Ultimate Baseball Road Trip (93 page)

While the Metrodome menu did little to enhance the game-day experience, Target Field very quickly established a well-deserved reputation as one of the better eating parks. There are plenty of regional favorites on the menu. Where else in MLB can you find Walleye on a Stick? There are also all of the ballpark classics fans expect, done right. So don’t fill your belly while tooling around the Warehouse District. Save room for the worthwhile treats awaiting your pallet inside.

During our first trip around the bigs, we were both duly impressed by the all-beef Hormel Dog that reigned supreme
at the Metrodome for a generation. Therefore, we were a bit skeptical when we heard that perhaps the lone saving grace of the Dome concession stands had been replaced by a different brand of oversized frank. We kept open minds, open mouths, open stomachs and ultimately open hearts, however. And by the time we’d finished our quarter-pound all-beef Twins Dog, courtesy of Schweigert’s, we were converts. This sucker is as juicy and tasty as it is long and plump. Even notoriously fast-eating Kevin needed a few minutes to put it down. And we both agreed that the accompanying Barrel O’ Fun Potato Chips were a nice complement.

Think a quarter pound of processed beef is more than you can handle? You might be right. And if that’s the case, you’ll be happy to hear there are several other hot dogs at Target Field. The Original Twins Dog is a pork and beef mix specially commissioned by the Twins who requested that Schweigert use the same exact recipe fans once enjoyed at Metropolitan Stadium. The roving vendors, meanwhile, pack cases full of steamed Dugout Dogs. These are natural casing franks that have a nice crisp bite to them. We appreciated the fact that they aren’t pre-wrapped but get placed in the bun upon being served to patrons. The extra-long Dinger Dog may be found at select Hennepin Grille stands. Finally, there are Hebrew National Dogs for Kosher fans and anyone else who likes to keep-it-Kosher once in a while just in case our Kosher friends are right.

The Minnesota State Fair is kind of a big deal in these parts. If you’re from either Coast, you may not appreciate just how big, but trust us, the state fair is an Upper Midwest phenomenon that really is, well, phenomenal. The Minnesota version, which traces its roots all the way back to 1859 when Minnesota wasn’t even a US State yet, is held at the 320-acre State Fairgrounds in Falcon Heights over twelve days at the end of summer. Attracting nearly two million visitors per year, it is the third largest state fair in the country. Surely, all of those Gopher State fairgoers enjoy gawking at the animals on display and the massive pumpkins, but they also love the unique fair foods, many of which come deep-fried on a skewer. Among these, Walleye on a Spike is a tried and true favorite that the Twins wisely adopted to be one of Target Field’s signature offerings. It appears at the State Fair Classics stand on the first level concourse. Here, fans also find
Corn Dogs, Turkey Legs, A Giant Juicy Turkey Sandwich, Shish Kabob, Pork Chop On-a-Stick, Deep-fried Cheese Curds, Roasted Corn on the Cob,
and
Minneapple Pie.
We found the filleted fish stick crispy on the outside and nice and moist inside. Be warned, it is a bit greasy. But if you’re not going to be in Minnesota during the last week of August and you’d like to see what the fair-food to-do is about, this is a must-try. But that could be said about nearly all of the State Fair Classic items listed above.

The sausages at the carts on the concourse come courtesy of Kramarczuk’s Market, which makes them just a mile from the park at its shop on Hennepin Avenue. Naturally, we started with the
brat.
You just can’t find brats this good at most parks, so we really savored this one. Next, we moved on to the
Polish,
which was surprisingly garlicky but in a good way, before we finished up with the paprika-infused
Hungarian,
which was good but not as amazing as the first two. Honestly, we may have been sausaged-out by the time we got to the Hungarian.

The Twins tap into the Minneapolis dining scene to include several offerings with a local connection. The
Steak Sandwich on Garlic Toast
is served at the Murray’s Restaurant stand. There may be a long line for this one once the game begins, so hit the Murray’s stand early if you’re interested. The
Chili
is provided by Warehouse District fave The Loon Café, and we already mentioned the Pork Chop on a Stick, courtesy of J.D. Hoyt’s.

Famous players are the inspiration for foods at Target, too. In honor of Tony Oliva comes the
Cuban Sandwich,
which included all the right ingredients except for the Cuban bread, much to Kevin’s dismay. In honor of curve-balling lefty Frankie “Sweet Music” Viola, the Frankie V’s stand offers
Calzones, Meatball Subs,
and
Italian Salads.
And in honor of former reliever Juan Berenguer is the Señor Smoke stand where
Nachos, Burritos,
and other “Mexican” offerings are served beneath the banner of the Panamanian setup man who played for four seasons in Minnesota.

At the Town Ball Tavern near Section 202 fans will find the
Juicy Lucy
burger. A St. Paul original, this patty is packed with cheese before cooking. That’s right, it’s a cheeseburger with the cheese on the inside. It was a gooey mess that Kevin enjoyed immensely, while Josh, who’s a purist when it comes to cheeseburgers, kept muttering, “It ain’t right, I tell ya,” and refused to taste it. He instead opted for a Rex Burger at Hrbek’s Restaurant near Gate 14. Little did he know that this burger comes stuffed with caramelized onions and jack cheese!

Neither of us tried the
Vincent Burger,
which is stuffed with smoked gouda and braised short ribs. This heart-attack-on-a-bun isn’t cheap but the patrons to whom we spoke said it was pretty darned good. We were just too full, though.

In this age when so many teams require fans to turn out their back-packs and pockets at the gate and to dispose of any consumables they might be trying to smuggle into the park, we thought we’d pass along this refreshing (pun intended) policy from the Twins website:

The Minnesota Twins permit guests to bring food into Target Field as long as items are consumed in the general seating areas. Outside food cannot be brought into any restaurant, club lounge or suite. Food containers must be soft-sided and fit under a guest’s seat. Food that could be thrown as a projectile should be sliced or sectioned (e.g., apples). Additionally, any food purchased from the concession areas on Target Plaza is allowed into Target Field.

Now, that’s the sort of Midwestern hospitality we really appreciate. It’s obnoxious when pimple-faced ticket scanners in other cities act like food Gestapos just so their team’s concession stands can make a few extra bucks. With that said, we found plenty to like about the food at Target, so we don’t necessarily recommend that you make a ham and cheese sandwich to carry in. But if you have special dietary needs, it’s nice to know you can see to them without facing an argument at the turnstiles.

When we saw that looming Budweiser Deck in left, we got worried, but pleasantly enough, we found ample micro options at Target. St. Paul’s Summit Extra Pale is a popular draft, while many fans go for the bottled New Ulm Grain Belt Premium. Farm Girl Saison from the Lift Bridge Brewery in Stillwater, Minnesota, is a beer you won’t find anywhere else in the bigs. Kevin described the golden ale as “well-rounded,” which Josh noted just so happened to be the same thing he said about the St. Pauli Girls we’d enjoyed a few days before.

Kevin:
I mean this in a different context.

Josh:
Well-rounded how?

Kevin:
Just write it down. Our readers will know what I mean.

When we researched the first edition of this book in 2003, we found reason to liken the experience of attending a game at the Metrodome to that of visiting a Monster Truck Rally or Arena Circus Show. Now, in truth, it had been years since either of us had attended a Ringling Brothers three-ringer and neither of us had ever witnessed a Bigfoot mashing competition. But the comparison seemed about right. The Dome was loud and obnoxious. Now, don’t mistake that to mean we found the Twins fans obnoxious. We didn’t. We’re talking about the facility and how its personality impacted the game. The P.A. system was blaring. The artificial turf was a gaudy green. There was a plastic bag serving as an outfield wall. When visiting outfielders weren’t losing balls in the roof they were watching them bounce over their heads. Like the experience at most of the old-fashioned domes, baseball was not quite baseball when played in this environment. And yet, we found in Twins fans a delightful mix of older folks who’d grown up watching games at Metropolitan Stadium and younger folks who’d come of age in the era of indoor baseball. To a person, they all expressed a longing for a day when outdoor ball would return to the Twin Cities. At the time, that seemed like a pipe-dream. Now, it’s their reality and these knowledgeable fans love it. They bring enthusiasm and energy to Target Field and seem to care more about whether the home team wins than the fans at some of the other Midwest parks appear to. We’re thinking of the Cubs and Brewers fans, in particular, many of whom just seem to enjoy the game-day experience without putting too much emphasis on the outcome.

Don’t be deceived by the old-time Minneapolis Millers and St. Paul Saints uniforms Minnie and Paul are wearing on the gigantic neon rendition of the Twins logo in center. This is a pretty high-tech ballpark effect and a pretty cool one, especially at night. Here’s a cheat sheet that explains when the logo will alight and what all that flashing has to do with the game:

• Twins Score: A strobe light traces the edges of the sign to suggest a runner rounding the bases.
  
• Twins Homer: Minnie and Paul shake hands over the flowing river.
  
• Twins Pitcher Gets a Strikeout: The corners of the sign flash.
  
• Twins Pitcher Throws a Scoreless Frame: The strobe lights flash.
  
• Twins Win: Minnie and Paul shake, the river flows, and the T and S in “Twins” flash.
  

Want to beam your ugly mug out on the Twins TV broadcast? Then bring a “Circle Me, Bert” sign to the game or paint those letters on your chest, or shave them into your hair, or find some other way to attract the attention of Bert Blyleven up in the Twins television booth. When Blyleven spots someone who fits the bill, he gives them props on his
“Circle Machine,” which to Twins fans is an elusive and much-cherished honor. More ironically predisposed fans, meanwhile, who realize Bert’s circle gag has gone on a bit too long, may be seen sporting “Triangle Me, Dick,” signs as a nod to Blyleven’s partner Dick Bremer, who hardly ever gets to use the Circle Machine.

Like everyone we encountered in the Twin Cities, we found the Twins mascot, TC the Bear, to be congenial and generous with his time in answering our questions. However, as soon as one of his handlers put a super-soaker in his paws, he turned into a whole different breed of animal. If you see that oversized squirt gun, be prepared to hand over your Walleye on a Spike or at the very least run for cover on the concourse.

In 2010 the Twins started a tradition of beginning each game with a few songs by bands like Atmosphere or Hold Steady from the lively local music scene. As the final preparations were made to the infield before the Twins took the field, the songs would play through the P.A. while the band’s name appeared on the big screen. When we visited in 2011, though, it appeared that this cool tradition had been discontinued, and replaced by Top 40 fare.

Kevin:
At least they still play “Highway to Hell” when Morneau steps to the plate.

Josh:
Aren’t those Canadians always head-bangers?

Twins players and fans aren’t the only ones who finally got the chance to breathe some fresh air when the team moved to Target Field. Longtime Metrodome organist Sue Nelson moved to the new yard too. Nelson can be found tickling the keys of her Yamaha on a raised platform behind home plate on the Terrace level. And her music and accent notes can be heard throughout the park.

When they were a small market team playing in a lousy facility, the Twins smartly embraced a robust promotions policy that saw them give away a greater than usual number of door prizes to fans. Now that they’re a small market team playing in a top-notch facility, they’ve fortunately (for fans) continued the tradition. While the fare at the gates consists mostly of the usual ballpark swag—bobbleheads, posters, mini-bats and the like—some of the items can be pretty creative. The most outside the (tackle) box item in recent years has been an annual Twins Fishing Lure courtesy of Rapala. Each one features a different player and bears the Twins logo. Among the players to be so honored have been Mauer, Morneau, and Matt Capps.