Twisted Reality (Blind Reality #2) (11 page)

As soon as I open the door, I stop dead in my tracks when Josh stands. Everything I’ve been told is true. He’s home early and he’s here to tell me that he’s leaving me for Jules. They have the history and he and I don’t. I can’t compete with that.

Two things in his life that he never wanted are happening: he’s married and he has a baby on the way. I knew in my heart never to bring up children because he made it clear that he didn’t want to be a father. I accepted that. I knew that when I said yes to him. And because of a child I’m going to lose him.

Maybe he wasn’t even mine to begin with and I was on borrowed time. It seems that my time with Josh Wilson has expired.

“You bought a dress?” He sounds shocked. His eyes move from the garment bag I’m holding to my watery eyes. “And you’re crying.”

I let out a sob and he comes to me, except I hold up my hand. I don’t want him to touch me right now.

“Joey—”

I shake my head and find the courage to speak. “It seems … I took your advice and left the hotel. I thought I’d check out a few of the shops on Main Street and found this wedding gown boutique, and after running the pros and cons of why you want a wedding through my mind I finally went inside. I fell in love with this dress,” I take it and toss it on the counter, not caring if it gets ruined, “and the clerk recognized me. At first I thought she was sweet, but that sweetness quickly turned sour when she started to ignore me and the other clerk had to check me out. Seems like she had called the media, and when I stepped outside I was bombarded.

“I was handling it, keeping my head down and not showing them that they were getting to me until they dropped the most epic bomb ever.”

He nods, because he knows what’s coming.

“When were you going to tell me?”

“Today,” he says, taking a step forward.

“That seems convenient since this is the first I’ve heard about it. I read the sites, Josh, no one has said a thing.”

“I only found out today, Joey. You have to believe me.” He takes my hand and I willingly follow him to the couch, but I put some space between us. His face falls when he sees me slide to the other end. He can’t fix this with sex and sweet talk.

“Jules showed up right after you and I hung up. I didn’t know what to think at first, and I still don’t. I’m so confused.”

“Is she pregnant?”

He nods.

“Did you cheat on me?”

Josh moves to the floor, getting down on his knees. He pushes himself between my legs and begs me to look at him. When I do, I see tears, torment, and fear etched across his beautiful face.

“I did not cheat on you. I haven’t seen Jules since the end of the show, Joey, and I didn’t sleep with her in the green room if that is what you’re thinking. I love you, Joey. Not her. You’re the one I want to be with.”

I shake my head and wipe angrily at my tears. “So she’s really pregnant.”

“Yes, she’s showing. She said she’s about six months or something.”

“Great.”

Rising, I go into the bedroom and shut the door. He follows, coming behind me to hold me. I let him, but don’t return the affection.

“I’m scared,” he says, breaking my heart into pieces. He doesn’t want to be a father, but I know he will. And forever, as long as Josh and I are together, Jules will be there.

“What are you going to do, Josh?”

“We, what are
we
going to do,” he counters.

I turn in his arms and see the agony he’s going through. “
You
. I didn’t get her pregnant. I didn’t try to ruin her life on national television. I didn’t try to ruin one of the happiest moments she was feeling by showing up and stealing you away. Jules is
your
problem, not mine.”

“But you’d be the baby’s step mom.”

And that’s when it hits me. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be second best in Josh’s life or even an afterthought. Babies are hard work, and they need a lot of bonding. Jules will likely demand that Josh spend time at her place with the baby and I don’t think I can live like that.

I’
ve seen Joey cry, but not like this. Every few seconds there’s another sob and there isn’t shit I can do about it. Both our phones have been ringing off the hook and once we shut those off, the hotel phone started. I’m so fucking torn and confused. My wife is in agony and my ex-girlfriend is pregnant. If my life isn’t a fucking soap opera, I don’t know what it is.

All the curtains are drawn in our room and the lights are off, aside from the closet and bathroom light, with the only sounds in the room coming from Joey and my beating heart. The paparazzi are outside, setting up camp to make sure that we stay put. They want an exclusive. They want to be the ones to dig the knife deeper into Joey’s chest the minute she walks out the door with questions about Jules. Staying here isn’t an option, but switching isn’t either. We’re in a small town and people are going to find us no matter where we go now. The only phone call I’ve made is to Matt, letting him know the situation and to make sure the director knows I won’t be in for a few days. Joey is far too important to me and right now this is where I need to be. If that means they have to put filming on a hiatus, then so be it.

My wife won’t let me touch her and she doesn’t want to talk. When I’m not sitting, I’m pacing the floor, begging Joey to listen to me, except I don’t have anything to say. Every time I open my mouth, nothing comes out and I’m frozen. I’ve told her that I’m sorry, but it’s not enough. And when she asks me what I’m going to do, I clam up. I don’t have a choice and she knows this.

Being a father is something I never wanted and now it’s being thrown in my face because I trusted the wrong person. If this were happening to Joey, I’d be fine with it, but not Jules. I’m in love with Joey and want to spend the rest of my life with her. With Jules being a part of that I’m not sure it’s going to happen. Joey hates her, and with good measure. Hell, I’m starting to hate her. Jules is ruining my fucking life right now and I have no one to blame but myself.

“Where are you going?” I ask Joey as she stands up. Her back is to me, but I don’t need to see her face to know what she looks like right now.

“I’m going to pack.”

“Pack for what?” I walk over to her and see her shudder when I step behind her. My throat swells as tears threaten to fall.

“I’m going home.”

“Your home is with me.” My voice is barely audible when I say the words. If she leaves me, I won’t know where she is. I don’t know where our home is right now because living out of a hotel isn’t a life that we should be living. I don’t want her home to be in Springcreek, Oregon, but with me.
I
should be where home
is, not where her parents live.

“This isn’t a home, Josh.”

“We’ll go together.”

She shakes her head and moves away from me, but I follow. I’m not giving up without a fight. It’s out of desperation that I grab and spin her around so she’s facing me.

“Talk to me, damn it,” I beg.

“What do you want me to say, Josh? Huh? Do you want me to tell you that everything is going to be okay and I’m happy to share my fucking Christmases with Jules and your child? That everything I envisioned for us, that I have been dreaming about these past few months will never happen because you’ll be tied to her forever? If anyone should be giving you a child it should be me, but you made it very clear that you didn’t want one and now you’re having one with her,” she cries out. “I can’t do this, Josh. I just can’t. You don’t understand how she makes me feel. She’s mean and vile, and in love with you. She’s having your baby and that is something you and I will never share.”

“So you’re going to leave me?” I ask. My hands go slack on her arms, feeling defeated. She takes a step back and I feel our bond slipping away.

When she walks into the closet, she crumbles to her knees. The wedding dress she bought earlier hangs there. I made sure to hang it up so it didn’t get ruined lying on the too small counter in the kitchen. I wanted her to buy a dress, commit to a date that we could get remarried and she did, for me, only for me to ruin it for her.

Getting down on my knees, I pull her into my arms. She comes willingly and cries into my shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Joey. Tell me what to do to fix this. Please. Please don’t leave me,” I say these words over and over as I rock us back and forth. Her tears wet my shirt and mine dampen her hair. I knew shit was too good to be true for us.

“There isn’t anything you can do. You have to be in the baby’s life. I can’t ask you not to be, nor will I stop you.”

“I will if that is what you need. You’re my life, Joey.” The words tumble out of my mouth before I realize what I’m saying. She glances at me briefly, then returns to my shoulder. I saw the look in her eyes; she knows I was wrong for saying that. Being that parent would put me in the same category as my father, something I’ve strived to never be. He always chose his wives over me. And that is something I’ll never do. Joey knows this and so do I.

We stay like this for hours, wrapped in each other’s arms while sitting on the hard closet floor. Every part of my body aches, but none more so than my broken heart. Joey is the only one who can heal me, and deep down I know that’s not going to happen. The wedding I want to give her, the traditional honeymoon and a life are slipping away faster than quicksand because of a foolish mistake I’ve made. Even as I sit here with my wife cradled to my chest, I’m asking myself when this happened and for the life of me I can’t remember. I couldn’t even tell you the last time I was with Jules before the show because I’ve been so consumed with Joey and the life we’re trying to build that Jules was no longer a factor.

Well into the hours of the morning we finally move to the bed where I hold my wife to my chest and remind her how much I love her. The emotions we’re both feeling are different. Joey’s hurt, I’m scared. I’m scared of losing her over something I could’ve prevented, but was too stupid to pay attention to. Even though sleep evades me, I close my eyes and pray for some answers. Anything to guide me, tell me how I’m supposed to survive this with Joey by my side, plus raise a child with Jules. Joey’s right, I’ll be there for the baby because it’s the right thing to do. No, it’s not the right thing; it’s the only thing to do.
I won’t be like my parents
… but even as I say that in my head, I can’t help but wonder,
do I put Joey in front of the baby or does the baby come first?

Sometime by mid-afternoon there’s a knock on our door. Neither of us moves because neither of us cares. As much as I want the knocking to stop, it doesn’t, and once my name is called I know I have to get up and answer it. Thing is, I don’t want to let go of Joey for fear that once I do I’ll never get to hold her again.

She makes the decision for us by untangling herself from my arms and rushing toward the bathroom, leaving me no choice but to get up an answer the door.

“I’m coming,” I yell out, hoping the knocking will stop. Through the peephole I see Matt standing there, looking like he’s run a marathon.

“Hey,” I say as I swing the door open. He smiles, but it’s not what I’m used to. He’s in work mode.

“You fucked up, huh?”

Matt has been my agent since I landed my first role. Over the years we’ve become friends, but sometimes he forgets that he works for me, it’s not the other way around. I glare at him, letting him know that his question is out of line. I allow the door to slam and follow him into the room, pausing to close the door to the bedroom. I don’t know what Joey is doing in there, but Matt doesn’t need to see her if she’s not presentable.