Trusting Bull: Savage Brothers MC (50 page)

Life is just too empty without her. I’m missing everything from her smile, her laugh, to the way she lights up my world. I miss her voice, how she says my name. I miss her body—especially her body.

Fuck, if I close my eyes, I can picture her straddling me. Her creamy, milk white skin with a faint dusting of freckles. Her breasts filling my hands, her nipples large and glistening because I’ve sucked on them. I moan out loud picturing her.

My hand moves down to stroke my cock. I squeeze it tight, as I imagine slipping inside my woman’s wet, tight pussy. Her body rocks up and down on my cock. Her nails dig into my abdomen. Her head is thrown back in pleasure, all the while riding me harder and harder.

I can almost hear her voice, begging me to make her come. I stroke myself faster, pre-cum bathes the head of my cock and drizzles slowly downward. My balls tighten, and just as I get ready to blow I can hear her voice.

I love you, Jacob. I love you.

I explode. My cum shoots on my chest, my stomach and my hand, as I call out her name. After the initial rush, I look at myself disgusted. It doesn’t satisfy me. If anything I feel emptier and even more alone.

I drag my ass up, towel off, grab a beer and lay back down. I might be doing better with some things, but right now I hate myself for running off the one great thing I’ve ever had in my life.

I haven’t been drunk lately—not since Dragon kicked my ass. I’m thinking today might be a good day to get shitfaced. It’s going to take something a hell of a lot more powerful than beer though. There’s nothing in the house and I don’t have the energy to go out.

I’m probably just a bigger fucking fool at this point, but after my third fucking beer I give up and text her.

I need you, Care Bear. Give me another chance.

Another beer later, I close my phone. I’m almost back to sleep. I used to dread going to sleep because of dreams. Now, I willingly surrender, hoping to dream of being with Carrie. I need to see her so bad, even if sleep just brings one glance at my woman, it is worth it. I’m almost asleep, when the phone rings.

“Yeah.”

“Hi, Jacob.”

“Care Bear. God sweetheart, I’ve missed you.”

“I…I miss you too.”

“Are you doing okay? Did you get the stuff I sent you? Are you getting plenty of rest?”

“Yeah…”

We’re both silent. Shit. It feels like she’s so far away from me and I’m not talking just physically. Is this what I’ve done?

“Are you still going to therapy?” She asks, and I close my eyes.

“Yeah, twice a week.”

“That’s good, Jacob. I’m proud of you.”

“How’s the baby?”

“You do realize I’m barely past two months pregnant right?” She questions, but I hear laughter.

“Your point? I ask.

She doesn’t answer, but she laughs harder. It is a beautiful sound.

“How is our little angel, Care Bear?”

“It’s a boy.”

“You know? You had one of those sonograms done?” I ask, disappointed because Dragon and Nicole have and I wanted to be there for our baby’s.

“No, I just know it is.”

“We’ll see, I’m still saying it’s a beautiful girl who looks like her mom.”

“I was hoping you’d like to read…to the baby.”

I close my eyes and breathe easy for the first time in days.

“Always,” I whisper, because my throat is clogged with emotion. “You got it on speaker?” I hear the button click and then her voice comes back to me.

“I do now.”

“Once upon a time in a land far, far away there was a Princess named Carolina, with long, flowing locks the color of a fall sky at sunset.”

“That doesn’t sound like a story about the moon.”

“I’ve decided to expand my horizons. Now hush, our munchkin wants to hear this story.”

“Okay.”

“Princess Carolina grew to be kind and strong, with a heart so full that she gave off a golden light full of love…”

“Golden light? Where’s my badass biker?”

“He was stupid and lost his woman,” I answer honestly.

“Jacob…”

“People would come from all across the world to gaze upon Princess Carolina’s beauty. They would bring her gifts and flowers, but most of all they would bring people to her that needed help. One day a friend of Princess Carolina’s told her of a dark and evil creature named Troll.”

“Troll?” She asks, but I hear the smile.

“Troll. Now, Troll had done some bad things and was doomed into the dark forest for years. He was all on his own, with no one to care about him.”

“Jacob…”

“Troll was mad and angry at the world, however he took one look at the Princess and wanted to be her friend…”

“Her friend?”

“It’s a children’s story Care Bear, some things munchkin will never discover until she’s a hundred and I’m dead and gone.”

That’s when I hear her laugh fully and I let go of a breath I didn’t even know I was holding. I breathe. Oh god, I breathe.

“I don’t think it works that way Jacob, but please continue.”

“Now where was I? Oh yeah, so Troll took one look at the beautiful Princess Carolina and wanted to be her friend. Still, to do so would mean bringing her deep into the forest with him and he couldn’t do that to her. If he let her into the forest, then her beauty and light would disappear and the people needed her light. She made the world better. So, he turned her away and hurt her heart.

Troll was very sad and his world just got darker and darker. One day it became so dark that Troll went to sleep. It was a deep, deep sleep and none of the Troll’s friends could wake him. When Princess Carolina heard of the news, she decided to come to the Troll one more time—in hopes of saving him.”

“Jacob….”

I hear the tears in her voice. I hope this means she understands what I’m trying to say.

“When she gets there Troll’s friends he had pushed away, are gathered around him crying. They all have given up hope. Princess Carolina looks down where the Troll is sleeping. She sees through his ugly hideous form, to the man underneath. She bends down and places a kiss on his lips. Slowly the Troll begins to warm, as Princess Carolina’s light shines through him and releases him from the darkness.

The Troll wakes, so thankful that the Princess has saved him. He vows to love her forever and ever. Then she takes him away from the dark forest, to a beautiful castle full of love and laughter. They become a family and have a little baby Princess named Jasmine.”

“Jasmine?” She’s crying now, but I can hear happiness. It’s a sound in Carrie’s voice you can’t mistake.

“Shhh…sweetheart, I’m at the most important part,” I say and this time there are tears in my eyes.

“What’s that?” She asks.

“They lived happily ever after.”

I hear her breathing hard and I lie there hoping.

“Jacob?”

“Yeah Care Bear?”

“Come get us.”

Thank fuck.

“I’ll be there in a few hours.”

*

I break every
traffic law coming and going, but I make it to Carrie’s parents’ home in record time. I’ve barely turned the car off before I jump out and run up to the front door. Carrie opens it before I knock and I just drink her in. She’s lost weight. Her face is pale, but she has never been more beautiful.

“Hey Care Bear.”

“My Biker Troll.”

I smile, “I’ve missed you, sweetheart.”

I open my arms and she walks into them. I wrap them around her.

“I’ve missed you too,” she whispers against my neck. I pull away slightly, looking at her. She’s so beautiful. There are tears shining in her eyes and they slowly leak to the surface, but it is okay. I know these are happy tears and I kiss them away. I bend down to graze my lips against hers, I mean it to be just a touch, but after all this time away from her? I can’t help but make it deeper.

My tongue pushes into her mouth, teasing, dancing with hers and I drink down her taste like a dying man savoring his last meal. I kiss her until neither of us have the air to continue. Then I just hold her close and place a kiss on her forehead.

“I’m sorry Care Bear, I know that’s not enough, but I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Just take me and munchkin home Jacob.”

With those words? I feel alive again.

Carrie

I
t’s late, but
I’m not sleepy. I’m lying in Jacob’s arms in our bed. He brought me home immediately. We made love, had a very late dinner and now I’m lying in his arms. I should be exhausted, but I can’t shut my brain down. It is impossible. When you’ve lived your whole life for one dream and that dream is in your arms? When you get that dream after thinking it was gone forever? You can’t sleep. You’re afraid to sleep.

Jacob pulls my hand up, looking at it. His thumb presses into my palm, his fingers brush against mine.

“What are you thinking?” I ask, watching as he continues playing with my hand, curling my fingers and his together.

“I’m better Carrie, losing you woke me up, but…”

“But?”

“You have to know, I’m not magically healed. I still… shit Carrie…panic is just a breath away. I’m terrified of you touching me sometimes. I have this anger inside of me and there are times I just want to scream. I can’t promise that you won’t, that I…”

He turns to get out of the bed and I stop him, curling tighter into him.

“Jacob. I’ve known about your attack since before the first time we made love. Don’t you think I get it? We’ll get through it together.”

“Carrie, I wasn’t attacked…I was…”

“You were forced,” I interrupt him, my heart breaking. “You didn’t do anything, Jacob.”

“You can’t pretty it up, Carrie. This…there is no way to make this pretty. I was raped.”

The last word is broken and whispered so quietly it breaks my heart.

“It happens, Jacob. I… it happens.”

I feel helpless and ill equipped to battle this. I want to have this magic word to heal him and there’s nothing. I have nothing.

“It doesn’t happen, not to a man. How can you want me, Carrie? I wasn’t even strong enough to defend myself. How can I protect you or our baby?”

“Stop it, just stop it. You were held down and stabbed and you fought with everything you had in you.”

“How do you…”

“The dreams Jacob, the dreams and that scar on your side. Most of all I know, because
I know you
. Rape is a crime. You were a victim, not weak. You’re one of the strongest men I know.”

“Carrie…”

“When I was five years old crying and hurt in the school parking lot all by myself, who picked me up, doctored my leg, held me and told me he had me? Who told me it would be okay? Who Jacob?”

“Sweetheart, you were…”

“When I was the one who was almost raped Jacob, who stopped it? Who stopped it and held me close and told me he had me and it would be okay?”

“Carrie….”

“If I had been raped Jacob, would you have thought me weak? Would you have been unable to care about me?”

“Fuck, no. I love you, Care Bear.”

I let the tears fall at his words, but I ignore them, this is too important.

“When I had a gun pointed at me and thought I was going to die. Who saved me, Jacob? Who made it all okay? Who?”

He doesn’t say anything, but he looks at me differently.

“When there was a bomb and we didn’t have time to get away, who not only got us out but covered me with his body and protected me? Who made it all okay?”

“Carr…”

“Who Jacob?”

“What about all the times I failed you. When I hurt you? When I failed…”

“WILL YOU STOP? When it counts Jacob, always, when it has counted you have been there for me. I would trust you over anyone I have ever known to watch over our child. Let the rest go. We’ll work through it, together.”

“Together?” He asks and I hear the hope in his question.

“It’s all going to be okay, Jacob,” I say earnestly.

“And we’ll live happily ever after,” He whispers, his voice full of warmth.

His lips come down softly against mine. He kisses me gently, reverently and slowly. His tongue slides into my mouth as his hand brushes the side of my face. The kiss is full of emotion, full of tenderness and most of all, full of promise.

“I love you, Carolina Grace.”

“I love you, Jacob
Dancer
Blake.”

“Just Jacob to you baby, just to you.”

“Okay that’s it,” I say slapping his chest. “Stop being sweet. I need my badass Biker now.”

“Is that right?” He asks on a laugh, pulling me over top of him.

“Yeah, I’m a biker’s old lady now, so there are certain things expected.”

“What’s that?”

I give him what I hope is a saucy look, full of challenge.

“Cock. Old Ladies need lots of throbbing, hard cock.”

His head goes back with laughter and his dark eyes shine up at me with happiness.

“I’ll see what I can do, Care Bear. I’ll see what I can do.”

Dancer

I
hold Carrie
close. The last round of lovemaking wore her out. Me too, but it’s a good feeling. I find myself studying her hand again. For so long I feared being touched, still do. Yet, now there’s something different…something special in the feel of Carrie’s hand. I haven’t let her touch me everywhere, but I’ve let her do more than I ever dreamed possible and she’s right. It’s a start. I can face the future with her by my side.