Trust Me When the Sun Goes Down (30 page)

Even if Rob had a good explanation, he hadn’t once tried to contact me in the two months I’d been gone.  Even if he had no idea what city I was in – and I was convinced I could be found if someone looked hard enough, Bishop in my bed was proof enough of that – he could’ve tried me by email.  I still checked my old voicemail from time to time as well. 

“Then don’t hear it, read it.”  Bishop leaned down to retrieve something from his pocket and thrust it at me.

“What is this?”  I asked, unfolding the pages, covered in Bishop’s neat script. 

“It’s a few pages from Carys’ diary.  Well, the parts I translated for you.  Read it.”

I stared down at the pages, torn between curiosity and a natural aversion to such an invasion of privacy.  “I’m not sure I should be reading another woman’s diary.”  I held them out to him, but he pushed them back. 

“No, you really should.  It affects you.”

“How could it affect me? I’ve never even met the woman.”

“Just read it, you’ll see.”

I should’ve guessed that whatever it was didn’t involve a secret recipe for goulash when Bishop started putting his shirt back on.  Whatever was in those pages was clearly a game changer. 

Ulrik grows weaker every day.  Nothing but my blood will sate him now, and I grow tired myself.  I’d give my last drop to him if only it would cure him, I can not stand to see him waste before my very eyes.  It is time to send for Jakob and see if his blood can cure this strange malady. 

C~

I can scarcely write, my hand is trembling so.  There is no cure for what ails my beloved, none save cutting him out of my heart.  Jakob admitted as much to me, what he’d done in a fit of pique.  He has damned us without a shred of regret.  Indeed he offered to compel my heart against Ulrik, as though that was a kindness!  I will never forgive him for cursing me in this way! 

C~

We have not the smallest hope of preserving our love.  I thought to remove the curse by removing Jakob’s ring, but it can not be undone.  His death, I fear is imminent.  How shall I endure it?  Jakob thinks I will rebound and return to him.  I would gladly do so if it would release Ulrik, but the only way such a thing could work is if I shed my love for Ulrik and that I cannot do.  An eternity alone is my curse.  Would that it ended for me as quickly as it does for Ulrik.  Perhaps I shall greet the sun one last time and join him in the next life when he finally slips away.

C~

I frowned at the pages.  “I don’t understand.  What’s all this stuff about a curse?”  He’d never said anything to me about a curse before.   

“Just keep reading.” 

We are saved!  A most powerful hag has stayed the effects of the curse.  Ulrik is not returned to full strength, but he is much improved.  She advises that my love is the key to his torment.  Were I to guard my heart I would save his.  But how can I lessen my love for such a man?  I shall have to think more on this, but for now Ulrik is returned to my side, healthy if not whole. 

C~

“So she found a cure for the curse then.  Some kind of magic?”  That didn’t sound so bad. 

His lips pressed into a grim smile.  “Keep reading.” 

I know now what must be done.  I must divide my heart if I hope to lessen the effects of the curse on my progeny.  If I can not shed my love for Ulrik, I will share it with another.  Already I have found a likely candidate, a pretty fool who fancies himself a gentleman.  He is comely enough to stir me, if that desire grows to love then Ulrik shall surely be spared. 

C~

Wretched men.  He thinks to make demands of me, does he?  Issue ultimatums?  Does Ulrik not understand all I have sacrificed to spare his life?  Does he not grasp that I care far less for that ponce Aubrey than for him?  Perhaps this is what Jakob intended, to drive us apart from within.  It matters little, I will do what is needed to keep Ulrik alive.  Tomorrow night I will ease his mind and end this bickering.  If we are to make this threesome a success I will not hear these petty jealousies any longer. 

C~

Poor Aubrey.  I’d always suspected Carys hadn’t loved him as much as Bishop, he’d be devastated if he found out the only reason she turned him was to try and beat the curse and save Bishop’s life.  And there it was, written proof that Carys had been compelling Bishop to smooth things over back in the day.  I looked up to offer my sympathy but he nodded back at the paper again, and I returned to it before he had to tell me to keep reading. 

I am at an end to hope.  The useless trinkets the gypsy woman provided no longer prove effective and I cannot abide Aubrey’s love.  Ulrik grows weaker still.  His appetite for blood grows daily and mine alone will no longer sustain him.  I provide him with an endless supply of women to slake the thirst, but it troubles me to see him with them.  He no longer takes only of their blood, the curse has taken its toll on his control over carnal desires as well.  I know he loves me still, I can see it in his eyes and feel it in his touch, but I know not how much longer I can endure this.  If this was my cross to bear, to see him forever in the arms of other women I could tolerate it, but he grows weaker still.  I wonder – if I should die would he be saved?

C~

There is only one thing to be done, I see that now.  I must ask Jakob to compel my heart against Ulrik.  It is the only way to save him from the curse.  Without this intervention he will surely die.  Though it pains me beyond tears, I have compelled him not to care.  Once my love is removed, he will only feel relief.  I couldn’t quite bring myself to compel Ulrik to harden his heart against me in kind (though I know I will not care once Jakob does the deed), I am selfish in that regard.  We will still be bound if not by love then by destiny as I wholly believe we are someday to be together.  I pray that one day I will find a way to lift this wretched curse and our love might be restored.  Then again, since when have the gods ever answered my prayers?

C~

That was the last entry on the page.  “How come you never mentioned any of this before?”

“Because I don’t remember any of it,” he sighed.  “Nothing about a curse, not about being sick, definitely nothing about her turning Aubrey to try and save me.  I remember feeding a lot in those early years, but it didn’t occur to me that it wasn’t normal bloodlust until I learned some control.  I remember her bringing me lots of women to feed on, men too sometimes.  I thought it was all part of her sick games, I never knew it bothered her.  Or maybe I did at the time.  She must’ve compelled me to forget all about the danger I was in.”

“She must actually still be alive then.”

“What do you mean?”

“If Carys was really dead, you would’ve remembered the stuff she compelled you to forget just like everyone did when Lodinn died.  You’d have known about her ability to compel you from that time on.”  I could see the idea stunned him, his lips parting for a sharp intake of breath.

“You’re right.  How could I have missed that before?”

“To be fair, you didn’t even know it was a possibility before we found out all
draugen
could do it.”  I still wasn’t sure why he’d been so insistent on me reading it though.  Had he not wanted us to get too physical because he was still dealing with his realization that Carys had loved him deeply after all?  I waited for him to say something about it, but he sat lost in thought. 

I looked back to the pages, re-reading them to try and find some other clue to their importance.  “So, that’s why she turned Aubrey.  He won’t be happy to hear about that.”

“I admit, I don’t quite understand that part,” Bishop frowned. 

“Carys was convinced she could beat the curse by carrying on with both of you.  She thought that if she split her love between the two of you, she could somehow trick the curse into spreading out its harmful effects.  That if she didn’t let on how much she cared about one of you, you’d be safe.  I guess it didn’t work.”

“No, the only thing was to give Jakob what he wanted – to beg him to compel her not to love me anymore.”

It’d apparently worked, or Bishop wouldn’t be sitting across from me on the bed now.  “I guess that’s how she could be so hot and cold with you.  Something inside her still needed to keep you near, but that deep love was compelled away.”  It was an awful, awful story, and after hearing about his and Carter’s origins, I started to think I hadn’t had it all that bad waking up in the morgue. 

Only I still didn’t get why he’d felt the need for me to read it so urgently.  “I’m sorry about all of this, but what does it have to do with me and Rob?”

“Don’t you see?  Jakob laid the same curse on you.  If you fall in love with any of your progeny, they’ll wither and die.”

I stared at him stupidly.  “He what?”

“That’s why he didn’t make a fuss when you said you wanted to be with Rob, he knew it wouldn’t last.  He didn’t mean he thought you’d break up, he knew Rob would die.”

“But Rob’s not dying.”  It didn’t make any sense.  Why would Jakob curse me?

“Maybe not yet, but he’s definitely showing signs of the curse.  An increased need to feed, loss of self control over carnal desires, it’s all laid out there on the page.”  He tapped the paper in my hand.

All at once it hit me – he was right, I was cursed.  Rob’s betrayal had stung all the more because it’d been so out of character, but now it made sense. “The stims…” I breathed, another piece of the puzzle clicking into place.

“What?”

“Rob was taking stims to keep going.  I remember him saying something about needing them to keep his strength up.  I thought it was only to stay awake longer and wake up earlier, but if he was growing weaker all the time he must’ve needed them to get through the day.  Why didn’t he tell me?”

“Not many men like to admit weakness, even to the woman they love.  Maybe he didn’t understand it himself?   It’s not a usual effect when someone becomes a vampire.”

“Son of a biscuit…”  I leaned back against the wall, my head so stuffed full of possibilities, I didn’t know where to start thinking about it.

“See, I told you you’d want to read it,” Bishop sighed, falling back to lean against the wall beside me.  “Was I right?  Does this change how you feel?  About him, about what happened?”  He looked down at his hands.  “About me?”

Did it?  It was all so much to process.  Curse or not, Rob’s actions were still a betrayal.  Learning that Rob’d had a legitimate reason to feed so often and that his control issues stemmed from the curse didn’t change that fact.  He’d been the one to keep it from me until it exploded in heartbreak.  I didn’t know what I was feeling.  I had to talk to Rob in any case.  He deserved to know the reasons behind why he was that way now. 

Though… would he feel that weakness any longer since I’d carved him out of my heart?

One thing was for certain, I couldn’t start anything new with Bishop until I knew where I stood with Rob.  “Bishop, I…”

“It’s fine,” he said, picking up my hand and kissing the back of it.  “You don’t have to say it.”

“I don’t know what I’m saying yet.  I have to think about this.  All of it.  If I’m being honest with myself, I admit I wasn’t thinking about the future or what it meant for us when I kissed you.  All I knew was how good it felt to be with you again.”

“That’s nice to hear at least.”  The corner of his mouth tugged up into a faint smile.

“It means a lot that you shared this with me and didn’t take advantage of the situation.”  I still had mixed feelings as to his timing.  Yes, it was good information to have, but it might’ve been simpler if he’d told me about it
afterwards
.  Then I might have a better idea what path I should be on. 

“Do you think there’s a way to break the curse?”

“Honestly, I don’t know,” he shrugged.  “This is all new to me too.  When I confronted Jakob about it, he wasn’t all that forthcoming.  He said there was no way to undo the curse, but it’s in his best interest to keep it to himself.”

“He might think so, but not in my case,” I growled.  “Jakob’s officially carved himself a permanent position on my shit list.”  Bishop hid a smile behind a cough, but not before I saw it.  “You think that’s amusing?”

“I just don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk like that before.”

“Get ready to witness some other things you’ve never seen me do before if I ever lay eyes on Jakob again,” I scowled.  Would killing Jakob somehow undo the curse?  I could understand why he wouldn’t want to let it be known if that was the case.  There had to be a way though.  I was still a novice to the world of magic, but I’d seen spells undone before.  I just had no idea how to go about doing it. 

It was all so screwed up.  Why couldn’t things ever go smoothly in my life for more than five minutes?  “What do I do now?  I can’t let Rob die because I fell in love with him.”

“Then you still love him?” Bishop’s voice was soft and uncertain.  So was I.

“There’s only one way to find out for sure.”