True Nature (12 page)

Chapter 18 HIM

I can see the light’s finally on, a sliver under the bathroom door. I haven't heard much movement, but know that I need to give her this time to think.

I had planned to tell her all this on the way home tomorrow. Now, laughing to myself, that probably was a bad idea...what if she jumped out of the moving car?!

I wait with the light on for her to come out, still sitting propped up in bed. I try not to think about how much it'll hurt if she comes out and packs her bag.

I keep telling myself that this was a necessary step. I realized after the bad breakup with Natalie that it wasn't going to be easy to find the right girl for me. Natalie's reaction the first time I tried to discipline her was to call the cops. We'd been out to a party and her drinking and flirting had been too much for me to take. She was obviously drunk, so the cops just let me off with a warning after Natalie calmed down and left.

I tried to reach out to Nat the next day, thinking after she sobered up we might be able to talk it through. She threatened to call the cops again if I ever tried to see her. I never want to go through that again.

I felt something different with Lucy from the moment I met her. She's so soft-spoken, sweet...she responds so easily to my commands in bed...and for the most part, out of bed too. I try to calm my breathing. One way or another, I have to see this through tonight and hope for the best.

A half hour goes by before she finally opens the door, turning off the light. She stands at the doorway, not moving, crossing her legs and holding the door jam.

I pat the bed next to me. "Come here." Now's the moment of truth.

She pushes herself away from the door and slowly walks over to me.  The robe she has on is dragging the floor, only her fingers visible in the rolled-up sleeves, holding the ties at her waist. She sits on the edge of the bed with her back to me for a minute before twisting around to face me more.

Her eyes search mine. "I don't know what to say to you."

"I love you. How bout that?" I give her a bright grin. She only lowers her face, so her hair veils around her. I reach out, covering her hand with mine. "I do love you, Lucy."

"And I love you, Max." She chokes this out, a whispered confession in one long breath.

"That's all that matters." I pull her hand, trying to get her to look up or move closer to me.

"No...it isn't...I don't know if I can be what you want..."

"I know you can." She does look up at this, responding to the demand in my voice. Good girl. "I told you before that I see something in you...from the beginning I've known that we can be great together. I know your heart is sweet and good...and all mine." This time I pull her forearm and she follows, moving across the bed to sit next to me. Her arms wrap around her knees, still guarded though. I wrap my arms around hers, rocking her gently, kissing her head lightly. "Baby...just say you're willing to give me a chance...that's all I need tonight."

"Ok..." Her voice is tiny, muffled into her knees.

I continue rocking, stroking her hair until her breathing matches mine. "That's my girl." We fall asleep with her curled up in the big robe, in my arms.

Chapter 19 HER

The sun shines in from the french doors. I turn just my head to see if Max is in bed with me. He's not. I sit up and look to the bathroom door. He's not there either. I get out of bed, the robe twisted making it difficult. Looking out the french doors onto the terrace, I still don't see him.

I head to the bathroom and change into the only shorts and tank top I have. Putting my hair in a loose knot and brushing my teeth, I try to think about our conversation again.

I still can't figure out how I feel. I'm stunned at what he revealed, but not truly surprised. He'd been saying all week how much this trip meant to him. Now I know why...he waited till now to say all that..about his family...himself.

I stare at myself in the mirror, the same way I did last night. If I'm honest with myself, I knew that Max was different before he said anything. I let out a shakey laugh...I just had no idea how different!

Other guys I've dated have all been easy-going...not decisive, not demanding...and really not for me. I remember saying to Tracy how frustrating guys can be...never wanting to make a plan, never choosing the restaurant or movie, never taking charge. She laughed at me and said she preferred it that way. The metro-guy was her type. Not mine.

My last semi-serious boyfriend ended with me leaving him at a club because he wouldn't commit to staying over. I smile at myself thinking of how Max would react if I tried to leave him somewhere...probably spank me! I let out another small laugh. Oh, God, this is still all too surreal for me...

I came out of the bathroom last night after realizing that no matter what Max thought of how he was raised, he was a reasonable man, a loving man...and I wasn't anything like his Mom had been...wild he had said...I was good...sweet he had said.

Again, if I'm honest with myself, I've liked his controlling nature too...for the most part. I always know where I stand with him. He's direct and tells me exactly what he wants. I smile, thinking, I mean what he demands...

Taking a deep a breath, I leave the bedroom. I can't hear anything downstairs...maybe they're all gone? But I do smell the wonderful scent of something baking and much-needed coffee.

Walking into the family room, I stop at the door to the patio. Alex is sitting on Ron's lap, facing away from me, but I can tell they're kissing. I don't think I've ever seen my own parents kiss, so I feel really awkward and start to turn around.

"Oh! Good morning, Lucy!" Alex is standing up when I turn towards them again. "Did you sleep well, honey?"

"Um...yes...thank you!" I can't look them in the eye, so I focus on the beautiful water instead.

"Do you want some coffee, honey?" Alex is already heading into the kitchen. "Have a seat, I'll bring it out here, Ron needs a refill too."

"Thank you." I sit next to Ron, facing the water still. I can see that he's staring at me though. "Do you know where Max is?"

"He went for a jog." Ron looks at his watch, "He should be back any minute." He continues to look at me, though, so I turn my head to face him directly. "Do you love my son?"

It's so direct, that I don't answer for a second, just sit there with my mouth open, blinking. "Yes...yes I do." I'm frowning at him. Even though there's no family resemblance, he looks just like Max, strong jawed and intense.

"Good. I can tell that he loves you." He nods his head and picks back up his crossword puzzle from the table. "He's a good man. He deserves to be happy."

"I didn't know how you liked your coffee, so I brought everything out..." Alex returns with a big tray of creamer, sugar, sweetener, and a large pot of coffee, so I don't have to reply to Ron. She hands me a mug and fills it up.

I steal a look up at her. I can't reconcile the story from last night...this sweet woman can't be the same one from that. Alex is just as nice as my Mom...hell, even nicer I think. She looks like she just walked out of an ad...hair perfectly in place, an apron over her fitted shirt and skirt...this is the second apron I've seen on her!

I smile at her, "Thanks, again." I add a sweetener and cream to the mug. "And thank you for the robe...it was nicer than my one at home!"

"I'm glad you were comfy!"  A timer goes off behind me and Alex jumps up again. "Be right back." She kisses Ron on the cheek before heading inside.

I can hear her moving around the kitchen and hope she won't be long...I don't really want more questions from Ron right now. I busy myself with stirring and sipping.

I jump at a kiss on my head. "Sorry...didn't see your coffee!" Max is standing over me with a crooked smile. I luckily had the mug over the table instead of my lap, so nothing spilled on me. I grab a napkin from the tray and mop up the small mess quickly.

Max sits down next to me, with one hand on the table and one on the back of my chair, facing me. "You were so sound asleep, I didn't want to wake you."

I mumble, "Thanks," and shyly look away, but that only has me looking in Ron's direction as he takes this all in.

Alex comes out baring another tray of small plates, forks, and a platter of large cinnamon rolls. "Now this isn't breakfast, Lucy, but this will tide us over until we can have a proper brunch in town." She distributes plates and I again mumble a thank you.

Max keeps giving me sideways glances, but I avoid looking at anyone directly again, except Alex who sits across from me.

"These are the best cinnabons I've ever had, Mrs. Traeger!"

"Please, call us Ron and Alex." Ron answers for her, patting her hand on the table. "Alex is a great cook...and worldclass baker." He tells a story about a family trip to Italy where Alex ended up teaching a group of local women how to make American-style apple pie.

"We had a lot of fun on that trip...and I think my Italian improved...at least in the kitchen," Alex finishes with a laugh. I take small bites and keep my myself chewing or sipping to avoid saying much during the conversation.

Max finally says, "We should get cleaned up if we're going to brunch," and he yanks my chair out a little before I can say anything.

Heading up the stairs in front of him, I feel very conscious of his closeness. He closes the door quickly behind us and I try to move further into the bedroom to get some space between us before turning around.

But he's right in front of me as I turn, "Why are you acting so distant this morning?"

"I'm just...I'm..." I don't know how to put into words how I'm feeling right now...I can only lift my hands at my sides and shrug, turning away. But he catches my hand and turns me back towards him, taking me into his arms. I can smell his scent more on his partially sweaty t-shirt. It's even muskier and I take a deep breath. Damn, he smells good.

He pushes me out to arms length and holds me there. "Lucy...you need to relax. I know I said alot last night...and you need some time to process all of it...but today is about a beautiful day on a sunshining lake." He smiles in such a boyish way that I haven't seen before that I can't help but smile back.

"OK...I'll try."

"Good girl." He kisses me quickly before turning me around to face the bathroom. "Now...take a shower!...I'll wait my turn."

                                                                                    .....

"I'm telling you...it was a mini-mansion...right on the lake!" I'm painting my toenails with the phone on speaker, the TV on mute. I'm telling Laura about my weekend with Max. "...Yes...it was very oo-la-la...if I used that phrase!" We laugh together.

"Did you like his parents? Oh shit!" She's painting her toes too on her end. "I smudged my toe."

I hesitate before answering...I think I could tell Laura almost the whole story, but still..."Yeah...they were both really nice." I swallow, hesitating again. "They're kinda old fashioned though."

"Like Brady-sitcom-style?"

"Kinda...she actually wore not one but two aprons while I was there." We laugh together again.

"Wow...no wonder he's such an ol' fashion guy...he grew up in the Cleaver house!" She's laughing harder. I laugh too, but not as hard. I decide not to share anymore.

"It was a really nice time on the lake! We took a speed boat to a restaurant right on the water." She inserts an 'oo-la-la' of her own, "Yeah...I felt very Jackie O-ish as Max sped us around and there was a valet just to help us dock! I was a looong way from Kansas, Toto." I give into more laughter with her.  

She tells me I missed a great time Saturday night too. That she went with Tad, Tracy, and Josh to a party on Addison. It got so crowded, she was afraid to go out on the wooden deck. "I'm tellin ya, I could hear the wood splintering!"

"Tracy probably jumped up and down on it!"

"She did!" We're giggling again. It feels good to finally forget about the stress of this week. "Josh had to drag her off it."

"Sorry I missed that."

"No you're not!"

"Not!"

"But...seriously...we've missed hanging out with you...We only see you for lunch and happy hour anymore."

"And Romona's!...But...yeah...I've missed hangin with you guys too."  Almost every night I spend with Max, either here or usually at his place; and it's assumed that I'll stay all weekend at his place. I can't believe it's only been three weeks and I feel this close to him.

"So let's make plans...a girls' night out! How bout this Friday?!"

"Um...OK...I'll talk to Max."

"No...you'll
tell
  Max that you're going out with us!  He can have you to himself on Saturday..." She giggles at this, but I sense a little irritation too. She and Tracy have probably talked about my not being around as much lately.

"OK...Friday night." I try to ignore how saying this tightens my stomach a little. "Let's go dancing!"

"Now you're talking!"

                                                                                    .....

Falling asleep without Max is hard. I'm so used to sleeping in his arms, that my bed feels too cold, too empty. I pull his pillow into me and roll over again. His pillow. Too funny that I think of it as his.

I sit up, tossing the pillow to the end of the bed. This is the second night I'm not getting any sleep and it's all his fault! The clock says 12:30.

I get out of bed, leaving the lights off. Even with the blinds closed, the full moonlight is enough to see clearly by. Putting on my short robe, I move into my kitchen. I have to turn on an under cabinet light to find the tea I want.

Waiting for the chamomile to steep, I open the kitchen door. The new deadbolt turns easily. Max insisted on checking all the doors and windows after my Dad pointed out over breakfast that I have another door in the back that needs fixing. He replaced the deadbolt and added locks to all the windows.

I take my tea and sit on my back porch. And I know that Max wouldn't approve of me sitting outside by myself this late.

Well, too bad! I guess you should be here, Max...I'd be asleep then! I stick my tongue out and laugh at myself...carrying on imaginary conversations with him. I talk a big talk in my own head. But I know if he were here, I'd be doing whatever he said.

When I asked him earlier tonight why he didn't want to spend the night together again, he said it was because he wanted to give me time to myself. To think. And I have been thinking...nonstop!

Today, I had to stop myself from thinking about what Max said about his parents in the middle of an interview. Tonight, after only meeting Max for drinks and an early dinner, I've been alone...thinking, just like last night.

I've gotten over my initial shock, but what's left is a strange mix of emotions.

After realizing that I couldn't share any of this with Laura or Tracy, I was in a state of panic on Sunday night. It felt too big to deal with on my own. I'd called my Mom. I wasn't going to tell her anything, but I just wanted to hear her voice. It didn't help.

She asked all the right questions...what the Traegers were like, about their house, what we did and ate. She sounded impressed with them, with what I said about them.

Then she quickly changed the subject to PJ and the baby. It's a boy. Everyone's so thrilled. Mom had many miscarriages before she was able to have me. I know family is important to her, to Dad. She brought the conversation back to Max and actually said that maybe he'll propose soon and I'll know the joy of motherhood too.

I couldn't believe she was saying this to me. She'd only met him once! And I had confessed to her that night that we hadn't been dating that long really. She'd said that it wasn't about how long we'd been together, it was obvious that he really cared about me and he seemed like such a nice gentleman.

Last night on the phone with her, I wanted to say...yeah, but Mom, that nice gentleman you want me to marry wants to spank me! I'm laughing still thinking about what her reaction might have been if I'd said that. Instead, what I said was that it was too soon to think about proposals and changed the subject to the weather.

My tea is cold, but I drink it anyway. I need to sleep. My mind needs to shut down. But I keep thinking...

Max is a gentleman. A very old fashioned gentleman. He had explained on the ride home more about himself. That previous girlfriends had claimed he was chauvinistic, misogynistic, a bully, possessive, antiquated, abusive. He used those words.