True North Book 3 - Finding Now Kate and Sam (12 page)

Jake waited until I caught my breath before he said, “Then go figure it out.”

“But it’s none of my fucking business,” I blurted.

“Okay, then don’t.”

After he said it, I cursed and ran my fingers through my hair.

“So what’s the real problem?” Jake said, confronting me.

“I don’t know,” I grumbled.

“I do.”

“Then tell me, for Christ’s sake!”

“You like her, man. Does there have to be anything deeper than that? Fate does all kinds of crazy ass shit. Go with it and see where it leads.”

“I don’t want to feel like this. I felt like this before and I don’t like it.”

“Come on, Sam, that was a frigging lifetime ago. If you didn’t like the way it felt you wouldn’t be calling me,” Jake reasoned. “Embrace it.”

“She won’t let me in. Not at all.”

“So then you’ll have to break in.”

“What?”

“What have you tried?”

“I’ve called, texted, sent her flowers … I’ve asked her out more times than I can count.”

“Wait a minute,” Jake interrupted. “I thought you said she only had four phone contacts and that she never went anywhere but the pub and work.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, dumb ass, she’s not going to go out anywhere with you if she doesn’t go anywhere on her own.”

“Oh, fuck! That’s it!” I nearly shouted. “You’re fucking brilliant, you know.”

“Yes, actually, I do know.”

I laughed and we hung up.

While I took my run on the greenway next to the sound, I plotted.

Monday came along and, as I walked into Professor Jolie’s class that morning, I held myself at the entrance. My regular flirtation with her wasn’t going to cut it after what had happened. My options: say hello like a normal person and walk away, not say anything at all … that got me thinking. It was obvious she was a survivor, and I was guessing under the hard exterior, she had a soft center. So my advances had been easy for her to deflect, they put her into survivor mode. What if I didn’t say anything?

At that moment my fellow classmate, Lexy Bordeau, came up to me to tell me how much fun she and her friends had had at the concert Chasing North had played on Saturday night. She was wondering if we had a website and Facebook page.

Nice timing. A little serendipity never hurt.
I walked in with Lexy while she was raving about the performance and how the crowd reacted and how Chasing North was so great we could go all the way if we wanted.

Before I knew it I was at my seat and Lexy decided to sit with me.
Not
what I meant to have happen, but it was what it was. I focused on the lecture and let the cards fall where they may.

The afternoon buzzer went off and everyone gathered their stuff and took off. I made sure I procrastinated just enough so I’d be one of the last students, but not enough so that it was obvious I’d done it deliberately. I sauntered down the steps and casually welcomed her back. To my surprise, she stopped me for a short conversation.

Her eyes. Her beautiful pale blue eyes … no I wasn’t imagining it. They pleaded and grasped for something she was too afraid to name or touch.

Tonight had to work.

Chapter Ten

“Come to Me”

Goo Goo Dolls

Catherine

“When I said I wanted to take you home, I didn’t really mean via city transit,” Sam said lightly. He wasn’t taunting or making fun, and his remark didn’t set me off.

He got comfortable on the loveseat while I grabbed us a couple of beers from the fridge. I took a kitchen chair with me and sat opposite him.

“Thanks.” He opened the bottle and looked me over. He made feel very conscious of the fact that I was still wearing my “professor” clothes.

“Give me a second.” I went over to my bedroom area to grab some clothes to change into and saw the new clothes I’d thrown on the bed earlier. All of the adrenaline I had going for me crashed at that moment and I breathed out a huge sigh. I bowed my head but tried not to feel utterly defeated as I turned back around to face my new
friend.

“I won’t hold you to anything you said out on the roof,” I said. “I need to make that clear because I’m more complicated than you could possibly imagine.”

“Try me,” he challenged.

“Okay then. Take a look.” I indicated the bed.

Sam came over. “Jeans and a t-shirt? Nice. Love the shoes.” He shook his head, confused. “Okay, I’m not sure what I’m looking at here, Jolie.”

“They’re pretty harmless, right? Just clothes.”

His brow creased in consternation. He was trying to put the pieces together, but I hadn’t given him everything he needed to do it.

“That would have been one of my favorite outfits … a little over six years ago,” I offered. “Instead I only wear that stuff now.” I pointed to my open closet.

“Your work clothes?”

“My self-imposed work clothes. Professors at UW are pretty laid back and pretty much wear anything they want,” I explained.

“Okay.” He turned to me. “And obviously you’ve bought these recently and never worn them.”

“How do you know?”

“They still have the tags,” he said softly.

I shook my head. “Of course.”

“We all have a story, Jolie.”

“No. We don’t all have a story like mine. And don’t get me wrong, some people have wonderful stories, while others have terrible ones, and I’m sure some even have more horrible stories than mine—or at least different. Pain is pain however you go through it. But my pain has become a monster that I can’t fight.”

“I’ll help you take it on.” He was so sincere.

I stared down at the clothes, attempting to understand. “Why would you want to?”

“Don’t you believe you’re worth fighting for?” he asked.

“It’s not that.” I let out a chest full of frustrated air. “You’re the most upbeat person I’ve seen … in a really long time. I don’t want to drag you down into my world. It’s dark, and the terror I feel is relentless.”

“Like the day behind More Hall.”

I nodded. “Every day I live by balancing on a tightrope. If I’m careful and walk that perfect straight line I can hold the pain in and function almost like a normal human being. But when I deviate? Let’s just say there is no net.”

“So let me be your net,” he offered.

I was speechless and just stared at him. He was serious. “Why do you want to be my net? You’re twenty-two, you’re so full of life.” He was, and it was contagious. “Why would you want to waste your time with a woman who has so many issues that she can’t even bring herself to wear the clothes she likes?”

“Put me in your act,” he said simply.

“What? What do you mean?”

“Every day you walk a tightrope, you said, and when you try to deviate, you fall. So now I’m here. I’ll catch you. Day by day, make me a part of your plan until my presence becomes normal.”

“Normal.” That was impossible! But then I heard a very small voice say, “How?”

“By allowing me to be your friend. Every day we hang out, even if it’s just for a little while.”

“You didn’t answer my question before. Why would you want to do this?” I lifted my eyes to meet his. I wanted an answer, because none of it made any sense.

“When I first saw you, you were so stunning I couldn’t think straight,” Sam began.

“When you first saw me you were looking at my ass,” I reminded him.

“Okay, you’re right.” Sam admitted with his hands in surrender. “But in my defense, it is a really fine ass.”

I rolled my eyes and swallowed a flattered laugh.

He continued, “But as the weeks went on, I saw that your intelligence matched your beauty, and Jolie, combined … you left me breathless. I had to get to know you. Then when you got sick behind More Hall, you showed so much strength …”

“Strength? I freaked out and puked all over you.”

“You fell apart and pulled yourself back together again. That took raw guts, Jolie. Trust me, I’ve known a couple people who’ve lived through some nasty things. It takes a hell of a lot of strength to get to the other side of it.”

I worried my bottom lip.
He saw me as beautiful and strong?

“I can see the pain behind your eyes and the shadow you’re trying to live with—twenty-six years old with a PhD—you stopped living at some point and became driven. And your clothes—you’re trying to be invisible, which is virtually impossible for you because you have an amazing body.” He cocked an eyebrow at me, and if I had felt any anger at his intuition and bold assessment, it melted. “I want to know you. So, are you going to give our friendship a chance?”

In six years no one had ever done this to me, made me want to come out of the hiding place I’d built. I knew my voice would be pained and small but I spoke anyway.

“How do we do it?”

I expected his face to light up with his telltale smile, but it didn’t. Instead he became really serious. “No plan, Jolie. We live for each moment, each day. We find now and hold ourselves in that space until we’re ready to make a new one.”

“Okay … Sam. Friends.” I held out my hand to his.

He regarded it for a moment, took it like he was about to shake it, then said, “Ah, what the hell,” and yanked me up against him, putting his arms around me and folding me into a deep hug.

I liked the feel of him very much.

The next two weeks went really well. Sam kept our meetings simple. We met each night for dinner at Kells, and then he rode the bus with me back home and dropped me off at the elevator. Conversations were never about me, he never put any pressure on me to talk; instead he told me wonderful stories about his huge family back in North Dakota until I felt like I knew them.

One of my favorite parts about our new friendship was the texting. Usually when I came home from Kells to the silence of my apartment, I dreaded being alone with my thoughts, but now like clockwork Sam texted me every night. Thursday night was no exception.

Sam: Miss me yet?

If I had to admit it, yes, I missed him very much already and it had only been about 30 minutes since he’d left.

Me: **eye roll**

Sam: You’re a pretty little liar. But I forgive you. Get some sleep tonight. I have something special planned for this weekend that you’re going to love!

Something special?
My heart thumped.

Me: I’m in bed but I can’t get any sleep with my phone beeping with your messages.

Sam: You’re in bed?? What are you wearing?

I closed my eyes and smiled. The thought of telling him I was in a soft, lacy camisole top with a pair of boy shorts made sweet sensations stir in my belly.

Me: Be good.

Sam: Oh, I’m very good!

I bet he was.

Me: We both have class early.

Sam: Set the phone close to your pillow.

That was a new request.

Me: Why?

Sam: So I can sleep next to you.

A sensation like soda pop filled my veins with rising bubbles that seemed to start at my toes and rush to my head. I held the phone and rolled to my side as I settled the device on the side of my pillow.

Me: Done.

Sam: Good. Did you feel that small breeze against your skin? That was me imagining I was kissing you goodnight.

I imagined his voice saying those words, low and serious, and it made me close my eyes and catch my bottom lip between my teeth.

The next morning I was jumping out of my skin with excitement. I got dressed quickly and raced to school. Again, Sam had brought another long lost feeling to the surface—anticipation.

I was sitting at my desk, and the class was filing into their seats. I realized my leg was bouncing up and down. Nervously? Excitedly? Did it matter? I tried not to look up at each student as they came through the door, but I did allow my eyes to drift. Lexy came in and took her now usual chair next to where Sam sat. Quickly I started shuffling papers because I felt like the entire class could see right through me. A second later, Sam stopped at my desk. I only saw his jeans and silver studded belt, but I knew it was him. He was wearing a Nirvana t-shirt and a blue plaid unbuttoned outer shirt. And … Oh. My. God. He smelled amazing.

“Hey, Professor.” Something as casual as a smile should not make me as weak in the knees as his did.

“Hey, Sam,” I remarked simply, like a professor should, even though on the inside I felt ready to burst.

He set a folded piece of paper onto my desk and went up to his seat.

I slid the paper off my desk and into my briefcase.
That
would burn a hole in the leather and my brain for the next hour and a half while I waited to read it.

Once everyone got settled in their seats, I stood in front of my desk and leaned back against it on my hands. “Today’s lecture is on biofuels …”