Turn Towards the Sun Book Two: After the Rain (14 page)

Emma seemed to use sex as a means to attract and keep men. Everything that followed Enzo was sad in her constant search for another dominant master to take his place, but every man fell short. I know that much is true, as no one could ever match up to Enzo. If I lost him, I would be devastated, just like Emma.

Hearing the garage door open, I shut down the iPad, hoping that my face doesn’t give away my emotional turmoil.

“Ciao, bella,” Enzo says. He smiles, but I can tell he is still preoccupied.

“Ciao,” I reply, trying to keep my doubts to myself.

“What were you doing?” he asks.

“Nothing important,” I lie.

“I want to talk to you.”

Oh, a change of heart, perhaps.

“I’m listening.”

He sits down next to me on the couch. “I need to ask you to trust me. I had a different life before I met you, and one I’m not proud of. Now I’m paying for those choices by having my private life exposed. I know you think I’m hiding things from you. I promise I’ll talk when I’m ready, but I’m not ready yet. Can you understand?”

After reading what I did today, I completely understand why he doesn’t want to tell me anything. “Yes, I get it, but I don’t like it.”

He nods. “I know you don’t, but thank you.”

“What else am I gonna do, Enzo? I can’t make you do anything.”

“I can’t make you do anything either.” He smiles.

Oh, yes he can. Now I wonder if he wants to, like he did with Emma, and whether it’s something that is in you, like she wrote in the book. Perhaps it’s not in me, and maybe it’s not in Enzo anymore either. Or is it?

“Are you hungry?” he asks, rubbing my hand.

“No.” Even though I haven’t eaten all day, I have zero interest in food after all this.

“Have you eaten today?”

“I had some fruit,” I lie again.

Enzo narrows his eyes at me.

Shit. I suspect he doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t push it.

He settles back on the couch next to me. “Then what should we do tonight, amore?”

“Whatever you want,” I reply, resisting the urge to call him sir and stir up our fight again.

“I’ll make dinner. Do you think Chris and Cassandra will want to join us?”

“Not sure. She left a note that they went sightseeing today and they’re not back yet.”

“
Va bene. I’m going to take a shower. Want to join me?” His eyes twinkle.

With horror, I realize that I don’t want to join him. I’m so confused about everything that the last thing I feel like doing is having sex.

Noticing my reaction, his eyes fill with sadness. “You’re still upset with me, and rightfully so. Let’s shower anyway. I won’t touch you. We can just relax.”

“Okay.”

I stand quietly and follow my husband into the bedroom. Stripping off my clothes while he starts the shower, I find my mind is muddled with so many different thoughts. We both have secrets now and it doesn’t feel good. My stomach churns with nausea. Shaky, I sit down on the chaise lounge to try to settle my nerves.

Enzo walks back into our room and stands before me, naked. As usual, I am taken aback by his looks, and I understand why Emma wanted to keep him and how much it must have hurt her when he left. But I hate that every thought I have right now includes her.

“Are you okay, amore?” Enzo kneels down in front of me and brushes my hair back from my face. He leans forward and kisses me softly.

I get his kisses freely. I always have.
Remember that.

“Amore?” he asks again.

“Yes, I’m okay. I don’t feel very well, but I’m sure it’s just stress. I’ll be fine.”

He looks sad. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” I pull myself up, but sway a bit.

Enzo wraps his arms around me. “Ava, you’re not okay. Come and lay down.” He takes my hand and leads me towards the bed.

Just before I reach it, a fresh wave of nausea hits me, and I feel like I am really going to vomit this time. I rush into the bathroom, even though my stomach is empty, and kneel in front of the toilet. Heaving violently, I release nothing, my stomach clenching with each movement. Feeling miserable, I sit still on the bathroom floor, wishing that I had eaten after all.

Enzo sits down beside me, his face filled with concern. “Bella,” he whispers.

Remembering the shower, he stands and turns it off, before wrapping a towel around my shoulders. We sit there quietly for a long time, both of us naked, waiting for my stomach to stop trying to purge what isn’t there. Cold sweat covers my body and I start to shiver from sudden chills.

“Let’s get you back into bed,” Enzo suggests, helping me up and into a robe.

Slowly, I walk to the bed and plop down in it.

“I’ll bring you some juice and some soup,” he says. I watch him put on a robe and leave the room.

I feel awful. Not only have I lied to the man I love, but now my body is rebelling against me, too. Could things get any worse?

7
CHAPTER SEVEN

I hear a soft knock on my bedroom door. I look up to see Cassie smiling. “Can I come in?” she asks.

“Of course.”

“Enzo said you’re not feeling too good. You alright?”

“Just an upset stomach. I’m good.”

“Um yeah, no you’re not. I can tell from your voice. Talk to me,” she says, seeing straight through me.

I pause. “Well, let’s see. Since June, I’ve married a man I’ve known for four months, was held hostage by
a crazy woman with a gun, and, oh, my husband’s ex-fling wrote a tell-all book about him, exposing their sexual habits.”

“Wait,” Cassie gasps. “What? What’s this about a book? Is that what the call was about last night? When the fuck did this happen?”

“While we were in San Diego,” I reply, feeling surprisingly emotionless about the chain of events. “We had a press conference this morning.”

“Whoa,” she says, leaning against the bed.

“Do you know what BDSM is?” I ask her.

“Yeah, but what’s that got to do with anything?”

“How do you know what that is, Cass? I’d never heard of it.”

“I read this really cool book last summer, the one with all the domination and stuff. I thought it sounded fun, so I researched it online. Chris and I went to this workshop about it at that huge sex toy store in downtown Denver.”

“You and Chris do that stuff?” I ask, amazed.

“No. Well, I guess we mess with it sometimes, but nothing hard core. Why are we talking about this?”

“Are you the dominant or the submissive one?” I ask.

“Neither. Geez, Ava, I know we’re close and all, but why are you asking me these questions. Do you want to try that stuff?”

“No.”

“Does Enzo?”

“No. He did already,” I admit to her. “It’s in the book.”

“Shit. Really?”

“Yeah, and it’s all crazy stuff, like cuffing her to a bed for days and making her ask to come. Shit like that.” I keep my voice to a near whisper as I doubt that Enzo would like me telling Cassie, even though everyone in Arizona must know by now.

“Dang. But if he’s not into it anymore, why are you asking?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m just trying to understand it. It was a big deal. Enzo was really upset about it and was worried that I would judge him. And, I read it behind his back.”

“You read the book?”

I nod my head and feel my stomach churn again.

She rubs my hand. “Well, if he’s over it, I wouldn’t sweat it. Does it bother you that he was into it back then?” she asks.

“Maybe… I guess I just wondered if it was something you just try and get over.”

“I guess it depends on how into it you are. For me and Chris, it’s more like something we play with every now and then. Just bring it out for fun, you know. Like a blindfold or a little spanking. It’s more like BDSM light. What did Enzo say about it?”

“He said he was experimenting and liked the control. But he got bored with it over time and he says he has no desire to do it again but a little rough play is good.”

“Yeah, that’s normal,” Cassie says. “Didn’t you and any of the other guys you dated before do stuff like that?”

“Not really. Maybe I’m more boring than I thought.”

“For a girl who messed around as much as you did, I’m surprised.”

“Cassie, you’re making me sound like a slut. Granted, in my youth I may have been a little scandalous, but I only had one boyfriend in the last four years, not counting Enzo. I hardly call that promiscuous.”

“I know. I just get a kick out of teasing you. But, seriously, maybe you should’ve messed around more. Your virginal point of view is kind of creepy sometimes.”

“I do not have a virginal point of view,” I protest. “I think the problem was that I had uninspired lovers. Until now, that is.”

“Okay, so now you’re in a loving, committed relationship. Explore some.”

“I will, but that’s not the problem.”

“What is the problem then?” she asks.

“I don’t know.”

“You’re over-thinking things – your specialty.” She cackles and flings those blond curls back. “You need to learn to just go with things. Sounds like the book came as a shock, but you
are working through it, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, so it’s all good,” she soothes. “Don’t make me go all gangsta on your ass, ‘cause you know I will.”

“I know.”

“And don’t let me run into this Emma bitch.”

“She’s not worth it.”

“Ah ha! You just said the magic words – she’s not worth it. So shake it off, sister.”

“You got me, Cass. I’ll work on it. Thanks for listening.”

“Girl, you know you don’t have to thank me,” she says. “If you can’t talk to me, who can you talk to?”

“Very true.”

“Repeat after me, don’t over-think it.”

“Don’t over-think it,” I repeat. “Got it.”

“Good. Get some rest.”

“I will.”

****

When I open my eyes again, it’s dark outside and the space next to me is empty. I climb out of bed and wander into the living room. Enzo isn’t there. I check the kitchen in vain and then walk down the hall, only to see a dim light coming from his office. The door is slightly ajar, so I peek inside.

Enzo is sitting on the couch, staring out the window into the dark. The look on his face speaks of pain, concern and fear. Part of me wants to walk away, to give him his space and pride, but I cannot while he is hurting. Walking into the room, I silently kneel down beside him, and he looks at me with sad eyes. My heart aches for him. Instead of pushing me away, he hugs me.

“Ava, it’s too much… too much.”

“It’s just a silly book, Enzo.”

“Not the book, me. I’m too much – what happened at the wedding and now this.” He stops and buries his face in my bosom. When I lift his face, he looks frightened.