Tuning in to Inner Peace: The Surprisingly Fun Way to Transform Your Life (10 page)

But there are two parts to your Autonomic Nervous System. The complement to the sympathetic nervous system is the Parasympathetic Nervous System. If you're like me, you might think, I remember something about that from biology class, but had no clue how it related to my quality of life.

The parasympathetic system is responsible for the part of your body that stimulates the rest-and-digest activities in your body.

And like the yin and yang of any situation, it's great to be able to go, go, go, but we also need to be able to stop.  A healthy body goes back to a low resting heart rate, and works on those important tasks of maintaining and recharging our bodies.

If you are having problems with digestion, gas, sleeping, sexual arousal, defecation or urination, the problem is some aspect of the parasympathetic system. You've got a flabby, out-of-shape parasympathetic system.

Not knowing how to calm your mind and body down so you can sleep or digest will manifest health problems, similar to how a lack of physical exercise manifests the inability to move with agility or speed.

My parent's generation didn't talk about working on their triceps, lats or abductors. But we do. And we learned the specific exercises to strengthen and tone our bodies. Weightlifting, stretching, running, dancing or playing sports are all options we know and use.

It's worth learning a similar regimen of exercises to ensure that the other half: the parasympathetic system is cared for. Breathing exercises, guided meditation, tai chi or dozens of other approaches can be used.

If we as a society knew how to maintain our parasympathetic systems, could we eliminate or reduce 'stress-related disease'? That would be huge, right?

Enjoying life to the fullest happens when we are in balance. Knowing how to maintain our bodies sympathetic and parasympathetic systems are foundational techniques. Let's learn these, teach our kids and practice them. We're worth it!

Peace in Every Bite

When I was in Korea once, I stayed overnight at Buddhist Temple. There we got a glimpse of the monastic life, living by their rules for a day.

In order to eat with the monks, we were first trained on the detailed mealtime ritual. We unwrapped our chopsticks, placed bowls carefully, were served, ate and cleaned up in a prescribed, quiet manner.

By not talking during the mealtime, our sense of
appreciation for the meal itself was heightened. I noticed the texture of the handmade bowl, the way our rice was scooped onto our plates, the small piece of radish I used to clean my bowl when I was done. We were also instructed to eat every morsel we took, so we were careful to not take more than we were actually hungry for.

With all the talking gone, the meal itself became a wonderfully soothing way to recharge body and spirit.

Rest and digest

Knowing that the parasympathetic system has two big jobs of resting and digesting, it makes sense to figure out how to improve the quality of these two functions.

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Just as you would think about and take proactive steps to help the rest and digestion for a small child, take the same steps for yourself.

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Make mealtimes a nurturing, soothing time.

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If you have to discuss something contentious, choose a time other than mealtimes to hash it out.

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Consider the surroundings. Arrange chairs, table and the setting to have a refreshing view.

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Choose healthy, colorful, beautiful food to make mealtimes a healing time.

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At night, notice the stream of thoughts. If you’ve forgotten to do something or are procrastinating about something, write it down and make a plan for tomorrow.

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If your mind is racing, develop a practice to calm down. Sit on the floor for 5-10 minutes before bedtime, or distract the worrying mind with a quick gratitude list.

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If your body is fidgety, develop a new nighttime ritual. Try a few things and see what works: Take a walk an hour or two before bed. Eliminate caffeine late in the day. Do some stretching or listen to some sweet music.

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If you’re having serious symptoms with your resting or digesting, begin research and commit to trying various solutions to improve your health.

Instant Relief

Throughout the day, notice your stress level. When it peaks, try a quick calming technique:

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Gaze at the sky, a natural scene, puppies or babies.

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Laugh!

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Make a gratitude list.

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Step away from your work. Stretch.

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Share an encouraging message with a friend. (text, social media, letter)

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Take care of a niggling detail of life, instead of putting it off one more day.

Calming your mind supports the parasympathetic system  functions. Learning how to manage stress will improve your behavior and inner peace, as well as your physical condition.

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Does your fitness routine include any training for calming your parasympathetic system? Do you already have some techniques you use: deep breathing, massage, walking, meditation or prayer to calm your body down?

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Do you have any troubles with falling asleep at night? Does your mind race or your body twitch? Do you have techniques for calming down so you can sleep well?

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How is your digestion? Do you have indigestion or feel bloated or uncomfortable? What are your mealtimes like? Are they a nurturing, soothing time or are they argumentative and rushed?

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What are the physical symptoms you notice that remind you you’re getting stressed out, as you move through your day? What quick fix techniques work for you? Develop a list of five techniques and use them proactively when you detect a hint of stress. Change your top five techniques over time to keep it fresh and effective.

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Change your fitness routine to include calming exercises, weekly or daily. Give them the same importance as your other fitness activities. Re-evaluate, revise and deepen every month.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results

- Albert Einstein

If you want to solve your life problems, you gotta get some new friends.

It really shouldn’t be a surprise that your current problems are a reflection of the thinking of your family and friends.

After all, who did you learn your behaviors from? Whose ideas do we grow up with? When you have problems, who do you talk to? Whose advice do you follow?

So, it’s natural that you reach a point in your life when you notice that your problems are no longer surprising. Instead, they seem to follow themes that repeat in an eerie way. Over the years, and more likely, the decades, the evidence mounts.

Perhaps these recurring persistent problems are not “them”. Maybe, it’s “me”.

First, it was a conflicted relationship with one boss. Later with another. Then another.

Or, you realize you are in a relationship with someone who ignores you or abuses you. Then another. And another.

Chances are, the problems you are experiencing, your advisors are also experiencing. Certainly a family that struggles with obesity can empathize with the problem, but are there beliefs in the family that contribute to the problem as well?

You want things to change and improve. But whether you surround yourself with friends and family, or try to keep your distance from them, the problems keep repeating. You’re losing hope and you feel stuck.

Belief Systems that Entrap Us

When your friends talk about “really good food”, are they talking about a sugary confection or are they talking about a fresh salad? Is a “really good drink” a chocolate shake, a large marguerita, a cup of herbal tea, or a glass of water with a squeeze of fresh lime? Which of these is better for your health? Which is more nutritious? Why do we say something is “good”?

Beliefs about what is good, what makes sense, what is right are often shared by your family, your friends, your coworkers and maybe your culture.

When you’re having a problem, it’s hard to even detect limiting beliefs in your network because they are so insidious. Even when you have a feeling in your gut, that there’s a problem with a belief, it’s easy to dismiss that feeling. If everyone we encounter thinks this way or behaves this way, it must be okay or even right.

“For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be ready to abandon our views about them.”

― Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

Looking for Answers in the Wrong Place

My dad used to tell this joke:

A man was searching for his lost keys one night. He was looking on the ground, near a lamppost.
Another man passed by him and noticed the first man’s frustration. “

“
What’s wrong, mister?” he asked the first man.

“I lost my keys.”

“I’ll help you look for them. So, you lost them right here?”

“No, I lost them over there but the light is better here.”

A single girl who wants to get married keeps returning to her single girlfriends for advice. An adult child of an alcoholic turns to her addict sisters and brothers for advice, and continues on a path of chaos and frustration.

This is exactly the same as the man looking for his keys where the light is better. It's easy, but the likelihood of find
ing the answer you seek is almost nil!

Find Someone Who Has What You Want

In a 12-step program, I learned a simple way to find new sources of inspiration. When choosing a sponsor, the guidance is simple: find someone who has something that you want.