Twelve Days - The Beginning (19 page)

The food looked delicious and Elise was surprised to find that she was hungry, belatedly realising that she had not eaten much more than a sandwich all day.

Shortly after they had settled, uniformed waiters arrived with military precision and proceeded to serve them their soup - a divine blend of carrot and coriander, which Elise polished off in almost indecent haste. There was also freshly made bread and charming little rolls of butter, which brought back fond memories for Elise. Her mother had gone through a ‘posh’ phase when she had been growing up and had held endless dinner parties. The butter had always been served in small, handcrafted rolls, achieved by the use of a special
implement and it brought back fond memories of being allowed to help her mother make the butter rolls.

During this first course of the meal, she had given herself some time to think about Vaughn and how he affected her. As a result, Elise remained largely silent, allowing the rest of the group to carry on the conversation. She was finally beginning to admit to herself that she was attracted to Vaughn on a level much deeper than she had ever been to Dale and that scared the life out of her.

She knew that she wanted Vaughn physically and he apparently wanted her too. Part of her, the rebellious part, the one that was fed up with her life and the reality of her marriage, was just willing herself to let go and have some fun. They both knew that she was married, that nothing permanent could come of any association and as far as Vaughn was concerned, Dale was a low life who deserved everything he got.

Whilst she understood the argument that both he and Cole put forward about Dale, she was still struggling to let that one last piece go and admit that her marriage was over. In her heart of hearts she knew that it was but to admit to it out loud was a different thing altogether. She also had no idea how she could end her marriage without hurting Dale. Ironic really, considering the amount of hurt that Dale heaped onto her on a daily basis. It was a fragile situation and, given his volatile behaviour, part of her was very scared.

If he took it badly, which she suspected he would, then what would that mean for her and anyone who decided to get involved and help her out? She didn’t want to be hurt any more than she already was and she certainly didn’t want for Cole or any of her friends to get hurt. She knew that the time was coming when she would have to make a decision that would almost inevitably mean leaving Dale, but she wasn’t sure if she was strong enough yet to brave the consequences, whatever they were.

Deep in thought she sighed, causing Vaughn to look across at her from where he had been talking to Roger.

“You OK?” he asked.

“Yes, sorry – just thinking.”

He leaned closer to her so that he could whisper in her ear.

“As long as you were thinking about what’s going to happen between us later – then that’s fine with me.” He really did have the most ridiculously sexy voice.

“Your ego knows no bounds, Mr Granger – you were the last person on my mind.” She playfully punched him lightly on the arm - again.

“Ow! You really have to quit hitting me, you know.”

“Or... What if I don’t?” she teased playfully.

“I may just decide to take some revenge of my own.” He added suggestively, his voice low and dangerous.

Roger reclaimed Vaughn’s attention and he turned away again; except this time he placed his left hand on her knee under the table and began massaging circles up, down and around, occasionally dipping to the sensitive spot just underneath her knee.

As she fidgeted away from his touch, he moved his hand higher and lightly gripped her thigh at the exact point where the lacy top of her hold ups sat. He proceeded to run his thumb along the edge of the lace, all the while continuing his conversation with Roger, seemingly unaffected by anything that was happening below the table.

The waiters returned to clear away their soup bowls and Elise took the opportunity to excuse herself to go to the ladies room and to put a little distance between herself and this intoxicating man. As she went to stand up, Vaughn briefly tugged on her right hand, pulling her ear down level with his mouth.

“Don’t bother coming back unless you’ve removed your panties” he whispered, so low that at first she wasn’t sure she had heard him correctly. She straightened up in complete shock and looked directly into his eyes. He nodded at her imperceptibly, raising an eyebrow in silent challenge and she realised that she had heard every single word - precisely. Legs shaking, she pushed her chair back and tried to catch Celeste’s eye; she really needed her friend right now. Unfortunately Celeste was oblivious to the world around her, totally engrossed in something that Roger was saying and reluctantly Elise left the table alone. How the hell was she going to deal with this one?

Leaving the dining room, she headed for the washrooms straight ahead and sank gratefully into a cubicle, leaning against the door for strength. She had to make a decision about Vaughn tonight – she knew that. He had made his feelings perfectly clear and it was up to her now; the ball was well and truly in her court.

There was no doubt that she wanted Vaughn with a fierceness she couldn’t hide, she just had to work out how to deal with the moral issue that was holding her back, the one that was keeping her from committing the ultimate sin. And she had absolutely no idea how to begin to rationalise that kind of decision – she would be a cheat, regardless of any mitigating circumstances, and that wasn’t something that she wanted to be.

Taking a deep breath, she conjured up Dale’s face in her mind; his handsome smiling face on the day they had got married, the despair marring his features when they had found out they couldn’t have children and then the ugliness that she saw there on a daily basis now.

She thought about all of the times that he had shouted at her, all of the times he had punched her. The time he had broken her rib. She remembered the humiliation of the fight in the office last week, the derogatory words that he said to her day in and day out, the lack of concern for her wellbeing or happiness and she remembered his face - his face in glorious technicolour – every single time he raped her.

The tears flowed down her cheeks unchecked, the hurt as fresh as it had been each day and on each occasion and at that moment with absolute breathtaking clarity, she realised that she was done. Totally, completely and utterly done. She didn’t deserve the life that she had. Whatever happened, no one deserved that kind of life.

Dale and her were over – they had to be. She couldn’t live with it any more.

If anyone had asked her ten years ago where she would be at the exact moment when she realised that her marriage was going to end, the last place on earth she would have told them would have been a toilet cubicle in a swanky hotel in Swindon. Assuming she would have replied at all, that is, and not just knocked their block off for suggesting that her marriage would end up becoming another sad statistic. In some ways though, the fact that she had reached her decision in such a place seemed almost fitting. Her life had been going down the proverbial toilet for such a long time – how symbolic to actually be reaching this decision in a cubicle in the ladies room. Karma, kismet, fate? Whatever.

Taking some tissue from the dispenser she wiped her eyes, amazed to realise that she felt like a huge weight had just lifted off her shoulders. She felt lighter, happier somehow, and she realised finally how much of a toll her life with Dale had taken. Knowing that there was an end in sight somehow freed her and the relief flowing through her body was like nothing she had ever known. It was almost as if she had just woken up from a five-year long slumber and was now ready to face the world, embrace it, and get on with the rest of her life.

She would have to face him, of course, and she would need to explain everything to him. Unfortunately, with it being Christmas next week, she accepted that it probably wouldn’t be the best time to try to talk to him but perhaps, when they went back to work after Christmas, she could arrange to stay with Cole for a while and talk to Dale then. At least she would have somewhere to go if things got out of hand and she would be logistically close enough to Dale to sort things through. It would be a difficult time for both of them but perhaps if she was no longer living with him, they would be able to make the necessary adjustments much more easily.

She really hoped that Dale would accept her decision and not make life difficult for her; he couldn’t possibly be happy with the way things were either but she couldn’t quell the undercurrent of fear running through her. She had seen him angry and she had seen him manipulative and part of her was scared that once he knew that she was leaving him for good, all of his previous behaviour would seem like a walk in the park compared to the reaction that this decision would receive.

Meanwhile, here in Swindon in a swanky hotel, she had a couple of days to herself. A couple of days with no one around to judge her – her work colleagues were no threat on that score – and plenty of time to think about her future and to begin to embrace the rest of her life.

She didn’t know whether that would include Vaughn Granger or not but she finally accepted that she would forever regret it if she didn’t take this opportunity to find the hell out.

Bending down, she slid her knickers off and out from underneath her dress and deposited them in the bin on the way out of the door. Feeling like a new woman, she strode back to the ballroom, to their dinner table in the corner and to the first evening of her new life.

Chapter Twenty-Two

The second that Elise entered the ballroom she could feel Vaughn’s eyes on her, as if he had been watching the door to see if she would return. Closing the door behind her, she looked across at their table and immediately their eyes connected. Reading the question in his, she gave a brief nod and made the rest of the journey across the room, outwardly showing a level of bravery that she was far from feeling.

This ‘going commando’ business was a completely new experience for Elise and she was still trying to get her head around whether or not she liked it. Even though she knew that she was well and truly covered and that there was only one person in the room that knew she was minus her underwear, she still couldn’t help feeling bare and vulnerable.

Aware of a pair of very dark eyes watching her entire journey, she made it back to the table in record time, keen to sit down before she did something stupid like tumble over a non-existent lump in the carpet and allow the majority of the assembled guests to witness her virgin commando moment.

Slipping into her seat, she noted the unmistakable glint in Vaughn’s eye and immediately began to doubt if she had done the right thing. What had seemed reckless and exciting in the solitude of the ladies room a few moments ago now felt slightly crazy and definitely more than a little dangerous.

“You’ve returned then, Miss Grayson – are you feeling ‘refreshed’ after your visit to the ladies room?”

Quickly Elise glanced around the table to see if anyone else had heard his comment and maybe read into the innuendo but they were all far too busy with their own conversations to take any notice of Elise and her lack of underwear.

“It’s a little cooler in here now, don’t you think?” Vaughn said deadpan, and Elise only just resisted the urge to punch him again.

As if sensing her awkwardness and enjoying every minute of it, Vaughn continued to tease her mercilessly until she was on the verge of getting up and walking right back out, retrieving her underwear from the bin on the way!

“Will you just stop it?” she hissed “I can’t believe you asked me to take off my underwear and now you’ve done nothing but tease me about it since. Can’t you see how uncomfortable I feel with all of this?! It’s not as if I make a habit of attending posh dinners without wearing any knickers!”

The instant the words left her mouth a feeling of complete terror hit her as she belatedly realised that they were no longer alone. The waiter was standing at her shoulder ready to deliver their main and he was standing so close to her, that there was no way he had not heard every single word.

Her ultimate shame now complete, she waited until the waiter had placed her food – he somehow managing to keep a commendable poker-face - and then she rose from the table walking as fast as her legs would carry her back out of the ballroom.

Her cheeks were on fire and she pressed the coolness of her palms against them as she headed back towards the ladies room to retrieve her underwear. Why, oh why did she think she could do this? Surely letting a man such as Vaughn dictate to her was exactly the same thing as allowing Dale to run her life? Perhaps what she really needed was time alone -
with
her knickers on!

A strong arm grabbed her as she was just about to push through the door into the ladies room and pulled her back into the alcove where they had stood just a short while earlier.

She wasn’t surprised to see it was Vaughn – who else would it be? She had known that he was likely to follow her; she had just been hoping to make it to the sanctuary of the restroom before he caught her up.

Angrily she rounded on him, grateful that they at least didn’t have an audience out here.

“You knew he was there, didn’t you?” she demanded, “Why the hell didn’t you stop me, you bastard – I can’t begin to imagine what he thought. No doubt he’ll be telling all his friends and they’ll be having a right laugh at my expense. You can’t possibly understand how humiliated I am. This is just perfect – just PERFECT!” she almost shouted.

Breathing heavily, she stopped, trying to calm herself down a little. She was already embarrassed enough, there was no point in making another scene. The foyer was quiet but she knew that anyone could walk by at any moment and she really didn’t want to be remembered at this conference for all the wrong reasons.

Vaughn was watching her impassively, his expression giving little away; the only hint of a reaction his infuriating half smile, which tugged at his far too kissable lips.

“Have you quite finished?” he asked, referring to her rant.

“Hmph...” she said childishly and turned her head to the side, away from his all-seeing gaze.

Gently, Vaughn turned her head back around to face him and waited patiently until she engaged her eyes with his before he continued.

“To answer your question – yes, I did know that he was there but it seemed a shame to stop you when you were in full flow. I didn’t realise that it would upset you so much. I was hoping that if I teased you when you first got back to the table, it would help you to relax but I obviously got it wrong. I am sorry Elise – really I am.” His eyes shone with sincerity, all trace of humour long since gone.

Elise considered the validity of his argument for a moment and realised that in the last few minutes she had been so consumed with being mad at Vaughn that she
had
totally forgotten about her knicker-less state so maybe, in some twisted way, his logic had sort of worked.

“Maybe it did help a little,” she conceded begrudgingly, “but you’re still not off the hook completely. You have no idea how much I am trusting you tonight, which for me is huge. I need to know that you realise how much this is costing me.”

Vaughn looked down at her, his eyes shining with barely concealed wonder. There was an honesty about his features as he continued to regard her and she started to think how much she had over-reacted and of how childish she had been.

“Elise, please believe me when I say that I realise how difficult everything is for you and that if you have decided to trust me, I am truly honoured. You are a beautiful, independent and determined woman who has coped with a life that no one should have to cope with. To have you here with me now is just beyond unbelievable and I do not want to do anything to jeopardise any chance that we may have. I will never knowingly hurt you – ever. I promise.”

Elise looked up at Vaughn and watched as the words formed from his beautiful mouth. This man was continually laying everything on the line for her and all she ever did was rant and rave at him. For the first time she considered what this situation must be like for him and it made her realise that perhaps she wasn’t the only one a little out of her depth.

“Vaughn, can I ask you something?” she asked, continuing on with her train of thought.

“Yes, anything – you know that.”

“Have you ever had a relationship with a married woman before?”

He looked surprised, as if that was the last question he had expected her to ask.

“No I haven’t.” He answered, and she could see from his expression that he was being totally honest.

“Why then? Why now? Why me? Why not keep away from all of this hassle? Surely this must be costing you too? I guess I just don’t understand why you would want to take all of this on.”

He paused a moment and then spoke, his sexy voice almost caressing as he formed the words.

“I don’t have the answers, Elise. All I know is that since the moment I first laid eyes on you, you have dominated my every waking thought and a good few of my dreams too.” He chuckled lightly, “For me, there is this connection, this need to be with you - almost sometimes more than my next breath. It makes no sense but it is there and I am done with denying it. It’s hard for me to know that you are married, to know that you live with another man, share his life, eat meals with him, watch TV with him, sleep with him.......” he stopped a moment, and ran his hand through his thick dark hair allowing it to flop back down across his face, “But I need you in my life, so much, more than you can possibly realise and so I will take whatever part of you I can get. I can’t begin to tell you how much it kills me to know what your husband does to you but I respect your decision to deal with him however you consider best. All I ask Elise is this – please let us have tonight. One night. Even if it’s only ever one night. Please? I need this.”

Elise reached up and placed a hand on his cheek, amazed to feel dampness there. She dragged her hand further down and rubbed her thumb across his lip, watching as he took it into his mouth and sucked on it, the movement unbelievably erotic.

She knew her answer; she had always known her answer. There had never really been any question. And now this beautiful man deserved to know too.

Taking a deep breath she raised her eyes to his and poured all of her emotions out with just one look and three words.

“Yes, Vaughn,” she said simply, “Yes.”

They stood there for an inordinate amount of time looking at each other, lightly holding hands and occasionally holding each other. The enormity of the situation was sinking in for both of them and they needed to process it in their own way, individually and without words.

Eventually they decided to return to the ballroom – the others would be wondering where they had got to – and for the sake of propriety, Vaughn released her hand as they left the alcove. Still they didn’t speak and just walked along silently; side by side, completely caught up in the moment and this, their undeniable connection to each other.

Although they had only been gone for a few minutes, for Elise it felt like a lifetime. Just like when she had been to the ladies room earlier, another weight had been lifted off her shoulders now that she had finally acknowledged her attraction to Vaughn. She had accepted it. Understood that it was something that needed to be dealt with, addressed, experienced and given air to breathe. Not something to be swept under the carpet in the hope that it would disappear. She had been fooling herself that this wasn’t going to happen. It was always going to happen; from that first e-mail a few short days ago, exactly as Vaughn had said.

As a result she now had to work out how to deal with the rest of her life and she didn’t have the first clue how she was going to do that.

Tonight though, she could forget. Just for this one night – forget.

Everything else could be dealt with tomorrow.

The others had almost finished their meals by the time they returned to the table and after the quiet emotion of their time in the alcove, Elise was immediately hit by the level of noise and frivolity coming from all around. The wine was flowing, the food was wonderful and everyone in the room appeared to be succumbing to the atmosphere. In another time and another place, Elise would have revelled in this but she was still feeling nervous and unsettled from the enormity of what had occurred between her and Vaughn.

Regardless of how right her decision felt and of the undeniable problems that she and Dale had, he was still her husband, she was still a married woman and she was still trying to comprehend that her marriage was finally finished.

Thinking it over she realised that she wasn’t actually sad about that; for her, the marriage had been dead for a long while and she registered now that the little bit of love that she had clung on to had in fact only been sympathy for Dale, and more than a little grief for the loss of something that had once been so precious to her. She didn’t know exactly when the love had died but she knew with absolute certainty that it had.

What scared her now was not the relationship that she was potentially going to explore with Vaughn but more how she was going to speak to Dale and make him see that this was the end. Unquestionably, he had contributed to that and over the last five years he had proved himself to be increasingly volatile; to the point where she was beginning to struggle to cope with the worst of his rages. The thought of what the future held both physically and emotionally was terrifying but for the sake of giving her and Vaughn this one chance, she decided to shelve all of those worries for another day. It wouldn’t change things however much she worried about it so she may as well put them away in another compartment of her mind and enjoy what she had right now.

Taking her seat next to Vaughn at the table, she was relieved when he reached under the table to hold her hand. Her fingers were frozen and the warmth of his hand started to breathe some life back into them. She looked across at him and their eyes connected; an understanding passing between them, which had been missing before. They were in this together – whatever this was – and that was good enough for her at the moment.

Deciding she was no longer hungry, she pushed her plate to the side and allowed the waiter to remove it – thankfully, a different waiter from before so she was at least spared any further embarrassment. Vaughn had begun to eat some of his but as he only had the use of one hand he had admitted defeat with chopping up the steak and left his too. She loved the fact that he refused to let go of her hand even for a second, his warmth transferring to her and making her believe that everything would be alright. Somehow.