Twisted (52 page)

Al shook his head. “That’s a very powerful threat, Jeff. Men in our culture tend to place a lot of emphasis on their genitals. I’ve heard from many promiscuous gay men that they see other men as just a set of genitals.”

“He told me he was gonna use hedge cutters, and he left them where I could constantly see them. Same with the blowtorch.” I heard a note of panic in my voice.

“How did you react to that threat?”

“It made me even more motivated, if that was possible, to get the hell away from there.”

“Jeff, that’s another reason why you survived. You didn’t let your fears get the best of you. Bottling up that fear saved your life, but the psychological torture he put you through was intense, and you need to let it out.”

“I was afraid, Al. I was terrified. I almost panicked a few times.”

“Jeff, if you weren’t afraid, you wouldn’t be human. You used that fear, however, to motivate yourself, rather than just giving up.”

“The doctor said it didn’t happen, but what if he raped me when I was unconscious?” When I verbalized that, I realized it was a huge fear I’d carried around.

Al looked at me for a few seconds, compassion and kindness dominated his features. “That’s another tough one for men, Jeff. Male rape is not uncommon, but it almost always goes unreported. Do you think he did?”

“I don’t know. The doctor says there was no physical evidence, meanin’ there was no ejaculate in me, and I wasn’t torn, bleedin’, or in his words, ‘dilated’. They put me on a course of anti-virals, just in case he did. I still test negative for any STD, so maybe he didn’t. He could have though, Al, he could have.” I hung my head. This was something I really didn’t want to face, but now that I’d mentioned it, the fear had full control of me.

“Rape is an act of violation, Jeff. It’s not about sex; it’s about control and violence. It’s also about humiliation, and on the part of the rapist, the need to control and be in power. The two things you confided to me are horrific. They are mental torture of the worst kind. Many countries that use torture, strip the victim prior to starting. That instills the fear that the torturer will mutilate the sex organs. In your case, he even threatened you verbally with mutilation. It’s the same with the rape. He told you he would do that, didn’t he?” I nodded. “You were able to use that fear and horror against him. That’s why you’re here, and he’s in prison. Mike mentioned to me that the two of you haven’t been intimate since your ordeal.”

I felt a bit angry. “He doesn’t need to be tellin’ everyone that.”

“He told me and no one else. He also told me, when you got out of the hospital, you started showering five or six times a day.” I nodded again. “The stigma that our society attaches to sex is that it’s something dirty. AJ made you feel dirty, as much of his torture was either suggestive or of a sexual nature. You can’t equate his twisted fantasies to a good healthy relationship like you and Mike have.”

“Al, I consider you a friend and all, but it’s kind of weird talkin’ about my sex life with you. I mean, you are Mike’s dad.”

He laughed. “You’re also my son-in-law, Jeff. You and Mike are a couple. Anyone that knows you’re a couple realizes that you two have intimate relations. Watching the two of you and how you interact, I’d also venture your sexual relationship is good, healthy, and mutually satisfying. That’s something many couples strive for. You know, your comment about my being Mike’s father is the first thing you’ve really said that didn’t relate directly to your ordeal. I’m really glad to see and hear that. Jeff, I’d strongly suggest that you talk to a licensed therapist. As you just said, I’m a bit close to you, and you need to be able to get this stuff out, to face what happened. You may feel hesitant to speak with me because I
am
Mike’s father. Also, the counseling you need could take months. My diagnosis is that you’re suffering from PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder. If you’ll allow me, I’ll talk to the local PFLAG chapter and see if they can recommend a good therapist.”

“Okay by me. It’s tough talking about this stuff.”

“You do feel a bit better though, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“One last thing, as a father, I want to tell you I’m really proud of Mike. He’s turned into a really special man. You’re a big part of that. I’m proud of you, too.”

“Thanks, Al. That’s nice to hear.”

W
E
HEADED
out of the office. Mike, Smitty, and Sandy were in the living room. Sheriff Johnston was also there with a gentleman in a suit. They stood up when they saw me. Sheriff Johnston was the first to speak.

“Jeff, I’d like you to meet Mr. Chambers. Mr. Chambers is the Okanagan County prosecutor.” We shook hands.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Connelly.”

“Likewise.”

“I’d asked the sheriff to bring me out here to speak with you. We’re starting to put the case against Mr. Schmidt together. We expect him to plead innocent by reason of insanity.”

“I can certainly say he is one twisted S.O.B.”

He looked at me gravely. “That’s why, Mr. Connelly, we’d like you to testify as a witness for the prosecution.” My stomach clenched up. The thought of getting on the stand and recounting what happened in front of a bunch of people, made me want to sick to my stomach. Chambers saw my hesitation.

“I can understand how you feel. No one should have to go through what you did. Can you help us make certain that Mr. Schmidt is never in the position to hurt anyone else?” My blood still ran cold, thinking about it. Mike reached out and took my hand. Smitty was sitting on the other side of me with Sandy. He reached over and patted my back. I thought a second, and realized that I had an obligation to make certain AJ never hurt anyone else. As I thought that, I saw Lonnie and Sam flash before me. I thought of the cold, flat, dead look in AJ’s eyes as he watched me, looking for the slightest sign of fear. It had been the glance of a predator who likes to play with his prey. Anger coursed through me when I thought of all the guys who didn’t get away. Maybe that is why I survived, to bring those that didn’t, justice.

“How many victims do you attribute to him now?”

Mr. Chambers looked at me quizzically. “We are guessing somewhere in the fifties. There are departments all over the West who are contacting us about unsolved homicides in their jurisdictions which match his M.O. To be frank, at this time I can’t give you a firm number.”

“I’m the only one who got away, right?”

“Other than your partner here, that’s correct.”

“Yeah, I’ll be a witness for you. I don’t wanna see him get off and do this again.”

“Thank you, Mr. Connelly. When would be convenient for you to meet with us, to get your testimony and plan our strategy?” I hesitated. I needed to deal with the situation just a bit more. I looked over at Al.

“You mind if I wait a couple of weeks before we get together? I’m still dealin’ with what happened. I’d like the chance to talk it out a bit with someone before I meet with you.”

“That’s completely understandable. How about I give you a call in two weeks?” He stood up. I stood with him and offered my hand.

“Thanks.” He walked out with the sheriff.

Sandy jumped up and gave me a hug. “That’s really brave of you, Jeff, to possibly relive that horrible experience.”

“I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anyone, not even Spencer.” Everyone laughed. “Whatever I can do to keep him behind bars, I’ll do.” Sandy let me know she and Maria were cooking dinner, chili verde and homemade flour tortillas with beans and rice. For the first time in a month or so, I felt hungry.

I
T
WAS
the night of my tenth counseling session with the therapist in Seattle. I had the sessions three days a week. Bryan and David were back together and opened their house in Seattle to me so I wouldn’t have to drive back and forth so much. I was happy to be back in my own home, for a few days anyway.

I’d moved from feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness to anger. I was beginning to be able to handle what had happened. I was still having nightmares, but there were only one or two a night. They didn’t start the minute I closed my eyes and keep me awake all night anymore.

Mike and I were seated on the couch. We had built a fire, and it was dying down. The moon was bright and shone through the big picture window, casting silver shadows which trembled in the light cast by the dying fire. Mike had his arm around my shoulders, and I leaned against him. I glanced up at him. His beard shone red and orange in the firelight. His blond hair was tousled, and the low light gleamed in his tawny eyes.

He noticed me looking and smiled. “What are you lookin’ at?”

“The handsomest man on Earth, that’s what.”

“Jeffy, you must be seein’ your reflection in my eyes, or somethin’.” I pulled his face into mine, and we kissed. The hair from his moustache and beard rubbed against my lips. I felt his tongue, urgently probing, reaching. I wasn’t gonna rush. I touched back with my own tongue, gently, slowly. He sighed and melted against me. Other than a peck on the lips or cheek, this was our first kiss since my having been kidnapped. As we broke the kiss, I looked into his eyes. They communicated a deep adoration, love, and caring, all of which I knew were reflected in my own eyes.

I nuzzled into his beard. “Buddy, let’s go upstairs and go to bed. I love you, and I wanna show you how much.”

“I love you too, Jeffy.” He stood up and took my hand. We headed up the stairs. Once in our room, we started to kiss again, with urgency. We tore each other’s clothes off. I did make sure I groped him in his skimpy, blue briefs. He had his hand up the leg of my boxers before pulling them down. In a flash we were on the bed, naked and intertwined. He went straight for my cock, engulfing me in his hot, wet mouth. I groaned in pleasure and pulled him on top of me so his hips were over my face. I took him in my mouth and began massaging his shaft with my tongue. He began to gently fondle my balls. It felt good, so far removed from the pain which I had experienced. After sucking him for a minute or so, I moved back, licking his balls and the area behind them. They were smooth—he was still keeping them shaved—and heavy. I moved back to the area behind them and finally to his ass. I smelled soap and clean sweat. I began to tongue him. I could hear him whimpering around my cock. I was moving my hips and legs in reaction to the sheer pleasure Mike was giving me with his mouth and tongue. I knew I wasn’t going to last long. I was certain Mike wouldn’t either. Our actions were filled with urgency, a deep hunger for each other. Once his ass was good and wet, I moved back to his dick and began sucking him, mimicking what he was doing to me. He was pumping out precum like an open tap. I could feel my balls drawing up and tightening and my dick getting harder and swelling even bigger. I slid my finger inside Mike and began to rub his prostate. All it took was two little rubs, and he bucked hard, groaned, and my mouth filled with his essence. I shot at the same time. We kept at one another until we were both drained dry. We finally moved around and lay together, arms and legs intertwined.

I saw him smile, his teeth flashing white in the moonlight shining through the skylights. “That has to be a new record for gettin’ off fast.”

“Yeah, but nice.”

“It was nice. I’m glad you’re feelin’ better and up to it.”

I rubbed his back a bit before answering. “Buddy, I’d realized from talkin’ out what happened, that I’m not the only victim. I reckon my feelin’ bad—bein’ depressed and all—affected you too. You stood by me and kept encouragin’ me. You even called your dad and got me to talk with him.”

“You know I’m always gonna be there for ya, don’t ya?”

“I do. I stopped blockin’ out what happened. I remembered how AJ kept tellin’ me I was no fun because I wasn’t showin’ him how scared I was. I wasn’t gonna give him any satisfaction, and I wasn’t gonna let him win. That and gettin’ back to you got me through what happened. Then I got to thinkin’ and realized that if I stayed all depressed, all curled up inside myself, I was doin’ the same as showin’ fear to him. I was lettin’ him win. No way in hell am I gonna let that twisted lunatic get the best of me.”

He snuggled against me and kissed my neck. “You’re a brave man, Jeffy. You didn’t freak out or panic. Hell, that situation was somethin’ out of a horror movie.”

“Well, I realized I got somethin’ out of whatever movie in the world has the happiest endin’. I got you. You know I worship the ground you walk on? I never knew it was possible to love someone as much as I love you. Thinkin’ on that, I realized just how lucky I am. What happened with AJ doesn’t change me and you. That was when I started feelin’ better.”

“You know I can say the same about you. You were there for me when I was confused, angry, hurt, and messed up. We belong together.” We kissed again. This kiss was slower, more gentle. We began running our hands over each other. I was enjoying the feel of the fur on Mike’s chest and butt. He was rubbing my shoulders and back.

“It’s nice to touch you again, Jeffy.”

“Nice to touch and be touched.” We moved together so I was on top of him. We continued to kiss, a deep and lasting kiss, filled with emotion and longing. We were both hard again, rubbing together, leaking cock honey all over each other. Mike spread his legs, putting his feet in the air and his knees down by his ears. We stared into each other’s eyes, connecting. Without breaking eye contact, he reached over to the bedstand and got the lube. I smiled down at him as he lubed his ass. I felt his hand grasp my shaft and rub the slippery liquid over it.

“You ready, buddy?”

“Oh yeah, I’m ready.” I positioned myself against him and entered, sliding in slowly, enjoying the closeness. I watched his face as I slid inside him. He smiled up at me, a look of pure contentment lighting up his features. I began to fuck slowly. We were both reveling in the feeling, in taking it nice and slow and easy.

“This feels so good, Mike. I love bein’ in you. I love lookin’ at you when I’m in you. Never seen a handsomer man.”

“Remember when I fucked you before?”