Twisted Reality (Blind Reality #2) (23 page)

When I met Josh I knew he was too good to be true, but I still hoped. I still thought I deserved some sort of happiness. I’ve listened to his messages, read them, too. Some were frantic while others calm. The threat of another television show is there and that means I have to make a decision. Do I stay married to Josh or do I end it? I honestly have no idea what will be better for me. I’m deeply in love with him and I know he loves me, but I’m not sure if it’s enough.

I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m second-guessing everything. Josh says he didn’t cheat and I want to believe him. Deep in my heart I know he’s telling the truth, but my brain can’t accept it. My mind keeps playing scenarios over and over in my head. What if I go home now and Jules is there? What if she’s in my house, my room and taking over my life because I can’t seem to find the resolve to get up and listen to my husband?

Wiping my tears with the backs of my hands, careful not to get sand in my face, I finally stand and head back to my car. It was easy to find a hotel along the beachfront, but I hated being there without Josh. I wanted to experience the serene beauty of the ocean with him; walk on the sandy beaches and play in the waves. At night I longed for his touch and often lay there listening to the ocean when I should’ve been sleeping.

The drive back to our house is done without the chatter of the radio. I need to think about the words that I want to say, to tell him how I feel and be confident in the decision that I’m making when I step in the door, because even as I pull into my driveway I don’t know what I’m going to say or do. I don’t know if I’m going to stay here any longer.

No sooner do I shut my car door do I find Josh standing in the doorway, watching me. His eyes are bloodshot; he looks pale and I think he’s lost some weight. He doesn’t move when I reach the entryway, instead he stares at me, his eyes move over my body as if he’s inspecting me.

Words are caught in my throat when he pulls me to his chest in a crushing hug. My response is automatic as my arms wrap around him, gripping his shirt in my fists. When he lets out a sob, I follow quickly. I don’t know how long we stand there crying in each other’s arms, but it’s a while and it’s worth it.

He takes me by the hand, leading me into our house. The last time I was here, I was breaking down in front of Bronx while I showed him everything, each piece of evidence worse than the others, but nothing could even come close to what Jules had done to my wedding dress.

When we get to the living room, the existing black sectional we had has been replaced with a white one with red accent pillows.

“If you don’t like it, we can go pick something out together.”

I nod, unable to form any words right now. He continues to take me to our bedroom. I stop suddenly and gasp. Our navy blue comforter has been changed to a dark purple, the same colors in our bathroom. Tears well in my eyes and when I look at Josh, he’s crying, too.

“I don’t know how she got in, but I changed the locks as well. I also called the police and filed a report against her. Baby, you have to believe me, I didn’t cheat. Hell, I didn’t even pose for those pictures. I don’t know where she got them from or how she got into our house, but it’ll never happen again.”

I wander around the room, wondering what else she has tainted. I have never met someone so evil before. Sure I’ve read stories about women like her, but to encounter one? There are no words to describe the agony she’s put me in.

Sitting down on the side of the bed, Josh sits down beside me.

“You changed the bedding?”

“All of it. I threw everything away, too. I didn’t want any memories of her around this house.”

“But there will be when the baby comes.”

“Not if it’s not mine. Bronx and I had a long talk. I can see why you’re friends with him. And while I may never be, he opened my eyes to a lot of the stuff Jules has done in the past. I was stupid to trust her. She has to take the paternity test tomorrow.”

“What happens if she doesn’t?”

He shakes his head. “I guess they put her in jail. I don’t know.”

I let out a strangled laugh, covering my mouth. “Jules in jail would be a funny sight.”

“Yeah, well, we won’t be visiting her.”

I shake my head, agreeing with him. Letting out a yawn, I move to lie down. I’m so tired, both mentally and physically. Josh sneaks in, spooning me from behind.

“I’m so sorry, Joey. I feel like I’ve done nothing but apologize since we got together. I hope you know how hurt I am that she did this to us … to you. I told her I’m done, that her and I are no longer on speaking terms and I questioned whether I’m the father or not. Bronx really thinks I’m not.”

“I know. I told you that but you wouldn’t listen.”

Josh sighs and digs his face into my neck. “I’m an idiot. I honestly can’t blame you if you leave me.”

“Is that what you want?”

He rolls me over so we can face each other. “Hell no. Joey, since I came home and found Bronx here I’ve been a fucking mess. Every day … hell, probably ten times a day, I texted him asking if he’s heard from you so I know if you’re okay. I hated that you left your home because of the cancer I brought into our lives. God, baby, you’re everything to me and if I have to spend the rest of my life making up for Jules and her bullshit, I will.”

Josh pushes my hair behind my ear and my eyes close at the simple gesture. When I look at him his eyes have changed from sadness to longing. “Being without you these past few days have been torture. I show up on set looking like a fucking mess and my day doesn’t get much better. Coming home to an empty house is the worst possible feeling when I know I could’ve prevented this. Everything that happened is my fault and I’m sorry.”

“Did you go to the doctors with her?”

He shakes his head. “Never. The only place outside of our home that I have seen Jules without you is the day before filming at the coffee shop. She showed up after I had a meeting with Barry. I told her then, the same thing I’ve told her repeatedly, that I’m in love with you and she needed to learn to accept that because it wasn’t going to change.”

I lean into Josh and let him hold me. The warmth of this touch, the calmness of his breathing and the way his body intermingles with mine lulls me to sleep. It’s restless, but still more than I’ve had in the past few days.

When I wake, I’m alone. The wall of windows is open and I can see the soft glow of the fireplace outside. Josh is sitting by the fire, spread out on the couch with his feet hanging over the edge.

“Hey,” I say, trying to alert him to my presence.

“Hey.” He sits up and pats the spot next to him. “How’d you sleep?”

“Better than I have the past few days.”

“Yeah I haven’t slept at all.”

I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that so I stay tight-lipped and focus on the flame coming out of the fireplace.

“I’m sorry for leaving, Josh. There really isn’t an excuse other than I panicked and was really fed up with all the shit going on surrounding her.”

“I know. I don’t blame you, Joey. I only wish you had called.”

Shaking my head, I pull my legs up and wrap my arms around them. “I couldn’t. I’d hear your voice and forget why I left and I’d be back to square one.”

“I figured.”

“Thing is, I never asked to be matched to you, that was done for us and I couldn’t be happier. I love you. I’ve fallen so deeply in love that nothing should matter, except it does. I can’t have her in my life, ruining everything. She’s the type of person that if you give her an inch, she’s taking a mile. First it’s my dress, next it will be a vacation, or down the road Christmas morning.”

Josh pulls me into his lap and holds me. “I promise I won’t let that happen. If, and it’s a big if, the baby is mine we’ll have a custody agreement in place. My new lawyer says those are pretty solid so if she violates it, she can go to jail.”

“What do you mean, ‘big if’?”

He sighs and kisses my cheek. My whole body reacts, screaming at me to kiss him back, but I hold back. “Bronx shared some information and the likelihood that the baby is mine is very slim. I already went down to the hospital and did the DNA swab and I paid to have a rush job done so we should know once she does her part tomorrow.”

“Do you know how foolish I’ll feel if the baby isn’t yours?”

“You?” he asks, laughing. “I’ve been walking on eggshells for months because I didn’t want you to leave me. You’re not leaving me, are you?” His words are hopeful, yet pleading.

“No, I’m not.”

“That’s good, because we start filming on Monday for our show.”

“Josh,” I whine. He knows how I feel about filming another reality show.

“Babe, listen. Barry is paying for everything. We’re going to Hawaii, all of us; your whole family, and I even included Bronx and Rebekah. You don’t have to do anything except tell people what you want. And your mom will be here at the end of next week to help you.”

“Really?”

He nods and plasters the sweetest grin on his face. “Yep, and I called the designer of your dress, you have a meeting with them next week to get fitted for something new.”

“Josh,” I gasp, covering my mouth as I try to ward off the tears. “Seriously?”

“Joey, I only want to make you happy. I know being in front of the camera again isn’t something you want to do, but you’re getting your dream wedding and you won’t have to lift a finger. You get to bark orders at others and snap your fingers when you want something done.”

“That’s not really me though.”

“I know, but for a few weeks it can be and you can do it with a smile.”

Taking his hand in mine, I attempt to tug him off the couch. “Come on.” I motion with my head toward our room.

“Nah, get back here,” he says, pulling me back onto his lap. “I haven’t been with you for three days, Joey, and that is far too long. Tonight, I’m going to make love to you under the stars.”

“Outside?” I ask, unsure how I feel about this.

“Right here on this couch.”

“What if someone sees us?”

Josh looks around and smirks. We have trees that block the backyard from prying eyes and an electric fence that runs along our privacy fence. Logistically the only way they’d see us if they climb on to their roof and still then our roof gets in the way.

“You know it’s safe.”

I nod, biting my lower lip. “I do.”

Closing his eyes, he leans his forehead against mine. “I can’t wait to hear you say that again. Only seven weeks from now and those sweet words will come from your lips once again, but this time you’ll be looking into my eyes when you say it.”

“And your soul.”

Josh kisses me, slowly, testing the waters so to speak. But it’s not enough for me. He may think he’s the only one addicted in our relationship, but he’s sorely mistaken.

K
nocking on my former apartment door seems odd, but the last thing I want to do is barge in if Rob’s busy. I’m going to ask him to be my best man, but his answer will depend on his response to my questions about Jules. I still clearly remember the day Joey and I walked in and Jules was sitting too close for comfort to my best friend. They’ve been friends for a long time, but since that day something hasn’t sat very well with me.

“Why are you knocking?” Rob asks, standing there in nothing but a pair of shorts. His hair is wet and there’s a towel resting on his shoulders. I glance over the wrought iron railing and look down at the pool. It’s full of girls, who all wave up when they see me.