, Cooperson?” Matthew heads to the kitchenette, looking inside the pot on the stove. “I guess apple oatmeal won over omelets.”

“I told you that I had no eggs, Decker,” Thea protests, and heads to where he stands. “Move aside. I’ll make the coffee and serve you oatmeal. Now can either one of you explain why Tristan is here?”

“Because he has shit to do?” Matt responds in third person, pointing at himself. Thea’s eyes drop halfway and her jaw tenses. “Don’t give me that evil glare. What do you want me to say?”

Thea’s eyes narrow, and I have to admit this is fun. “I told you that I’m okay, I don’t need a babysitter.”

I clear the blankets from the couch and sit down while watching their rant.

She removes some of her bracelets from her wrist and points at the numbers written on it. “2–0-1–5. If I need, I’ll call my sponsor, or—”

“Let’s say you were with a patient, what would you suggest?” Matt questions her. “Not as a temporary fix, but as a more permanent one. A sponsor is only one person. What else are you missing?”

She closes her eyes for a few beats. “Family, friends . . .” She presses her lips against each other, watching him, then me. “My mind knows what I need, but it’s not easy to let the walls down.”

“I get it, you’ve been doing it by yourself,” Matt says, controlling his voice. “But why not let someone else care for you?”

“I’m not ready for this.” Thea points between the two of them. “There’s a long way I have to walk before I can trust being with someone else, Matthew. Trusting that I have someone next to me for support. Never had that before and I can’t deal with the fear of losing you.”

“You won’t, damn it.” Matthew finally moves his gaze to meet mine. “Please talk some sense into her. Can you please explain to her that I won’t leave her? I haven’t left him, and there are reasons why I should’ve dropped his ass long ago.”

“Are you two a couple?” Thea frowns and glares from Matthew to me. I shake my head. “He makes it sound like you are.”

“We slept together for a while,” I confess. “But decided we can handle shit better as friends.”

Matt crosses his arms, narrowing his gaze. “You’re skipping the part where you put me in a closet.” Thea glides her hand over his arm, as if soothing him from some big hurt he received. “Eight weeks of great sex but it hurt both of us. He can’t handle going against his beliefs.”

“Which are?”

Different from the norm?

Thea watches me, her eyes expecting an explanation. There’s no judgment or anger. It’s so easy being with them, explaining what my heart feels against what I was taught should feel natural. As I look at the two of them together, the pinch in my heart becomes the squeeze of a strong fist. I freeze. Fuck, I’m in love with her and falling for him all at the same time. No. There’s no fucking way I can be doing that. Rubbing my temples with both hands, I talk myself out of this first thought. My worries about her are what brought me here. Later I can entertain any emotions toward Matt. One step at a time.

Rising from my seat I take a deep breath and walk closer to where she stands. “You know, Butterfly. I’m bisexual. But my parents, society, and my religion forbid me to act on it in plain sight. The day after a guy fucks me, the guilt becomes a slab of concrete over my shoulders.” I glance down at the floor, then back at them. “I pushed Matt to do something he hates—hide who he is while he fucked me. Being with a man makes me drink more than I should. It’s the only way I can let myself be myself and forget the blame.”

I can’t raise my eyes to look at either of them. I’ve just exposed myself to two of the most important people in my life.
I can’t lose them
, but for some absurd reason, I don’t think I will. When I finally look up at Matt, I see my friend—a man who cares for me
and
accepts who I am. No judgment. Only . . . love? As my eyes shift to Thea, it’s compassion I see. Friendship.

“I can help you with that. We can find a counselor to help you overcome your fears.” Thea slides into that sweet, helping-the-world mode. “You’ll find a way to be comfortable in your own skin with yourself. That’s what’s stopping the two of you.”

“Stopping?” we both ask.

“From falling in love.” She smiles and has this dreaming-of-a-better-tomorrow gaze. The brightness in her face takes over her delicate features. The switch from the dark place to happy place flicks right in front of my eyes. “With each other.”

“Will that make you happy, if I find some help?” Her eager nod pulls on my heartstrings and I want to google the nearest counselor right at this moment. “Maybe I’ll get a therapist, but stop your plans right there. Matthew and I will never work. He’s taken. By you.” She opens her mouth to argue with me, but I hold my finger over her sweet mouth, a mouth I’d rather kiss. “How about we make a deal? Once I find a way to let myself be who I am, I’ll search for
my
other half. In the meantime you help yourself and lean on us—your friends.” I resist no longer, and gently kiss her forehead. I can’t deny the peace I feel as she accepts my care.

“Coffee is ready.” Matthew interrupts our discussion without even checking the coffee pot. My heart stops, as his eyes darken and his smirk widens. He’s brewing something, and it isn’t just the damn coffee.

After that daring glare Matt sent my way, we stayed on safe topics. Topics that allowed me to think about what Thea proposed: seeing a shrink. I’ve been to several already. Most of the Christian-based counselors my parents sent me to promised the cure to my condition—liking men. One of them called it a phase, a rebellious phase to tick my parents off. Could a new shrink help erase years of guilt and shame? Being comfortable within my own skin—accepting myself. Would I be able to fall in love?

Looking at Thea I realize that before that will be possible, I have to fall
out
of love. It feels like a heavy weight is sitting on my chest as I try to solve some kind of puzzle called my love life or the lack of it. My un-fucking-unlucky love life. If I had dared, I would’ve let Matt into my life, but I was too scared. Now I fall for Thea and she’s with him. Putting a stop to loving her is going to be hard when I plan on being whatever she might need. A friend, a shoulder to lean on . . . I’m screwed and not in a good way.

I hear a chuckle inside my head, because can we really be friends when my hands want to touch her? Friends don’t steal glances, and they don’t seek each other’s arms. Lovers do.

Lovers. I shift my glance toward Matt who is saying his goodbyes to Thea—leaning forward and touching his lips with hers.
Fuck.
I miss them—his lips. The taste of him and everything that happened between us. Instead of torturing myself by watching their passionate kiss, I leave the apartment and head downstairs.

It doesn’t take long for him to join me at the bottom of the stairs.

“Are you going to tell me why I’m here?” Other than being tortured as you kissed her long and slowly before saying goodbye. The longing of my heart is greater than the confusion of not knowing who I want to be in that moment. Thea receiving a hard, lustful kiss. Or Matthew, who enjoyed her soft silky lips while his mouth made love to her. “She looks fine.”

“Now. I bet she answered the door with the droopy,
my dog died
face.” I nod. “I can’t tell you exactly what happened, but know that she needs to know we care for her. That we love her.”