Unbearable (31 page)

“Have fun,” Mags said. “I love you,” she added to Seth as he turned and winked at her.

“Wait for me.” Cole charged down the stairs. For once he didn’t stumble.

With a heavy heart, I walked out to Seth’s car, lost in thought.

***

I spent the weekend fighting with myself. One minute I planned on begging Tess to forgive me, the next I fought nightmares. We all spent the day at Seth’s Sunday—well, minus Tess. Being around Seth and Cole and their wives was like pouring acid on an open wound. The stolen lover’s glances, the hand holding, watching Seth rub Magpie’s aching legs made me miss Tess and what we could have if I’d just stop carrying the past with me everywhere I went.

By Monday I decided to take Seth and Mags advice and beg Tess for forgiveness. Knowing she was getting on the plane in the morning and I’d probably never see her again terrified me almost more than the thought of Garen getting out of prison and coming after her.

I got to my office, completely forgetting that I’d ordered a new elevator and lift system to be installed. Four times the creaky old thing had gotten stuck between floors last week. It was time to update it, though I’d miss its old charm.

Knowing that it was being replaced seemed to instill a sense of nostalgia in everyone and they all wanted to ride the antique thing one last time. I’d have taken the stairs, but with my legs I never would have made it. I piled on with a dozen other people, two being Tess and Devin. I stood in the front corner near the control panel and pressed the buttons for everyone, like some elevator doorman. The poor thing rumbled to life and creaked its way to the first floor. Two people got off. After the doors closed, I chanced a look at Tess. Devin stood next to her, much too close in my opinion, and they were talking. Tess giggled, she actually giggled at something he said.
She never giggles
. He then fingered a strand of her hair. I wanted to crush his hand. Which was stupid really because I’m the one that threw her out.

I faced the number panel again, rethinking my plan. Maybe I waited too long and she’d moved on. Maybe I’d lost her for good . . . Maybe it’s for the best.

The elevator ground to a halt on the second floor and two more people got off. The third floor was next. Everyone but me would be getting off this time. That’s when I was going to do it. I’d take Tess’s arm and hold her inside with me. I’d ask her if I could talk to her for a moment, we would go up into my office, and I’d commence my begging.

As the elevator stopped on the third floor, panic took over. I turned and faced the number panel, and everyone got off but me. The doors slowly creaked shut. I rapped my head on the wall and spit out a string of curse words that would have my mother washing my mouth with soap for a week over.

“I do believe that’s a dollar seventy-five for the curse jar, Gatto.”

“Augh!” I wheeled around so fast I lost my balance and fell into the corner of the elevator. Tess walked toward me, looking way too sexy in a narrow skirt and black high heels. The outfit had Lilah written all over it. I made a mental note to yell at her for it.

“I thought you’d get off on the last floor,” I said, righting myself.

“You thought wrong.” Tess slammed her hand into the red emergency break button. The elevator shuddered to a halt. It did not sound good.

“The owner’s going to be pretty upset with you if this thing breaks,” I teased lightly as she planted her hands on either side of my head, trapping me in the corner.

“Some things are worth the risks. Isn’t that what you once said?” she asked, leaning in. My words were coming back to haunt me once again. This time, I didn’t mind so much.

“Okay, Gatto, I’m making this offer once and once only, and if you don’t accept it, I’m out of here,” she said. Her face was so close to me I could kiss her if I moved forward just the smallest amount. “I’m getting on a plane and leaving this God-forsaken, frozen wasteland and going home to warm beaches and constant sunshine.”

Not going to lie, loved the new aggressive sassiness. A lot. I reached for her and she brushed my hands away. “Nope. I’m in charge. You keep your hands off until I say so.”

I smiled wide.
Yeah, lovin’ this
.

“Here’s the deal. For some unexplainable reason, I’m still madly in love with you. Maybe Nik was right. Maybe loving you is a disease. But unlike her, I can and will move on. Never again will I allow a man to dictate how I feel. Never. I’ll think, feel, and do what I want. Got it?” I nodded as my hands reached for her again. She looked down at them, then back into my eyes, glaring. I dropped them to the side again.

“As I was saying, I guarantee that we’ll have tough times, but I also guarantee that if I don’t ask you to be mine,” her eyes softened, “I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know in my heart you’re the only one for me.”

“You guys watched
Runaway Bride
last night, didn’t you?”

“Maybe,” she said. Her mouth ticked up on one side as she fought a smile. “Wait, you know the lines from
Runaway Bride
?”

“Seriously? It’s Maggie’s favorite movie. Do you know how many times I watched that thing while she lived with me? I have half the movie memorized. I have nightmares about it. And you misquoted it, by the way. She says something like I guarantee that at one point one or both of us will want out.”

“No, I didn’t misquote it. You see, unlike . . . Hmm. I forgot the main character’s name.”

“Maggie Carpenter,” I said. Tess’s lip twitched. I shrugged.

“Unlike Maggie Carpenter, I’ll never want out. I will spend the rest of my life working on this marriage. I’ll fight tooth and nail to make it successful, and if it fails, it won’t be because I gave up. I love you, Booker Gatto. I want to spend forever with you. Will you please let the past go and marry me?” She blinked back tears.

Suddenly, all my confidence evaporated. All my fears were clawing at me again.
All the pain, choking me.

“Booker, if you don’t say something, I’m giving up on us.” She swallowed. “I can’t take this anymore.”

“I’m scared.” I forced it out softly, surprised at my own raw emotion.

“Me, too,” she replied. “You and me, we’re a mess.”

I nodded. “Big time.”

“But who’s better for each other than us? Who can understand the pain, the heartache we’ve suffered than us? Who better to help each other heal?
To mend our broken hearts? No one,” she wisely pointed out. “It’s time to move on.”

“You don’t understand.” I touched her cheek, pulling my hand back immediately, as if it’d been burned. Feeling her soft skin overwhelmed me, and I needed to stay strong. “Tess, I’ve never loved anyone like this before. It’s consuming. The feelings I have for you are so overwhelming it frightens me. You’re the air I breathe.” I dropped my head back against the elevator wall. “Oh man, I sound like one of Magpie’s cheesy movies. I’m messing this up.” I couldn’t put into words the overwhelming feelings I had for her.

“Let me try. When you go to sleep at night, I’m the last thing on your mind. I’m front and center again when you wake up. You hear a funny joke and can’t wait to share it with me. When we’re together, you lose track of time,” she said, as if reading my mind. “I walk into a room and your heart quickens.” She took a deep breath. “And you feel if anything were to happen to me, you have no idea how you’d go on. In fact, you’re not even sure you could.”

“Exactly, and more. You have no idea what it was like for me to see your face splattered in blood that day.” I shivered at the memory.

“I imagine you felt the same way
I
felt watching the man I loved being shot,
several times
, by my ex, no less,” Tess pointed out. “Booker, all those feelings I described are exactly how I feel about you. Why do you think I’m here giving you one last chance to pull it together before I walk away?” Of course she felt the same way. For a smart guy, I could be quite dense at times.

Tess put her hands on my chest. “I want to share forever with you. I love you, all of you. The good and the stupid.” She thumped my chest.

I gazed into those beautiful Caribbean blue eyes of hers, so deep I could see into her soul. She was right. How did I think for one minute I could let her go? Impossible, even if something horrible . . . I refused to let my mind go there. Time to put the demons to rest. No, time to kick ’em out and lock the door.

“Okay, enough talk.” She took a deep breath. “I’ll give you to the count of three to answer or I’m starting the elevator, getting off at the next floor, and you will never see me again.” She blinked back tears. “One—”

I buried my hands in her hair and kissed her. Actually, more like devoured her. As we kissed, I let all the doubt go. Let it drain from every pore. It felt like a huge burden had been lifted from my heart. She said it best. Time to move on. I turned my head and deepened the kiss as her arms locked around me. We stood there, two damaged souls, pouring everything we had into the kiss. A beautiful, mind-blowing kiss.

I also knew that the first bet I’d ever lose was going to be in an elevator. Unfortunately, Tess pulled away. I literally groaned. She laughed.
Yeah, not seeing anything funny here.

“Slow down, tiger. We’ve waited this long. Besides, I plan on taking the bet money and opening a dance studio.” She punched the stop button with her palm and the thing slowly started its ascent again.

I smacked the red button with the side of my fist and it stopped, followed by an eerie grinding sound. “I’ll give you the money.” I tried pulling her back into a kiss.

“Did you just proposition me?” she asked, her hand firmly planted on my chest.

“No! That’s not what I meant at all, I swear.”

“Relax, Gatto, I was just pulling your chain.” She flashed me a wicked smile. “And since you haven’t actually said yes to my question yet,” she slapped her hand over my mouth before I could, “there are some things you should keep in mind, aside from the fact that I’m damaged goods.”

“Go ahead, but they won’t change my mind,” I mumbled beneath her hand.

“I like your attitude, Gatto. Okay. First of all, there’s a very good reason you haven’t lost that bet of yours. I hate the whole intimacy thing. I flat out hate it. It’s not a temptation for me. At all.”

“Pshh. One night at the Fantasy Inn and I’ll fix that.” I waved my hand at her silly statement.

“You are such a guy,” she said, her brow arched.

“Thank you.”

“That wasn’t a compliment.”

“What else do you think is a deal breaker?” I said, wrapping my arms around her waist.

“This one just may be, Book. I don’t know if you remember or not, but I can’t have children. If you marry me, there’ll be no little Gattos running around destroying the house.” Her sober face made me sad.

“We can adopt, Tess. The ability to have a baby does not make you a parent. It simply means your reproductive system functions properly. Parenting is love, time, and commitment.”

“Are you sure?”

“Two hundred percent,” I promised. “Now, is there anything else you care to throw at me, because I’m telling you, there’s very little I’d consider a deal breaker.”

“You tell me, what would you consider a deal breaker?” she asked, her arms folded.

I thought for a minute. “Only one thing comes to mind. If you’re really a dude, that would be a deal breaker for me. I mean, I consider myself open minded and all, but that’s a deal breaker.”

She smacked me on the chest. “You’re obnoxious sometimes.”

I gathered her to me as she laughed. “I love you, Tess. I’m sorry for hurting you.”

“I love you, too.” She kissed me.

It didn’t take long for me to get lost in her kiss again. I pulled back, breathless again. “I do need you to promise me one thing. I need you to promise me this will be a very, very,
very
short engagement.” A kiss smothered her answer. I sure hoped she said yes.

Chapter 40

Booker

Ten years and three days later

“Happy anniversary,” I said, pulling my wife next to me and holding her tight.

“It’s our anniversary?” she asked, her sea blue eyes wide. She hadn’t forgotten for a second. We spent last week in Rome, New York, at the Fantasy Inn, trying out the new rooms and making beautiful memories. Besides, she’d been cooking all day today, or rather trying to cook. No promises that the food was edible. I had to give her credit. She never stopped trying to learn how to cook. I had a lifetime supply of Tums in the bathroom cabinet to prove it.

“I have a gift for you, little Ms. Tease.” I reached in my back pocket and removed a long, slender, gray box. I laid it across my palm and presented it to her.

“Oh, Book. Thank you.” Tess took the box and carefully removed the lid. Before pushing the tissue aside, she looked up at me. “I don’t believe these are the new ballet shoes I asked for.”

“Ballet shoes are not romantic, Tess.” Her dance studio had taken off the past few years, and she now had a one-year waiting list to get in.

“But they are practical. The side of mine tore out this morning during one of my lessons.” She frowned. “My favorite pair, too.”

“Go buy some new ones. You deserve them,” I said, sneaking in a kiss before she finished opening the gift.

She peeled back the paper and gasped—the exact reaction I’d hoped for. She removed the bracelet from the box and I helped her put it on.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a tennis bracelet like this,” she said, moving her wrist back and forth.

“I had it made,” I said, taking her wrist in my hand. “The ten diamonds represent the ten years we’ve been married. And the ten ruby hearts are for the number of years you’ve held my heart.” I ran a finger along the dangling red hearts. They caught the light just right and twinkled.

“I love it.” She leaned in to kiss me, but I placed my index finger on her lips, stopping her. First time I ever stopped one of her kisses.

“What?” she said under my finger.

“I have another gift.” I stepped to the back door and grabbed the handle of my surprise. “Close your eyes.”

“What is it?” she asked, her eyes pinched shut. “It better not be a snake or anything slimy.”

“Tess,” I balked. “Would I do something like that?”

“Yes.”

I placed the gift in both her hands. “Open your eyes.” She peeked first, then tossed her head back and laughed. “And it’s engraved with your name.” I turned the shovel over to show her. “I was going to get you a gun, but then I thought, ‘Tess doesn’t need a gun to protect herself’. Saved myself four hundred bucks buying this instead.” I tapped the shovel.

She set it down and flew back into my arms, just where she belonged. “I think your sense of humor is the best thing about you.” She kissed me. “Well, maybe the second best thing.” She bounced her eyebrows.

“You’re wrong, my beautiful wife.” I ran my hands over her long auburn hair. “The best thing about me is you.” I pressed my lips to hers and was lost in everything Tess within seconds.

“Hold on, Gatto. We have company coming,” she said without breaking the kiss.

“Don’t answer the door,” I replied, also not breaking the kiss.

“Yuck! Get a room,” came the unmistakable voice of our oldest. I moved back. There stood our three children, the two boys pretending to gag, as my daughter smiled wistfully.

“I own this entire house. I’ll kiss my wife anywhere I want.” I pretended to be a monster with a claw and chased them back into the family room as screams mixed with giggles filled the air. The place looked like a cyclone hit it, books and toys peppering the floor. “You’d better pick all this up before mommy sees it.” With long faces they began picking up their mess.

I got back in the kitchen as Tess quickly shoved a white envelope into a kitchen drawer and closed it. “What are you hiding?” I asked.

She slapped playfully at my hand as I tried to open the door. “Sorry. That gift's for later.”

“I thought you already gave me my gift this morning.” I slipped my arms around her waist. “Remember, before the kids woke up.” I nibbled on her neck.

“That,” she said with a quiet moan, “was part one.”

“Part one? How many parts are there?”

“That all depends on you.” She flashed me a seductive grin.

“I do believe I created a monster,” I beamed proudly, remembering how apprehensive she was on our wedding night.

“Bragging or complaining, Gatto?” She looped her arms around my neck.

“Bragging all the way, baby. Bragging all the way.”

“Incorrigible.” She pushed on my chest. “I need to get the games set up before everyone arrives.” She gave me a swat on the butt and made her way to the family room.

As I put the finishing touches on the Caesar salad, the only contribution I was allowed to make for our anniversary meal with our friends, I couldn’t help but think about the changes our life had been through over the past ten years. We had three children, our oldest son adopted seven years ago. He was my fishing buddy. We couldn’t love him more if we shared DNA. Two years later twins, a girl and a boy, expanded our family thanks to Tess’s sister. She offered to be a surrogate for us. We even got to be in the delivery room to watch them being born. It was an experience I’d never forget, and a debt I’d never be able to repay her sister.

Garen was convicted of accidental manslaughter in the death of the store clerk and sentenced to three years in prison. However, he received the death penalty for killing Tess’s lawyer in a brutal murder trial that tested the family’s mettle thanks to the media circus Garen turned it into. In the end, his old boss, Senator Graft, was the one to put the nails in Garen’s coffin. After being arrested for racketeering and embezzlement of campaign funds, Graft agreed to turn states evidence against Garen for a lighter sentence.

Garen hadn’t stood trial for setting fire to the trailer in an attempt to murder Tess yet. With no Statute of Limitations on murder, the prosecutors decide to hold off on those charges in case Garen ever got out a jail, however unlikely with the death penalty looming over him. We were taking no chances. The guy was one slimy piece of scum so it didn’t hurt to know there were backup charges waiting for him.

Nikkolynn, on the other hand, served only five years before being released for good behavior. Within a day of her release, she and one of the prison guards ran off together to Hawaii to sell painted coconuts to tourists from a roadside stand. Nice to know that trying to kill me was only worth five years in jail.

“I guess loving me isn’t an incurable disease after all,” I said to the shrimp as I tossed it into the salad.

The back door sprung open. Four little Colters came screaming into the house, followed by Cole and a pregnant Lilah.

“If it isn’t Ducky and the gang.” I gave Lilah a hug as Cole directed the kids into the family room. Tess came flying into the kitchen, and went straight to Lilah, scooping up her hands. “I’ve been dying all day. How did the ultrasound go?”

Lilah glanced at Cole as he sauntered into the kitchen. “Do you want to tell them or should I?”

“By all means,” Cole waved his wife on.

“We’re having all girls. Again.”

“Girl
s
?” Tess laughed. “Wait, did you say again? You’re having triplets again?”

“Yup. Soon we’ll be a family of seven girls,” Lilah said, rubbing her tummy.

They tried for two years to get pregnant on their own before going on some drug that supposedly increased your odds of conceiving. It worked great; they had triplets. Sofia loved being the older sister and helped her mother quite a bit with the babies. We all did. No way could they have done it without help.

“Have you picked out names yet?” Tess asked, leading them into the living room so Lilah could sit.

“Caboose one, two, and three,” Cole said emphatically.

“Maybe,” Lilah said.

“Maybe? We’ll have our seven,” Cole replied.

“You said I could decide how many we’re going to have since it’s my body that has to go through the pregnancies. I’m just not sure I’m done yet,” she said simply.

“I’m going to have to pick up extra shifts at the hospital.” Cole sank into the couch.

“Knock, knock.” Seth entered with a platter of appetizers from his restaurant. Three streaks raced in behind him. His kids.

“Here, let me take that.” I grabbed the tray from him as he picked up the kids’ coats and hung them in the closet. They’d already joined the other kids in the family room.

“Mags did teach them to pick up their coats, so you know.” He slipped off his boots and set them by the door.

“Is it snowing again?” I asked quietly. Tess still hadn’t acclimated to New York weather.

“Yeah, and it’s that lousy slushy stuff,” he complained, rearranging the appetizer.

“These scallions look really good. Tess made veggie lasagna.” I smiled optimistically.

“Is that what that smell is?” He wrinkled his nose. “You have to give her credit for trying.”

I popped one of the bacon-wrapped scallions into my mouth after setting the tray on the counter. “Heaven,” I said quietly, trying not to groan.

“I have another platter out in the car, just in case.”

“Knew I could count on you.” I slapped him on the back. “How’s the new restaurant going?”

He’d opened Prescott’s Place, a fine dining restaurant in Port Fare, right after Tess and I married. It was an instant success. Last year he opened a second one in downtown Rochester.

“I wanted to talk to you about that. I’ve decided to sell the city one. The head chef is amazing, and he does most of the work there anyway,” Seth said. “He wants to buy me out. I’ll need you to draw up a contract.”

“No problem. Why the change of mind? I thought it was doing well.”

“It is. Very well, in fact. But after everything that’s happened, I decided to step back and take stock in myself and what kind of father I want to be.”

“Seth, you’re an amazing dad. You’re great with your kids,” I assured him. Seth was just like his father. Amazing in every way.

“I’m never home. Trying to run two businesses is a time suck. I leave for work at six a.m. and don’t get home till eleven or even midnight.” He slumped onto a stool. “That’s not the kind of father my kids need, especially not now, after the funeral and all. No business success in the world can compensate for failing at my most important job. My family. The funeral was a wakeup call for me, you know?” I nodded, looking into his eyes, still so full of pain. “One minute she’s there, greeting me with her warm loving smile, the next minute she’s gone.”

The funeral shook us all. She went from having a simple cold to full blown pneumonia two days later. The next day she was gone.

“It’s the right decision. I’ll be there in the morning when they have breakfast, and I’ll be home by seven each night. It’s a good thing.” He took the appetizers and set them down on the table in the living room. Everyone dug in. Couldn’t blame them. Seth had an incredible gift with food.

I looked around at my friends, no, my family, laughing, enjoying one another’s company, as did our kids in the next room. Despite some horrific
heartaches, my life was pretty great. We had our challenges, but we were there for each other.

“Daddy,” Seth’s youngest, Eliza, tugged on her dad’s jeans. He scooped her up and kissed her cheek.

“Daddy, where’s mommy again?” She patted his cheeks with her chubby hands.

“The cemetery, remember?” he said softly.