Twin Ties 1: My Brother's Lover (32 page)

Evan could feel how easy it would be to keep going. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Luka sitting on the counter and swinging his feet, drinking a bottle of Brennan’s spring water, and watching the three of them like a hawk.

Surprisingly, it didn’t bother Evan at all, being on display like that for Luka. If they had suddenly lost the pretense of the dance and just devolved into sexual deviance right there in the middle of the kitchen floor with a captive audience witnessing the whole thing, well, that would’ve been okay, too.

Evan cleared his throat and twisted away, away from Alek and Brennan as well. “Just gimme a sec, okay?”

Concern darkened Brennan’s bright eyes but Evan gave him a slight smile to assure him he was all right.

“Hey, Bren, you crazy little fucker!”

Brennan’s eyes narrowed with clear mischief. A fiery look was aimed at Luka from over his shoulder. Evan watched as Brennan spun and jumped onto Luka after he had slipped down from his perch. Brennan wrapped his legs around Luka’s waist. Luka held him there with two hands cupped under Brennan’s ass as Brennan bounced to the music, writhing like a cat. Luka laughed and kissed him passionately.

“Your brother is... not shy. And a little crazy,” Alek chuckled.

“Yeah, well, likewise. You’re um, sweaty,” Evan said, grinning after he said it.

“Oh yeah. Sorry. I might need to use your shower before I head over to work for a few hours,” Alek muttered, looking down at himself.

“You seriously didn’t have to do yard work.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Alek replied with feigned ignorance, planting his hand on his narrow hips. Evan simply plucked a blade of grass from Alek’s sweat-damp shirt and handed it back to him.

“So, you really have to work today?”

“Just for a few hours. I’d like to come back tonight, if that’s okay. I think Luka’s planning to spend the day here, so you’ll have company. Did Bren get you some breakfast?”

“Yeah,” Evan murmured. “Thank you for that. You really didn’t have to do that either.”

“I wanted to. How are you today?” Alek guided Evan back toward the doorway, away from Brennan and Luka, lowering his voice.

“I’m good. Look, I’m sorry for laying all of that on you last night. I don’t want it to change how you think of me. I’m not gonna break and I’m not, you know—weak.”

“I know you’re not,” Alek said quietly, frowning. “But it’s part of who you are, and I’m glad you told me. I want you to be able to tell me anything. How are you and....” He nodded to the other pair, still dancing, kissing and laughing, oblivious.

“Well, it got weird,” Evan admitted. “But the weirdest part of all might be how comfortable it was. It shouldn’t feel that good to get off on your brother, right?”

“What happened?” Alek asked confidentially, leaning in closer and glancing over to Brennan.

But Evan shook his head, not willing to talk about it yet or there, with Brennan so close by.

“He loves you so much, Evan. It’s so apparent. There’s this insane level of chemistry between you two. We talked about this, remember? No judging. You do what feels right to you. I just ask that you’re honest with me about it.”

Evan hung around Alek until he was ready to leave, lingering in the bathroom while Alek took a shower and reclining on the bed while he got dried off and dressed. Evan stayed quiet, just enjoying being near his lover and enjoying his company while he could. Alek didn’t press Evan on the Brennan issue, for which Evan was grateful. Evan knew he needed to figure things out for himself before he brought anyone one else into it all. He was willing to tell Alek something happened, but not to analyze it with him.

Alek took his duffel bag with him, saying he intended to pack it with fresh supplies from home before returning after work, but it made Evan nervous to have Alek collecting all of his things and leaving nothing behind, with no concrete reason to return. Luka even had his own car there, and was perfectly capable of taking off, not needing Alek to come back and give him a ride. What if Evan had really disturbed Alek with the confession about his suicide attempt? What if, despite his assurances, Alek really was put off by Evan’s attraction to Brennan and he was just being polite until he could get away, scot-free? These questions swirled around inside Evan’s head, swarming and multiplying until they were all he could think about, blocking all sense and reason.

They walked to Alek’s truck and Evan could still feel the throbbing deep inside his body from where Alek had been inside him the night before, but the ache in his heart was more acute. He tried to block it out, to let on nothing of what was happening inside.

“So, I’ll see you later, right?” Evan mumbled, plucking a cigarette from the pack he’d stuck in his back pocket and cupping a hand over the end as he lit it. He sucked in a lungful of smoke and held it in.

Alek threw his bag into the passenger side footwell and folded his arms across his chest, frowning slightly with disapproval at Evan’s smoking.

“Yeah. I’ll probably be here around midnight.”

Evan blew out a long tendril of smoke and let the lit cigarette fall to his side as Alek’s frown deepened.

“That’s really bad for you, you know.”

“Yeah,” Evan mumbled. “I know I said this already, but I swear I’m not as pathetic as it sounded. I mean, I understand if you’re not interested as much anymore. You don’t owe me anything.”

“What are you talking about? I just said I’m coming back later.”

“I know what you said. I’m just giving you an out if you need one.” He scratched the side of his nose with his thumb, the cigarette pinched between two fingers. It was to disguise the sudden wave of emotion choking him, squeezing his throat closed and burning in his chest. He couldn’t read Alek’s expression. At first he seemed shocked, then angry, then upset. “So, if you change your mind, I just wanted to say thank you for listening and for everything you’ve done.”

Alek hissed through his teeth and his expression clarified into pure heartache. He slung an arm behind Evan’s neck and hugged him to his chest, sighing thickly into his short hair. “
Stop
. Stop saying goodbye. I’m not leaving you. I meant it when I said I love you. You couldn’t get rid of me now if you tried.”

Evan tried to believe it as Alek held him, feeling how solid and real Alek was.

When Evan said nothing and only tried not to return Alek’s embrace in case it was the last one he was going to get, Alek growled, “I swear to fucking God if I ever meet your dad, I’m gonna punch him right in the face for what he did to you. He sure did a piss-poor job taking care of you.”

“He tried his best.”

“Well, his best wasn’t good enough. I will
not
take off and leave you alone like he does. Got it? If you need anything today, call my cell or talk to Luka. Please. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

He planted a soft kiss to Evan’s forehead and took a good look at his face, cupping it in his hands. Evan gazed up at him hopefully and said, “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Take it easy, okay? I might bring over my pillow and some other stuff tonight. You were totally hogging the pillows last night, so I think I need to improvise a little.”

Embarrassed, Evan bowed his head. “Was not,” he protested.

“No, you totally were,” Alek insisted with raised eyebrows. “It was terrible. How dare you, Evan.”

Evan rolled his eyes and repressed a grin. “Dork. Go to work.”

Climbing in behind the wheel and rolling down the windows, Alek called, “If our brothers are humping like rabbits again, throw a bucket of cold water on ’em for me!”

“Done!”

Evan waved as Alek reversed out of the drive and coasted away down the road. Alek honked twice before turning and disappearing from sight.

After a quick glance back over his shoulder at the house, Evan made himself comfortable on the front stoop and enjoyed the rest of his cigarette. When it was burned down to the filter, he crushed it out and tossed the pack into the garbage, wanting to make Alek happy, and proud of him.

While Luka showered off the sweat from doing both the yard work and dancing, Brennan did a load of laundry. As he gathered dirty clothes, he peered out through the windows at Evan, who although Alek was long gone, was still outside, tinkering with and washing his car. It reminded Brennan of how Evan behaved that morning, lingering in bed long after Alek had left it. Savoring the remnants of Alek’s aura in the room, cherishing the note Alek left and clinging to the sight of Alek’s things sitting there in Evan’s room so boldly, like they belonged there, as if Evan had found a strange new reality with something very precious—someone who didn’t owe him anything at all, but cared anyway. And now that Alek’s things, his truck, and his self, were gone, Evan was lingering in the yard Alek worked to spruce up that morning in order to lighten Evan’s load.

Brennan watched as Evan treasured it like a gift, spending all day amidst Alek’s handiwork, the sinking sun baking into Evan’s tan skin and shining gold in his hair. It spoke to a deep sentimentality in Evan’s personality and reminded Brennan of their mother, and how the little things, like small acts of kindness, were always the most important to her.

After gathering some used clothes in his own room, both his and Luka’s, Brennan went to Evan’s room, grabbing the bed sheets which were soiled by the intimate moment shared by them a handful of hours ago, a moment still looming large and bright in Brennan’s mind. Brennan also collected the clothes Evan wore the night before on his date with Alek. They all got tossed and mixed together in his basket, which he took to the washer and dumped in. And if Brennan took a few seconds to inhale Evan’s musky scent from one of the t-shirts, then, well, no one really needed to know about that, did they?

Around late afternoon, Evan came inside in a hurry, half-drenched in sweat and sudsy water from washing the car. He went straight to the living room where Brennan and Luka were cuddled up together on the couch and watching golf. Dripping all over the wooden floor, Evan said breathlessly, frantically, “I’m not home. Okay? I’m out. Went to town or something. Got it?”

With a nervous glance over his shoulder at the front door, he fled to his bedroom, leaving them confused until there was a knock at the door and Jimmy’s voice called for someone to answer. It carried in easily through the opened windows. Brennan hopped up and went to answer it.

“Hey Jimmy. What’s up?” he asked, cracking the door open and leaning against it, intentionally blocking Jimmy’s view of the inside of the house.

“Where’s Evan? I’ve been trying to call him and he won’t talk to me. I’m worried.”

“Evan’s fine. He went for a walk into town. I’ll tell him you stopped by, though.”

“Why isn’t he answering his phone?”

“He, um... he’s been with Alek, so he probably turned it off and forgot about it. Seriously, don’t worry. I’ve been keeping a really close eye on him.”

Jimmy looked doubtful but nodded, hands shoved deeply in his front pockets. Turning his head, he glanced at the water dripping from Evan’s freshly-washed, prized Chevy onto the driveway, at the sponge left lying on the asphalt and hose abandoned in a messy heap.

“Okay. Thanks, Brennan. How have you been? Good? You look good.”

“Thanks,” Brennan smiled happily. “I am. Things have been looking up.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I’ll catch you later, I guess. Have a nice day,” Jimmy smiled distractedly back. With a small wave, he walked back toward the road and out of sight.

Seconds later, Brennan had shut and locked the door and was passing by Luka with his questioning expression, holding up a finger to him as he stomped into Evan’s room.

“What was that about? Since when do you avoid Jimmy?”

Evan sighed and stopped his pacing in the middle of the room. “I knew he was gonna ask me about how things have been with you, and I can’t lie to him. I just can’t. I’m incapable of it. The only reason I’m alive and standing here right now is because of him. I can sometimes avoid talking about shit, but what if he saw on my face the
truth
about how things have been with you? You really think an ex-preacher’s gonna understand about how I feel about you and the
filthy fucking things
I want to do to you every time I see you? You’re my
brother
, Brennan.”

“Jimmy cares about you, Evan. He’d never do anything to cause you harm or make you feel bad about yourself. You have to know that.” Brennan clung to the rational argument, but the part of Evan’s tirade that really stuck in his head was the last part, and the implication of what Evan wanted. It made Brennan’s blood rise. Questions sat on his lips:
What kinds of things, Evan? What would you do to me? How far will you let this go?

They locked eyes and the moment drew out until Evan blurted, “Where are my sheets and my clothes?”

“Being washed. They were dirty.”

Filthy fucking things
...
Hell yeah, they were dirty
, Brennan thought.

Evan bowed his head, arguing, “I can do my own laundry.”

“I was doing a load anyway. It’s not a big deal.”

“Maybe I don’t want you going through my things! Maybe I don’t want you in my business and cleaning up my messes. I just— you know what? I can’t do this. I can’t. Please go. Please leave me alone for a while,” Evan sighed tiredly, turning his back on Brennan.

“Why?” It sounded hurt and small.

“I think you know why.”

Brennan hovered in the doorway anyway, fighting the natural, magnetic pull that wanted to draw him closer to his twin. “Come and sit with us,” he offered. “Relax for a little while. Luka said he wanted to hang out with you and I think it could be fun. You two should get to know each other better. You—”

“I’m not done outside yet,” Evan interrupted.

Brennan fell quiet and nodded once, muttering, “Of course not.”

Evan turned at that, but Brennan was already starting to leave. All Evan got was a fleeting glimpse as Brennan went back to Luka.