Ugly Duckling (3 page)

Driving to the mortuary to speak with Elizabeth John had at last calmed down and was focussing more fully on the case and less on his personal tragedy, he had always thrown himself into his work, it gave him something else to think about and took his mind off of other things, perhaps psychologically it wasn’t the correct thing to do, but it worked for him. Ian, who sat next to him, was just glad to see the old J.D. coming back.

'So Ian, this is what we've got, a dead man on the beach savagely slashed but we're not sure if that’s what killed him, no weapon as yet and apparently no motive for the attack. The victim moved here from Luton only three months ago and seemed to keep himself to himself. Any news on his relatives yet?'

'Not too much really J.D., his wife died with his sister in a house fire while she was visiting Florida, the police there don’t think it was anything untoward and just put it down to an accident caused by a faulty gas regulator, there was one other body in the fire which was never properly identified but, the belief is that this was Jeremy's son who had gone to stay there for a while, that theory is backed up by the fact that there’s been no trace of him since and our victim officially reported his son missing three weeks after the fire, so it seems pretty solid. As far as we know at the moment they were the only relatives, doesn’t seem to be anyone else surviving, but we're still looking.'

'What about CCTV at the Pier?'

'Out of action last night, probably for the next two nights, something about upgrading.'

'Just our luck, couldn’t they do upgrades when there wasn’t a murder, inconsiderate sods.'

'Ah, so we are going down the murder route?' Ian said with a smile on his face.

'You can wipe that smile off your face, I know you enjoy a good murder but we've got to hear what Liz says. Lets be honest though, it looks and feels like a murder to me.'

Still smiling Ian said, 'and thinking it’s a murder has nothing to do with your improvement in mood?'

'Oh shut up, we’re nearly there now.'

As they entered the public mortuary Elizabeth Collingsworth was there to greet them, she was wearing her white lab coat, John had often wondered what was underneath it and had fantasised about finding out.

'Good afternoon gentlemen, I was wondering when you’d drop by.'

'Hello Liz, what you got for us?'

She led them through to where the body was still lying in what looked almost like an operating theatre, except there was no need for anaesthesia here.

'I've done the preliminary examination, removed the brain and other organs to take a better look, usual stuff. And I've cleaned him up a bit as you can see.'

It was true that he did look a little better than he did last time John had seen him, but John really didn’t like looking at bodies after a post-mortem, they never looked quite real to him, he theorised that as all the organs were removed the soul actually went too, it was just an empty shell now didn’t even look human.  Thankfully though this one was almost covered although he could still see where the skull had been opened to remove the brain.

'Feeling a bit squeamish John?' Liz asked, noticing the expression on his face.

'No, not really Liz, but by the same token that doesn’t mean I feel like eating a three course meal either.'

Liz smiled 'well after my preliminary examination I can tell you the adrenalin levels in his blood were sky high and that his heart was scarred and damaged. There will, of course, need to be further examination and an inquest but it’s my belief that this man died from myocardial infarction. Heart attack to you and me.'

'I just don’t get it' John was thinking out loud 'He died from a heart attack, it was probably being threatened with a knife that bought it on, so if he dropped down dead because his heart gave up why go through all this and butcher the poor sod, was it a robbery? Hate crime? Or a fight maybe?'

'Crime of passion?' Liz said

John spun to look at Liz 'Christ Liz, remind me never to get passionate with you.'

'I wish you would' she replied in an off the cuff sort of way.

John laughed 'We never seem to have the opportunity Liz.'

'You know these tables are much more comfortable than they look' Liz joked.

'Yeh, but it’s my back you see, you’d have to go on top.'

'I'm sure I could manage that if you promised not to hurt me.'

'For Gods sake, will you two get a room' Ian interjected.

Liz and John both laughed. Liz blushed.

'OK Liz, if that’s what you found that’s what we'll have to accept, if you do find anything else let us know won’t you?'

'Oh and Liz' Ian said 'we're both going to the Laughing Pig tonight, just for a couple, its the opening night, we'll be there about eight if you fancy dropping in for one,' then winking 'I'm sure J.D. would buy you a drink.'

'Thanks Ian, I might just do that.'

They walked to the car. John didn’t say anything. Ian thought he was deeply considering the case, he had a tendency to go into a trance like state at times when he was deep in thought but as they approached the car John blurted out 'you are a little stirrer aren’t you? Inviting Liz tonight, I know what you’re trying to do but it won’t work, we've known each other a long time and it’s never lead to anything yet, I still love my wife. And don’t really fancy Liz that much.'

Ian grinned 'what me? No, no J.D. I wasn’t thinking anything like that. Is that what you think? Oh no, J.D. I wouldn’t try to set you up like that. But now you mention it, you were obviously thinking about it and she does fancy you. After the way you two were carrying on in there she probably would do you the power of good and I've got to leave early tonight, promised Jane we'd have a night in together.'

'God you're a devious little sod! I bet you’ve painted a blue square in your garden to make people on Google earth think you’ve got a pool.'

'You taught me everything I know J.D. Worth thinking about though. Wouldn’t you like to know what’s under that lab coat?'

It was Johns turn to blush.

The Rose Public house in Bournemouth had been a ramshackle run down old pub that literally had sawdust as a floor covering and spittoons in the corner, the chairs and stools would stick to you when you got up because of the amount of stale beer that had been left to dry in the cushions and if you sat anywhere near a curtain you could smell decades of old smoke with a trace of puke thrown in for good measure, Phil had bought the place six months earlier and kept it running over the busy Christmas and New Year period but then, as soon as he could, had closed it down for a refit. Now the pub had a completely new outside fascia, big new windows, bright lighting and a new name, “The Laughing Pig” the name was a reference to the final words his ex-wife had spoken to him at the divorce hearing. She had money, and lots of it, thanks to a Family inheritance she got long before she met Phil, when they met he had nothing. They married, but after a succession of affairs by Phil, she finally had enough and asked for a divorce.

'Everything split 50/50' was Phil's only reaction. After rounds of legal warfare that’s what he finally got. As he left the courtroom he was smiling from ear to ear,

'I'll be laughing all the way to the bank' he called over to his ex outside the court rooms.

'You’re a laughing pig' came the reply.

Now though the “Laughing Pig” was looking pretty good, Ian and John pushed their way past a group of smokers gathered in the drizzle outside and went towards the entrance, the door flew open and someone crashed into Ian.

'Sorry mate' was the only response from the man as he dashed away.

'Twat' Ian said as he went through the door.

As John approached the door it flew open again and a young woman crashed into him.

'I'm so sorry' she said, and again dashed away calling 'Bill please stop, let me explain!'

This is going to be a fun night thought John as he too eventually passed through the door.

Inside, the pub was light, bright and modern; there was a circular bar in the middle with tall round tables and high stools dotted around the ample floor space. Around the outside walls were cosy little nooks where people could sit and chat with friends or lovers, the smell of fresh paint and new upholstery still filled the air.

'John, Ian so glad you could make it' said Phil 'What can I get you?'

'I'll have a half and I'll get J.D. a pint and a double scotch.'

'Steady on' John semi protested 'I've not had a drink in months you'll get me pissed. And why only a half for you?'

'I'm driving, I'm only having this one then got to get home to Jane, I did tell you.'

'Well then' Phil said 'these ones are on me. What do you think to the place?'

'Very nice, you wouldn't recognise it. Where’s the telly?'

'No telly in here,' Phil looked indignant 'you can watch telly at home, you come here to meet friends and have a chat, a drink and listen to some music.'

'And do your homework' John added looking around at some of the customers tucked away in the corners.

'Oi! no under age in here' Phil said defensively 'I'm very strict on that. Back in a minute, enjoy your drinks.'

'That was a bit uncalled for J.D.'

'Just keeping him on his toes. Anyway what about you? Where's the telly?'

'I like sport on telly in a pub.'

'Well I like music and chat, I like this song actually, Brittany or somebody wasn’t it?’

'Christina Aguilera' Ian corrected.

Phil returned with a copy of the Bournemouth Mail 'Here, you boys seen this?'

He showed Ian and John the front page.

“
Cannibal Butcher Kills at Bournemouth Pier” was the headline and further down it read “A source confirmed that the police are baffled by the cause of death, despite the horrendous injuries inflicted on the victim.” and then “it has been reported that the kidneys were found half eaten and the liver is still missing.”

'What the fuck!' John called out at the top of his voice, the pub went silent.

'Eh, no sorry carry on.'

'What the fuck!' he started again in his normal speaking voice, 'where do they get this crap from, as if it isn’t bad enough they have to make stuff up. Who wrote this fucking shit?'

Ian took the paper from John 'we'll find out tomorrow J.D. tonight lets keep calm and enjoy our drink, Elizabeth should be here soon.'

John took a sip of his whisky 'she won’t come, you just don’t get it do you? Liz and I, we just have a laugh, that’s all, there’s nothing in it, just a bit of flirting' then he downed half of the pint of beer.

'I'll bet you a tenner she'll come.'

'You’re on, in fact, I'll make it twenty' John said putting a twenty pound note onto the bar.

'Hello John' it was Liz standing behind him.

'Thank you' Ian said picking up the twenty 'I'll get some flowers for Jane on the way home, got to go though, nice to see you Liz, see you tomorrow J.D.'

John turned for the first time to see Liz 'WOW!' he heard himself say out loud.

Liz smiled 'what’s up?'

'You! you just look...so different' John stumbled over his words, partly because the whisky was already going to his head but also because he had never seen Liz dressed for a night out, make up fully done, killer heals, showing off her very shapely legs, definitely dressed to thrill. 'You look fantastic' he added 'what can I get you to drink?'

'Just a coke please, I'm driving, I'll have some wine when I get home.'

'OK if you’re sure.' 'Phil one coke and another pint over here please.'

'I'm sorry about Ian' John continued 'I've told him you and I would never get together, but he keeps trying to set me up. He means well.'

Liz took a sip of her coke 'shall we sit?'

John and Liz occupied one of the little nooks.

'Have you seen the crap they've written in the Mail?' John asked 'it’s just unbelievable.'

'Yes I read it; I just wonder where they get their so called information from?'

'From their bloody imagination if you ask me,' John leaned towards Liz and asked quietly 'the liver wasn't missing was it?'

Liz could tell that two pints and a double whisky were beginning to have an affect on John.

'How you getting home John, do you want me to give you a lift?'

'Yes, that would be very kind Lizbeth, but we're not going yet are we? Only just got here, shall we have another one?'

'One more, then how about we finish up and go back to mine for a glass of wine and something to eat, cokes not very inspiring, you could get a taxi from there.'

'That sounds like a very good plan to me, and I wanted to ask you about your lab coat.'

***

6.50 am, but instead of the usual screaming of John's alarm he was woken by the sound of a fizzing in his ears.

'What the fuck!' he grunted not even opening his eyes.

'Good Morning John' it was Liz's voice.

John opened his eyes with a start. 'What? Where am I? What are you doing here?' he said still semi dazed.

'Oh thanks a lot! I live here and you don’t remember anything about last night do you?' She was wearing a long fluffy white bath robe tied around the waist emphasising her figure 'I've brought you some alka seltzer, thought you might be a bit hungover, and there's coffee down in the kitchen if you want it.'

John sat up in bed then realised he was naked.  He pulled the sheets up to his chin with one hand and took the seltzer with the other.

'What? Oh no sorry Liz, of course I remember' he lied 'I was still half asleep that’s all.'

Liz sat on the edge of the bed and smiled 'well I enjoyed it anyway,' she stroked Johns hand 'it was so much better than I ever imagined it would be, you're really quite a Tiger in bed aren’t you? I've been awake most of the night just thinking about it.'

John bristled with pride 'well what can I say, I enjoyed it too, it was fantastic. But you know, it takes two, I'm a bit out of practice I know, but I try, you though, how good were you?' John began to feel quite embarrassed and slightly out of his depth he couldn't remember a damn thing about the night before, but this was Liz, a long time friend and colleague, he didn't want to upset her by telling her he couldn't remember.

'Out of practice! Wow you were fantastic! I'm still trying to catch my breath, if that's you out of practice I can’t wait till you're back on form.'

She slipped her hand under the duvet and gently stroked his leg.

'Well, Yeh should be better still shouldn't it?'

'We could go again now if you want' she said in her best husky voice as she gently started to pull the sheets down from his chin.

John started to panic. 'Sorry Liz got a real bad headache, must have been the wine.'

Liz started laughing, 'I'm sorry' she said 'I can’t keep this up. You don’t remember do you? We got back here and after half a glass of wine you passed out, I put you to bed, this is the spare room.'

'Oh thank God, Liz that’s such a relief' he looked at her and saw the expression on her face 'not that I wouldn’t have liked to, you know.'

'Stop there John before you dig a bigger hole for yourself, you’d better go and get showered.'

'Yeh OK Liz. Just one thing though?' he paused as he lifted the sheet and looked underneath 'how did I end up, you know, naked?'

Liz raised one eyebrow as she replied 'well a girls got to have some fun John, and it was so much more enjoyable removing the clothes from a warm body compared to what I'm used to' she had a cheeky grin on her face then, just as she was about to leave the room, she turned and said 'by the way, last night you were enquiring about my lab coat, you asked what I wore underneath it, do you remember?'

'Yes vaguely, sorry about that' John replied, even more embarrassed.

'Well here you are then' Liz stood in front of John, close enough for him to reach out and touch if he'd wanted too, and slowly undid the belt on her robe allowing the whole thing to softly slip from her body and drop to the floor.

John took a long look, taking in the vision that stood before him, the shape of her breasts, her trim slender waist, those long shapely legs. Then he bust out laughing.

'Bloody thermal long johns with pink flowers, oh Liz! Liz! Thank you, you've completely ruined my fantasy, but thank you, what a laugh!'

'It gets cold in the lab you know' Liz laughed 'and I like my pink daisies.'

After coffee Liz drove John to the station, parked the car and got out.

'Are you coming in?' John asked.

'Yes, just got some papers to pick up' Liz replied.

As they walked through the corridors Liz linked arms with John, something she only normally did if they were out socially.

'It was quite funny last night' she said, 'after you’d passed out you got a text from Ian he wanted to know where you were and if you'd struck lucky.' She looked at John who had a sheepish look about him, 'don't worry, I just sent a text back saying “I'm at Liz's and I'll be staying for breakfast!” and put a wink smiley at the end.'

John turned horrified to Liz 'You did what!'

But there was no time, they were through the door and a huge cheer went up around the room from John’s team, Ian stood at the front applauding.

'See you later' she whispered and gave him a peck on the cheek for good measure.

The cheers continued as John stood there, what was he supposed to do now? Tell them that he'd passed out and couldn’t do it, that would cause even more embarrassment, or just let them think that he and Liz had done it, at least that would take the pressure off a bit. He decided to go with the latter.

Ian walked towards John and was about to speak.

'Don’t you start' John warned.

'Come on lets go,' Ian said, still smiling broadly 'Horseshoe Common, we've got another one.'