TUCKER: Valley Enforcers, #3 (13 page)

I plugged my phone into the docking station and put my music on shuffle, tapping along to the upbeat tune as I tried to figure out what to work on. When the inspiration I was desperately looking for failed me once again, I reached for the picture frames. They’d be a quick project, and I could have them up on the store by the next evening.

I barely got the paint set up when the song shifted, my heart sinking with every line. The song was one that reminded me of Tucker… but then again, most things did.

You, you make me weak. Yeah, you, you bring me to my knees. And all I ask of you – and all I ask of you is baby, please don’t leave me. You are all I ever need.

The grasping fingers reached out to me and I knew what I wanted to make. Putting the lid back on the vibrant teal paint, I shelved it and grabbed a pallet. The design flew freely, the lead tip of the pencil leaving faint sketch lines as I worked on the wood.

Come back to me in pieces. You get me out of my head. You get me out of my mind. You get me out of my dreams. Baby, please don’t leave me. You are all I ever need. Oh baby, baby, baby. If you’re leavin’ you would only, only, only take from me.

I channeled all of my heartache and confusion into the pallet. The song changed, but it was as if my phone knew I needed the gut wrenching ballads as opposed to the upbeat indie pop I normally listened to. Each crooning word dug into my soul as I moved from my workbench to my jigsaw. I hadn’t used it in weeks, and I probably should have made some practice designs on scrap wood to get reacquainted with the power tool but I was desperately trying to distract myself with my project while working through the tsunami of emotions inside of me.

I was in love with Tucker, and I was pretty sure he was my mate. No, positive. I was one hundred percent in love with him. If we were mates and the fates intended us, he would feel the same way. That should’ve made picking up the phone and calling him a hell of a lot easier, but in the back of my mind I couldn’t help but question myself. The hurt from being dumped for another woman was still too fresh, and I couldn’t lose Tucker. Not to another woman. Not to anything. I was torn between wanting to be independent and wanting to take the risk. In the end, my own fear kept me trapped in the garage.

Over the hum of my saw and the music, I heard the side door click open. Kate had been passed out on her couch when I checked in on her, but enough time had passed that she would be awake and sober.
Hopefully she comes bearing makeup cupcakes
. My stomach grumbled at the thought, my wolf jumping to her feet inside my ribs. I was almost done with what I was working on, so I held up a finger and finished the section of wood while my wolf cried and crooned like she was going into heat. Satisfied with what was in front of me, I turned the saw off, whipping my googles off. I turned around ready to accept Kate’s apology, but my words fell dead on my lips.

It wasn’t Kate.

It was Tucker.

Tucker

Emily’s eyes flashed with surprise before melting to a look of pain and longing. I hated the anxious bounce of her eyes and the way her laugh lines disappeared. It was my fault. My fault she was hurting. I didn’t need my bear to tear me apart for that – I did a good enough job myself feeling guilty – but he was pissed and ready to run me into the ground for hurting her.

Slowly, gaze never leaving me, she walked over and shut her music off. We were alone in the silence for a few seconds before her hoarse voice spoke up. “What are you doing here?”

Covered in saw dust and sweat, she was a perfect vision. I never thought watching someone use power tools would be erotic, but seeing her maneuver the tool with precision was sexy –
she
was sexy. After spending time talking to her and looking at her website, I knew she was crafty, if not handy. Seeing her in her workshop was something else entirely. The garage turned workroom was full of furniture and projects in various stages of completion. They ranged from small; like a cluster of handmade signs, to large; like the untouched desk that looked like a pile of junk with water stains and missing hardware.

I took it all in, memorizing all the little pieces, before I looked at her again. I didn’t have an answer. Not one that I could tell her, at least. I didn’t know a lot about women, but I admitting you were in love with someone after acting like an ass and ignoring them probably wasn’t the best route to go. So, running my hands through my hair, I admitted, “I don’t know. You didn’t answer my text, and I wanted to see you.”

“You drove four hours to yell at me for not texting you back?”

“I drove four hours to say sorry. I am. Sorry, that is. I’m sorry, Em.”

Her armor fell away a little, but she was still defensive. “Why?”

“Why am I sorry? Because I was angry and afraid and I wasn’t ready to deal with this… with us.”

“I’m sorry I’m such a burden.” She tensed back up, arms crossing over her chest. “You should go, Tucker. It wasn’t a good idea to come here.”

“I’m not leaving.” My words were low, heated with the emotions that pulsed against my skin. I took a step towards her and when she didn’t back away, I took another. And another. And then I was in front of her, staring down into the gemstone eyes I dreamed of. “I’m not good with expressing my feelings, Emily, but I’d like to try. Please don’t push me out.”

“I needed you and you weren’t there.”

“Your brother hates me.”

Her lips quirked for a fraction of a second. “He’s harmless.”

I circled her wrists, not caring that her mess was transferring onto my clothes. “I highly doubt that. Look, I’m not saying I wasn’t an asshole or telling you to forgive me. I’m just asking for a chance to talk about this.”

I wanted to kiss her, but I chewed on my lip instead. I wasn’t used to feeling nervous. I definitely wasn’t used to feeling nervous because of a woman. Emily threw everything off kilter, though. I wasn’t sure what was up or down or right or wrong, just that I needed her and if she kicked me out I’d be a shell of a person.

“Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. There are some things I want to talk to you about, too. Come on.”

I nodded and let her drag me a few steps away before something caught my eye and I dug my heels into the dirty cement floor. “Wait. What is that?”

The project she was working on – the one on the thin workbench still covered in saw dust – gave me hope that maybe our relationship was salvageable. Maybe she thought of me the same way I thought about her. Carved out of the middle of a pallet of reclaimed wood was a bear. The piece was raw; the wood was unstained and rough. The message was undeniable though.

Shifting so one arm was tucked under the other, Emily avoided my inquisitive stare. “Just something I’m working on. I was inspired.”

“Don’t sell it.”

Her arms fell away and she reached for my hand. Her grasp was delicate, like she was trying to decide if it was a good idea. “I wasn’t going to. Let’s go inside before I lose courage. I’m pretty sure I have enough whiskey for the both of us.”

I needed a clear head to tell her what I needed to say, but I nodded and followed. Once outside, I stopped us in front of my truck. “I need to grab something.” She released my hand so I could walk over to the passenger side. I gathered the bags and returned, holding out the flowers. The pop of orange stuck out against the piles of snow around us. Emily’s eyebrows lifted, as did the corners of her lips. “For you. I didn’t know if roses were too cliché. The lady at the flower shop said dahlias are a symbol of strength and elegance. I just thought they were pretty – reminded me of you.”

The cellophane crinkled as she took the flowers. “They’re lovely, thank you. Roses are nice, but I think dahlias are my new favorite flower.” Eyes peeking over the petals, her voice took on a sing-song tone. “What else do you have there, Tucker?”

“I’ll show you inside. It’s cold, and you’re not wearing a jacket.”

She didn’t protest. Like a good little bear, I kept my eyes off her swaying hips as we walked up the three steps to her small porch. To my distain, her front door was unlocked. It was clear as soon as we crossed the threshold, however, than any intruder would come face to face with the fuzzy guard dog that occupied the space. Echo, tongue wagging to the side, came to a complete stop when she saw me and began to growl while backing away.

I reached into the gift bag dangling from my arm and produced the large bone that looked so scrumptious that my bear was panting with jealousy. My duffle bag and the gift bag slid to the ground. I held the bone up to Emily, silently asking her approval. Her smile was worth the price tag on the name brand organic treat, but as I unwrapped it and slowly squatted, arm extended out, I realized that gaining Echo’s trust and approval was really worth it.

Cautiously, she approached me. I set the bone on the ground and turned my hand around so my palm was facing forward. Failure wasn’t an option, so I pushed the envelope. Swallowing a little bit of my pride, I dipped my head. Submitting to a dog. Not a shifter. A
dog
. And it was for Emily. I could hear Justin making some bullshit comment about being whipped. He liked to rib Vex and Hakeem, more recently, about their matings. It was funny, but being with Emily made me understand the knowing look they wore when they shrugged his comments off.

I didn’t need to see Echo to know she was in front of me. She was so close I could feel the warmth of her breath. I glanced briefly, catching the look in her startling blue eyes. Cautious, yet curious. Seconds later a wet nose bumped against my hand. When she didn’t snap her teeth around my fingers, I let out a sigh of relief… and then when her tongue lapped at my palm, I fought off a laugh. This time I did look up. Not to see Echo, but to see Emily. She was leaned against the wall with her arms crossed, one hand lifted to her face. I wasn’t sure, but I swear I saw a glistening drop of moisture lining her emerald eyes. I was too busy staring at the wide smile that spit her face to notice much of anything else.

Oblivious to everything happening around her, Echo grabbed the bone and pranced over to a corner by the couch. She flopped down, happily, and began to gnaw on a corner.
Moments over, I guess
. I pushed up on my knees, thankful that they didn’t crack or snap in the process. Emily was still perched on the wall, so I picked up the gift bag and headed in her direction.

“More goodies?” She asked, voice so husky that my skin prickled with goosebumps.

I shrugged and passed the bag to her. “Depends.” I was anxious; I’d never bought gifts for a woman. Serious ones, at least. I dated a girl in high school over winter break and spent the bare minimum I could to keep her happy. It was all I could afford, anyway. Things were different with Em, and I wanted to make her happy. I wanted to show her that she was on my mind constantly and that she was important to me, even when I was being a douche.

She nodded towards the couch, and like a dutiful little cub, I followed her. I probably sat a little too close for comfort, but I missed having her near me. I could smell the sawdust blended with her natural scent, and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to say ‘fuck it’ to everything and strap her down for a solid four hours so I could apologize the right way.

With each thing she pulled out of the overstuffed bag, I offered an explanation. First was a copy of
Neighbors
. “You said you like Seth Rogen. I thought we could watch it together.” A bottle of wine. “For when we watch the movie.” Fuzzy blue socks. “You’re always cold.” A fancy wool scarf. “I thought it would look nice with your hair.” A cable knit sweater that almost matched the color of her eyes. “I thought that would
also
look nice with your hair. I asked my sister, though, just to be safe.”

This time I did notice the moisture rimming her eyes. Sparkling like lights in the night sky, she looked up at me. “You told your sister about me? And took her shopping?”

Chagrinned, I rubbed the back of my head. “Told her about you, yes. I went shopping on my own, but I ended up video calling her in the middle of the department store. Got some nasty looks, but I didn’t want to get you something you’d hate. Piper was happy to help.”

“The sweater is beautiful – the scarf, too.” She carefully put everything back in the bag and turned to me. “You didn’t have to buy me anything.”

“Figured you’d be jealous if I showed up with something for Echo and nothing for you,” I joked. Taking a gamble, I reached up and stroked her cheek. She sucked in a tiny breath but didn’t protest. “I find reminders of you everywhere I turn. It doesn’t matter where I’m at; I’m always thinking about you. Half the time I feel like I’m going crazy, but if being with you is crazy then sign me up. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you. I thought you’d be safer without me, and your brother made it clear I wasn’t welcomed. Like I said, I was mad and angry… but I felt guilty for leaving the second I walked out that door. I’ve been in shreds ever since.”

“Our relationship isn’t my brother’s concern. It isn’t anyone’s concern but ours.” Victory horns sounded – probably prematurely – at the sounds coming from her lips. She was claiming me as hers. Maybe not the way my bear wanted, but it was a start. When she reached up and placed her hand over mine, drawing it away from her cheek so she could kiss my palm before cradling it in her lap, I felt like I was soaring. “I don’t think I could be safer with anyone but you. How could you ever think I wouldn’t want you here?”

Crashing. I was crashing. The air was sucked out of my lungs. “Not that you wouldn’t want me, Em… just that you deserved to be taken care of. Looked after. I wasn’t sure I could do that. Hell, I’m still not sure.” Before she could ask the inevitable ‘why’, I continued. I wanted to pull away, but she had a death grip on my hands. “Look at me. I’m scarred for the rest of my life because I wasn’t good enough to protect myself. The Beta’s mate was taken from us that night because I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t strong enough. I have been driving myself into the ground and working my ass off to try to be the type of Enforcer my clan needs, but each time I feel like I’m falling short. What have
I
done, you know? I thought I was high and mighty for being an Enforcer, but each obstacle that’s come our way… I haven’t been enough. If I’m not enough for them, I sure as hell won’t be enough for you.”

“
Tucker
.” The way she said my name was like a knife to the chest. Filled with pity, the soft croon hung above me like a guillotine. My brain was screaming at me to get up and run, but I couldn’t do anything except for stare into her eyes. Sad, mournful eyes. “How could you ever think that?”

“You haven’t known me long enough to know it’s the truth.”

“We know each other more than either of us would like to admit.” Hope dangled on a string, taunting me with the idea that maybe my feelings weren’t so one sided. “I would bet my life that if I were to call anybody you work with – no, anyone in your clan – they’d tell me nothing but good things about you.”

“Out of obligation. Look, Em, I don’t want to talk about this –”

She shook her head, the slow motion pulling me to a stop mid-sentence. “If you want this to work… if you want me to accept your apology… we are talking about this. I can’t walk on eggshells feeling like you’re going to leave the moment something goes wrong.”

“You told me to go.”

“You brought the idea up. Stop getting angry. This is what I’m talking about, Tucker. You’re acting like I’m the bad guy, here. I just want you to see you the way I see you – the way I know others see you.”

I hadn’t even realized my bear was in my throat, pawing to defend himself, until she said something. I swallowed him down, gritting my teeth as razors cut at my insides. Emily was far from the bad guy in my mind, so why did I throw my walls up and go on the defense? My fight with Justin was as fresh as the tender skin on my chest from my bleeding. He called me a self-deprecating asshole. Maybe he was right.
I’m a fucking idiot
.

“You rescued me, even when you knew I was a wolf. You broke your clan’s rules to get me out of the storm, and you helped me heal until I could shift. You fed me and talked to me and made me happy, and we were strangers of different breeds who have a predisposition to hate one another. Instead of mailing me my wallet, you drove to me. You made me feel wanted; you still make me feel wanted, even when you walked out the door. You listen to
me,
and that’s all I could ever ask for.