Unbridled (28 page)

Claire was too distracted telling Daniel about how irresponsible he’d been, how worried she’d been, and how glad she was to have him safe. If she hadn’t been so focused on the boy, she might have noticed Connor tripped four times, let the door slam in his face and walked through a pile of horse shit.

Oh yeah, he was in serious trouble, and her name was Alex Katherine Finley.

He felt like a heel leaving her alone in the hay stall. She’d looked as shocked as he felt. Alex also looked completely amazing, wonderful, and he had to stop himself from throwing her over his shoulder and carrying her off to his cabin.

It wasn’t even four in the afternoon—he needed to do work that day other than worry and search. There was a stack of paperwork waiting for him, and he had to check all of Alex’s accounting work from the previous week. Either that or he could simply let it go and trust she knew what she was doing.

Connor grabbed a soda on the way back to his office, fielding questions from curious employees. Everyone was glad to hear Daniel was safe, tutted about how little boys could cause such worry, and congratulated Connor on successfully finding him.

He didn’t tell the truth—that the boy had been out for a ride with his big sister for the first time in his life. That the happiness on Daniel’s face had been nearly blinding when they rode down the hill toward him. Connor had known the boy all his life, and he’d never seen such joy before. Something had happened between them out in the woods.

Connor wanted to yell at both of them for causing such strain, but he didn’t. It was because of the joy, of the knowledge that whatever happened had changed their relationship. It was a stunning event, considering Connor expected Alex to fight her connection to Daniel for a very long time.

Yet apparently all they needed was a long ride in the woods and a treasure hunt. He would ask the two of them what exactly they were searching for later on. For now, Connor went back to his office and buried himself in getting the paperwork done.

He planned on locating Alex later and finishing what they’d started. Facing her after telling her of his love was nothing short of daunting. Yet he wouldn’t dream of missing it for the world.

His future depended on it.

Alex filled the tub with bubbles and deliciously hot water. After her dunking in the stream, or at least partial dunking, the warmth of the tub was heavenly.

As she slid down into the water, her inner thighs stung a bit and she remembered exactly why. The sex in the barn with Connor had been intense, more so than anything else in her life. She closed her eyes and shivered at the memory even in the heat of the bath.

Connor was everything she didn’t think she wanted in a man. He was bossy, opinionated and, worst of all, a cowboy. She’d run from all of that ten years ago; now she was back and found herself deeply involved with a man she barely knew.

Alex was exhausted from the ride, the emotion, the sex. She closed her eyes and lost herself in the pleasure of a bubble bath.

She didn’t know if it was ten minutes or forty, but she woke suddenly, wrinkled and in lukewarm water. With aches and pains that were too much for a twenty-six-year-old body, she got herself up out of the water and wrapped herself in a warm, fluffy towel.

The sun was low on the horizon, which meant it was nearly the end of the day. She felt disoriented and tired, likely aftereffects of the injuries from the week before, the physical strain of the weekend, followed by the long ride and incredible sex.

Alex padded to the kitchen to make coffee and stopped in her tracks when she found Connor sitting at the table. Torn between anger and frustration at his behavior, she frowned at him.

“I told you not to come in here uninvited.”

“I was born in Bakersfield, California. My mother was a waitress, my dad an auto-body guy. I had four older brothers and two dogs. We were a blue-collar family from a bad neighborhood.” He sounded contemplative, even sad. “What the world didn’t know was that my father was a thief, a man who ran a chop shop out of his garage.”

Alex sat down at the table, her surprise and annoyance overshadowed by her own curiosity over Connor’s story. “I didn’t know you were from California.”

A ghost of a smile flitted across his face. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.”

“Make me coffee and I’m ready to listen.” She pushed aside any lingering tiredness as she watched him quickly make her a cup of steaming brew, then add just the right amount of cream.

That he knew exactly how she liked her coffee should have worried her. It didn’t.

“Did your dad get caught?”

“My brothers had learned the business from him. They were a regular crime family, boosting cars and drinking, picking up women. Since I was the youngest, they held off on initiating me into the business until I was thirteen. To them, that was the golden age for learning the trade.” His laugh was nowhere near humorous. “By fourteen, I could break into a car in thirteen seconds flat. I was quick and small, and that meant I could hide easily in tight spots. On my fifteenth birthday, my brothers crashed a society ball parking lot, manned by valets, to try to get me a Porsche.”

She heard his voice tighten, winding up like a spring. Something terrible had marred that birthday, something that had changed the course of his life.

“What happened?”

He looked out the window, his gaze faraway and full of memories. “The valets were armed. Two of my brothers were killed point-blank, the other two wounded so badly that one of them died on the operating table. The other lost his sight in one eye and his right arm.”

Alex gasped and took his cold hand in her own. “Did you see it happen?”

“Oh yeah, I had a front-row seat underneath the blue Porsche that was to be mine. My father came barreling in like a lunatic and they beat him until he lost consciousness. He was tried and convicted, sent to prison in Chino. My mother wept for weeks, barely leaving her bed to even eat.” He swallowed hard enough that she actually heard it. “I was the only one left, the baby boy who had nothing that wasn’t given to him by his brothers and father.”

Alex took a sip of her coffee and tried to come up with the right words to express herself. She understood pain, all too well. He was obviously telling her a story he thought she needed to hear, perhaps to understand just who he was.

“My father was killed in prison during a gang fight, my oldest brother ended up in rehab depressed and suicidal, and my mother, well, she just kind of drifted away until her body caught up with her mind. Then I had no one left but myself.”

“How old were you?”

“Sixteen.”

She’d known there was a connection there, something that bonded them together even though they were so different. Both of them had lost their families at sixteen, had set off on their own in the cruel world to fend for themselves.

Her heart ached for the childhood Connor never had. At least the first fifteen years of her life had been idyllic compared to Connor’s. It sounded like he loved his family, even if they were a bunch of criminals who’d paid the ultimate price for their crimes. Connor had to live with what they’d left behind, and fight against the awful memories.

“How did you end up in Wyoming?”

He shook his head. “I hitched my way out of Bakersfield, out of California, with twenty bucks and a huge chip on my shoulder for company. I spent two years hustling people out of money, trying not to sell myself unless I was desperate. Just surviving.”

Alex felt tears spring to her eyes. “Oh, Connor.”

“It’s okay. You probably did the same thing. Maybe we even passed each other along the way.” He shrugged one shoulder. “I had been put in foster homes, escaped, was arrested, over and over again. I stole your dad’s wallet, you know. At the county fair, but by then I was eighteen and could have served real time for my crimes. He dragged me in front of a judge and asked to take responsibility for my sorry ass.”

Connor kissed the back of her hand. “He might have been a shitty father to you, but he saved my life. I came to Finley’s and spent years working off my rage, my self-pity and my piss-poor past. I wanted you to know just how much this ranch means to me.”

Alex nodded. “I think I understand. I had help from someone who saved my life too.”

“Then you do understand. I wouldn’t be who I am if it weren’t for Grant. The judge was going to put me in for hard time. It was only because Grant put his own ass on the line for me that I didn’t go to prison.” He finally met her gaze. “I still don’t know why he did it, but I’ll spend the rest of my life being grateful for it. I love this place, Alex, and everything about it.”

“Thanks for telling me. I, uh, think I owe you an apology. A big one.” She tried to clear the tightness in her throat with a gulp of coffee. “I didn’t know about you and my father. I understand why you want to keep this ranch going and what it means to you. But you have to understand what it means to
me
. I’ve told you my father left my mother when she was dying. This place held the ghosts of my family. The pieces left behind when my mother died and my father ran.”

Connor frowned. “Tell me.”

Alex didn’t intend on reliving the most excruciating moment in her life, but now that the door was open, the flood started. She needed to tell someone, to unburden herself of the enormous weight she’d carried for so long.

“My mother was dying of breast cancer. They didn’t even catch it until it was at stage three, and within a month, it was already at stage four. It had metastasized throughout her organs, and all we could do was make her comfortable and watch her die.” Alex’s mouth went dry and her heart still beat, although it was so painful, her breath came in tiny gulps.

Connor seemed to sense she was struggling and he took her hands in his. The warmth of him helped a little but not much.

“You can tell me.”

She let out a shaky sigh. “She wasted away to nothing, barely seventy-five pounds. Bernice could hardly be around her, my father had left a month before, and my mother was in agony. She cried for God to take her. I barely slept. It was like living in a hell I couldn’t escape.” The black, sick feeling crept through her, leaving bile in her mouth. She managed to take a sip of coffee.

“It’s okay, baby; you don’t have to go on.”

“Yes, I do. Please. I need to get this out.” She ignored the nausea and told herself she had to finish. She
had
to.

“Okay, then let’s get comfortable.”

Connor picked her up and carried her to the chaise lounge. He lay down and snuggled her into the crook of his arm. His warmth surrounded her, made her feel safe and secure. She breathed in his scent and felt stronger.

“I knew she wouldn’t last more than a week or two, but every day felt like a hundred. I was only sixteen, still a kid, with a dying mother and an absent father.” She closed her eyes, but the tears still slipped out from beneath her lids. “She begged me, Connor,
begged
me to give her the bottle of morphine and leave. I refused her every time she asked, but then one night when I’d had no sleep in three days and she’d been crying for the last twelve hours, I—I snapped.”

“What do you mean, you snapped?” He sounded concerned, not judgmental, thank God.

“I gave her the bottle, knowing she was going to take all of them. I gave her the means to kill herself, Connor.
I killed my mother
.”

He held her while her body shook, her tears flowed and she grieved for the loss of her innocence, of her idyllic existence, of her family. Her guilt over her actions had festered within her, poisoning her soul bit by bit.

“You didn’t kill her, Alex. She wanted to end it, not just for herself but for you. I’m sure she saw how you were suffering, how all of it was slowly sapping the life from you.” He stroked her head. “I think she loved you enough to save you, to give you the peace of knowing she was no longer in pain.”

It was what Alex needed to hear, to help lift the guilt that had nearly destroyed her. She held on to him, this man who had become a part of her life, the owner of her heart, the other half of her soul.

Alex slept in his arms, both of them relieved of their burdens, safe and loved. Together.

 

 

The snick of a light switch woke him. Connor squinted through the soft light to see Alex dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, her hair in a ponytail.

“Hey, there.” She sipped at a bottle of water. “I’m thinking you haven’t slept well lately.”

“What makes you say that?” Perversely, he asked even though it was the absolute truth.

“Bags under your eyes, the fact that you snored loud enough to shake loose a couple of bats, and I’ve been making enough noise to wake the neighbors in Idaho but you didn’t stir.” She sat down and handed him a bottle of water.

Connor was surprised he’d slept, truthfully. He had meant to comfort Alex and in turn be comforted by her. They’d shared the darkest parts of themselves and cemented the bond between them. Then he’d fallen asleep so deeply she could hardly wake him.