Two Can Play (36 page)

I'm awoken by my iPhone buzzing. I ignore it, but it starts up again. I look at the number, and I don't know the caller.

“Hello?”

“
Aaron?”

“
Yeah?”

“
It's Kate's mom, Bambi.”

“
Oh hi. How's things?” I answer pleasantly, wondering why the hell she's calling me out of the blue.

“
Not so good.” My stomach tenses and I sit up in bed, my ears on alert. “Kate's in hospital, she's been in an accident.” She starts to cry. Whimpering little noises. “Sorry, can't speak...hold on....”

I sit in anguish for what seems like forever before a male voice comes on the line. It's a deep Texan voice.

“It's Harry. She's so upset. I had to sit her down with the nurse.”

“
What the hell's happened to Kate
?” I plead in a loud voice. My heart's about to stop with fear.

Please, please... don't tell me she's dead.

I can't bear the thought.

He takes a deep breath.

“
They had a crash. Bren and her, on the freeway a few miles away. She's unconscious, has some broken bones, severe internal bruising, and she’s lost a lot of blood through her head and arm wounds. But she's stable and as far as we know, comfortable, and not in any pain. But the doctors don't know when she's gonna wake up. Bren got off lightly. Sprained his wrist, his ankle, some minor cuts and bruises. That's all. A truck came through the central barrier and they hit the freeway wall trying to avoid it. His car was compacted on the passenger side and the emergency team had to cut her out. She was lucky to survive it, Aaron. Really lucky. It was a multiple pile up and on the news. Two people died.”

I'm relieved beyond words that she's not dead, but I feel so sick for her. My head swims with worry about her condition and my stomach is churning violently. Bile rises up my throat. I swallow it down.

“
Oh sweet Jesus
...Look, I'm coming to Vegas right away. Which hospital is she in?”

I get up and rush into the living room to grab a piece of paper and write down the details with a shaking hand.

“I guess we'll see you then, Aaron. I'll let you know if there's any news, okay?”

“
Yeah, thanks, Harry. Be there as soon as I can.” I tap end call and take a deep breath.

I think about calling Karen, to get me on a flight, but I don't want to bother her, as technically, she's no longer my PA. And neither do I want to talk to anyone, about anything. I'm too worried. I open my laptop and get on the net, reserving an Upper Class seat on the next Virgin flight to Vegas, and then I pack. I take a full size suitcase, stuffed with everything I can fit in. I don't know how long I'll be there.

~ * ~

Could the journey take any longer than this? It's torture, absolute fucking torture.

I'm sitting in a cab, crawling along, stuck in the middle of a freeway traffic backup, en route to the hospital.

Harry has text me with news that there's no change. She's still out. Unconscious.

I tap my leg impatiently with my fingertips as we finally pull into the hospital.

“
Where d'you wanna be dropped, pal?” the cabbie asks.

“
Here's fine, stop here,” I reply.

I need to get out of this fucking cab because I wanna scream with frustration.

I thrust a handful of twenty-dollar bills at the driver and get out, opening the trunk and removing my case. Then I race off to reception.

“
Trauma Unit?” I bark at the receptionist.

“
Third corridor on the right, second door on the left,” she replies pleasantly, pointing, and I rush off forgetting to say thank you.

I'm outside the door and taking a deep breath for courage.

Finally composed, I go inside the trauma unit. The nurse station is immediately ahead.

I ask for Kate.

“Are you close family?” she asks.

“
Yeah, I'm her fiancé,” I exaggerate, just in case she won't let me in.

“
Right, well she's fourth room down, over there. Someone's with her at the moment. We only allow one visitor at the bedside, okay?”

“
Sure and thanks.”

I walk along the corridor with rapidly growing tension.

Jesus fucking Christ, could I feel any sicker?

I'm petrified and at the same time so desperate to see her.

I push open the door and all the breath rushes from my body.

I gasp in shock at the sight before me.

Nothing could have prepared me for this.

Kate is hairless, shaven headed, and so pale, covered in black scratch marks and deep cuts everywhere. She has massive, black and purple colored bruising, and swelling around her eyes. She's hooked up to tubes and electrical sensors, black pads taped to her pale head. Her right leg is in plaster, ankle to thigh.

Her good arm lies at her side. And on that hand lays the head of another man, fast asleep.

Brendan, I presume, based on the bandages I see covering his arms.

He has his arm across her hips. It's possessive and much too intimate for my liking. It's almost more than I can take. A shocking rage rears its ugly head inside me.

I walk up to him and tap him on the back hard. He starts awake.

“You're in my space, bud,” I say in a strong tone.

“
Oh yeah, what if I don't agree with that? What if I say it's my space?” He stands and we square up.

“
I want to be alone...with
my
fiancé
...
right...now
,” I say in a frozen voice through gritted teeth.

I hope he's got the message. I need someone to vent my anger on and he's
so
it...

He needs to fuck off. And fast. Because I won't be responsible for my actions if he doesn't.

He walks past me and out the door.

I hover over the bed. “Oh, Kate baby...I love you.” I kiss her warm lips over and over; stroke her soft shaven head carefully avoiding her raised, stitched-up cuts. I sink into the chair at her side. My eyes fill and I cry all over her hand.

My beautiful, beautiful Kate. How could God do this to her?

Now I'm blaming God.
I'm so angry and sick with the world.

Ironically, the next thought in my mind is a prayer. I pray God will send her back.

And I'm never letting her out of my sight again. I'm sitting right here until the end. Whatever that is.

I doze and kiss her, and doze again...for what seems like hours. Until someone taps me on the back. It's Bambi and Harry.

I give her mom a while with her while I chat with Harry. He's a good guy. Pleasant, grounded, and strong. I wonder to myself how strong he'd be if Bambi were the one in that bed, unconscious and broken to smithereens.

I'm doing my best to man up, but I'm falling to pieces in his presence.

He gives me a quick shoulder hug. Tells me I'm to go back to his, sleep for a few hours.

“
No, I'm staying here. With Kate.” I will not be moved, for any reason.

“
Call me if you need a break, okay? Or if there's anything at all you need or want.”

“
Sure, thanks, Harry.”

I don't want to converse, or make any kind of inane small talk. I want to be in there. With her. Holding her hand and willing her back. I'm sure if anyone can do it, it's me.

A half day after my arrival, David, introduces himself to me. He's the male nurse in charge of ICU.

“I've received the initial test results back.”

“
Right, and what were you testing for?”

“
A few standard things, bloods, sodium levels, a few other things.”

“
Everything okay, is it?”

“
Fine, your fiancée is a healthy and a fit young woman, despite her injuries. And she's also pregnant.”

I laugh nervously in disbelief.

“She's on the pill, she can't be. I've seen her taking it.”

“
Pill or not, she is. Very early stages of pregnancy, a week or two maybe. I don't think she knows yet, but that's just a guess.”

“
No...I am not hearing this,” I whisper.

“
The pregnancy may not survive. A shock like she's had often ends in a natural termination. I'd prepare for that being a real possibility,” David continues.

“
Can we keep this quiet, please? Just between us two, for a few days...?”

B
oy, do I need to get my head around this shocker somehow.

“
It's your's and Kate's baby. There's no need to tell anyone else.”

Hearing the bunch of cells inside her being called a baby makes my stomach roll.

My baby? Me a dad? No...I just can't hack it. Just three weeks ago I didn't have a real girlfriend and now I could be a father? Fucking hell!

I get up and leave the room for a moment. I take a walk around the grounds of the hospital and grab a coffee on the way back for my shock.

I'm coming to terms with it pretty damn fast. If anyone's gonna have my child, it'll be Kate. It's a lot sooner than I'd have liked, but hell, if life wants to throw me a curve ball, I can deal with it. Whatever it is. I take a deep breath as I return to her side. I look at her pale beauty. Even completely bald, covered in bruises and cuts she's so special and beautiful to me. I run my hand over her stomach and quietly say a little prayer for the baby growing inside her.

Joseph or Josephine, after my dad Joe...if she likes those names.

~ * ~

Three days have passed by with small breaks from her bedside for visits from the rest of the family.

I steel myself inside when Brendan visits her. There's definitely a real problem between us, but now's not the time to go there.

Her father has been told about her accident, but apparently he is currently in hospital himself with a  bronchial problem. We're sending his aide updates on her condition. Not that there's much to say, other that she's stable and unconscious.

The nurses, doctors and I are now on first name terms. I've forced myself to leave her side for a few minutes here and there to go for a quick walk, and to eat, shower, and change my clothes. I'm almost too tired to think straight. I can't sleep for more than an hour in that fucking hard chair, but I can't leave her. I know I'm probably not doing myself, or her, any good running myself into the ground physically, but I have such a strong need to be here. To keep on with what I'm doing. Getting her back. I keep squeezing her hand and praying, and kissing her face and praying some more.

I'm floating. It's so bright. I can hear faint laughter.

Then I drift away as it darkens again.

Through the darkness I hear a child's voice calling me. 

Did I hear the word Mommy...?

My eyes fly open.

I'm lying on soft short grass. It's full of daisies, everywhere. As my eyes come into full focus, I see a young boy standing before me. Dressed in a loose white shirt and black pants. No more than three or four years old. Collar-length dark hair sweeps around his chubby face. His brown eyes twinkle with mischief. He looks familiar, but I don't know why.

He holds out his small hand and I take it, rising from the ground effortlessly, weightlessly, and I follow him toward a house, situated on the brow of a small incline in the distance.

“Is that your house?” I ask him.

He giggles. A beautiful high-pitched childlike giggle. “Silly Mommy, it's our house.”

“What's your name?” I ask him. He's obviously confusing me with someone else. I'm not his mommy and I don't live here. Actually, I don't know who I am or where I live. But I definitely don't recognize anything around me.

“
I'm your Joe.” He looks at me in confusion as if he can't possibly imagine how I've forgotten his name.

“
Oh yes, so you are. How could I forget my Joe?” I lie.

I don't know anyone by that name. But I can't remember any names. Including my own.

“Race me.” He loosens his grasp and darts off ahead, his little legs carrying him swiftly across the daisy-strewn lawn toward the white-painted house. I follow, in a half run, a little skip in my step. And then I slow in wonder as the ocean comes into view. The house sits on the rise of sand dunes, on the edge of the beach. The golden sand, and bright blue of the white-whipped breakers lie beyond a long stretch of front yard. I catch up with Joe as he climbs on his swing to the side of the house.

“
Push me, Mommy, I want to go high.”

I push him as he swings for a while, his squeals of delight make me smile inside and outside.

I'm enjoying this but I need to find his mommy for him soon.

“
Stop me now...it's time for you to go,” he says. I slow his swing to a halt and he hops off and takes my hand, leading me toward the bright red door ahead of us. I'm suddenly nervous. It feels surreal. This whole place. The gardens. The beach. Like I've conjured up an idyllic little world somehow. Everything is unreal except Joe. He's as real as real can be. I squeeze his warm little hand tightly.

He opens the door, twisting the brass doorknob and standing aside.

“Go in Mommy, he's waiting.”

“
Who's waiting?”

“
Daddy,” he replies with a little giggle.

“
Are you coming in Joe? Come and show me your daddy.”

“
Not now. I want to play ball.” He smiles at me. A gorgeous little grin. His sweet baby teeth are so beautifully white. He runs off around the corner as I stand watching him go from the doorstep.

My heart is pounding as proceed inside the dark entryway of the house. I'm curious to see who's inside there. Who his daddy is. The next second, the door slams shut behind me. It's pitch black and I'm afraid as a strong force sweeps me upward into the light. And then warmth envelops me. The light is too bright in my head. It hurts me. But I want to see what's there. I need to see who is there. I try to open my tightly closed eyes, but it's so, so hard. Painfully hard, to force them apart.

Then I feel something soft and lovely. Someone's holding my face and kissing me, saying something, calling to me. My senses bring my memories flooding back. I know that gorgeous, wonderful voice, his smell, and the feel of him as he touches me.

It's him. Aaron... and I remember my own name at the same time... Kate... I'm Kate.

But where's Joe?  Where's he's gone? Was he just a dream? No. He was real. I'm sure he was.