Unbreakable (29 page)

Suddenly, Jacie's hand covered Nina's and she pushed Nina's fingers inside her. Whimpering, her eyes rolled back in her head. "Yes," she hissed.

"Like this?" Nina increased the speed of her strokes, and Jacie could only nod furiously. Nina didn't have time to be worried that she couldn't satisfy her lover. It only took a few strokes for Jacie to climax, eyes wide open, mouth parted, chest heaving.

The moment was a profound one for Nina, and unexpected tears stung her eyes. She'd never seen, let alone been a part of, something so stunningly beautiful. "Thank you," she whispered, hugging Jacie tightly, possessively, as if daring anyone to take away what she cherished most.

Jacie smiled like a Cheshire cat, contented and satisfied. "I think I should be thanking you."

They laid plastered together for a long time with Jacie tracing idle patterns on Nina's thigh. A tiny part of Jacie's mind was worried that she'd shared too much of herself, opened herself for too much hurt. And yet, with Nina so close, it was impossible to feel anything but confident about the future.

Nina realized how much time had passed when she saw Jacie yawn. She grinned affectionately at Jacie's veiled attempt to fight sleep. Still, while her body felt sluggish and sated, her mind was racing. "Jace?" she started uncertainly.

"Yeah?" Jacie tugged up the tangled comforter and settled it over them both as she closed her eyes and snuggled closer to Nina. She took one of Nina's hands and twined their fingers together.

Nina had never felt so wonderful and so terrified in her entire life. The realization of what they'd shared tonight, what they'd always shared, and the inescapable truth about herself was already beginning to seep into her thoughts. What did this mean for her? Was she a lesbian? How could she not be? That she loved Jacie and wanted to be with her, there was no doubt, but did she want everything that went with loving a woman? Did she have a choice? She didn't even know any lesbians… well, except for Jacie. Or was Jacie as confused as she was?

"Mmm… Did you say somethin'?" Jacie's voice was slightly slurred.

She swallowed hard and pushed the fear from her mind. Nothing could hurt her while she was in Jacie's arms, the rest she would worry about tomorrow. "Nothing, Jacie." She kissed her on the mouth, lingering there and happily melting into Jacie's warm embrace. "Good night."

Jacie smiled into the darkness, her heart bursting. Life, she decided, couldn't get any better than this. "Good night."

Jacie fell asleep quickly.

But for Nina, sleep wasn't so easy to find.

*  *  *

The Next Morning….

A very pregnant Gwen stood outside the girls' house, the early morning sun warming her skin and easing the chill left by the spring breeze. She lifted her hand to knock, then thought better of it. It was only half past six, and depending on who had to work, one or more of her friends would still be in bed.

She slid the key she'd kept into the lock and carefully opened the door. Gwen tried to scoot inside quickly, but her belly prevented her from sneaking around the partially opened door. She rolled her eyes at herself, grunting a little as she unstuck herself from between the door and the frame and padded inside.

The house was dark and quiet, and she frowned, knowing she'd probably be waiting a while before anyone was up. She hadn't seen Katy's car out front, but that wasn't unusual, and most likely there was someone still tucked in bed that she could talk into treating to a breakfast.

She glanced around the kitchen with a sense of nostalgia that surprised her. While Malcolm was everything she'd hoped for, kind and loving, living in the Langtree family home left a lot to be desired. It was a beautiful mansion in one of the city's most respected neighborhoods, but sometimes it felt like a prison. Gwen had dropped out of college and was busy memorizing the endless do's and don'ts of what it took to be a member of a prestigious family. She'd already been introduced to the mayor's wife, she was wearing designer clothes, and her new coif, though woefully out of style for her age group, was at least done at the most exclusive beauty parlor in the city. The scent of old money was all around her. But for some reason, it wasn't quite sticking to her. At least not yet.

The kitchen countertop had several cans haphazardly scattered across it. "Weird." She placed them back in the cupboard, guessing their owner based on the contents and whether they were a generic brand, which Jacie tended to avoid as a matter of taste, but Nina and the cousins embraced. Next, Gwen added grounds and water to the coffee maker on the counter, enjoying the pungent scent of the beans with unconcealed excitement. While she had continued to speak to the young women of the Mayflower Club on the phone, this was the first time she'd been back to their house in nearly two months. Her face colored with shame when it occurred to her that she hadn't invited any of the girls to her new home.

Pulling the chair out a ridiculous distance from the table, she sat down with a sigh. Malcolm's mother, whom Gwen suspected had trained Nazis on discipline in her youth, had done her best to impress on her that she needed to make new friends, the sort that were befitting of someone of her new stature– family people, not single, middle-class, college students without connections or clout. Just thinking about it left a sour taste in her mouth. It was the reason she was here so early. She could visit and be home before anyone noticed she was gone. The Langtree estate, except for a few longtime servants, was dead until at least 9 a.m., and this way she could avoid the reproachful looks she was sure to receive when asked where she'd gone.

Then she thought of the surprise she had in store for Nina that very night, and a broad smile transformed her slightly puffy face. The history major had agreed to meet her and Malcolm for dinner at a posh restaurant downtown. Moreover, the night promised to be one that could change both their lives. Mrs. Langtree would see that there was no reason Gwen couldn't bring her friends with her into a better life, instead of leaving them by the wayside.

The water stopped draining through the beans and Gwen looked at the pot longingly, willing it to magically fly off the counter and land directly in front of her. As if in answer, the coffee maker belched at Gwen. "Fine," she groused, getting up.

Then she heard it. A creaking door and whispers.

"Someone's up!" she thrilled, temporarily forgetting about the coffee. She crept to the swinging doors that separated the living room from the kitchen and was surprised to see Jacie standing in Nina's doorway, disheveled and clearly angry. Nina was in her nightshirt and Jacie was wearing her work uniform. Not wanting to interrupt, she peeked over the swinging bar doors, waiting until whatever argument they were having was over.

"Dammit, Jacie, why are you making this into a fight?" Nina asked, her voice quivering.

Jacie's back stiffened. "It
is
a fight. You kicked me out of your bed!"

Gwen's mouth dropped open.

"Keep your voice down, " Nina whispered harshly. "I didn't kick you out of anywhere. Not really. It's just that Audrey could wake up at any time. And she'll wonder where you are. Or Katy could come home. I can't lock her out of her own room."

"Would it be so horrible if they knew about us?" Jacie sighed, suddenly sounding weary. "I'm so tired of hiding this part of myself," she reached out and grazed Nina's cheek with the tips of her fingers, "from my friends." She paused and licked her lips, tension making her head pound. "The only reason I've hidden it at all was because I was worried about how you'd react. The others will learn to live with it."

Wide eyed, Gwen leaned forward a little, riveted on the scene playing out only a few feet from her, even as she felt a twinge of guilt for eavesdropping.

"You make this sound like it isn't that big a deal." Nina sniffed. "But it is a big deal. Really, really big." She couldn't look Jacie in the eye, and she wrapped her arms around herself.

Jacie swallowed so thickly that Gwen heard it. "How can you say I don't think this is a big deal? I told you that I loved you! Do you think that was easy?"

"I don't know what to think!" Nina exploded, doing her best to keep the volume of her voice down, but failing. "I don't know what to feel. I don't think I'm gay. I'm not attracted to anyone but you. Not men or women." She ran a hand through her disorderly hair. "I'm unsure of myself right now. I need a little time to think without your pressuring me is all."

Stung, Jacie said, "You didn't seem very unsure of yourself last night."

"Do we have to do this here?" Worried eyes glanced around the room, and then Nina reached out for Jacie's hand. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings this morning, Jacie. I overreacted." She wiggled the fingers of her outstretched hand invitingly. "Come back to bed and let's talk."

"But then somebody might find out about us," Jacie sneered, refusing to take Nina's hand.

Gwen bit her lower lip so hard she tasted blood.

Nina's hands shaped into fists. "You are so stubborn!" She covered her face with her hands, and her voice dropped to a whisper. "I want to be with you, Jacie. But I'm afraid."

The words had a profound effect on Jacie, and she felt a lump grow in her throat. She'd had years to deal with her attraction to women… her attraction to Nina. She'd dreamed of having her as a lover. Of making a life with her. This wasn't the way things were supposed to go! Last night had changed her whole life, and they were supposed to wake up happily in each other's arms. Nina wasn't supposed to have doubts about her sexuality. She was supposed to profess her undying love, and then they would fight the world and its prejudice together, needing only the other's approval. They would get their own apartment, finish school, get good jobs, and be a real couple. They would travel, and unlike her own parents, they would share each other's interests and want to spend time together. Hell, maybe they'd even get a dog.

But when faced with eyes dilated from fear, not arousal, Jacie felt more than foolish. Her dream was childish and unrealistic, and she knew it. Still, it was hers.

She schooled herself in patience; fearing that Nina might decide she didn't want to continue their relationship was making her queasy. All traces of anger disappeared from Jacie's face. "It'll be okay." She stepped forward to try and pull Nina into her arms. Though, to her dismay, Nina stopped her.

"Not here, Jacie." Her eyes strayed to the front door. "Come back into the room."

Rejected again, Jacie said, "I was going to give you a hug, Nina. I've done it a million times in front of everyone we know. Even lesbians can give hugs that aren't sexual!"

Nina winced inwardly. "I'm sorry." She started to cry. "I don't want to h-hurt you. I lov–"

"Save it," Jacie snapped, her hurt and frustration getting the best of her. "Please," she paused and let out a shaky breath. "We can talk after you've had time to think with me out of your hair. My very presence seems to pressure you. And if I'm not too close then maybe you'll forget how horribly wrong it was for us to sleep together."

Nina lifted her chin. "It wasn't wrong," she insisted, her voice suddenly frantic. "I never said that. I-I–" Helplessly, she started to cry again.

Jacie felt her own tears prick the back of her eyes. "You didn't have to." Devastated, she stomped across the small living room and disappeared into her bedroom, her shoes clutched to her chest.

Nina's sobs intensified, and she retreated to her room, locking the door behind her.

Gwen thought she might wet herself. Numbly, she walked back to the table and sat down with a thump, feeling irrationally betrayed. "How could they do something so stupid? How could Jacie keep that secret from us?" she murmured. "I had a right to know I was living with a lesbian. I should have had a right to choose whether I wanted to do that!"

Suddenly, she looked around the room, realizing that she was talking to herself. How could she have been fooled? Then she closed her eyes as a million shared glances between Nina and Jacie came into focus. "No." She shook her head frantically. A sliver of fear worked its way into her chest. If her mother-in-law ever found out about them, let alone her own parents or even Malcolm, she could never see them again. The Langtrees didn't associate with gay people. They didn't even talk to Democrats!

She could already feel the friendship she'd been fighting to maintain start to slip through her hands. How could Jacie and Nina have done something so reckless? How could they expect to find husbands who would marry them now?

"Okay, slow down," she told herself. "This isn't who they are." They dated boys. They kissed boys. They liked boys. She'd personally seen Greg Parson's tongue halfway down Nina's throat last summer! Even though Jacie hadn't had a boyfriend in the last couple of years, she'd been the first among them to date. They couldn't be gay.

Nina had come out and said she wasn't, hadn't she? Jacie, she was confused is all. Her parents had a horrible, lifeless marriage. Maybe she didn't know a man and a woman could truly be happy together, the way she and Malcolm were. Yes, that had to be it. Jacie's confusion was bleeding over onto Nina. After all, they were best friends. It was bound to affect them both.

Desperately, Gwen's mind latched onto that train of thought. She couldn't lose them as friends, and she wouldn't abandon them when they needed her.

Now the only question was, what could she do?

*  *  *

It was mid-afternoon when Jacie finally emerged from her bedroom to find Katy and Audrey sitting on the couch, eating Lucky Charms dry out of the box and watching "Wheel of Fortune." Both were barefooted and wearing T-shirts and ratty jeans– their weekend lounging clothes.

Jacie was tired and depressed and flopped down on the couch between Audrey and Katy, who both scooted over a little to make room, their gazes still riveted on the TV screen. In the process, she knocked over the half-eaten box of cereal.

Unconcerned, Katy began eating the cereal directly off the sofa. "George Washington!" she shouted, dry bits of cereal exploding from her mouth as she pointed at the television excitedly.