True You (17 page)

My life today in Paris.

I
’ve never been happier. I’m finding peace; I’m growing my faith; I’m feeling confident and strong. And I’m in a wonderful new relationship.

It’s funny, though, how rumors continue. While I was making two films with Tyler Perry—
Why Did I Get Married Too?
and
For
Colored Girls
—some said I had given up music. Meanwhile, in this same period, my “Make Me” was a number-one dance hit and my performance of “Nothing,” the theme song from
Why Did I Get Married Too?,
was the top video on iTunes.

The truth is that I’ll never give up music. I love it too much. I have great energy and passion for all the arts. And I want to do it all. There will be more records, more films, more dancing, more television, more books.

I’m often asked if there will be children. That’s up to God. I love the idea of being a mother. I love being Auntie Janet to my nieces and nephews. They’ve given me a great sense of giving and caring. Children are my heart.

My heart is young. I believe you can know and enjoy what is happening at this very moment as well as innovate and bring something fresh to the party.

I realize that my life has been shielded from many things. I was protected by my family, especially my mother. We were encased in a very special bubble. Yet we were fully aware of the world—for good and bad—in which we lived. For example, there has never been a time free of the ugly specter of racism. Like all blacks, we have seen bigotry firsthand. I want to avoid specific anecdotes; many have suffered far greater indignities and pain than me. Comparisons don’t help. Let’s just say that as recently as 2010, doors that had opened for others were closed in my face, just because of the color of my skin.

I feel enormous gratitude for those brave artists who came
before me and paved the way. I’m speaking of Lena Horne, Eartha Kitt, Sammy Davis, Jr., Dorothy Dandridge—the list goes on and on. They are my heroes. The indignities these geniuses suffered were far more obvious than the racism we encounter today. Today’s racism is more disguised and subtle. But it’s there—and it hurts on many levels.

My growth depends on faith, as it must for everyone else as well. My spirit of generosity and selflessness also depend on faith. I’m grateful for the comfort that my work provides. I’m grateful for the privileged life that I lead. But I realize that it’s the spiritual life that sustains, that nourishes us. In the early morning hours, when I read my Bible, when I pray, when I talk to Jesus, I’m no longer haunted by remorse. I know that the mistakes I’ve made are in the past; they’re gone, forgiven, and no longer cause for guilt or shame. I’m looking forward, not behind.

Yet as my life goes forward, part of my past remains eternally present. In dedicating this book to my brother Mike, I want to pay tribute to his beautiful spirit. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him, his smile, his laugh, those little private jokes between us. He taught me so much. We were as close as close can be. It’s still difficult to speak of him, still difficult to realize that he’s gone. I can only look at his photos when we were kids. I turn off the TV or radio when anything about him is discussed. As I said on the BET Awards show, “To you, Michael is an icon. To us, Michael is family.”

Our family is focused on Mike the brother, the son, the father, the uncle, the loving soul. I focused on him on July 2, 2010,
when, for the first time in two years, I gave a full concert. It was at the Essence Music Festival in New Orleans, a city that has been the scene of so much bravery in the face of tragic loss. I dedicated my closing song, “Together Again,” to Mike. Friends said that there wasn’t a dry eye among the more than thirty thousand folks in the audience. I know my eyes were wet with tears when I sang these words, thinking of the joy my brother brought into my life and the lives of millions…

Everywhere I go

Every smile I see

I know you are there

Smiling back at me

Dancing in the moonlight

I know you are free

Because I can see your star

Shining down on me.

I know that the mistakes
I’ve made are in the past;
they’re gone, forgiven,
and no longer cause for
guilt or shame. I’m looking
forward, not behind.
 

Back on stage. Finding and living, my own True You.

E
ight years ago I weighed more than a hundred and forty-five pounds and was concerned about an upcoming video shoot. My makeup artist, Timmy B., suggested I see the nutritionist David Allen. “The man is a genius in his field,” said Timmy, “and I know he can help you.”

Because I’m essentially shy, I’m always a little reluctant to reveal personal information to a stranger. I decided to go meet with David, but I had some reservations.

The interview was extremely thorough. David asked whether I was on any medicines. I wasn’t. He questioned me about my health history, whether I had problems with blood sugar or high blood pressure. I had neither. He wanted to know whether my energy was good and my sleep patterns were consistent. I was given basic tests for possible blood, gastrointestinal, and adrenal issues.

I had been on many diets, but nothing worked long-term. In that way, I was very much like other people who struggle with weight. I’d be determined for a while, find a plan, follow the plan, see some results, get bored with the plan, and stop. I told all this to David, and was surprised by his response.

He told me to stop working out. He told me to stop everything I thought would work. Not only did I drop all of the weight I needed to lose, but I gained a perspective on how to live my life and be healthy.

What David gave me wasn’t a diet, it was a way of life.

I was relieved that David didn’t grill me about my past eating habits. I didn’t want to list an inventory of every wrong thing that I had consumed.

Baby me.

A beautiful day with my brothers. Whenever they were on tour, I missed them so much.

With my beautiful sisters and beautiful mother.