Uncertainty (32 page)

The class was assigned a lab to learn the difference between heat and temperature. Madison and I shared a styrofoam cup, and I was weighing out 2 grams of sodium hydrogen carbonate, following the worksheet Golem had passed out. Madison never got her hands dirty, so it fell to me to handle the chemicals in our labs.

Madison cleared her throat suddenly. It was such an obviously fake sound that I looked at her through my safety glasses. Her own made her eyes looked balloon-like.

"I don't understand Lainey anymore," she said glumly.

"Uh, I'm sorry?" I put down the chemicals in my hands, not wanting to burn myself.

"She's changing. Ever since her parents got involved in Thornhill, it's like I'm not good enough for her anymore." She sniffled, and I felt ready to mock her, but I could see real tears blooming behind the safety glasses.

I didn't have any idea why she felt like spilling her guts to me. I had the stark thought that maybe she really didn't have anyone else to talk to. Lainey and Madison had always been as tight and me and Jenna.

"Aren't your parents part of Thornhill?"

Madison shook her head, poking her fingers beneath the plastic to wipe her eyes. Her mascara smeared into a black blur, making it look like someone had punched her.

"No. They're completely against it, actually. It's not as if we don't have enough money —"

God forbid I think it was that.

"— Mom and daddy said that they don't agree with Thornhill's principles. Whatever that means."

Peering into the inner workings of their clique was like observing an ant farm. I didn't know if I'd ever get another opportunity, or want one.

I finished measuring the sodium hydrogen carbonate just to get it out of the way. I put it in the styrofoam cup, stirring it around with perhaps too much vigor.

"So is Lainey going to kill me?" I asked casually. She still hadn't retaliated for the embarrassment at her party, or for me accusing her. I had thought I'd seen the depth of what she was capable of before, when she assaulted me in Gym. But with everything involving Jenna, I realized I didn't know how far she would go.

"No. She just hates you," Madison said matter-of-factly. "But she's back to making goo goo eyes at Ambrose, so I think you're safe."

"That's good to know."

We both recorded the temperature change in the cup. Madison regarded me after a moment.

"I'm sorry for...making you feel bad. Like, the whole time we've known each other."

I was completely thrown off guard. My right eyebrow felt strained from popping up so high. "Oh?"

"Yeah. It's not a good feeling. And I'm sorry about your friend." It seemed genuine. "I mean, don't tell anyone I
said
I'm sorry, but just
know
I'm sorry." Well, maybe.

I wanted to laugh at the weirdness of the conversation. "Ok. Thanks."

"You know, I'm surprised that Lainey wouldn't have given up on Ambrose," Madison said after the lab was finished and we had given back our equipment. We were sitting around waiting for the bell to ring. The fact that we were now apparently lab buddies was very odd.

"Why is that? She's been crushing on him forever," I said.

"Yeah. But when Jenna was coming around, he only had eyes for her. I don't think he's gotten over her death."

CHAPTER 27

"AMBROSE ISN'T THAT
bad," Jenna said.

I had confronted her the instant I got home. Madison's words had been ringing in my ears the entire drive there. She'd never said a word about a relationship with Ambrose. So much for not lying to me about the important stuff.

"Why didn't you tell me you were dating?" I asked. All of a sudden, it was like being in freshman year again. With the Jenna who was pulling away from me, not telling me where she was going. The one I felt self-conscious and stupid around.

"We aren't dating. We've never dated!" Jenna shouted. I almost told her to keep her voice down, then realized that no one else could hear her.

"Madison certainly hinted that way," I said defensively.

"Madison has no idea what she's talking about. She's too busy texting 24/7. And when did you and her ever talk all buddy-buddy?"

"She's in one of my classes. It's not important. Did you and Ambrose have a thing?"

She sighed, uncrossing her arms, although she still seemed to be seething with anger. Whether it was towards me or Madison, or both of us, I didn't know.

"He and I were flirting, that's all. You know how gorgeous he is, how could I resist him?"

"Um, because he's a bully? And a jerk?"

"He's just like that because he's never been shown how else to behave," Jenna said. "He liked me." The fact that she was defending the same boy that dumped a bottle of urine on her head on the school bus in fifth grade sickened me. "He has a different side."

"Please do not lecture me on the softer side of Ambrose Slaughter," I said. I could see now how boys like Alex, boys I would have written off, could have a different personality than the one they projected to the world. But Ambrose was heartless.

"Don't lecture me on who I can and can't be interested in!" Jenna barked. "I'll date whoever I want to date. I don't tell you who you can go out with. Oh, wait, that's right: nobody is interested in you."

It was a low blow, and she knew it. It opened up every single doubt I had about myself when it came to boys, the fact that I used to cry into my pillow that no one had ever asked me out, the fact that I held the sure belief that I'd die without being kissed when I was fourteen.

Despite everything that had happened between me and Henry, it still hurt. Or maybe it hurt more, because that's what I'd told myself when he'd picked up with Lainey — nobody would be interested in me.

"Ariel —"

I turned my back to her. I didn't want her to see me cry and make fun of that, too.

"How about you just leave me alone," I whispered bitterly.

Jenna scoffed. Always as stubborn about her pride as she had been about her hair. "Fine. You won't be seeing me for a while."

"That's —"

Someone knocked on my bedroom door, startling me. Claire opened it without waiting for an answer, poking her head in.

"Are you talking to yourself down here?" she asked, worried. She scanned the room, as if I was hiding someone. Which of course, in a way I was.

"No, Claire," I said. I was shaken that she had barged in. "I was just on the phone."

She took in the phone, sitting untouched on my desk. But to my relief, she didn't push the issue further.

"I'm just letting you know dinner is ready. I tried calling for you a bunch, but you didn't answer."

"I'll be up in a minute," I assured her. She lingered for a moment, then shut the door.

When I looked back, Jenna was gone.

That weekend was Halloween, as well as the dance. I contented myself with staying home. I figured that Alex would be taking Theo. Instead, I was surprised to learn that Theo was going out of town. She told me at lunch.

"Mom's been wanting to go back to the old neighborhood forever," Theo explained. "And neither Alex nor I felt like going to the dance this year. It was fun last time, but there's been too much drama lately."

I nodded, casting a glance to the popular's table. Henry was sitting on the end, bored, picking at his food. Lainey was running her mouth about something, pulling the rapt attention of everyone else. I watched her smile at Ambrose, and then her face fell when he stood up and dumped his tray in the trash. He swiftly exited the commons by himself.

"And I miss Chicago," Theo said. "I miss the traffic and the noise and the stores, having to get into smelly cabs, all the big buildings."

"That's understandable. I'll miss you, though. When will you be back?"

"Next Tuesday," she said. "We're driving overnight, because she didn't want to spring for plane tickets. Plus we both hate flying, I use up every airsickness bag when I fly."

"Just promise me you won't end up staying there," I said.

"Promise," she said, and winked at me.

I was sitting on the couch the next evening. I had all of my equipment ready to get myself through the dateless night — popcorn and a couple of rented B-horror movies. Claire had seemed sad when I told her I wasn't going to the dance, but I didn't know what she expected. She still had a framed photo of Henry, Theo, Alex and I from last year's dance on the hutch of her desk.

"We're settling in for the night," Hugh said, kissing me on my forehead.

"I'll see you in the morning," I said, watching a guy get his forehead ripped off in the movie and snarfing on popcorn.

"Ick. How can you watch this trash?" Claire asked, shuddering in disgust as a geiser of red food coloring spurted from his barren neck.

"It's educational trash," I said sardonically. "For instance, I've learned that with proper force, fake blood can travel almost as fast as real blood."

Claire rolled her eyes and blew me a kiss. I heard them tread upstairs to their room.

An hour later, my popcorn bowl was empty. I was contemplating popping another bag, but my eyelids were getting heavy. I thought of how far along the dance would be now. It was 11:30, so it would probably be close to winding down.

The doorbell rang. I instantly shut off the TV, looking towards the door. Who would be here this late at night? I crept over to the door, and peered out the peephole. My heart racing, I expected to see Warwick staring back at me.

Instead, it was Madison, her oval head looking like a balloon in the bubbling effect of the peephole. She was crying.

I heard my parents rushing down the stairs, but I didn't wait. I wrenched the door open.

"What in the world are
you
doing here?" I asked.

"Ambrose is dead," she said, sniffling loudly. "Somebody killed him. I didn't know where else to go."

Her hair was a mess of golden blonde tangles. Blood had soaked the bottom hem of her yellow dress. I thought, in shocked amusement, how fake it looked.

CHAPTER 28

"OKAY, START OVER
again from the beginning," Hugh said patiently. He had his hand over Madison's, as she struggled through her tears to tell her story. The two of them and Claire were sitting at the table. I was standing against the wall, unable to sit still.

I wondered if she thought our house was a shoebox, or was cringing inside that half the furniture came from Ikea instead of Ethan Allen. But I knew I was being immature. From the looks of things, Madison was thinking about much less than usual, and that was saying something.

She gathered herself, sniffling. "We decided to go as a group date. Me, Ambrose, Lainey and a few of our friends. We were having a pretty decent time. It seemed like they kept playing my favorite songs. I was dancing with these senior boys, and they kept saying how pretty I looked..."

"Stick to the subject, honey," Hugh said gently. It seemed twisted that he was comforting someone who used to make me cry on a daily basis in grade school. But with her makeup running in rivulets down her cheeks, and her childish posture, I almost wanted to give her a hug. Almost.

"Anyway, my group kind of split up on the dance floor. And then Lainey just ran up to me out of nowhere; she basically knocked me over. She was screaming and shouting."

She had to pause here to collect herself again.

"And she said that Ambrose was d-dead. I didn't even understand the words coming out of her mouth, so I took her hand and we ran out of the gym. I don't think anyone even noticed something was wrong at this point."

I kept thinking it was so weird, because last year —" she looked at me then for corroboration — "Ariel, remember? At the dance, the little girl went missing?"

Of course I remembered. But I just nodded, since she probably didn't realize my side of the story.

"She took me out to the front, and there he was, right by that stupid ugly fountain." Her tears started up again, and her voice was so choppy that I struggled to understand her. "At first, I thought it was a trick. Like he had broken a can of tomato soup and laid down in it. I wouldn't put it past the guy. Then I saw his t-t-throat."

She dissolved into a mess of tears, sobbing into the chiffon ruffles of her skirt. The blood had dried to an ugly brown. I'd offered her pants, although I was sure I wore a few sizes bigger. But she had declined.

Hugh completed the rest for her, courtesy of what she'd told us earlier. "His throat had been slashed. He was dead when you got there. And Lainey said she'd just gone out to find him, that she hadn't seen him in a while."

Madison nodded to all of it. "And then Lainey and I knelt down to get a better look, and that's why I got blood on me."

Her knees had little grotesque circles of blood on them, too.

"Why did you come here?" I asked then.