Uncontrollable Temptations (The Tempted Series Book 3) (24 page)

“I’m nobody’s hero, Reina,” he muttered.

“That’s not true. I’ve seen the way your daughter looks at you, Jack, you’re everything to her—the man she will measure every other. And you are your son’s hero, believe that, trust it, because that little boy wants you to know that surviving the things you had no control over is what badass superheroes are made of,” I said, watching his eyes glisten and tears trickle out the corners. I took a deep breath as I stared into his eyes. “You’re my hero,” I whispered. “You’ve rescued me from my own hell without even trying.”

His eyes peered into mine and for a moment I saw the struggle reflected in them, the fight against doubt raging with admitting to the truth. His fingers loosened around the gun and I took the opportunity to ease it away from him. He let the gun fall into my palm, pulled his hands back before lifting them to his face.

This beautiful man, tortured, tormented and exhausted by his guilt and the scars marking his soul resigned from his madness. I gently placed the gun on the dresser and turned back to him, his head in his hands.

“Let me help you, tell me what I can do,” I said, placing my hands on his shoulders.

He moved his hands from his face and for the first time since I came to him, he really looked at me. I wasn’t an object or someone who stood in his way. I was his sunshine.

Sunshine.

“I’m tired,” he murmured, defeated.

Dropping to my knees, I took his hands and urged him onto the floor with me. I leaned my back against the toddler bed and patted my lap.

“Lay your head down,” I said.

He looked at me skeptically, before maneuvering himself onto the floor and wrapped his arms around my waist as he rested his head on my lap. I glanced down at him, ran the back of my hand over the stubble that lined his jaw and bent my head to press a kiss on my wounded warrior.

“Close your eyes,” I whispered against his lips.

“Like looking at you,” he mumbled. “Look like an angel sent to rescue the devil,” he added.

“You’re no devil, Jack,” I stated. “Close your eyes,” I repeated, as I ran my fingers through his hair. “Dream of your boy,” I said, clearing my throat before I started to sing a lullaby. I meant to sing it to the man who needed healing, but I sang it to both the man haunted and the son lost, hoping that sweet boy heard my voice.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away,” I sang softly, watching as Jack struggled to keep his eyes open, slowly letting them close.

“In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me. When I awake my poor heart pains. So when you come back and make me happy, I’ll forgive you dear, I’ll take all the blame,” I hummed the tune softly, forgetting the rest of the words and when his breathing labored and sleep fell upon him I sang the chorus again, whispering in his ear how much I loved him.

Today I believed in God.

I stared into the green eyes of the young man wearing the baseball hat, the smile on his face temporarily repairing my heart that’s been broken since the day he left this world. Then he said the words that would permanently heal my soul.

“I’m okay, Dad,” he whispered. “I’m safe now.”

He turned around and walked into the light beckoning him away from me as I heard the faint sound of a woman’s voice as she sang the sweetest lullaby.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…

I opened my eyes, blinked against the darkness and tried to focus. I was laying on the floor in Junior’s room, my head in Reina’s lap and hers perched against the toddler bed. I was hurting all over, and I could only imagine how she must’ve felt. Carefully, I moved off her, my limbs like lead as I sat up. I reached out and brushed away the hair from her face and swallowed against the lump lodged in my throat before I moved to sit beside her. I glanced around my boy’s room, trying to filter through the fog and recall my actions from the night before. It was like holding my head under water, trying to breathe.

Bits and pieces came to me, the cemetery, the holes in the wall downstairs, sitting in the chair watching Jack blow out the candles on his first birthday cake. I remembered holding the gun to my temple and then she came—pulling me slowly away from my hell and bringing me back to life. I looked back at her and couldn’t help but wonder why she stayed. Why she didn’t run for the fucking hills when she saw the destruction I was capable of.

I repositioned myself, gently lifting her into my arms and carried her toward my bedroom. I hadn’t brought a woman into my home since Connie. Sure as hell never brought someone into my bed, but Reina belonged in my bed. She belonged in my home and she belonged in my fucking life. Anyone who could put up with my shit deserved a goddamn medal. She deserved more. She deserved anything I could give her.

She barely stirred as I laid her down on my bed. I felt something tug inside of me, an unfamiliar yearning, and as I brought the covers up her body I realized what it was. I wanted to take care of Reina. Not because she was mourning my brother, not because she was some damsel in distress but because she was strong enough not to need someone to take care of her. She most likely didn’t even realize her strength or her courage—she just pushed through, kept moving forward whenever something tried dragging her down.

She sighed, stretching her body before her eyes fluttered open and groggily met mine.

Realization must’ve set in because her features became more alert as she sat up and studied me closely, concern etched into her face.

“Hey,” she whispered, reaching out and touching my cheek. “You okay?”

I lifted my hand, wrapping it around her wrist and offered her a smile as I nodded.

“Yeah, Sunshine, I’m all right,” I assured her, taking her hand from my face and lacing our fingers together. “You’re tired, why don’t you get some rest?” I asked huskily.

“Jack…”

“Reina, last night…”

“Stop,” she interrupted, placing a finger to my lips to silence me. “Look, if you want to talk about what happened that’s fine but if you feel the need to explain yourself you don’t have to.”

She caught me off guard with her words.

“I don’t?” I asked, never wanting to discuss my illness before but feeling compelled to do just that.

“No, Jack, you don’t. I don’t need an explanation. I mean I’d like more insight as to what goes on with you so I can help but only if you’re ready,” she stated.

“Don’t know why you stayed, but real glad you did,” I admitted honestly, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. I leaned over, my elbows on my knees and rubbed my face tiredly.

“Leaving you isn’t an option for me,” she whispered. I felt her move behind me, felt the dip in the mattress and then felt her warmth against my back. She placed her hands on my shoulders rubbing her thumbs into the knots she found. “I’ll stay with you until you tell me to go and even then I’ll fight you because there is no place else I’d rather be.”

She leaned over my shoulder, pressing soft kisses against my neck and I felt my guilt rise to the surface.

“You…” She whispered against my skin. “You’re my guy, Jack.” I dropped my hands from my face and straightened my back, glancing over my shoulder at the beautiful soul who wasn’t vowing to change me or try to fix me. In that moment I saw the woman who accepted me—broken and all. I’d be a fool to let someone as good as her, someone as fucking pure as her, slip through my fingers. I was no fool.

Or maybe I was the biggest fool of all because I would lose her once she realized I was Danny’s brother.

But I had her now.

“It doesn’t happen often, the medicine usually helps control my moods and levels me out.” I explained willingly, as her hands stilled at my shoulders. I turned slightly, taking hold of her hips and dragged her onto my lap. Her legs wrapped around my waist as I brushed her hair from her face and continued. “I didn’t take my medication yesterday,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “Is that why I had an episode? Probably not, it would’ve happened with or without the meds, but still, I chose not to take them because I wanted to remember. I wanted to be back in that state of oblivion, the same way I was the day Jack ran into the street and was killed,” I admitted, giving her my truth. I was too much of a coward to give her the truth that would free her of me.

I noticed the dark shadows beneath her tired eyes and my mind flashed back to last night when I stared into those same eyes as she sang.

“You…” I whispered, cocking my head to the side as I ran my thumb along her lower lip.

“What about me?” She whispered breathlessly.

“You sang to me.”

“I didn’t know what do,” she confessed, glancing away as if what she did to ease me was ridiculous. If she only knew her lullaby soothed my soul and chased away my demons. If she only knew that it was exactly what I needed, a sweet melody to ease my conscience.

I wanted to tell her she fixed me without even trying. I wanted to tell her the dream I had, the words the ghost of my son whispered to me—but I didn’t deserve the peace she brought to me.

I tipped her chin with my finger and forced her to look at me.

“It was perfect. You are perfect,” I insisted, leaning my forehead against hers. “I’m fucked Reina, in more ways than one. I’m a madman who rides on the wrong side of the tracks. I’m a thrill seeker and a disaster. I’m a man who lives as a prisoner to his own mind but when I’m good, when my head works, I’m a loyal son of a bitch. I’ve done a lot of shit, hurt a lot of people. I’m warning you, I’ll probably hurt you, may have already, but I’m a selfish motherfucker because even knowing all these things, it doesn’t stop me from wanting you. I should tell you to get on with your life. I should spare you of everything I am and everything I will inflict on you but I won’t do that,” I declared.

“What was it you told me the first time you came to my apartment?” She asked, leaning back a little so she could look at me.

“What’d I say?” I queried, diverting my eyes to the way she arched against me.

“You said, that my…” she leaned closer, wrapping her arms around my neck as she lifted her hips off of my lap and rocked them against me deliberately, her mouth moving to my ear as she whispered the rest of my words. “…pussy only gets wet for straight lace dicks.”

Her fingers found the hem of my t-shirt and she worked it over my abs.

“You were wrong,” she hissed. “Lift your arms.”

I did as she told, eager to see where she was going with this and watched as she pulled my shirt over my head before chucking it over her shoulder and wrapping her arms around me. She leaned into me, eyes serious as she kissed me gently.

“I know what you are. I’ve seen what you stand for and have encountered the madness that inebriates you, and still I want you,” she rasped.

“Gonna hold you to that, Sunshine. Gonna make you remember those words even after the ugly,” I swore, my hands sliding down her petite frame to her ass and squeezing her cheeks. “Got a lot of ugly you don’t know about yet,” I confessed. “But I will give it all to you. I’ll give you the ugly but I’ll give you a ton of good too, you just gotta remember those words. You need to remember you want me despite the ugly.”

“That’s easy,” she declared, pulling her shirt over her head and letting it join mine before she reached behind her to unclasp her bra. “Showed you my ugly, and you still wanted me, pretty sure I can reciprocate.”

I glanced down at her hip, pressing my fingers into the puckered flesh before lifting my eyes to her.

“You’re fucking beautiful, Reina. Not a damn ugly thing about you,” I growled. “Don’t you forget that,” I ordered, flipping her onto the bed, I leaned over her and undid the button of her jeans, pulling them down her legs.

I watched as she hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her panties and shimmied the lace down her legs, kicking them off, exposing herself to me.

“You’re beautiful, Jack Parrish, broken and beautiful and I wouldn’t change a thing about you,” she said, as she crooked her finger beckoning me toward her. “You make a broken girl like me feel beautiful.”