Unavoidable Chance (16 page)

Funny, the thought never crossed my mind that I was actually helping bake the cookies. I don’t really cook; I open bags and shove unhealthy food in my mouth, or open a box, put it in the microwave, then shove that unhealthy food in my face. I don’t know the first thing about baking. Suddenly the thought of not letting them see you sweat enters my mind. You know, don’t let the bear think you’re scared, stand tall and be big. Maybe if I pretend I know what the heck I’m doing, they’ll believe me.

“I’m not very good at baking,” I find myself answering honestly. Damn it, I have no clue why I’m so good at being a lawyer, I totally suck at lying.

“That’s alright, my daddy is the best, and we’ll do it together,” she says so innocently. “I’m four, my birthday is next month and then I’ll be five. I start kindergarten in the fall. My daddy said I can have a big girl backpack. Come on, let’s go in the kitchen so we can start baking,” Hope says.

The girls have already set all the ingredients on the counter and are excited to spend time with their dad baking. Jax is busy getting out pans and bowls; he takes out four spoons and sets them next to the bowls. Sky opens a cupboard and takes out some aprons. She hands one to Jax and one to her sister. They line up in a row tallest to shortest, and then they each put the loops of the apron over their heads. And just like they’ve done it every day for years, Sky takes the ends of Jax’s apron and starts tying it behind his back, Hope takes Sky’s ends and starts tying her apron behind her back. When Sky is done tying her dad’s, she turns around and ties Hope’s. I stand there numb, with tears in my eyes, threatening to spill over at any second. I suddenly feel like the prey to the bears. I back against the counter and start to have a little mini freak out. This isn’t a joke. He has children. He wanted to introduce me to his children, which means he wants me in his life and in his children’s lives. These two beautiful girls come with Jax. They’re a package deal. Just as the first tear is about to fall, Quinn comes down the steps. My face turns to hers and hers looks like it wants blood. The thought of her face when she saw us on the couch last night, and the look on her face now, the package deal of Jax and his girls is more than I can handle.

“Are you going to introduce me to the replacement?” she asks.

The tear that was about to fall finally rolls down my cheek, and I look between his daughters and his sister. The room closes in as I hear my own voice in my head making that promise to my dad at his graveside, the promise that I’m not keeping. Then my own goals and checklist scroll through my mind’s eye, the ones that don’t include the people in this room. What am I doing?

“What’s she going to replace?” Sky asks, looking at Quinn.

“Quinn,” Jax’s voice booms. But it didn’t just boom, it rumbled through the entire room. It wasn’t a warning, it was dead serious, but the look on Quinn’s face didn’t change.

I wipe the tear from my face and say in a whisper, “I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I just remembered I have another commitment, I’m sorry.”

Quinn starts talking, and it’s like word vomit. Jax tries to shut her down, but the words don’t stop. I get outside and immediately realize that Jax picked me up, I have no car here. Before Jax can come outside and stop me, I run down the street and turn the corner. I reach in my bag and press redial. I’m not even sure who the last person I talked to was, I just hope it wasn’t, Jax.

Willow answers on the first ring in a chipper voice, “Hey honey, how’s it going?”

More tears and sobs escape my mouth as I blurt out, “Please, I need you to come pick me up.”

“What’s wrong? Where are you?” she asks concerned.

I tell her the street crossings and beg her to come as quickly as she can. Within ten minutes, I see her car pull up to a stop at the curb. I get in and she immediately drives away. Jax has been calling my phone nonstop. Really, I don’t want him to worry, but I just can’t talk to him right now. Willow drives to the next park and pulls into a parking space. She shuts off the engine and turns her body toward me.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” she asks gently.

I think about everything that happened last night and in the kitchen and just what it is that scares me the most. What Quinn said, I think, strikes home. I’m not a replacement. I could never replace the girls’ mother. I would never want to replace their mother. No one could ever have the honor of walking in her shoes. I’m not mother material. I can’t date Jax and have the whole package. How do you go from having set goals to an insta-family? I’m in the middle of a huge case, and I have goals and a checklist a mile long. None of that ever included a man, especially a man with two daughters and a belligerent sister. I don’t know the first thing about being a mother. Hell, I don’t know the first thing about how to even be a good girlfriend. Then it hits me. I’ve been in Quinn’s shoes, but I never felt that way about Willow. I loved Asher’s first wife, Olivia. Besides losing my dad, the day she died was one of the hardest days of my life. But I never thought of Willow as a replacement. I was over the moon happy when Asher found someone that put a smile on his face again.

“Did you ever feel like you were replacing Olivia?” I ask. Well, that’s totally out of left field. Willow may think I’ve lost my mind.

“Never for one second. This may sound strange to you, and I know I’ve never met her, but I love Olivia. I love the woman she was with Asher, and I love the memories Asher has of her. You won’t understand this either, but I think without Olivia, I don’t think Asher would have opened his heart to me and taken the chance to love again. There’s no changing the past, Olivia is a big part of Asher’s past. I embrace it, and I insisted on naming our first daughter Abbey Olivia Wellington, in honor of Olivia. Why, what’s this all about?”

“I think Quinn hates me, and I’ve never really met her. Well, I’ve seen her twice now. Oh, it was horrifying! Last night, Quinn walked in on Jax and me making out on the couch, and she lost it. Tonight after dinner, Jax brought me back to his house to bake cookies with his girls, to introduce us. Quinn came downstairs and asked, right in front of the girls, if I was the replacement. What did I ever do to Quinn? I don’t want to replace anyone. I’m not even sure I’m ready for a relationship right now, especially one that includes a man with children. I’m just starting this big case and I have goals that I’ve set for myself, none of that ever included a relationship with a man.”

“Oh, sweetheart. There’s nothing you can do to stop true love, it’s unavoidable. You can fight it all you want, but love will always prevail. I never thought that I’d ever find anyone to love me, especially in the middle of going through breast cancer. I was a mess, but love happens at a certain point in your life for a reason. Quinn will come around. You just wait and see. And if she doesn’t, I know some pretty badass people, and we’ll have a little talk with her,” she says seriously.

“Oh, my God, you wouldn’t?” I question just as seriously.

She breaks out laughing, but the tone in her laughter makes me think she’s semi-serious. My cell phone continues to ring every couple of minutes, but I’m just not ready to talk to Jax yet. I have some serious thinking to do. I hear what Willow said, and I understand it, but I’m just not sure I’m ready to give up my dreams. And I’m sure as hell not sure if I’m ready for a relationship that comes complete with a family all wrapped up in one pretty bow.

Jax

I’ve been calling Ava’s phone for over an hour. After she left, Quinn left too. She’s damn lucky she left, too. I will not stand for her shit, at all. Quinn better come to her senses, or she’ll be looking for a new place to live. I want to go to Ava’s house, but I just put the girls to bed. I’ve left Ava so many messages on her cell phone that now it says her mailbox is full, and I can’t leave anymore. Maybe it’s better to leave her alone for the night. I’ll give her the night, but tomorrow she’ll talk to me, no matter what.

I head downstairs for a hard workout. Instead of doing my normal daily workout, I combine two days’ worth and hit it hard. When I’m done, I’m still not satisfied. Since the girls are home and I can’t leave, I strap on my running shoes, put my earbuds in my ears, and I hit the treadmill.

The next time I look at the clock, it’s three in the morning, and I’ve run a half marathon on my treadmill. Exhausted, I don’t even bother with a shower. I fall into my bed in sweat-drenched clothes and into a nightmare that brings me back to sand filled places, with helicopters and wounded soldiers. It’s one of the many recurring dreams that I can’t seem to let go of. The day my world ended and my hell began. The day I was shot doing what I loved. That day turned into years of never ending regret and devastation. The pain and the harsh truth of a career I had fought so hard to achieve coming to a screeching end. The same day, I also lost the love of my life, my world. My strength, my rock, my salvation, the mother of my beautiful baby girls, and my everything.

I wake just as drenched as I was when I fell into bed. I strip the sheets and toss them in the washer. I jump in the shower and hang my head in the cold water. My body aches with pain from last night’s work out, and my mind screams with memories. I could seriously stay in here all day, just to numb the feelings in my head and my body. A knock at the bathroom door and the voice of my worried little girl, make me forget all of that.

“Daddy, Aunty Quinn isn’t in her room. Do you know where she is?” Sky asks.

I turn off the water and wrap a towel around my waist, and open the door to see both my little girls standing in their PJ’s with worried looks on their faces.

“Girls, why don’t you go downstairs and watch TV for a little bit, I’ll be down to make you breakfast in a few minutes. Daddy needs to get dressed first.”

Both girls cheer at the rarity of watching TV before breakfast and forget all about their missing aunt. When the girls are downstairs, I open Quinn’s door and sure enough, her bed hasn’t been slept in. I was so wrapped up, yet again, in my own mind and my own problems, that I didn’t even give Quinn a second thought. Where could she be? Did she stay with her friends again last night? And just who are these friends of hers?

I try her cell, but it goes straight to voicemail. I call Parker and ask him to cover my shift this morning. Besides needing to find Quinn, I need to see Ava. I get dressed, then make the girls breakfast. After they eat, I send them upstairs to get dressed. I run next door to my neighbor’s house and ask their sixteen-year-old daughter if she can watch the girls today. She gladly accepts. Back at the house, I tell the girls that Sarah will be watching them today. The girls love playing with Sarah, because she lets them play with Play-Doh.

I drive straight to Ava’s work and see her car sitting in the parking structure. I don’t head up to her office, but instead choose to wait by her car. I know she has court this morning and she’ll most likely be coming down any minute. I lean against the driver’s side door and try to come up with the right words to say to her.

Within ten minutes, she turns the corner and walks my way. She looks amazing, as usual, and the sight of her instantly lifts the heavy weight off my heart. Her beautiful eyes come to mine and she stops ten feet away. I lift my body off her car and my arms ache; I just want to hold her. She drops her purse and her briefcase by her feet and runs on her tip-toes to me. She crashes into me with such force it sends my back crashing back into her car. She holds me tight, and I, in turn, hold her as tight as I dare without crushing her.

I pull away and widen my stance, but I don’t let go. I hold her to me with my arms around her waist.

“Ava, I’m sorry about my sister, I don’t know what’s gotten into her. She’s never behaved like that,” I tell her. Just as Ava is about to open her mouth to talk, my sisters ring tone rings in my pocket. “Shit, that’s Quinn, I have to take this. She didn’t come home last night; I have no idea where she is.”

I dig my phone out of my pocket and answer on the third ring, “Quinn, where in the hell are you?”

“Jax, please don’t get mad at me, I’m in jail,” her scared voice says.

“You’re in jail? What the hell for?” I bark.

“After I left last night, I was really mad, so I went out with some of my friends. We went to a bar and I got drunk. We were smoking weed in my car and I got in an accident. No one was hurt, everyone is alright, but I got arrested. Can you please come down to the courthouse; they’re holding me without bail. I have to be in court in thirty minutes. I’m scared. I don’t know what to do,” she says, hysterically crying.

“I’m coming; I’ll be there in a few minutes. It’s going to be alright. We’ll get through this together; don’t say another word to anyone until I get there.” The call ends, and Ava has a worried look on her face.

“What’s going on?” Ava asks.

“Quinn got arrested for drunk driving, and I’m assuming for possession of an illegal substance. She said they’re holding her without bail, and she has to be in court in thirty minutes. Can you please help us?”

“I have my own court case that starts in forty-five minutes. Jax, I’m sorry I don’t think I can help you. I can call one of my associates and get you a good lawyer,” she says.

Chapter 11

Ava

“Never mind, get in, I can swing both,” I find myself continuing to say. What the hell am I talking about? I can’t swing both. My boss will kill me! Maybe Quinn’s case will only take ten minutes. Then I have enough time to run to the next room.

Jax’s face instantly relaxes and he holds out his hand.

“What?” I ask.

“Keys,” he simply states.

“Oh no, no one drives my car. You can ride in the passenger seat,” I reply.

“If I had more time to argue with you, I would. You win this one, let’s go,” he agrees.

If I weren’t in a rush, and if I weren’t freaking out in my head about everything that’s going on, I would have dwelled more on the fact that it took extreme effort for Jax to get his large, massive body into the passenger seat of my tiny car.