Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Golden Plunger Awards (35 page)

BOOK: Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Golden Plunger Awards
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SHINE A LIGHT
In Livermore, California, a light bulb screwed in sometime in the early 20th century is still burning—the longest-lasting light bulb on record. The exact date the bulb was screwed in is in question, but it was somewhere between 1901 and 1905. Ever since, it’s been burning in a fire station . . . one of three stations, actually; it was moved from one to another, until it found its current home in Fire Station #6 in Livermore. The bulb has rarely been turned off in its history, which is one of the reasons for its longevity. (The stress of being turned on is what most commonly burns out light bulbs.)
When Livermore celebrated the bulb’s 100th (give or take) anniversary in 2001, a Web site was established—BulbCam—so people everywhere can see the still-burning light bulb in all its glory.
THE PAPER CHASE AWARD
Ticker-Tape Parade Cleanup
We like to celebrate our heroes in style, but the people
who clean up afterward deserve praise, too.
A HERO’S WELCOME
There is no better way to celebrate a victory than with a ticker-tape parade. This time-honored tradition began in New York City on October 29, 1886, during a parade honoring the dedication of the Statue of Liberty. Viewers high up in office buildings along the parade route threw out shredded pieces of paper, which rained down on thousands of celebrants below, and an American tradition was born.
Historically, ticker-tape parades were held in New York’s Financial District. They ran along lower Broadway from Bowling Green and Battery Park up to City Hall, roughly a mile-long route nicknamed the “Canyon of Heroes.” Tall office buildings line both sides for most of the route and provide good vantage points for office workers and viewers, as well as for dumping a blizzard of paper onto the parade itself.
CONFETTI BY ANY OTHER NAME
Ticker tape, a leftover product of the stock exchange at the time, was used to create just the right effect for a day of celebration. Fluttering down like snowflakes, ticker tape—now made from any shredded paper, but mostly newspapers—glimmers and shimmers in the wind and creates a storm of confetti in the street. As much as 50 tons of ticker tape are typically dumped into city streets during a parade. And that much paper requires some serious cleanup. So the city of New York’s Department of Sanitation employs hundreds of people to clean up after parades and other major events.
THE PAPER TRAIL
New York isn’t the only city to host ticker-tape parades. In 1969, for example, Chicago, Houston, and Los Angeles threw ticker-tape parades for returning astronauts Neil Armstrong, Michael Collins, and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin Jr. But the events remain primarily a New York institution, and the city takes them seriously.
In 2004, the Alliance for Downtown New York spent $22 million to rebuild the famous Canyon of the Heroes path, repaving sidewalks and putting in new lampposts, signs, and wastebaskets. The group also commemorated every ticker-tape parade ever thrown on the Canyon of Heroes by installing more than 200 black granite plaques, each about 20 feet apart, to explain when and why each previous parade had taken place.
GREEN GIANTS
The victory of the New York Giants over the New England Patriots in 2008’s Super Bowl XLII was a surprise to many; but New York’s City Hall was ready. Officials had begun planning a ticker-tape parade for the Giants in secret, calling it Operation Haystack, but they didn’t let anyone know because they didn’t want to jinx the sports team.
When the Giants won (in the upset heard ’round the NFL), the city threw the champions a proper ticker-tape parade on February 5, 2008. With 36.5 tons of ticker tape thrown, it wasn’t the biggest parade shower—that distinction goes to the parade that celebrated the Allies’ victory in Japan in 1945 and accumulated 5,438 tons of paper. There is one reason for less paper in 2008—modern office buildings have windows that don’t open.
But the Giants victory parade was unique for two reasons: it was the first in New York in the 21st century, and it was the most eco-friendly in history. About 6 percent of the paper used in the parade was recycled, according to the New York City Sanitation Department. Sure, 6 percent doesn’t seem like a whole lot, but we did the math, and that’s 2.19 tons of recycled paper.
FROM GREEN TO CLEAN
A city as big as New York can’t afford to shut down major streets for very long to clean up such a mess, particularly in the Financial District,
home to the New York Stock Exchange and the center of the global economy. So immediately after the Giants’ parade ended, 350 Sanitation Department and 50 Alliance for Downtown New York workers hit the street with hand brooms, leaf blowers, and mechanical street sweepers to clear up the debris, which was placed in 12 collection trucks. They finished before the evening rush hour.
TICKER TAPE TRIVIA
• Admiral George Dewey, hero of the Battle of Manila Bay, was the first living person to be honored with a ticker-tape parade on September 30, 1899.
• One of New York’s most famous ticker-tape parades (and its 21st) occurred on June 13, 1927, in honor of Charles Lindbergh’s successful transatlantic flight.
• Aviators—like Amelia Earhart, Wiley Post, and “Wrong-Way” Corrigan—and then astronauts were popular recipients.
• So were sports figures and teams: golfer Bobby Jones (twice), Jesse Owens, the 1928 and 1950s American Olympic teams, Connie Mack, the New York Yankees (8), the New York Mets (3), the New York Giants (baseball) (1), the New York Rangers (1), and the New York Giants (football) (1).
• Some fairly forgettable people were honored as well—Jack Binns, Joseph Joffre, and the Order of the Knights of Pythias. Who?
• The following people (outside of sports teams) have been honored more than once: explorer Rear Admiral Richard E. Byrd (3), Captain George Fried (2), golfer Bobby Jones (2), Amelia Earhart (2), pilot Wiley Post (2), Dwight D. Eisenhower (2), Charles de Gaulle (2), Ethiopian emperor Haile Selassie (2), John Glenn (2), and Italian politician Alcide De Gasperi (2).
A DUBIOUS HONOR
Each year, the
Boston Phoenix
releases a list of the unsexiest men on Earth. 2008’s Top Five: baseball player Roger Clemens, Spencer Pratt (of the reality show
The Hills
), Senator Larry Craig, Tom Cruise, and CNN’s Lou Dobbs.
THE POP, POP, FIZZ, FIZZ AWARD
Galco’s Soda-Pop Stop
If you’re bored with the same old soda choices, take a drive
to this tasty relic from Hollywood’s golden age.
TEMPTING TREATS
Diet Coke, Sprite, and Sunkist Orange sodas are so . . . common. You can find them anywhere. If you’re ready for something different in a soft drink—a new taste, a bolder flavor, a different kind of carbonation—you need to head to Galco’s Soda-Pop Stop in Los Angeles. The small, 100-year-old sandwich shop carries 400 varieties of soft drinks to tempt you.
Galco’s started life as an Italian grocery, and John Nese and his family still make their famous overstuffed sandwiches in the back. But the front room is dedicated to Nese’s passion for pop.
EGG CREAM OF THE CROP
Galco’s carries common and classic sodas, like Coca-Cola and Faygo, but it also stocks more unique products like bottled New York egg creams. Those egg creams were a New York-area craze for decades, consisting of nothing except chocolate syrup (usually Fox’s U-Bet), whole milk, and fresh seltzer.
Some of the other products Galco stocks are among the champagnes of soda pop: Fentiman’s Mandarin and Seville Orange Jigger, Almdudler Krauterlimonade (herbal lemon–lime soda), and Blenheim’s HOT HOT Ginger Ale. These sodas—with unusual recipes and high-quality, all-natural ingredients—qualify for gourmet status. And Galco’s doesn’t view soda pop as just an American institution; Nese recognizes that people all over the world enjoy soft drinks, so his store carries imports from Europe, Asia, Latin America, and the Caribbean.
Along with colas, ginger ales, and cream sodas, you’ll also find rose-petal pop, sorrel soda, and bubble-gum bubbly. There are plenty of brewed choices, too; after all, “root beer” got its name from the process by which it’s manufactured. Birch beers and sarsaparillas will take senior family members right back to the good old days.
Whenever possible, Nese tries to stock all-natural sodas. You’ll find Coke products, but they come from Mexico, where the sweetener is still sugar cane and not high-fructose corn syrup. Plantation Mint Julep soda has real mint in it, and some of the citrus sodas contain real zest.
THE PAUSE THAT REFRESHES
Nese originally decided to devote his shelf space to boutique brands of soda pop as a mini-revolt against the big bottlers, whose products dominated grocery store aisles around the country. At first, his customers were older people looking for a taste of the past, but Web and other media coverage has brought him many new customers.
Perhaps the younger crowd is drawn to shelves filled only with glass bottles—there’s not an aluminum can or plastic bottle in sight. Nese believes that, because plastic leaks, modern beverage makers overcarbonate soda and as a result ruin its natural flavor and feel. In creating his collection of soft drinks, Nese has been a blessing for small manufacturers, both in the United States and overseas. When he hears about a new soda, he tracks it down—and often orders enough stock to keep the manufacturer in business for a while.
DRINK UP
In fact, Nese has actually revived five sodas, including one that used to be known as Delaware Punch (now called Pennsylvania Punch). Delaware Punch was never made in Delaware; it was invented and sold in San Antonio, Texas. But its flavor came from Delaware grapes, hence the name. Delaware Punch was a soft drink without carbonation (in the 1920s it was billed as “America’s SOFT Soft Drink”). Today, the Coca-Cola Company owns the name Delaware Punch and sells versions of it in Texas and
Louisiana. But when Nese tried to track Delaware Punch down for a customer who wanted it, he found someone who had the original recipe. Nese took the original formula (complete with real sugar instead of high-fructose corn syrup), rather than the one Coca-Cola uses, and had a small bottling company in Pennsylvania re-create it.
Although tracking down and reviving old sodas has an element of nostalgia, Nese doesn’t see his store as being a nostalgic enterprise. He believes that by offering customers a large variety of high-quality products, he’s simply serving their needs. Considering how many people from the Los Angeles area and around the country flock to Galco’s Soda-Pop Stop now, it seems that they find Nese’s approach a refreshing alternative.
FAILED SODAS

Pepsi AM (1985):
After research showed that some people drink cola instead of coffee for breakfast, Pepsi introduced this, which had more caffeine and less carbonation than regular Pepsi. Morning Pepsi drinkers continued to just drink regular Pepsi.

Orbitz (1996):
A clear, fruit-flavored soda with round bits of gelatin floating in it.

Pepsi Blue (2002):
A highly sugared “berry cola fusion”—and it was blue.

C2 and Pepsi Edge (2004):
To cash in on the low-carb diet fad, both Coke and Pepsi released sodas with half the sugar of their regular versions. Both bombed in under a year.

Mountain Dew Black (2004):
Same flavor as regular Mountain Dew—only it was black.

Coke Blak (2006):
A combination of Coca-Cola Classic . . . and ice-cold, imitation coffee.
THE MISSED MANNERS AWARD
Forgotten Etiquette
Uncle John may have forgotten which fork to use first, but he’s
certain that these customs are a little behind the times. While
many of the rules sound absolutely ridiculous now, they were
rooted in practicality, or at least in logical thought.
BOOK: Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Golden Plunger Awards
12.19Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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