Trust Me (27 page)

With that she spun on her heels and left slamming the front door behind her. Noah looked at me with embarrassment and pain on his face. “What the fuck?” I could hear the pleading tone his voice held and I wanted to fix it all. I didn’t get a chance to comfort him as he turned and followed her out the door, slamming it harder than she had.

I was not following that though. They needed this fight. “If anyone of you go out there and interrupt them fighting I swear to God I will sic my boyfriend on you.” I yelled out to the silent room. Chad laughed beside me and yelled a “Yeah fuckers!” in response to my threat.

Nobody made a move to follow them out front and as the sounds of sexual tension being broken started echoing through the house, the music was turned up and drowned out the sound of Noah and Candy ‘making up.’

We partied with the band and the friends we knew that were there. Eventually we had made our way outside and started a fire in the bonfire pit. I looked around the fire and looked at the people sitting here. This was me and Noah’s family right here. Shamus and Cassa snuggled up on the floor in front of the fire, she was on his lap and he was nuzzling into her neck and whispering in her ear making her shiver and giggle. Cassa and Shamus was the solid ideal couple and I wanted for me and Chad what Cassa and Shamus had.

Cassa’s older brother Mike and his wife Roni sat on one of the four logs surrounding the fire pit. Beside them were Celeste and her new boyfriend Kenny. Candy and Noah were cuddled close, both looking more content than I had ever seen either. Noah was straddling the log and Candy was between his legs, leaning her back against his front and his arms were wrapped around her.

Cal was with one of his many fangirls and they were border-line disgusting the way they were practically eating each other’s faces. His hand had made it between the girls thighs and her moaning was audible over the
pop
and
crack
of the fire. After seeing the way they were all over each other, Chad and I made the choice to sit beside Noah and Candy, mimicking their pose and facing them from the opposite end.

“Carrie, are you coming along on the tour?” Cassa asked speaking loud over the moaning pleas of the fangirl on Cal’s lap.

“Coming along?” I ask confused at what she meant.

“Cassa is coming along with me and she was wondering if you’re coming too.” Shamus replied. I felt Chad’s hands tighten when Shamus spoke and I tried not to let it bug me that he was uncomfortable by the thought.

“No, I’ll be here. I’m scheduled to work at The Joint for the next two weeks.” I didn’t elaborate on why I was working there for only two more weeks, but I shared a look with Noah that said we were close to having it all behind us.

“That’s gonna suck.” Cassa said and looked to Shame. “I thought you said she was coming?”

Shamus looked struck stupid and glared at Chad, obviously mad that he had disappointed Cassa’s hopes that I was tagging along. Shamus was famous for never letting Cassa get upset, his goal in life was to make her happy. “I figured he was since he hasn’t shut up since they got together.”

Noah laughed at something Candy said and I watched as he pressed kisses along her shoulder and neck content to hold her. He wasn’t paying attention to what we were discussing and for once I wish he was. I was growing more self conscious by the second.

“Since they hooked up? Try since she turned eighteen.” Cal said with a laugh before sticking his tongue back down the fangirls throat.

“I didn’t think you would come.” Chad said so only I could hear. The group was off on another topic before Chad could have defended himself anyway. “I know with the trust meeting coming up that you wouldn’t want to leave the Joint before it’s passed on to Seth and Lilly.”

I felt like a complete jerk for even thinking he meant anything bad by not inviting me. He knew what was going on in Noah and my world, the rest of the band only knew bits and pieces.

“It’s eight days babe. It can show us what long distance will be like when you make it big and tour non-stop.”

“Fuck that would be awesome. The making it big not missing you.
He clarifies nervously and I can’t help but smile. “I have never wanted anything more out of life accept playing for a living. Now your mine and I’m about to tour the state for eight days and all I can think about is leaving you and wishing I could bring you with me.”

“Well maybe I can meet you guys toward the end of the Washington tour and stay the last two or three days?” I said this as a question so that the choice was his.

“You would do that?” his eyes are bright with excitement at his question.

“Yeah babe. If you want me I’m there.”

“I always want you Carrie, that’s never in question. I just know that you are trying to work as much as you can for clothes and purses and girl shit I know nothing about.”

I laugh and I love that he gets me and why I want to work so much instead of taking the money from the till like Noah does. “I would wear a potato sack if it meant I got time away with you watching your dream come true.”

“I love you.” He says and kisses me with all the emotion in his words.

“I love you too.” I say

*

Chad and Noah left to meet the rest of the band and Sinners of the Slipstream in Pendleton Oregon at five in the morning. The first show was in Pendleton tonight and then off to the Tri-Cities and the Spokane, Bellingham, Seattle and ending in Tacoma. Sinners were doing four state wide tours on their main tour, choosing big bands in the state to open for them. This was the big break that TAT needed, the pr from the tour alone would be worth it.

Chad and I had stayed up the night before he left and cuddled on the sandy beach of the bay. The morning came though, just as it does every day and I hid my tears from Chad as we drove toward Pendleton together. He was leaving me his enormous truck while he was gone and I was terrified to drive it alone.

By the time we reached the hotel where the Sinners were staying having arrived two nights before, I was a complete wreck my mind racing in every cheating, sexual nightmare it could conjure.

“You ready baby?” Chad asked his voice still laced with exhaustion from the long night.

“No but you have to do this so let’s go send you off to stardom.” I knew the smile I gave didn’t touch my face but I didn’t stay in the cab of the truck long enough for Chad to respond.

I met him around the back of the truck where he grabbed his duffle bag and dropped it at his feet. The Sinners tour bus was parked a few hundred feet away in the lot from where they stood. Roadies were running around like crazy trying to make sure all the guys stuff was loaded. Chad and the rest of TAT were riding in the bus with Sinners of the Slipstream and I couldn’t help but cringe at the soon to come tour bus sexual antics.

Chad pulled me against his chest and tucked my head under his chin, his hands clasped together just above my bottom. His lips continued to kiss me upon my head and said nothing for long minutes, content to hold me. “Eight days baby, the fucking longest eight days of my life but it’s just a week and a day.” Chad rasped dropping kisses along her neck as he spoke between kisses.

“I know.” I replied but continued to hold him tighter.

“Take all that fear running through your mind, throw it away, because none of it will happen. I’m always coming back to you Carrie, whether I’m a fucking Tattoo artist or a Musician. If you let this negative fear shit in your head we are gonna fall apart no matter how much we love one another.”

It was the exact argument that had kept us up all night long with nothing resolved other than the fact we were hopelessly in love. “I know.” I whisper this time and slam my eyes shut terrified my tears will burst free.

“Don’t placate me baby, I see through your shit.” I could hear the seriousness of his words even though he said them jokingly. He grasped my chin between his fingers and lifted my face. “Look at me Carrie.”

I opened my eyes knowing they were glistening with unshed tears. “Tell me you love me Carrie.” I nod unable to speak due to the lump of fear and sadness in my throat. Tears fall against my efforts and Chad leaned in to kiss me softly. “Tell me baby.
Please
.”

It was the
please
that did me in and the levee broke. “I love you Chad, more than I thought I ever would or could. I was told I was nothing and useless for so long and I fought to free myself of that feeling and you make it effortless for me. I feel amazing with you, I am happy and cherished and so fucking safe Chad. I do love you, no matter how scared I am…” I choke on the words as more tears fall unbidden. “No matter how scared I am that I’ll wake up tomorrow and learn that you finally realized that you were always too big for Gig Harbor and me, I’ll still be thankful I was yours for that time.”

He crushed me to him then and held me tight enough to shut off my airflow. “You’re my home Carrie, my Emerald City and my dream come true. I waited for you and I know what life is like when it’s spent pining for you and I don’t relish the idea of ever going back to it. You’re it baby, no matter where we live or what this path leads, you baby, are with me on it. Feel me Carrie?”

“I feel you.” I say with a smile and sniffle through my tears before he slants his mouth over mine and takes my mouth with the same demand as he took the rest of me. When his tongues soothes against mine I know that I am powerless when it comes to Chad Blake, know that I will wait my entire life if I have to, for him to come back to me. This whole fear inside of me isn’t ruled by the amount of time he will be gone, it’s ruled by the hundreds of YouTube videos posted of what a ‘Sinners of the Slipstream’ tour bus party looks like. Women in nothing but skin, sex in every corner, bunk and even the main room in the back of the bus. Women with absolutely no moral compass or concern for the women who love these guys left at home while trusting them. I knew that two members of Sinners were married and they were also in the video’s of the sexcapades on the tour bus.

I wasn’t a fool to think I could ever keep Chad or any guy faithful, I lived by the theory that nobody could ever stop someone from cheating. No amount of love, passion or trust could ever guarantee it. I saw Candy in utter devastation over Noah, watched Cal and Chad both play women like card games. I had always believed it was all up to fate. Now that I am with Chad, in love with him, I find my reasoning a hard pill to swallow.

“You keep thinking of the bad baby but remember the good.” Chad said, a lusty glint in his eye. “Remember that your fear drove you all night, but we came together with lust and passion and probably the best sex of my life.”

Oh yes… it was a very good round of sex. It bordered violence and desperation.

I nod blushing and he laughs. “I love you Carrie and we got this right?”

There was no question about it from him, he had faith in us I wish I had. I had to play by his rules and his belief or I would indeed ruin us. “We got this, throw caution in the wind and get the show on the road.”

He smiled and kissed me gently, sweetly believing me and my words. I just hope I could believe them too.

Oh, oh, oh

Lately all I think about

Oh, oh, oh

Is what we should be doing now

Oh, oh, oh baby

Here I go again

Missin you crazy

Jon Pardi

Chapter Seventeen

I was working at The Joint when my first of all night texts from Chad came through. I usually tried to keep to the rules when working, even though I could get away with anything, but the fact was my man is on a tour surrounded by sexy easy moral-less women and my phone was staying attached to me for the night.

I pulled up the text the minute I saw the screen that stated Chad Blake sent me a message. It was a picture of a dandelion growing from a crack in the cement with small pebbles of broken concrete and a few green weeds surrounding it.

Chad: How about this flower? Is this my beloved’s unnamed favorite flower? Don’t answer me quickly baby, take a moment to look closely and be sure. This question is one of many important questions I will ask you some day.

My stomach was flip-flopping at the last part of the text, the cuteness of his picture mail forgotten when he said it was one of many important questions. I didn’t even want to go there and start thinking of rings, weddings and babies even though I am positive that is what he meant. The fact the thought of that didn’t terrify me… terrified me.

ME: I thought you wanted to shower me in the scent of my favorite flower? Are you really willing to sniff Dandelion Carrie all day every day?

CHAD: All I got from that was me showering you!

Warmth pooled low in my belly just thinking of showering with Chad. Suddenly eight days felt like eight years. Not wanting him to stop I text back knowing my response would make him crazy.

ME: I am pretty dirty and in need of a shower.

I laughed out loud at his response.

CHAD: Fuck!

ME: LOL

A
few hours had past after our text-a-thon because The Joint got slammed with a milkshake rush that whipped us all out. By the time I was able to look at my phone I saw the missed message from after my ‘
lol
’ message.

CHAD: I miss you

My eyes misted with shiny tears of longing. It had only been ten hours but I felt like he was a million miles away and overwhelmed with fear that I was always going to come up lacking when it came to me and Chad. Deciding to throw myself ‘all in’ like I promised him in the beginning and texted him back with everything inside of me.

ME: if I had known how bad this distance and the next eight days would be, I would have taken the time off and wore a burlap sack to school. Suddenly my need for clothes and “girl shit” doesn’t seem important.

I didn’t expect a response so quickly but he had responded before I made it to his mammoth truck after closing the Joint for the night.