Uncle John’s Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader (38 page)

Strike:
Caviezel was filming the Sermon on the Mount scene when a bolt of lightning struck him on the head. “I’m about a hundred feet away from him when I glance over and see lightning coming out of Caviezel’s ears,” says producer Steve McEveety.

“There was a big flash,” Caviezel says. “My hair was up like Bozo the Clown. A giant pressure engulfed my head.”

Aftermath:
You might expect an actor who is struck by lightning while playing Jesus to wonder if maybe God isn’t too crazy about the movie. Caviezel took a narrower view—“I thought, ‘Didn’t like that take, huh?’”—and then resumed his work on the film.

ROBERT GILMER
, 72, a security guard in Jamesville, New York

Strike:
Gilmer was sipping iced tea in the company cafeteria when lightning struck the flagpole outside the building, about two feet from where he was sitting. The bolt traveled inside the building, struck Gilmer, and knocked him down. He stood up and saw that his pants were on fire. He put the fire out with his hands. Then, unable to phone for help (the lightning having knocked out the phone system), Gilmer just sat and waited until Phillip Wheeler, the assistant superintendent, found him about an hour and 45 minutes later.

Aftermath:
When Wheeler found Gilmer, he was complaining of ringing in his ears and had burns on his left leg, face, and hands. But what made him really mad was his pants. “He was more concerned that he didn’t look presentable because of his pants being burnt,” Wheeler says. “It burned his undershorts, too.”

Want to know how you can avoid a lightning strike? Go to
page 439
.

Horse meat is more popular in Sweden than lamb.

There‘s nothing like a good dose of irony to put the problems of day-to-day life into proper perspective
.

R
ATS!

In 1999 England’s
New Scientist
magazine reported that rats in the United Kingdom were becoming increasingly resistant to rat poison. But owls and other birds of prey, for whom rats are a natural food source, aren’t resistant and were dying after eating poisoned rodents. Result: The poison intended to control the rat population was actually killing off the rats’ natural predators—resulting in an increase in the number of rats.

TOXIC AVENGER

Legal aide Erin Brockovich made history in 1996 by winning a class-action lawsuit against a giant utility company, Pacific Gas & Electric, for toxic contamination of groundwater in a small California town. The $333 million settlement was the largest to date and made Brockovich famous—especially after Julia Roberts played her in a movie about the lawsuit. She got a $2 million bonus for winning the case and bought her dream house in Agoura Hills, California, for $600,000. Shortly after moving in, Brockovich discovered that it was contaminated with toxic mold. (She sued.)

TOY STORY

On October 30, 2003, the U.S. Congress General Accounting Office published the results of a study. Finding: There is little evidence to show that toy guns have any relationship to crime. That same day, the Capitol had to be locked down as SWAT teams conducted a one-hour manhunt for two employees who’d brought what turned out to be toy guns to work, as part of their Halloween costumes.

DETAILS, DETAILS...

Florida’s secretary of state, Katherine Harris, became famous during the 2000 presidential election as the person in charge of the disputed ballot count. In the 2004 local election in her hometown of Longboat Key, Florida, she was informed that her vote would not be counted because she had turned in an invalid ballot. (She forgot to sign it.)

In South Korea, a can of Spam is considered a prestigious wedding gift.

CUT TO THE CHASE

In 2002 the
Sydney Morning Herald
reported an incident where a 42-year-old man in the town of Kurrajong, Australia, stole a truck and was being chased by the owner’s father in a car. As the pursuer got closer, the thief panicked, jumped out of the truck, tried to escape on foot—and was immediately hit by another car. According to witnesses, the driver of that car got out, walked over to the injured thief—and stole his wallet. The truck thief was arrested; the wallet thief got away.

SKIN DEEP

Twenty-six-year-old Samuel Worlin Moore was arrested for attempted armed robbery in Long Beach, California. Witnesses were able to ID him because of the distinctive tattoo on his arm. It read “Not Guilty.”

DO UNTO OTHERS...

In 1998 former White House aide Linda Tripp became famous for her part in the Monica Lewinsky scandal. Tripp had secretly taped private telephone conversations, in which Lewinsky revealed details of her affair with President Clinton. Tripp then gave the tapes to the special prosecutor, ultimately leading to Clinton’s impeachment. Five years later, Tripp won a $595,000 settlement against the Pentagon—for violating her privacy. Details of her life, including an arrest as a teenager, had been leaked to the media after she turned over the tapes.

MR. SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL

In February 2004, 74-year-old James Joseph Minder had to retire as chairman of gun manufacturer Smith & Wesson. A local newspaper had revealed that Minder had a dubious resume: he’d spent 15 years in prison for armed robbery. He said that he hadn’t told anybody about it because “nobody asked.”

First female passenger on a trans-Atlantic flight: Amelia Earhart.

These lines were taken from the actual wills of some pretty frustrated, but creative (and slightly looney) people
.

D
AVID DAVIS (1788):
“I give and bequeath to Mary Davis the sum of five shillings, which is sufficient to enable her to get drunk for the last time at my expense; and I give the like sum to Charles Peter, the son of Mary, whom I am reputed to be the father of, but never had or ever shall have any reason to believe.”

•
JOHN AYLETT (1781):
“I hereby direct my executor to lay out five guineas in purchase of a picture of the viper biting the benevolent hand of the person who saved him from perishing in the snow. This I direct to be presented to him in lieu of a legacy of 3,000 pounds which I had, by a former will, now revoked and burnt, left him.”

•
HENRY, EARL OF STAFFORD (England, 1719):
“I give to the worst of women, who is guilty of all ills, the daughter of Mr. Gramont, a Frenchman, who I have unfortunately married, five and forty brass halfpence, which will buy her a pullet for her supper, a greater sum than her father can make her; for I have known when he had neither money or credit for such a purchase, he being the worst of men, and his wife the worst of women, in all debaucheries. Had I known their character, I would have never married their daughter, nor made myself unhappy.”

•
GARVEY B. WHITE (1908):
“Before anything else is done 50 cents is to be paid to my son-in-law to enable him to buy for himself a good stout rope with which to hang himself, and thus rid mankind of one of the most infamous scoundrels that ever roamed this broad land or dwelt outside of a penitentiary.”

•
ELIZABETH ORBY HUNTER (1813):
“I give and bequeath to my beloved parrot, the faithful companion of twenty-five years, an annuity for its life, of 200 guineas a year, to be paid half yearly, as long as this beloved parrot lives, to whoever may have the care of it; and if the person who shall have the care of it should substitute any other parrot in its place either during its life or after its death, it is my will and desire that the persons doing so shall be refused by my heirs the sum or sums they may have received from the time they did so; and I empower my heirs and executors to recover said sum from whoever would be base enough to do so.”

At the end of the Civil War, 33% of the circulating U.S. paper currency was counterfeit.

•
PHILIP, FIFTH EARL OF PEMBROKE (England, 1700s):
“I give nothing to my Lord Saye, and I make him this legacy willingly, because I know that he will faithfully distribute it to the poor. I give to the Lieutenant-General Cromwell one of my words which he must want, seeing that he hath never kept any of his own.”

•
CAPTAIN PHILIP THICKNESSE (England, 1793):
His will instructed that “my right hand to be cut off after my death and given to my son Lord Audley and I desire it may be sent to him in hopes that such a sight may remind him of his duty to God after having so long abandoned the Duty he owed to a father who once affectionately loved him.”

•
FRANCIS H. LORD (Australia, date unknown):
To his wife: “one shilling for tram fare so she can go somewhere and drown herself.”

•
JOSEPH DALBY, (England, 1784):
“I give to my daughter Ann Spencer, a guinea for a ring, or any other bauble she may like better. I give to the lout, her husband, one penny, to buy him a lark-whistle; I also give to her said husband of redoubtable memory, my fart-hole, for a covering for his lark-whistle, to prevent the abrasion of his lips; and this legacy I give him as a mark of my approbation of his prowess and nice honour, in drawing his sword on me, (at my own table), unarmed as I was, and he well fortified with custard.”

•
WILLIAM RUFFELL (1803):

“To employ an attorney I ne’er was inclined.
They are pests to society, sharks of mankind.
To avoid that base tribe, my own will I now draw,
May I ever escape coming under their paw.”

Cats have been known to try to seduce dogs. (Few succeed.)

They’re called “flying carp,” “winged weasels,” “scum of the sky,” “park lice,” and “winged infestation.” Lawyers? No, pigeons. They don’t get much respect, but maybe they should. There’s more to them than you might think
.

•
Pigeons were first domesticated by the ancient Egyptians more than 5,000 years ago.

•
Pigeons can see clearly for 25 miles and hear wind changes hundreds of miles away.

•
Homing pigeons were used in both world wars to carry messages between troops and headquarters. They had a 98% success rate in missions flown.

•
Pigeons mate for life and share parenting duties. The father sits on the eggs during the day, the mother at night.

•
Pigeons are the only birds that don’t have to lift their heads to swallow water.

•
In the 17th century, pigeon droppings were used to tan hides and to make gunpowder.

•
Passenger pigeons were once the most numerous birds in the world. Ornithologist John J. Audubon recorded seeing a single flock in 1808 that he calculated to be 150 miles long, numbering over two billion birds. By 1914 hunting and deforestation had led to the total extinction of the birds.

•
Ever seen a baby pigeon? You probably have: young pigeons grow extremely fast. They may weigh more than their parents by the time they’re only four to six weeks.

•
In the late 1800s, a homing pigeon was released in Africa. Fifty-five days later it made it home—to England. It had flown more than 7,000 miles.

•
Racing pigeons have been clocked at 110 mph.

•
Only mammals produce milk, right? Wrong. Pigeons make “pigeon milk.” It’s a specially produced, extremely nutritious secretion from the “crop,” a chamber at the bottom of the esophagus. Both parents make it and feed their young with it.

•
Racing pigeons are bred for speed. In 1992 champion racer
Invincible Spirit
was sold for over $130,000.

•
Why do pigeons live in cities? One theory: They are descended from rock doves, cliff dwellers that live near the Mediterranean. Urban structures mimic those ancestral cliffs.

In the 1600s, thermometers were often filled with brandy instead of mercury.

Once again, the BRI asks—and answers—the question: “Where did all this stuff come from?”

C
ELL PHONES

AT&T first tested mobile phones for use in Swedish police cars in 1946. To develop the technology in the United States, they needed approval from the FCC—which controls the radio waves. The FCC didn’t think mobile phones would work and repeatedly turned down AT&T. They finally agreed to change their minds in 1968, but only if AT&T could prove that their technology worked. AT&T’s plan: offer phone service via many low-powered broadcast towers, each covering a “cell” of a few miles. As the car phone user traveled, calls passed from tower to tower uninterrupted.

Meanwhile, rival Motorola had secretly developed their own mobile phone, only theirs was a handheld model. (AT&T had concentrated on car phones.) In 1973 one of Motorola’s engineers, Dr. Martin Cooper, used a prototype to make the first cell phone call—to AT&T, to gloat.

But AT&T was the first to get FCC approval, and had a trial cellular network set up in Chicago by 1978. (Motorola had one by 1981 in Washington, D.C.) The FCC authorized nationwide commercial cellular service in 1982 and just five years later there were over one million cell phone users in the United States.

SEAT BELTS

Safety belts predate cars. They were originally designed as devices to secure workmen and window-washers to their equipment when scaling tall buildings. Although they first appeared in cars in the 1920s, it wasn’t until the 1950s that seat belts were offered—and even then only as
options
—by most car manufacturers. In those days seat belts were like belts on pants: the strap went around your waist and buckled in the center of the abdomen just like a belt buckle. This design was far from perfect: the buckle itself could cause severe abdominal injuries in a crash, and since there wasn’t any shoulder strap, the upper body was unrestrained. Head, spinal, and internal injuries were common in serious crashes.