Twins times two! (14 page)

Kneeling on the ground, Cara tried to calm them. She patted their backs, coaxed them toward the swings, offered sweet words of comfort in an

effort to reassure them. But they continued to glare at Ross and back away from him as if he were a frightening monster.

"Ross, maybe we should wait and have Mrs. Graves bring your children a little later."

But no sooner had she said the words than another Mom Squad van pulled into the parking place. Since Grace had volunteered to collect Mrs. Graves and the twins, Ross turned and strode toward the car.

'Til head them off at the pass."

But he didn't have the chance. The children burst from the rolling door and raced toward him. Before Ross could stop the girls, they came running down the hill, then skidded to a stop, obviously catching their first sight of Cara's children.

For long moments the park was eerily silent as the two sets of twins stared at one another. Cara bit her lip to still her instinctive cry at the first glimpse of them together. Two little redheads. Two strawberry-blondes.

Amazing. Absolutely amazing.

Heidi was the first to move. Her brows creased in a scowl as she stepped toward Brianne. Then, without warning, she was launching herself toward her identical twin, pulling at her hair, kicking, scratching.

"Heidi, stop!"

168 Twins Times Two!

Cara dodged toward the pair to separate them. In a heartbeat, Brianne's cries of distress were joined by Becca's as Zoe tackled her to the ground and sat on her stomach.

"Stop it. Stop it!" Cara cried, trying to grab Heidi's flailing arms.

Ross scooped Zoe off Becca while Polly and Mrs. Graves finally managed to wrestle Brianne away from Heidi's grip. The children's cries dissolved into sobs of anger and fear.

Cara looked frantically around the park. Where was the doctor? He was supposed to be here to help. He was supposed to tell them the best way to handle the situation.

Her own throat tightened with tears as Heidi turned and wrapped her arms around Cara's neck, sobbing piteously.

"I don't like her, I don't like her," the little girl screamed again and again until her voice was barely recognizable. "Make 'em go 'way! Make 'em go 'way!"

Frantic, Cara met Ross's gaze, a horrible heaviness tugging at her heart.

Had they done the wrong thing? They had thought that being near one another would comfort the children. Were they wrong in that assumption?

Zoe kicked at Ross until he released her, then

she ran to Cara, clutching at Heidi as if she feared that her sister would disappear into thin air.

Blinking at her own tears, Cara hugged them close.

"Shh...it's all right," she whispered. "Everything's all right."

But even she had trouble believing the worn-out platitudes.

Chapter Eleven

Cara rubbed her aching temples with the heels of her hands and closed the door to the twins' new bedroom.

She never wanted to go through anything like that again. It had been hours since the meeting in the park, and during that time one or another of the children had been hysterical. Nothing Cara or Ross said or Dr. Egstrom could offer managed to calm them down.

She looked up to find Ross slouched in the only piece of adult-size furniture to be found in the nursery's play area—a love seat that he still managed to dwarf.

A sob burst from her throat. "We've scarred their psyches forever."

She didn't even hesitate when he opened his arms. Sinking onto the couch beside him, she al-

lowed him to pull her close. He hugged her to his chest while he stroked her hair in silent comfort.

"It's not that bad."

"The whole thing has been horrible. Horrible!"

"Shh."

He drew her even more securely into his embrace, tucking her head beneath his chin. Still stroking her hair, he whispered a litany of words that had no real meaning but were simply offered to comfort her. And bit by bit, as the steady beat of his heart marked the time and the warmth of his body seeped into her own, she began to believe that things would improve. Somehow.

"The children aren't scarred for life, Cara. I don't even think it's a case of their being all that shocked by discovering they each have an identical twin. I think the root of their distress lies in the simple fact that they've been confronted with a huge change to their usual routines and surroundings. Added to that is the fact that each of the twins must be feeling a sense of competitiveness and possessiveness."

"Competition? For what?"

"My children are feeling threatened that I will begin to spend time with your kids, and I'm sure Heidi and Zoe are equally possessive of your time and attention. Our situation isn't really all that different from what it would have been if each of us

had brought home a new baby from the hospital. The scope of the problem from their end is simply larger because the time they had to prepare for the meeting was smaller and the 'new siblings' are their own age. Add to that the fact that each of the girls is seeing a mirror image— M he shrugged beneath her "—it has to have scared them."

Cara took a deep, shuddering breath and wiped the tears from her cheeks. Looking at things from Ross's point of view, she could see the challenges involved. But as he said, she didn't see anything that could prove permanently damaging to the chil-dren's well-being. "I suppose you're right."

"I'm not saying that things are going to be perfect overnight. It may be months before they truly accept one another."

She closed her eyes in horror. Could she endure even another day like the one she'd just had?

"But at least neither of us will have to survive the tantrums and emotional outbursts alone. We'll have each other to help weather the storms."

They were a pair now. Partners. A married couple.

For the first time, she felt as if they were a married couple. She wouldn't go so far as to say they were newlyweds. But the embrace they shared had a certain familiarity about it that was reassuring.

"Are you reconsidering your stand on the nanny?" Ross asked, his voice rumbling in her ear.

She grimaced. "I feel like a failure admitting that I need help."

"Cara, even the Mom Squad Day Care wouldn't allow four three-year-olds to be supervised full-time by one adult."

"Yes, but they're my children."

"And if you'd given birth to all four at once, you would have neighbors and church women rallying around you to help ease the workload. Why won't you let me supply you with one little ol' nanny?"

She grimaced, knowing that she couldn't let her pride get in the way of this issue. She needed help. Maybe once the children were better acquainted with one another, things would be different. But after the day she'd had today, she was ashamed to admit she would consider the full-time services of the National Guard if it were offered. "Okay. I'll take a little old nanny, but that's it."

She pressed her hands against her eyes. She was so tired of worrying. So tired of struggling. "We've got a problem, though. After today I think Mrs. Graves is reconsidering her position as your employee. When she left, she made it quite clear that four children were too much for her to handle, as well. That means finding someone else." Before

Ross could offer any suggestions, she hurriedly added, "And I won't be shown up in my mothering skills by an au pair who is half my age, so don't even think about hiring a nanny fresh out of high school."

"We'll find someone. Don't worry." He squeezed her shoulders. "I've got connections to a magical service called the Mom Squad. I'm sure they can find us another nanny. Maybe something British along the Mary Poppins line, with a little magic up her sleeve."

Cara offered a soft snort. "Even Mary Poppins would serve notice after a day like today."

She thought Ross's lips brushed against her hair. "There's always tomorrow, Cara. And the day after that. Things will get better."

She clung to that thought with every ounce of hope she had left.

Yes. Things would get better. Time had a way of healing so many things. Fear, anger...

Grief.

Ross shifted, and Cara felt her cheeks grow warm when she realized that she still lay with her head against his chest. But when she would have moved, Ross silently urged her to remain.

The peace of the room slipped around them like velvet, easing the tension from her shoulders. She closed her eyes, concentrating on Ross's fingers

stroking her hair. The sensation was heavenly and, oh, so relaxing, threatening to send her to sleep.

"Stibbs will be back tomorrow. I'll formally introduce the two of you before I leave for work, then you and he can work out the details of how you want the house run."

"Fine." Lethargy stole through her like a silken tide.

"I would like it if you'd keep your evenings free, however. At least once or twice a week I'm required to attend some sort of social gathering, and as my wife, I'll need you to accompany me."

Cara's eyes flickered, then opened as she stared unseeingly at a point in midair. Her heart squeezed with a viselike pressure.

If Ross only knew how those words echoed those that Elliot had offered her soon after their wedding. It wasn't until then that she'd realized that her role in Elliot's life was to look perfect, act perfect and organize the most perfect parties.

"We'll have to throw one or two of our own dinner parties, as well," Ross continued.

Cara felt a chill invade her limbs. This couldn't be happening. She couldn't have allowed herself to be sucked back into the same gilded trap.

"We'll keep things small until you know every-one.

Or until she knew who the "right" people were.

Her throat grew tight with tears, but this time they weren't on behalf of the children. This time they were for herself. Because she was a fool—a complete and utter fool. After managing to divorce Elliot and escape from a life that had left her feeling hollow and bleak, she had gone completely full circle again with the same kind of life and the same kind of man.

Knowing that she had to leave before she burst into tears again, she jumped to her feet and offered a choked, "Good night, Ross. I'm afraid I'm coming down with a headache, so I'll just...good night."

Then she rushed out the door, snapping it shut behind her.

Ross stared at the door, hearing Cara's feet run across the hall, then the second soft thump as she closed herself in her room.

What had just happened here? He'd been so sure that he'd managed to reassure Cara about the children, the nanny, even Stibbs's role as her employee. She'd lain against him so peacefully. For long moments he'd been enveloped in a sense of contentment and well-being. Then, without warning, she'd stiffened and all but run from the room.

What had he done?

What had he said?

Thinking back, he couldn't remember anything that could have caused her sudden retreat.

"Damn." Sighing, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Wearily he ran his fingers through his hair, hoping to ease the tension that had gripped him since the twins' arrival at the park. Despite his matter-of-fact explanation for the day's events to Cara, he hadn't been unaffected by the plight of the children. It had torn him apart to see Becca and Brianne crying and reaching out to him. Although they had gradually forgotten their mother, Ross still remembered those first awful days after Nancy's death when they'd begged him to find her and bring her home.

Today they'd fallen back into those same behaviors. It was clear they felt threatened by the presence of a new mother and two new siblings. They were clearly terrified by the sudden change in their lives, and the new trauma brought back the pain surrounding Nancy's disappearance from their lives.

Ross shuddered at the memory of his children's grief. He tried not to spoil his children, but he had made it a point to keep them emotionally sheltered.

Until now. Today he had unwittingly tested his children to the limits of their endurance.

Too weary to dwell on that point, Ross snapped off all but a night-light and made his way down

the hall to tMfe master bedroom. Once there, he stripped off his clothes. But even a hot shower didn't ease the knots in his shoulders. He was tired. Bone tired. The kind of weariness that went straight to the soul. And there wasn't a thing he could do about it. No amount of sleep would ease the exhaustion of his spirit.

And yet...

Today, during their mad dash to lose the reporters—and those quiet moments on the couch before Cara had run away—he'd been happy. His mind had been still, his body rejuvenated.

Frowning, Ross flipped off the shower and wrapped himself in a towel. Padding through the darkened bedroom, he opened one of the windows to catch the night's breeze, then flipped back the covers.

For long moments he stared at the emptiness that greeted him. Would he ever get used to sleeping alone?

As if out of habit, he glanced at the photograph of his wife on the nightstand. But for once the picture didn't offer him any answers. It was a picture, not a human being. Even the slightly self-deprecating tilt to her lips seemed to urge him to admit that talking to Nancy in his mind and clinging to the memories with a stranglehold wouldn't bring her back.

Lisa Bingham 179

And for the first time in as long as he could remember, that thought wasn't as devastating as he had supposed it would be.

He'd loved Nancy. He would always love her. But she had always been filled with such love and laughter that she wouldn't want him to live his life as a memorial of her death.

A memorial of her death?

Was that what he'd been doing?

The strength drained from his knees, and he sank onto the edge of the bed.

Even as he inwardly protested his sudden epiphany, Ross realized that for the longest time he had focused on Nancy's rapidly developing cancer and those last painful months. He'd focused on his grief and the emptiness of his home. In doing so, he'd forgotten the love and laughter she'd inspired.

Until Cara had reminded him how good it felt to smile.