Unclaimed (19 page)

“She told me I was allowed to speak to you now that you knew the truth and had for a long time.”  He went on.  Allowed?  Had he been forbidden?

“Maybe I should start and at the beginning and get to my point,” he offered with a small smile.

“Okay,” I agreed.  I was more than mildly curious as to what he had to say.

“I loved your moth
er and part of me always will.  When we met in high school I would have done anything for her.”  He smiled at something, like he was lost in a memory.  “When I hit it big I wanted to stay together and try to make things work.  We did for a while and then she cut me loose, said it was just too hard.  I wanted to take her on the road with me but she didn’t want to go.  I let her go because that’s what she wanted.  I always gave her what she wanted.  I always thought we’d get back together someday.

“I was single
, on the road, and enjoyed it.  Later when I finally returned home I sought out Dora.  And imagine my surprise when I found her with you.  I did the math.  You could have been mine.  I questioned her on it.  She admitted you were.  I was angry.  We yelled at each other and eventually I stormed off.

“I was a father and she
hadn’t even bothered to tell me.  I would have married her, taken care of her and you but she didn’t even tell me.  I had plenty of money and I still loved her.

“I went back the next
day, with a ring and proposed.  I was willing to forgive her.  I loved her.  I wanted us to be a family but she told me no.  She claimed that I didn’t have room in my life for a wife and baby.  She said there was no room in my lifestyle for the two of you.  What kind of life would that be for you?

“I was pissed.  We fought again.  I promised her I could change. 
I’d been faithful to her once and I could do it again.  I wanted to buy you guys a big house and take care of you, take you guys on the road but she refused claiming she had to do what was best for you.

“
I tried to see you a few times but you guys were never around.  I made it my goal to prove to her that I had changed, that I wanted this.  Then she showed up one night and asked me to stop, to stay away.  She didn’t want this rock-and-roll lifestyle for you and refused to let it ruin you.  I reluctantly agreed.  I’d do anything for her.  I never could tell her no.

“A few months lat
er I married Lottie.”  Lottie Peninsula was his wife.  She was a one hit wonder.  She had one song that went big then she fell off the face of the earth.  Her current claim to fame was that she was Russell Kole’s wife.

“I think I did it
to prove to your mother that I could do it.  We had Talon and Jax but I was never faithful to her.  I told myself that maybe I would have been to your mother but I wasn’t with Dora so who knows.”  He shrugged like his infidelities were no big deal.  “And Talon and Jax were always in the spotlight.  Everything they did was under the eye of the media.  And it’s effected who they have become as people.”  He shrugged again.  No big deal, just messed up my kids’ lives.

“So y
our mother was probably right.  It was for the best that I didn’t claim you.  Even my illegitimate children that I have claimed have had rough lives.  You know Skyla I noticed.”  I just nodded.  I knew Skyla there was no reason to deny it.

“
But I didn’t always stay away.  I went to everything I could.  I saw you play soccer, baseball, I went to a few of your art shows, and track meets in high school.”

“You came to
things?” I asked skeptically.  Even before I knew he was my father I would have known if Russell Kole showed up at my little league game.

“Yeah, your mother knew and
scowled at me the whole time.  I used to wear tennis shoes,” he cringed at the thought.  “And a hoodie pulled up over my head and kind of lurk in the back.”

“Like a
creepster?” I asked and he nodded with a smile.  I remembered him.  We used to laugh at the creepy guy that lurked around sometimes.  I remember my mom scowling at him.  I just figured it was because he screamed pedophile.

I didn’t know wha
t to do with this information.  My father hadn’t abandoned me like I thought.  My mother had forced him to.  She kept me a secret from him and then kept him a secret from me.  In his strange way he did what he did in an effort to protect me and he did check in on me.  I ran my fingers through my hair again.

“So look I’m not here so we can instantly bond and shit but I would l
ike to be a part of your life.  You know you have six siblings: two sisters and four brothers.  Skyla, you know, Talon, Ryder, Jax, Wulf, and Mackenzie.  Maybe you’d like to get to know them.  I don’t know.  Your mom called and said that you know so I could talk to you, so here I am, trying to take the first step.”

I nodded. 
I didn’t know what to do or say.  It was easier when I could just hate him.

“Well, here’s my number.  Please don’t give that out. 
And all the other info you’d need to contact me if you want to.  And info in case you want to just talk to your siblings.”  He stood up and shrugged.

“See
ya around kid,” he said and started to walk down the street.

“Bye,” was all I managed to get out.

I sat on the bench awhile longer.  I had no idea what to do with this.  For years I had been so angry with my father because he abandon me, letting me be the one kid he didn’t claim but it hadn’t really been his choice.  He could have fought for me but he saw some sort of wisdom in my mother’s logic.  And he hadn’t completely deserted me.  He had made an appearance from time to time, even if I didn’t know it.  Essentially it was my mother’s fault that I didn’t have a father growing up and that was hard to swallow.

My mother was doing wh
at she thought was right.  What was best by her son.  I didn’t know what was worse, living fatherless or the kind of life that I knew my siblings had.  I watched as so much of their lives had been pasted on the cover of tabloids.

I was numb to it all. 
I shoved the paper in my pocket and headed back to the shop.  I didn’t know if I’d call or not but I was going to keep the number in case.

I hadn’t called or seen my mother since I’d talk
ed to her that day in her shop.  She kept calling after I left.  I text her and told her I would be fine but I needed a little space to process everything.  I still need that space now, even more so.  I had always seen my mother as a victim, as the scorned woman when that hadn’t really been the case but I had to respect the fact that she was doing what she thought was best for me.

I finally got the distraction I’d been wanting from Pru and I wasn’t sure I still wanted it because all it had d
one was make me miss her more.  I needed her right now.  She’d listen while I talked about it without judging or only caring about the fame this could bring her.  All I wanted to do was call her and tell her what happened but I didn’t.  She didn’t need my baggage.

My life ha
d taken another dramatic turn.  I was single, missing the love of my life, my mother had lied to me for years and kept my father away, and my father wanted to be part of my life.  I had wanted that all my life and now that it was a possibility I didn’t know if it was what I truly wanted.  It didn’t seem so important any more.  My dad’s attention no longer seemed important.  The only person I was truly craving in my life was Pru and I had lost her due to my own stupidity.

Chapter 16

Prudence

My parents had summoned me.  My father’s secretary called and informed me that my presents had been requested.  Her words not mine.  I was annoyed that they just couldn’t call me themselves but I should be used to it by now.  The only time they had called me was right after Lincoln and I broke up and that was so we could discuss my future.  I was sure they wanted to make sure their mission had been successful and Lincoln and I had parted ways.  I hadn’t answered a single call.

I don’t know w
hy I still let them get to me.  Lincoln was right.  I had to start living my life for me and not them.  I had to stop letting them control me and stop fearing their reactions when I made my own choices.

He was right. 
If they couldn’t love me for me then fuck them.

As hard as it was I saw his point.

I planned to inform them of my choices today.  I was not transferring schools to be a doctor.  I did not want to be a doctor.  I already graduated college to be a teacher.  I was going to be a teacher.  I was going to stay in the general Sacramento area and I was having a baby out of wedlock with man they had run off.

They were going to flip.

I drove all the way to our family home on the outskirts of San Francisco.  I spent the entire drive preparing my speech.  I just hoped I was able to get it out without crumbling like I always did when it came to them.

When I pulled up to the house I expected to find it
vacant, maybe just my parents.  But the entire drive was packed.  There was a valet standing in front of the house, prepared to park my car but I drove strait to my spot in the garage.  They had summoned me to something.  They were hosting some sort of event and clearly needed to parade me around.  Yay.  Why had I expected anything different?

This was not the type of situation
I wanted to confront them in.  Change of plans, make a brief appearance and get out.  I could talk to them later, or maybe never.

I got o
ut and went in search of them.  The house was crowded.  There were people everywhere, some I recognized, some I didn’t.  At least I was dressed appropriately, in my loose fitting dress and heels.  The theme seemed to be causal snob.  I fit right in.

A few people stopped me to
say hello or congratulate me.  On what, I wasn’t sure because I knew my parents hadn’t told these people that I graduated from a state school.  I just thanked them and moved on.

I finally found my parents standing on the veranda, sipping
champagne, chatting with people I didn’t know.

“Oh Prudence,” my father called
with his fake smile in place.  My mother leaned in and air kissed my cheek but managed to not actually touch me.  “I was just telling Mr. Thomas about your transfer to Stanford for the fall,” my father informed me.

My temper finally took over when
everything kicked into place.  I had been summoned because this party was for me.  Somehow they had managed to get me enrolled at Stanford without my participation.  Normally I would have just made a non-committal statement but my emotions were all over the place these days thanks to the pregnancy so I just went with it.

Great.

“Actually, I’m not going to Stanford,” I informed everyone standing around my parents.  Better just get this out now, instead of playing along and delaying it.  I was no longer letting my parents control my life.  I was living for me.  For my baby.

“Excuse me?” my f
ather said as he glared at me.  His fake smile disappeared.  The vein twitching at his temple like it always did when he was on the edge of losing his temper.  We hadn’t spoken since the horrible dinner that resulted in Lincoln breaking up with me but I was sure he knew that.

“I said,” I repeated like he was aski
ng because he hadn’t heard me with my fake pleasant smile on my face.  “I’m not going to Stanford.”

“Yes you
are,” my father growled at me.  I knew I was treading on dangerous ground here.  Not only was I going against his wishes I was doing it in front of an audience.

I set the champagne I had been holding, but not drinking, on a tray of a passing waiter.

“No Father, I finished school.  I am going to be a teacher,” I explained.  When had I become so bold?  I heard a few people gasp at my outlandish announcement.

“My office now,” my f
ather barked as he glared at me.  Not only had I refused to do what he said I embarrassed him.  I wasn’t sure which crime was worse.

He turned on his heels and headed for his office, my mother followed like a good little lap dog, grabbing another g
lass of champagne on her way.  I followed as well.

Maybe I would be out of here quicker than I thought because he was going to have me kicked out.

Once we all reached his office he shut the door quietly and started to pace.

“What is this nonsense?” he asked with his
hands clasped behind his back.  My mother dropped into one the chairs and started enjoying her champagne.  It had all her focus.  She’d let my father deal with me.  I sat on the edge of the other chair.

“I don’t wa
nt to be a doctor, never have.  I’m done with school.  I want to be a teacher.  I’m good at it.  I am going to be a teacher,” I pleaded.

“A teacher,” he gasped. 
“Why on earth would you want to do something so…common?”  He was clearly disgusted with me and my chosen profession.  Hadn’t we been through this?

“I like teaching.  I’m good at it. 
I’m making a difference,” I tried to explain.  My father looked thoroughly confused.  He’d never get it.  My mother was more concerned with her drink then our issues.

“I forbid you from doing this,” he declared his voice raising.

“I’m sorry, but I am.  I’m sorry that you don’t get it.  And I’m sorry that I’m just a huge disappointment but I will never be this person you want me to be.  I will never be 5’10” or a doctor or marry a lawyer.  I’m going to be a teacher.  I’m sorry if that disappoints you.”  Forget the fact that it made me happy.

“I
forbid it.  You are moving back home so we can get you back on track before you completely destroy your life,” he hollered.  His face was bright red.  The vein was pulsing steadily now.  I briefly wondered if their guests could hear us outside of his office.  This side of my father had never been directed at me but I guess I never openly defied him in the past either.

“I’m sorry. 
No,” I said as I headed towards the door.  I said my peice.  I refused to sit here and argue about it.  We’d never see eye to eye.  It was time we all came to terms with it.

“Don’t you dare walk out of that door, young lady,” he ordered.

I reached for the door handle.  “If you would like to discuss this rationally you know where to find me or you can call me, not your secretary.  I love you both but I just can’t do this anymore.”  I took a deep breath.  I had to get this last part out.  “I’m pregnant.”  I announced to a completely silent room.  My mother dropped her now empty champagne glass on the plush carpet at her feet.  “I’m keeping the baby.”  With that I opened the door and closed it quietly behind me and headed for my car as the tears started to flow down my cheeks.  A few guest stopped to stare at me, even tried to talk to me.  I knew they just wanted some gossip but I ignored them.  I had to get out of here.

I made it to my car b
efore I really started to sob.  I did it.  I had to.  I had to start living my life for me, just like Lincoln said but now I was completely alone, no Lincoln and no parents to lean on, not that they were any support anyway.

All I had lef
t was my baby, Lincoln’s baby.  I rubbed my hand over my belly.  I had a little bump already.  It would just be the two of us.  I’d be okay with that.  I had to be.  I’d love my child like my parents never loved me.  I’d be there for him or her like mine weren’t for me. I would accept him or her for who they were no matter what.

It was late, almost midnight and I was sitting on the balcony at the apartment trying to drown my woes in a pint of ice cream and a bag of cookies.  It wasn’t working too well.  I’d even resorted to using the cookies to scoop out the ice cream.  I knew that all I was doing was eating crap that I was going to regret later but that didn’t stop me.  I just kept shoveling it in.

Maggie tried to come out and talk to me but I
told her I wanted to be alone.  I did.

I had been sit
ting out here alone for hours.  I was on my second pint of ice cream, third box of cookies.  My tears had dried up, at least for now.  The sliding door opened and then closed as someone stepped out.  I didn’t even bother to look over at who ever had joined me.  I didn’t care.  I wanted them gone.

I expected for it to be Skyla or Maggie but Jonas dropped down in the empty chair next to me.
  The chair looked like it might collapse under his weight.

“Hey,” he said quietly
as he took one of my cookies.  I resisted the urge to snatch it from his hand.

“Hey,” I said back quietly and shoveled more cookies and ice cream into my mouth.

“When’s the baby due?” he asked.  I looked over at him.  How did he know?  Had Skyla told him?  He’d been spending a lot of time with her lately.  I thought about lying for a moment and claiming I wasn’t pregnant but what was the point.

“Who told you?” I asked.

“No one.  I recognize the signs and you’re getting a little belly there,” he said motioning to my stomach.

I just shrugged.  “December.” 
Apparently everyone knew but Lincoln.  Or maybe he did and didn’t care.  That was a depressing thought.  Jonas just nodded and we sat in silence while he ate a few more of my cookies.

“You still c
alling him?” he finally asked.  I didn’t need him to clarify the him he was referring too.

“Yep,” was all I
said.  I didn’t want to talk about this right now, especially with Lincoln’s best friend.

“Good.”

“He’s still not answering though so I don’t know why I bother,” I snapped.

“Give him time. 
He’ll come around.”

“When before the baby’s born, in two years, within the
next 18 sometime,” I snapped.  I was suddenly pissed, not at Jonas exactly but at Lincoln and everyone for trying to comfort me and convince me he’d come around and this would all work out.  Things did not always work out.

Why did Lincoln deserve time? 
Why should I have to deal with this on my own because he needed time to deal with his shit?  He dumped me because my parents were mean to him.  Oh poor Lincoln.  His daddy didn’t love him enough.

Jonas sighed.  “Look. 
He’s got a lot on his plate right now,” he said as he held his hands up like I was about to attack him.  I might if he touched another one of my cookies.

“Yeah, me too,” I snapped.

Jonas rubbed his forehead.  “I know,” he said.  We were both quiet for a moment.  “Look I just wanted to check in on you.  He’s my best friend and he wouldn’t want you to be going through this alone.  This is hard on him too.”

“Then maybe he should answer his damn phone.”

“Yeah.  Well, if you need anything call me,” Jonas said as he stood up and started to walk back inside.  “I’m sorry he’s being such an ass.”  I didn’t bother to look at him as he left.

“Me too,” I said more t
o myself than him.

I was sick
of trying to be understanding.  My parents had been hard on Lincoln.  So what?  They were equally awful to me.  They had been for my entire life.  His dad didn’t talk to him.  So what?  Why was that an excuse for everything?  Oh poor Lincoln wasn’t good enough for his own father.  He had a wonderful and supportive mother at least.  That was more than I had.

Well he was about to have the same relationship with his child because he was too stupid to answer a phone.

I was out of sympathy for him.  I was done understanding.  He had no one to blame but himself.  I’d keep calling daily but not for him, for my baby but I refused to do anything more.  I didn’t need him or my parents.  I’d do this on my own.

Lincoln

I was moping again, well still.  Apparently, I was excellent at it.  It had been nearly two months and I was yet to move on from Pru.  I couldn’t stop thinking about her.  I was so alone without her, so lost.  No other woman appealed to me.  I didn’t go out.  I didn’t even try.  Guy and a few of the other guys tried to drag me out thinking that if I got laid I could move on.  I didn’t want to get laid.  I didn’t want to go out so I didn’t.  I stayed home and worked.

I was attempting to keep myself busy, distra
cted.  I worked in the shop, went to every tattoo show possible.  I threw myself into my work but nothing seemed to matter.  Everything I did reminded me of Pru.  I’d be working on a tattoo and all I could think of was what would Pru think of this piece?  Would she like it?  Would she think it was ridiculous?  How would it look on her body?