Twisted Miracles (21 page)

“It’s not going to stay warm in here all night,” I said, and immediately regretted it when I was hit with the memory of Jackson warming my body with his after I’d fallen in the lake. I shut the thought down, worried, but if Shane had seen it, he didn’t let on. I cleared my throat. “I hope this guy’s still in the same place. Otherwise we came all the way out here for nothing.”

Shane shrugged. “It’s not so bad. And you’ll find him eventually.” He smiled at me. “I have faith.”

I relaxed and settled back on my hands as Shane adjusted the brightness on the LED lantern we were using for light. When he was done, he reached into the side pocket of his duffel bag and took out a deck of cards. “Poker?” he asked.

“Sure.” It would be easier than figuring out what to say to him. What, exactly, we were.

Shane tossed me the cards, and I shuffled and dealt a hand for Texas Hold’em while he tore open a bag of M&Ms to bet with. It had been a long time, but I could still remember late-night games with Shane, Mina and Ryan, the four of us in the kitchen at the B&B, playing for nickels. This was how I’d first learned to put up shields and how to sneak past someone else’s. Back then, Ryan had been the champion of keeping everyone out, but Shane had been the best at working his way in. He could always catch me lying, no matter how strong I thought my defenses were. I couldn’t help wondering if things had changed.

We played, trying to sneak into each other’s heads, flooding our minds with misdirections and throwing up shields. I should have known Shane would win. It wasn’t just that he wormed his way past my bluffs; he could always see me coming. When he successfully led me into thinking he had nothing when in fact he had a straight, I gathered up my sadly diminished pile of M&Ms and put them in a plastic bag.

“That’s enough for me—you cheat!”

He grinned, looking satisfied. “That’s part of the game.”

“Hmph
.
”

“
You’re just annoyed that I’m so much better at it than you are.
”

“Damn right I am!” I tugged my sleeping bag out of its nylon case.

“
I
can’t help it if you’re afraid to get in too deep.
”

I stopped short and looked at him. He was leaning back on his elbows, relaxed, meeting my gaze with steady eyes. I looked away and went back to unrolling my sleeping bag, and Shane crawled over to get his own. When we were both settled, he shut off the lantern and the tent went pitch-black.

“
Good night
,
Cass.
” His voice was deep and familiar in my head.

“
Good night
,” I sent back, and lay awake for a long time knowing he was right.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, Shane was already outside. He had a fire going—I could feel the heat through the tent canvas—and as I got dressed and slipped though the tent flap, I could smell freshly brewed coffee.

“Ahh,” I said, inhaling gratefully. “This is why I love you.”

Shane looked at me sharply for an instant, then he smiled. “The way to a woman’s heart,” he said, and handed me a cup. We’d brought granola, and I munched on a handful while I sipped my coffee. Shane was bringing over more dry wood with his mind.

“You know,” he said, mentally settling a branch over the fire, “since we’re out here, I thought you could practice. It seems like a good place. No warm bodies to distract you.”

“What do you think you are?” I said around a mouthful of granola.

“I’ll go out in the boat. Get out of your range.”

“I don’t know.” He was right; it was a good idea, but I wasn’t sure I was ready.

“It’s worth a shot. And I was planning on fishing anyway.”

I sighed. “You’re right. I’ll try.”

“Good,” he said simply, and went back to feeding the fire.

An hour later, Shane was so far away I couldn’t feel him. He’d gone out in the boat and agreed not to come back before noon.

“No matter how bad the fishing is!” I’d said.

“I promise,” he’d said, and crossed himself.

I focused on the heat coming from the campfire. When I was out on the lake with Jackson, I’d been able to pull even though it was freezing cold. And this time, I was sure there was no one around for me to hurt. If I couldn’t pull now, I might as well give up. I closed my eyes and reached for the flames.

It took me a little while to get used to it, but once I got a feel for the way the fire released energy, pulling from it was simpler than I could have imagined. The flames consumed the logs and gave off light and heat and radiation I never could have picked up without my powers. I couldn’t name the types, but I could sense the energy flowing around me, hitting my skin. The fire dimmed and subsided as I pulled, and my chest filled up with directionless force. I looked at the log I’d rested my bag on the day before, and I lifted it as if it were a toothpick.

I almost laughed, I was so relieved. I could do this. This was
easy.
I stripped the nearby trees of deadwood and moved on to fallen timber farther from the campsite, feeding the fire and fueling myself as I worked. Every detail of the campsite was present in my mind, from the way the wood cracked and fell to embers as it burned to the gentle flapping of the tent canvas in the breeze. I found a lightning-struck cypress along the lakeshore and brought the whole thing soaring over, roots to branches. It dripped mud and brackish water and I split it into leg-sized logs, forgetting all about Shane’s suggestion that we stick to the dry stuff. The fire roared and smoked, and I closed my eyes and reveled in the heat.

“
See?
I
knew you could do it.
”

I let the rest of the cypress fall with a crash. I knew, with a sick dread in my stomach, that he was close. I turned around and saw him standing ten feet away from me, holding an ice chest.

I ran at him, and he dropped the ice chest and threw up his arms in defense.

“You bastard!” I beat at his chest with my fists. “I could have killed you!”

“Hey, hey, I was watching your mind.” He grabbed my wrists and held me back. “You weren’t going to hurt me.”

I yanked myself out of his grasp, and he didn’t try to stop me. “I can’t believe you did that. You promised.”

“I know I did.” He smiled and looked at his watch. “It’s one o’clock, you know. I gave you an extra hour.” I glared at him, but he didn’t blink. “You did it. You don’t have to worry anymore.”

“Like hell!”

“Try it again,” he said softly. “You know it’s safe, now. Try it again.”

“No.”

“Cass...”

“What?”

“You’re never going to really be over this until you convince yourself you aren’t going to hurt anyone. I’m going to the lake to clean the fish. Try it again.” He picked up the ice chest and walked off, stopping a couple of yards away at the water’s edge. I couldn’t see him, but I could feel him. He crouched down and pulled a fillet knife out of his boot.

“
Come on
,
Cass.
” He grabbed a fish out of the ice chest and gutted it.

I took a deep breath. Slowly, I reached my hand out toward the flames. I didn’t need the gesture, not really, but it helped somehow, to think of my pull having a direction. I closed my eyes and let the heat wash over me.

It was the same thing I’d done moments before, but this time, I knew Shane was standing a few yards away.
The fire
,
think about the fire
, and somehow, I did. The broken cypress went soaring into the air, and the flames died down to coals, and I watched Shane flip a fish head into the water and turn back to look at me. I let the log down gently.

“
I
knew I could trust you.
”

“
I
didn’t.
”

“
But now you do.
” He mentally squeezed my shoulder as he walked past me to the fire, holding a frying pan with four thin filets. He settled the pan in the bed of coals, and soon the whole camp smelled of sizzling fish. When the edges of the filets were brown, we sat down on a log together and leaned over the smoking pan, spearing creamy-white flakes of fish and blowing on them, laughing as the tender flesh fell off of our forks.

“I could get used to this,” I said, polishing off the last bite.

“You didn’t do any camping in California? Isn’t that the official state pastime out there?” He was smiling, but I stiffened, flushing. Did he know what had happened between me and Jackson after all? The memory of the kiss flew through my mind in a heady, gut-wrenching rush, and I knew I couldn’t keep it from him indefinitely. I pressed my lips together.

“Look, while I was training with Jackson...” I couldn’t say it, but I didn’t have to. If he hadn’t seen it before, he would now. I couldn’t look at him.

“It’s okay,” he said.

“You’re not upset?”

“Of course I’m upset. But you don’t owe me anything. You made it pretty clear before you left that we weren’t together.”

I didn’t have anything to say in response, but my mind called up the memory of Shane’s face in my head as Jackson kissed me, the way Jackson had pulled away. I might have made it clear to Shane that I didn’t want to be with him, but I hadn’t made it clear to myself.

“He helped me. I mean, I never would have gotten as much control as I have now without him. I’m grateful for that. But...”

“He wishes it had been more,” Shane said, and I nodded. “And you?” His voice was even. I searched my mind for his presence, but he had withdrawn, waiting for me to answer. With a little jolt of surprise, I realized he was going to let me lie. If I wanted to, he was going to let me say yes.

“No,” I said, and he closed his eyes and nodded. “It just happened. I didn’t—I wasn’t—”

He held up a hand, stopping me, and we were both quiet for a moment.

“Has there been anyone else for you?” I asked him finally. I wasn’t sure why I wanted to know. I’d walked out on him, and it was none of my business whom he’d been with since, but I was suddenly terrified of how he’d answer.

Shane met my gaze and didn’t look away. “Once,” he said. “About a year ago. It didn’t last long.”

I was shocked by my surge of jealousy, but it blew away like smoke when I saw his face.

“She could tell,” he said.

“I’m sorry.” It seemed like too short of a sentence to cover all the leaving I’d done.

“It’s okay. I get why you had to leave, now.” He paused. “Not that it wasn’t hell.” His mouth quirked into a sad, sideways smile. “You’re it for me, Cass.”

He caught my gaze and didn’t look away. My breath hitched in my throat. We were sitting very close, our legs almost touching. If he’d reached for me then, I wouldn’t have turned away—couldn’t have. But I knew that wasn’t all he wanted. If I let him in, he wasn’t going to be satisfied with just sex. Fear and longing rose up in my chest, paralyzing me. Shane braced his hands on his thighs and stood.

“I meant what I said,” he told me, and he leaned down to pick up the cooling frying pan with its scraps of fish. “I’ll wait until you’re ready.” And he walked away to the water with the pan.

Chapter Twenty-Two

We passed the next two days fishing and wandering around the edge of the lake. Shane was true to his word—he didn’t push. We mindspoke, but he never slipped past my surface thoughts, and he didn’t try to draw me deeper into his head.

I’d hoped the pull would come by the end of the week, but night fell on Saturday and nothing had hit. I was starting to get anxious. We only had enough water for one more day. I wanted to send Shane back for provisions while I waited at the campsite, but he refused.

“It’s not worth it,” he said. We were warming the tent up for the night, sitting at opposite ends of the small space to distribute the heat better.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Look, we can come back. I’m not leaving you out here alone.”

“Fine. But tomorrow we should go check out some of those towns around the lake and see if there’s anything unusual out there.”

“Like what? A bunch of dead bodies floating by the dock?”

I glared at him. Neither of us had changed for bed yet, but by now it was warm enough for us to take off our jackets. I laid mine over my bag and got out the map, but as I was unfolding it, the lantern dimmed and went out. Cursing, I fumbled for the small flashlight I kept by my sleeping bag and flicked it on.

“I’ve got extra batteries in the toolbox in the boat,” Shane said.

“This is fine for now.”

He scootched closer to me along the floor of the tent and looked over my shoulder.

“Maybe we can make a circuit of the lake,” I said, moving the flashlight beam over the map. “Check out these towns to the north and the west.”

The light behind me brightened as Shane conjured up one of his light balls.

I switched off the flashlight. “You should save your strength.”

“It doesn’t take much. Show me where you mean.”

I pointed. “I have a hard time believing he’s hanging out in one of these little places, but I guess you never know.” If the font size was any guide, none of the towns near the lake had more than a couple thousand people each.

“We’ll ride by tomorrow.”

The light ball was floating over my shoulder, crackling softly. “Is that thing going to burn me?” I asked, and he laughed.

“Nope.” He reached out and ran his fingers through it. “It’s just a little warm.” The ball wobbled in the air and then steadied itself, or maybe he steadied it.

“How do you do that? You’ve never told me.”

“It’s not easy to explain.”

From where I was sitting, I couldn’t see his expression, but I could feel his breath on my shoulder. I remembered the look on his face two days before, sitting next to me on the log as we ate together, waiting. I knew that if I turned, I’d see that same expression—patient, calm, and underneath, the barest undercurrent of hope.

“Show me,” I said.

Shane went very still. The ball dimmed a little and dipped lower. “Are you sure?”

The light spun barely an inch above the map. Slowly, I reached out and ran my fingers through it just as he’d done a moment before. They tingled with electric warmth, but I didn’t pull away. Shane still wasn’t touching me, but I was aware of every part of his body behind me. I nodded.