Uncle John’s Heavy Duty Bathroom Reader@ (84 page)

Technically, bears don’t hibernate—they just go “dormant” and sleep all winter.

FALSELY ACCUSED

You’re just living your life, doing your thing, and then—boom!—someone accuses you of a crime you didn’t commit. Everything goes topsy-turvy and nothing is ever the same again. It happened to these people. (Warning: Some of the allegations are disturbing.)

T
HE ACCUSED:
A.J. and Lisa Demaree, of Peoria, Arizona

BACKGROUND:
In 2008, after the Demarees and their three daughters, aged 5, 4, and 1, returned from a trip, A. J. took his camera’s memory card to Walmart to have prints made.

STORY:
A few of the 144 photos showed the girls playing at bathtime. “They’re typical pictures that 99% of families have,” A. J. said. A Walmart employee, however, thought the photos were pornography and called the cops. Result: Child Protection Services went to the Demarees’ home and took the girls away. A.J. and Lisa were questioned by police, who wouldn’t even let them see their kids. No criminal charges were filed and the parents were granted supervised visitation rights, but the girls were remanded to the state until an investigation was completed. After officials interviewed the couple’s friends and coworkers, Lisa was suspended from her teaching job, and both parents were put on a list of sex offenders. A month later they still didn’t have their children, so they asked that a judge review the case. He looked at the pictures and determined that they were
not
pornographic, and ruled the kids be returned immediately. But the investigation dragged on for a year.

OUTCOME:
The Demarees are suing Walmart for not displaying its “unsuitable print policy.” They’re also suing the state of Arizona, who they claim slandered them by telling their friends and co-workers that the couple were “child pornographers.” In all, the family is seeking $8.4 million for “emotional stress, headaches, nightmares, shock to their nervous system, grief, and depression.”

THE ACCUSED:
Francis Evelyn, 58, a custodian at Brooklyn’s Public School 91 in New York City

BACKGROUND:
Having spent nearly 20 years in the job, Evelyn was well respected at work and in his neighborhood. The native
Trinidadian described himself as “happy-go-lucky,” had no criminal record, and was less than two years from retirement.

October 30 is “National Candy Corn Day.”

STORY:
On March 19, 2007, police officers arrived at P.S. 91, arrested Evelyn, cuffed him, and took him away for questioning. Police commissioner Raymond Kelly announced that Evelyn was accused of the “heinous rape of an eight-year-old student on multiple occasions.” Detectives told Evelyn that if he didn’t confess, they’d make sure he got a life sentence in the “worst kind” of prison, where he’d likely be raped and possibly killed. If Evelyn did confess, they said, he’d get a lesser sentence. They even said they had DNA evidence against him. “How?” replied Evelyn. “I didn’t
do
anything!” Then the police took the unorthodox step of locking him up in Rikers Island Prison with actual murderers and rapists.

OUTCOME:
Three days later, police finally interviewed the accuser. It turned out that she was known as a “troubled child” who had lied about being abused on previous occasions. (The principal knew this, but failed to tell the police.) Worse still, the girl described her attacker as a bald, white man, yet cops arrested Evelyn, who is black. The charges were dropped immediately, and Evelyn was free. But the story had already gained worldwide attention. “On the bus home,” Evelyn said, “a woman was reading the paper with my picture on the cover. The headline said ‘The Rapist.’” He couldn’t walk down the street without people pointing at him or insulting him. He was given his job back, but was unable to go near the school for months because he’d “start shaking.” At last report, Evelyn was suing the city of New York for $10 million. “They ruined my life. I don’t want those charges just to be sealed,” he said. “I want them to be washed away!”

THE ACCUSED:
Richard Jewell, a security guard at the 1996 Olympic Summer Games in Atlanta, Georgia

STORY:
Jewell was patrolling Centennial Park, the “town square” of the Olympics, at 1:00 a.m. when he noticed a suspicious bag under a bench, only a few feet away from where thousands of people were enjoying a concert. Inside the bag were three pipe bombs surrounded by a bunch of nails. Jewell called the bomb squad and immediately started evacuating people. A few minutes later, the
bombs exploded. Although two people were killed and dozens more were injured, it could have been much, much worse.

Only U.S. presidents survived by their fathers: John F. Kennedy and Warren G. Harding.

The press called Jewell a hero as the manhunt for the bomber began. President Bill Clinton announced: “We will spare no effort to find out who was responsible for this murderous act. We will track them down. We will bring them to justice.” Suddenly, the FBI was under a lot of pressure, which may be why they leaked a “lone bomber” criminal profile, with a note that Jewell was a “person of interest.” The next day,
The Atlanta Journal Constitution
ran this headline: “FBI suspects hero guard may have planted bomb.” For the rest of the summer, the FBI and the press followed Jewell wherever he went. Editorials called him a “failed cop” who planted the bomb and then called it in just so people would think he was a hero. News cameras were there when the FBI searched his apartment and special reports broke into regular programming to broadcast the searches live.

OUTCOME:
In October 1996, the FBI announced that they had no evidence linking Jewell to the bombings and that he was no longer a suspect. So did he return to being regarded as a hero? No. “No one wanted anything to do with him,” said his lawyer. Jewell sued four news outlets for libel (but not the FBI). “This isn’t about the money,” he said in 2006. “It’s about clearing my name.” CNN, NBC, and the
New York Post
all agreed to settle their lawsuits, but the
Atlanta Journal Constitution
would not. That case was dismissed a few months after Jewell died in 2007 of heart failure at age 44.

SO WHO DID IT?
In 2003 the FBI arrested Eric Rudolph, who had also bombed an abortion clinic and a lesbian nightclub in Atlanta. Investigators were able to link him to the Olympic bombing because of similarities among the three bombs.

THE ACCUSED:
Abu Bakker Qassim, a Chinese citizen

BACKGROUND:
Qassim is a Uighur Muslim (pronounced WEE-gur) living in northwestern China. Uighurs are a Turkic ethnic group that the Chinese government considers terrorists, so they are persecuted and also highly taxed. With little possibility of work and his wife pregnant with twins, Qassim fled the country in 1999, hoping to join a Uighur community in Turkey, make some money, and then send for his family. He never made it.

Avocados have 60% more potassium than bananas do.

STORY:
His journey led him to the wrong place at the wrong time: Afghanistan in September 2001. When the United States retaliated for the 9-11 attacks, the village where Qassim was staying was bombed. Along with several other people, he hid in caves in the Tora Bora mountains. Known as a terrorist stronghold, the caves were bombed relentlessly. Qassim wasn’t a terrorist, but he’d learned how to use a machine gun at a Uighur village. He escaped to Pakistan in late 2001, where his group met some people who promised to take them to the city. But instead they were led into a trap. The people were bounty hunters, receiving $5,000 from the American government for every terrorist they turned over. Because Qassim had received weapons training, he was considered an enemy combatant. He was incarcerated in Afghanistan, and six months later, along with several other Uighers, he was transported to the U.S. military prison at Guantanamo Bay.

OUTCOME:
Three and a half years after their arrival, Qassim and four of his countrymen were listed as “NLEC”—No Longer Enemy Combatants. A federal judge ruled that the men be set free. But they weren’t. They spent another year in Guantanamo—not because the U.S. wanted to keep them, but because no other country would take them. “After four years at Guantanamo Bay,” he explained, “you earn the title ‘terrorist.’ And the Chinese strongly believe it.” Had Qassim been returned to China, he said, he would be tortured. American officials agreed, but also denied him entry to the United States. The governments of Canada and several European countries rejected him as well. Only one country opened its borders to him: Albania. Even though there were no other Uighurs there and he didn’t speak Albanian, he went there and worked hard to make a life. Six years after he left his wife, he was finally able to phone her for the first time. At last report, Qassim was working at an Italian restaurant in Albania and was close to raising enough money to retrieve his wife and the 10-year-old twins he’s never met. He’s also petitioning the U.S. government to release 16 other Uighurs who are still being held at Guantanamo, all of whom he says are innocent.

THE ACCUSED:
Eric Nordmark, 35, a homeless man in Garden Grove, California

The world’s largest swimming pool, located in Chile, is more than half a mile long.

STORY:
In May 2003, Nordmark was walking down the street
when two police officers told him to sit down on the curb. Nordmark explained that he was an “army vet looking for work.” A few minutes later, the cops brought him to the station and took his mug shot. Then he was released. A few days later, he found a job setting up rides at a carnival. After his first day, he went to a store to buy some beer and cigarettes. When he walked out, the police were waiting for him. They cuffed him and arrested him. The charge: the assault of three 11-year-old girls. A few days earlier, the girls had claimed they were attacked by a homeless man on the way home from school, and escaped when one of them kicked the man in the groin. Nordmark’s disheveled appearance matched their description, and two of the three girls identified him in a photo lineup. Bail was set at $50,000, but Nordmark didn’t even have $50, so he was forced to remain in jail until his trial began… eight months later. Although Nordmark repeatedly denied attacking or even ever meeting the girls, several witnesses were set to testify that the local kids were afraid of him. On the second day of the trial, one of the accusers took the stand. “He started choking me,” she testified. “And then I turned purple…I couldn’t breathe, and I felt like I was going to black out.” That night, Nordmark told his lawyer that if he was convicted, he’d kill himself before he ever got to prison—he’d heard how child molesters are treated in jail.

OUTCOME:
The following day, Nordmark was brought back into the courtroom. Only the lawyers, the judge, and one of the girls were there. The judge told him, “All charges have been dismissed. You’re free to go.” The girl apologized and explained that they made up the story because they got home late from school that day and didn’t want to get in trouble. The following week, all three girls were arrested at their school for the false accusation and led away in handcuffs. Two were given 30 days in detention. The girl who committed perjury got 45 days. Nordmark told reporters he wasn’t really angry with the accusers. “Kids are kids. They do bonehead things.” What upset him most was that the police didn’t perform a thorough investigation at the beginning. All they had to do, he said, was interview the girls individually and the truth would have come out. But they interviewed them as a group, and Nordmark ended up spending eight months in jail for a crime he didn’t commit.

Slaves working on the Great Wall of China were fed pickled cabbage.

IT’S A WEIRD,
WEIRD WORLD

More proof that truth can be stranger than fiction
.

B
OY IN THE HOOD

A 31-year-old man named Chris Jarvis walked into a Job-centre in Essex, England, in 2010 wearing a sweatshirt with the hood pulled up over his head. He was there to pick up his disability check (he fractured both ankles in 2008). A security guard told Jarvis to put down his hood, but Jarvis refused, so the guard threw him out. Jarvis later complained that he was discriminated against; he wears the hood for religious purposes. “Muslims can walk around in whatever religious gear they like, so why can’t I?” Jobcentre apparently agreed, because they sent Jarvis a letter of apology. But what’s his religion? According to Jarvis, he’s a Jedi knight—a “religion” practiced by thousands of
Star Wars
fans all over the world.

PEEK-A-BOO!

In 2010 three fisherman were boating about four miles off the coast of Hollywood, Florida, when the boat’s owner, Ryan Danoff, spotted something strange sticking up out of the water. As he got closer, he saw that it was a periscope. And then, as if it knew it had been spotted, the periscope started speeding away at about 20 knots (which is pretty fast) and disappeared below the surface. And then a huge burst of bubbles rose up out of the water, as if a submarine had just released its ballast. Then the sea was calm again. “It was crazy,” said Danoff. “If it was just myself out there I wouldn’t believe what I saw.” He reported the incident to the Coast Guard, but never heard anything about it after that. Though no official explanation was given, it was most certainly a submarine. But whose sub it was—and what it was doing so close to the U.S. coast—remains a mystery.

THE MOST HAZARDOUS OF MATERIALS

One day in June 2010, police in Destin, Florida, received an
emergency call from a man who said that he was inspecting a house that was for rent, but as soon as he walked in, a noxious odor sent him fleeing. Then his eyes started burning, and he was having trouble breathing. Fearing the worst, the police sent a HAZMAT team to the neighborhood. The road was closed, nearby homes were evacuated, the 911 caller was placed in quarantine, and then the HAZMAT team entered the house. Meanwhile, neighbors watching from the end of the street suspected that the empty home was being used either as a meth lab or by a terrorist cell creating biological weapons. After several tense minutes, the HAZMAT team exited the house. So what was all the hubbub about? Mayonnaise. A five-gallon jug of the stuff had been left there “some time ago” by the former tenants—the lid was off, it wasn’t refrigerated, and as a result, it had become rancid.