Trust (25 page)

“Now?”

The tone in his voice caused me to glance up at him. His brow was furrowed, and I could see that he was confused. “I’d like to start making dinner for us.”

He still looked as if he didn’t understand.

Luckily Jade interjected. “I think she means that she wants to be the one to cook dinner for us tonight.”

I nodded, grateful that Jade had explained to him what I somehow couldn’t.

“Oh.” He resumed lifting his spoon to his mouth and then shrugged. “I guess you can.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, I picked up my spoon and began eating. Throughout breakfast, I noticed that Jade kept glancing over at me, but she didn’t say anything. I had a feeling she would after Cal left for work, though.

Sure enough, the moment Cal’s vehicle disappeared from sight, Jade addressed me. “You didn’t just mean tonight did you?”

I shook my head.

She pursed her lips and studied me. “Stephan wants you to start cooking again?”

“Yes.” I paused, looking out the window. “He thinks it will relax me.”

Jade hummed but didn’t comment.

We sat there in silence for a long time watching a pair of birds on the lawn. Cal had installed a bird feeder, and with the cooling temperatures, the birds flocked to it. This was nice—sitting there watching—no pressure to be or do anything. The only thing that could have made it more perfect was if Stephan were with me.

Before I knew it, it was Friday and I was sitting in Dr. Perkins’s office.

“How have you been this week, Anna?”

I smiled. “Good.”

Dr. Perkins tilted her head to one side, and she lifted the right side of her mouth slightly. “I’m glad to hear you’re in such good spirits. Anything you’d care to share?”

Stephan and I had talked for the last three nights, and we were going to talk tonight as well. Knowing I was going to hear from him tonight made my heart clench in my chest. He promised me that he was working on a way for us to see each other . . . a date. Thinking about it made me smile wider.

“This is a wonderful change for you, Anna. You’re very pretty when you smile.”

“Thank you.” I’d talked to Stephan more about Dr. Perkins, and I knew he had mixed feelings about my seeing her. He didn’t say much, but he held himself more erect whenever we talked about her, and his speech was very formal. He didn’t seem to have a problem with Dr. Perkins specifically, so I imagined it was therapy itself. I hoped one day he’d share with me why he felt as he did.

“Do you want to talk about it? Or would you rather talk about something else today?”

Although I didn’t know how she would react, I wanted to tell her. “I saw Stephan. And I’ve talked to him this week.” My cheeks were starting to hurt with how much I was grinning.

“Ah. I see. And I’m gathering it went well.”

I nodded enthusiastically.

“Where were you when you got to see him?”

Pressing my lips together, I debated whether or not to tell her.

“You look worried.”

“I’m not sure if I should tell you or not.”

Dr. Perkins leaned forward in her chair, setting her notepad to the side. “Anna, everything you tell me in here is between us. I’m here for you, to try and help you. It’s become obvious in our short time together that this man is important to you—incredibly important if the change in your demeanor is any indication.”

I thought about it for another minute. “Jade arranged for a room at the hotel.”

She looked slightly taken aback but swiftly composed herself. “So he met you in a hotel room?”

“No. I was waiting in the room, and they brought him to me.”

“I see. And did you stay in the room with him?”

I nodded.

“All night?”

“Yes.”

She leaned back, reaching for her notepad, and scribbled something down before looking up at me again, her expression serious. “Do you have a sexual relationship with this man?”

It was my turn to look confused. Why would she want to know that?

Seeming to realize my reaction, she explained. “The reason I ask, Anna, is that given what you’ve been through, it’s unusual that you’d be open to that type of a relationship. How long has it been since you were held against your will?”

I had to think about it, which surprised me. “A little over six months.”

“And was this your first sexual encounter with Stephan?”

“No.”

She didn’t respond immediately, and I fidgeted. As her silence continued, I began to shake. What was she going to say?

I watched as several emotions crossed her face, before she seemed to settle on a frown. “Anna, I have to ask. Is he forcing you to have sex with him?”

My eyes went wide. “No! Stephan doesn’t force me to do anything I don’t want to do.”

“So you wanted to have sex with him?”

With my hands clenched tightly together, I nodded. I wouldn’t have a panic attack. I wouldn’t.

A look of concern and sadness blanketed her features. “I’m going to be completely honest with you. I’m concerned. You went through something extremely traumatic, which you just told me ended only six months ago. It makes me wonder if this man, if he didn’t force you, did he manipulate you in some way . . . convince you to sleep with him?”

“No.” I was trying to be as firm as possible even if I was still shaking inside. Stephan didn’t do anything wrong.

She sighed and held up both hands in surrender. “Okay. I believe you. I just don’t want to see you get hurt, Anna. Because of what you’ve been through, you are in a very vulnerable state, and there are people out there who would take advantage.”

“He isn’t like that. Stephan helps me.”

Dr. Perkins nodded, but I could tell she wasn’t entirely convinced. “Maybe you could invite him to one of our sessions. He wouldn’t have to stay the whole time, but if he’s as important to you as you say, I’d like to meet him.”

Instead of commenting, I just nodded. I didn’t think Stephan would agree to come with me to see Dr. Perkins given how he felt about therapy, which was why when I told him about it that night, I was surprised to hear him say that he would go.

“You will?”

“Of course. She’s clearly curious about me, and I’m certainly curious about her.” He paused. “Do you not want me to go?”

“No. I do. I just didn’t think you would.” I glanced down at my lap before meeting his gaze again.

“I’m interested in anything that involves you, Brianna. Let me know when you need me to be there, and I’ll arrange my schedule accordingly.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

He smiled through the computer screen. After talking to him nearly every day this week, I was finally getting used to communicating this way with him. It wasn’t the same as face-to-face, but at least I was able to see him and hear his voice. Knowing he was there, that I could talk things over with him . . . I felt balanced.

“I have some good news.”

The excitement in his face caused my heart rate to pick up.

“I’ve arranged for us to have the planetarium all to ourselves next Saturday night. Do you think Jade or Ross could drive you there?”

“I think so. I’ll ask Jade in the morning.” Thoughts of the last time I saw him flittered through my mind, and my body heated in response.

A knowing smile crossed Stephan’s face. “Soon, Brianna. Soon.”

We talked for another half hour, until he reluctantly said it was time for both of us to get to bed. I’d been e-mailing him my journal entries every night before I fell asleep, so once I disconnected from Skype, I pulled up my e-mail and began to type.

I know I usually start with the beginning of my day and work my way toward the end, but that’s not what’s on my mind right now. In eight days, I’ll get to see Stephan again. I’m feeling a mixture of nervousness and excitement, but mostly excitement. Skype has been great, but it’s not the same as being with him. I miss his touch, his smell . . . just everything.

The last time I was at a planetarium was for a school field trip. I don’t remember much about it other than it was dark and the boy beside me wouldn’t stop talking. The rest of it is kind of a blur. It was fourth grade.

My weekly appointment with Dr. Perkins was today. She noticed that I was unusually happy and wanted to know why. We talked a little about Stephan, and she wants to meet him. I was surprised when he agreed. Knowing they will meet makes me feel anxious. I like Dr. Perkins so far, but I love Stephan. What if something happens between them? I don’t know what I would do. I want to get better for him, and Dr. Perkins is helping me do that, but if Stephan didn’t want me to see her anymore, I don’t think I could go against him. Maybe the two of them meeting isn’t a good idea.

I paused musing over what I’d written. It was all true.

Taking a deep breath, I continued.

Tonight I cooked chicken parmesan for everyone. Cal and Jade couldn’t stop complimenting me, and I was so embarrassed. They both had second helpings, and Cal says he’s going to need bigger clothes if I keep cooking. I don’t think that’s true, but I didn’t say anything.

I skimmed over what I’d already written. Everything was there. The important stuff anyway.

As I read over it, though, something popped into my mind, so I quickly typed it into the e-mail.

Sir,

Should I still be calling you by name in my journal entries, or do you want me to address you as Sir? I know in the past you said it was okay, but I wanted to be sure.

Brianna

Before I could change my mind, I hit send. He would read over it in the morning as he’d done all week. Sometimes he’d bring up things I’d written the next time we talked, and sometimes he didn’t. However, he always answered my questions whenever I had them. Even though I knew he wouldn’t be angry—he encouraged it even—every time I asked a question, I felt as if I was holding my breath, waiting for the shoe to drop. I was learning that was because of what I went through. Because of Ian.

Shutting down my computer, I quickly went through my nightly routine and climbed into bed. When I woke up, there would only be seven more days to wait.

The next day, I waited for Cal to leave before approaching Jade. “Next Saturday . . .”

When I didn’t continue, Jade stopped what she was doing. “Yes? What do you need?”

“Can you take me to the planetarium?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Um. Sure. Why do you want to go to the planetarium, though?”

“Stephan said he rented it out for the entire night.”

Jade chuckled and went back to whatever it was she was working on. I assumed it was homework. “I see. So you aren’t really going to be gazing at the stars.”

Embarrassed, I ducked my head. I could feel my cheeks heating.

That only made her laugh harder. “It’s okay, Anna. And yes, I can take you. Just find out what time he wants you to be there.”

“Okay.”

She refocused on her work, and I turned my attention to the television. I’d taken to watching some of the morning shows, but I didn’t really have a favorite, so I ended up flipping through the channels a lot. Jade didn’t seem to mind.

My hand stopped mid-flip as I saw Stephan’s face pop up on the screen. The local talk show wasn’t something I normally watched, as it focused more on celebrity gossip than anything else, but seeing Stephan I couldn’t help but halt all movement . . . waiting to see what they said.

“Some of you may remember us talking about Mr. Coleman just a few weeks ago in relation to federal charges being brought against a well-known art dealer, Ian Pierce. Mr. Coleman has since been removed as a person of interest in that case, but now it seems he is drawing attention for other reasons. More personal reasons.”

There was a new picture on the screen. This one was of Stephan and a woman. He was in his tux, and the woman was in a beautiful gown.

“It seems Mr. Coleman’s recent legal troubles didn’t slow down his personal life. Last Saturday night, Mr. Coleman was accompanied by a Miss Sarah Evans. Miss Evans and Mr. Coleman are rumored to have a history together, and sources say she’s been spotted frequently coming and going from his home. We’ve also managed to learn that Miss Evans is expecting. Could Mr. Coleman soon be a daddy? Are there wedding bells in this couple’s future?”

The television suddenly went dark. I had no idea if I’d turned it off or if Jade had. That didn’t matter at the moment—nothing did.

My hold on the remote loosened, and it slipped from my fingers. Somewhere in my mind, I registered the sound of it hitting the floor.

I couldn’t move.

Sarah Evans.

Was she his Sarah? The one from college? The one who’d been his submissive? Everything I couldn’t be?

And they were going to have a baby?

Jade knelt before me, her hands cupping mine. “Anna? Can you hear my voice, Anna? Come on. Talk to me.”

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything. My mind and my body were completely numb.

Chapter 23

Stephan