Uncovering You 7: Resurrection (13 page)

But such thoughts are foolish. I can’t long for a life I never had. All I can do is focus on the present. I’ve repaired things with my mom—maybe not completely, but much more than I could have hoped for after a single day together. Next, I have to turn the focus on my dad.

The man I met in the mental institution is a far cry from the person I see in the photograph. I don’t know how much of that is Jeremy’s fault. But I swear I will get to the bottom of it. Seeing the photograph really made it sink in: Paul
is
my father. Right now—though perhaps not permanently—Paul’s mind is broken.

At least, I can hold out hope that it’s not permanent. I remember the way he looked at me with utter lucidity when he retold the story of our past. He was not crazy then. He was not insane then.

But that moment came only
after
Jeremy gave his permission. And Paul knows Jeremy as someone else. A doctor. Why?

I hear the doorknob rattle behind me and curse. I try to stuff all the high school memorabilia back into the chocolate box, but the door opens before I can. A draft of cold air hits my neck.

“Lilly?” my mom calls out, walking in and closing the door. “Wow, look at this place. Did you do all that while I was gone? You shouldn’t have—” Her eyes find me. She freezes. “What are you doing down there?”

Her voice is cold.

Suddenly, I feel as guilty as a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

“Nothing,” I say quickly, standing up and trying to hide the box by scooting it back with my foot. “Just taking out the trash, mom. That’s all.” I try to change the subject. “You like what I did?”

“Yes, it’s all very nice,” she says, coming closer. She cranes her neck to one side to try to look around me. I step that way to block her view.

“I got us some groceries on the way back,” she continues, still trying to see what it is I’m obviously hiding. It’s just a charade. Both of us clearly know what the item is. The pretense of normal conversation is merely a delay tactic. “I wasn’t sure how long you’d be staying, so I got some things that used to be your favorites: Lucky Charms, blueberry muffins—say what’s that by your foot?”

“Nothing,” I say quickly. When she crosses the space between us, I change my tune. “Mom, I wasn’t trying to pry, I swear—”

She bends down and picks up the box. “You found it,” she says softly.

I give a guilty nod.

“And you looked inside?”

Again, I nod.

“Oh, Lilly,” she sighs. “I’m sorry. I had no right—”

“Wait. What?” I stop her short. “What are you talking about? Why are
you
apologizing?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” she asks. “This little box…is full of your stuff. Things you intended to throw out, and probably never wanted me to see.”

“I didn’t…Huh?”

“Well, you never shared them with me. But I couldn’t just have you throw away your accomplishments like that. You saw what’s inside. Things I found in the binders you discarded, in the recycling.” She sags onto an empty chair. “I don’t know what you must think of me. It was stupid, Lilly. But I wanted to share in a little bit of your success—even if you didn’t want me to.”

“Mom...” I say. I’m speechless. I walk over and sit beside her. She turns her head to me.

“The only reason I didn’t share them with you was because I never thought that you cared.”

“I know,” she says. She dabs a palm at her eyes. “Stupid contacts,” she mutters. “They always make my eyes water in the cold.”

I smile and put my hand on her arm. “But you did care,” I say.

“Always,” mom replies. “I never stopped caring about you, Lilly. I just lost my way of showing it.” She gives a weak smile. “So I did it in secret, hidden from you.”

“You shouldn’t have.”

“I know. But I did. And I’m sorry.”

“So the whole time I thought you were absent—all the years in high school I assumed you didn’t care—you were keeping track of what I did?”

“Yes, of course,” she says. “And I couldn’t have been prouder.”

“And now I know,” I say. I hug her. “Thank you, mom.”

“No, Lilly. Thank
you
. Thank you for coming back. Thank you for forgiving me. I know I’ve been a damn shitty parent. But I’m ready to change that, now…” She trails off. And then finishes in a small voice, “…if you’ll let me?”

“Yes,” I nod. “I will.”

We hug again.

“Hey,” I say. “I found something else in that box. A photograph…?”

“Really?” She looks at me. I expect recognition to show on her face, but it remains blank. “What of?”

“You and dad,” I say. “And me.”

She frowns, lifts up the lid, and rifles through the sheets. When she finds the picture, she takes it out, and mumbles, “Oh, wow. I forgot I even had this in here.”

“Really?” I ask.

Mom nods. “Really, really.” She gives a quick laugh. “Look at us all. So full of life.” She shakes her head. “If only…”

“Do you have more?” I ask. “Photographs of you and dad?”

“If I did, I would have shown you last night. No, Lilly, the second time we broke up, I knew it was for good. There’d be no recovery. I had to purge him from my mind. All the photographs I had I either burned, or threw out.”

“That’s…understandable,” I say, trying to hide my disappointment.

“No, it’s not. It’s another in the long list of screw ups I’ve made in my life.” She looks sad for a moment, but then she shrugs. “Oh well. Conner tells me to live in the present, not get hung up on the past.”

“Conner?” I ask. “Who’s Conner?”

Mom gives a wry smile. “My current boyfriend. Who do you think?”

I laugh. “I don’t know. I guess that’s what I should have assumed.”

“You don’t mind meeting him, do you? I kind of let it slip that you showed up here last night. He was very eager to introduce himself.”

I squirm in my seat. After all my past experiences with mom’s boyfriends, I’m not exactly thrilled at the prospect.

But, I force a smile. This is all about reconnecting, right? “Sure,” I say, through gritted teeth.

“Oh, great,” mom exhales. She looks back over her shoulder and yells, “Conner? You can come in now, babe!”

“What,
now
?” I hiss. “He’s
here
?”

She pats my arm with affection. “He followed me home. Isn’t that cute? Sometimes I call him my big puppy dog.”

The door opens. In walks the last man I expected to see.

Chapter Seventeen

I bolt upright. “You!” I screech.

He takes a surprised step back. ‘Me?” Going from the dark to the light, his eyes haven’t had a chance to adjust yet. Or maybe he’s just playing the fool. “Baby-doll, this is your daughter?”

“Lilly, what’s gotten into you?” Renee hisses. She tugs at my arm. “Sit down!”

“No!” I say, ripping away from her. “Mom, this is the asshole who robbed me!”

“Oh, shit,” Conner mutters. He’s closed the door and come inside.

Renee stands up, holding me back from trying to attack Conner. I’m ready to claw his eyes out.

“Lilly, calm down!” she stresses. “There’s got to be some mistake.”

“Oh no,” I growl. “There’s no mistake. What does this lowlife tell you he does? He’s a taxi driver, isn’t he?”

Mom makes a surprised sound in her throat. “How did you know?”

“I told you! He robbed me!” I jab my finger past her, right at him. “He took me to a motel where he and his buddy probably bring all their victims. He distracted me into coming out of my room. While I was gone, his friend wiped the place clean. They even took my rental car!”

“Lilly, honey, I’m sure there’s got to be some explanation.” Mom pushes her hair back. It had fallen out of place in her struggle with me. “Maybe—maybe it was some other driver who took you there. Maybe you’re mistaken.”

“Mom, I can see his face!” I practically scream at her. “This is him.
He’s
the guy who robbed me! And will you let go of me?” I jerk back, out of her grip.

“Look, ladies–” Conner takes a cautious step toward us, holding up both hands. He looks at my mom. “Renee, baby, you know I wouldn’t do that.” He has the nerve to nod at me. “I’m sensing a lot of mother-daughter tension between the two of you. Maybe it’s just best if I come back another time.”

“You stay right there, Conner Partame,” mom says, whipping around and fixing him with a stare. “You stay there. We’re going to work this out like adults.”

The irony of the situation is not lost on me. Mom, trying to play peacekeeper? That had always been my role growing up.

I snort.

“Lilly!” Mom hisses. “Behave!”

“Ask your boyfriend to give my wallet back,” I retort. “And my purse, and my cell phone, and my car keys—”

“Enough!” She breaks me off. “Conner,” she looks at him. “Did you , or did you not, rob my daughter?”

“No, babe,” he says, giving her a slimy smile. “You know me better than that.”

“Have you ever robbed anyone in your life?”

“I mean, I might’ve stolen some lunch money from a few kids when I was in high school,” he shrugs. “But nah, I’m not a crook.”

“There, Lilly. See?” mom says, turning back to me. “He didn’t do it.”

My mouth drops open in disbelief. “You’re taking
his
side?” I sputter.

“I’m not taking anyone’s side,” she says crossly. “But if Conner says he didn’t do it, I believe him. He’s a good man. An honest man, Lilly.”

“Thanks, babe.”

“Not now!” she hisses, and addresses me once more. “He wouldn’t take advantage of you like that.”

I bark a crude laugh. “Mom, are you even listening to yourself right now? I recognize his face.
He’s
the man who drove me to the motel.
He’s
the one I saw sneaking around in front of my door.”

“And did you see him take your stuff, Lilly? Did you physically witness him walk into your room and emerge with your wallet and purse and car keys?”

“No! But that’s not the point!” I begin.

“There.” Mom cuts me off. “Right there. Do you see? You always had it out for me and the men I’m with. Why, Lilly? Why must you do this, again? Conner’s a good guy. He takes care of me. He makes enough money that he even helps me out with rent—”

“By stealing from defenseless woman!” I explode at her. “Explain to me: How else would I know that he’s a taxi driver? You never mentioned it once!”

“Oh yeah,” Conner interrupts. We both turn to him. “Yeah, you know, I thought you looked familiar.” He shrugs at my mom. “The faces, they all blur together, you know? But I
do
think I remember bringing you to a motel a few miles from here.”

“There! See? He admits it!” I scream at my mom.

Conner tilts his head one way. “But I haven’t seen her since. Hell, if I had known you were my darling Renee’s daughter, I would’ve never have let you stay at that dump. I would have brought you straight to Mommy.”

“Don’t call her that!” I say disgusted. “What is that, like a sex pet name?”

He ignores me. “I warned her against staying there, babe,” he tells my mom. “It’s all coming back to me, yeah. I told her it was a bad place. I don’t usually do that sort of thing for my customers—not wanting to, uh, infry on their privacy…”

“
Infringe
,” I correct.

He looks at me. “Huh?”

I can’t stand this fucking lying, predatory, sleazy moron. “The word you tried to use?” I say, lifting my chin, “You meant ‘infringe’.”

“Whatever.” He shakes his head. “Renee, babe, I warned her, because I had a bad feeling. You know my instincts are never wrong. I offered to take her to a nicer place, a few exits up the freeway. But she was stubborn. She didn’t want to go.”

“That’s my Lilly,” mom says. “She’s always been so headstrong…”

“Mom, I can’t believe you’re buying this bullshit! He never offered to take me anywhere else. He knew he’d be taking me off his pay dirt!”

“Now, calm down there Lilly. That’s not true…” he begins.

“No!” I say, making another attempt to go at him, and being blocked once more by my mother. “No, you do
not
get to call me by my first name!”

He holds his hands up again. “My apologies.” He addresses my mom. “My, but she’s a feisty little one, isn’t she?”

“Conner, I’m so sorry,” Renee says. “I don’t know what’s gotten into her. Maybe you were right. Maybe you should give us a little bit of space.”

“Whatever my lady wants, I obey,” he says, dipping his head low. “I’ll wait outside in the car.”

“
Whatever my lady wants, I obey,”
I mouth after him, then flip him the bird.

He closes the door, and it’s just me and my mom inside.

She turns on me right away. “Really, Lilly,” she condemns. “Really? I mean,
really
?”

“Really what, mom?” I challenge, taking deep breathes to keep from lashing out.

“Really, we’re back to this? To all these juvenile games again? God, it feels like you’re in high school.”

“Are you completely blind to the fact,” I begin levelly, “that the man you’re dating is a two-bit, low-life criminal?”

Mom throws her hands up. “And there you go once more,” she says. “Always accusing me of doing something wrong. Are you jealous, Lilly? Is that it? Because you saw
one
picture of me and your father?”

“Jealous?” I sputter in complete disbelief. “Jealous of what?”

“Jealous that Conner’s not
him
,” mom finishes. “Why do you always have to do this, Lilly? Why do you always have to try to screw up the good things in my life?”

“Conner is
not
a good thing, mother,” I say flatly. “Even if you don’t believe he robbed me–which he fucking did—you should be able to pick that up by yourself. What do
your
instincts tell you about him?”

“My instincts,” Renee emphasizes, “tell me that Conner is the first man in a long time to treat me right. Maybe he’s not perfect.” She sneers at me. “I’m sorry we can’t all have
Jeremy Stonehart
in our lives. Conner’s the best thing to happen to me for a long time. Before
you
showed up, he was the only light in my existence. Think of that what you will. Call me pathetic, weak, whatever. But I warn you, Lilly, do
not
screw things up for me!”