True Control 4.2 (11 page)

Chapter 32 HIM

I watch her walk down the hall. I don’t care that everyone’s staring at me, smiling or frowning. I only have eyes on Lucy. Her dress isn’t helping. It’s sweet, but I can see her ass moving under the light material, it looks like she doesn’t have on... I stop myself before I finish the thought. I rub my chin with both hands and stare up at the ceiling.

She looked like she’d seen a ghost. She was that pale, that scared. I just wanted to pick her up and carry her away from whatever had her so scared.

I’m absorbed in my thoughts; I don’t notice Mitch until he shoves my coffee cup under my nose. “Hey, Jake. What’s this I hear about you kissing somebody in the lobby?”

I groan and shoot him a look that instantly has him shutting up. Lucy returns, but stops a few feet away seeing my angry look. I give Mitch one last warning glare, before turning my attention back to her. I put my hand out and she does her little hip-rolling walk over to me, putting her small fingers in the center of my palm. “Lucy, this is my assistant, Mitch. He’ll show you around today, get you settled in.” She nods and smiles at him, pulling her hand away from mine and shaking his.

And for a brief moment I think about grabbing her arm and yanking her back against me. I smile, thinking about the office gossip that would start. I’m glad that I’ll be busy with client meetings all morning…I really need to keep a distance from her.

Why’d you hire her then, jackass?

…But I know the truth. I can lie to myself all I want. I can pretend. But I know.

I like having her here…I like knowing that she’s near.

Chapter 32 HER

“What are still doing here?!” I jump at hearing Jake’s loud and angry voice at the entrance to my little cubicle.

“Holy…! Jake, you scared me!”

“I asked you a question.” His eyes narrow and his body seems to fill the space more.

“I…I had a few things I wanted to finish before leaving.” I saw him an hour ago and he said bye, so I thought he’d left already. I don’t know why he’s so upset. I glance at my watch. It’s only 6:00 p.m.

“Jeff is waiting downstairs for you.” It’s an accusation. An angry one.

This only ticks me off, like he thinks I’d leave Jeff just waiting. “I text him. Told him I’d be down at 6:30 today.”

“You leave at 5:00, Lucy.” I’ve only been here a week. But on the first day, Jake came into my cubby at exactly 5:00 and told me to leave for the day. I was embarrassed then because Mitch and I were in the middle of a report. I didn’t argue, I just quietly left, not making eye contact with Mitch or Jake again.

“I can decide for myself when to leave, Jake…it’s not like you’re paying me overtime…” I try to smile at this, to change the tension. It backfires.

He only gets angrier with me, his face hardening. “Don’t get cute with me, girl. Get up. Now.”

I flush at this. An angry, embarrassed flush. No one else is around at least. “What’s the big deal, Jake…so I stay a little later tonight? I’m trying to help you.”

He moves to stand next to me, swiveling my chair to face him and pushing it back quickly with both hands on the top, his forearms on the sides of my head. I have a moment of dizzying motion and intoxicating vanilla spice. “The big deal is I
told
you to go home at 5:00. So that’s what time you’ll go. No questions.”

I try to push against his chest, to get him off. It’s like a butterfly pushing a door. Not gonna budge. He grins and pushes my chair back even further. I’m afraid we’ll tip over; I stop pushing and just stare up at him.

He hasn’t been this close to me all week. If anything, he’s avoided being near me or alone with me every day. We went to lunch that first day, but he invited a few people along and sat on the other end of the table.

Feeling his heat, his breath on my face, seeing his strength…I flush again. It takes any thoughts I had and twists them around to only one. I want to run my tongue over the light hair on his arms.

I lower my eyes and put my hands in my lap. Get control of your damn prego hormones!

Chapter 33 HIM

Heading out the door, I spot Jeff leaning against the car in the side alley. I frown, walking over. “Where’s Lucy?”

He nods and takes out an earbud, I can hear the game he was listening to, “She’ll be down soon.” I frown more at this.

“She’ll be down now.” I turn to walk back into the building, but stop and walk back to Jeff. “From now on, if she’s not down here at 5:00, you text me. Got it?” He nods again, but with a small smile. I ignore it and walk away quickly.

I told her to leave at 5:00 every day. She needs to rest. She’s looking better, more like she should. Her eyes aren’t as hollowed and I know she’s been eating more, taking better care of herself. But she’s also been working harder than I expected.

She’s been a madwoman with organization. I almost don’t recognize my offices, and it’s only been a week. She arranged interior design interns to help archive all the plans and drawings that were lying around. And she came up with a new system with my project leaders for staying ahead of the piles, so in the future we won’t have to deal with the same problem again, no matter how short staffed I might get.

I’ve been impressed.

Now, I’m just pissed. I stop at her cubicle and see her curls highlighted by the computer screen and her fingers pulling on her lips as she concentrates.

She jumps and I like seeing the little startled, big-eyed look for a moment. It doesn’t take the edge off of my anger though.

I’m not thinking. I’ve been trying to avoid being close to her all week. But now, I’m too pissed off to think of this.

I shove her back, grinning at her shocked look again. I feel myself getting hard. But it’s too late. I can’t back down now. I push her even further back.

And her look changes, her eyes soften, lips part… Stop! My imagination is going to drive me crazy. I let her chair back up slowly.

“Now. Get your ass downstairs and go home.”

She sits up straighter in the chair, chin up. “No. I have a few things I want to finish and I told Jeff I’d be down in a half hour. He can wait.” I laugh at her effort to look commanding and determined. Not very convincing on her. Her eyes narrow more. “It’s not nice to laugh at an employee, ya know.”

“You’re not an employee… But I
am
your boss. And I’ll give you two more seconds to get your shit and get out of here.” I cock my eyebrow at her.

“Or what?” She sits back and crosses her arms over her stomach. She thinks reminding me that she’s pregnant will stop me from doing anything to her. That’s a mistake she won’t make again.

I answer her slowly, crossing my own arms. “Or I’ll pick you up and carry you out of here. I don’t care if you kick and scream, girl. You’re going home when I tell you to.” I grin at her even more determined look, almost a pretty pout now, “
I
won’t be the one embarrassed.”

She falters. I know she’s imagining what everyone would see. I am too. I like the image in my head. She seems to think better of pushing me more.

She glares as she opens her drawer and slams it closed after getting her bag. She huffs as she stands up and stomps by me. Her cheeks are bright red, her lips squeezed tight over what she’d like to say to me. But I grab her arm before she’s by me. “And I told Jeff to let me know if you’re ever late meeting him again. I won’t give you a choice a second time, Lucy.” She looks like she’s going to say what she’s been thinking, so I cut her off, my voice a little deeper with emotion, “You need your rest. You’re just starting to look healthy again…I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Her mouth snaps shut again and she looks down. I let her arm go and she walks out, but quietly. Submissively.

I on the hand have to wait a minute to leave. Wouldn’t be good for the boss to be walking around with a hard-on in the office.

Chapter 33 HER

The first morning sunshine feels good, but the humidity is already climbing. I can feel sweat all over and not just from jogging. I slow to a fast walk. Sorry, Max, won’t make my numbers today. I know it’s more than feeling heavier and the heat. I’ve been pushing myself to get out of the funk I feel again. I woke up at 4:00 a.m. and couldn’t go back to sleep. I came out for a run when it was still dark out.

I had a burst of energy the last few weeks. A happiness at working for Jake. Feeling productive and needed again. I like most of the people there and I’ve had more than one person say I’m doing a good job. I smile thinking about the praises I’ve received from Jake.

I like when he pops his head into my cubby, just to smile and give me a compliment. I’m a puppy with a bone, wagging my tail in happiness all day afterwards. Eager to please…that’s me. But it’s more than that. I like earning Jake’s praise, his smiles. I like pleasing him.

I feel a flutter in my stomach again at this thought. I’ve been having dreams of him lately. The boss bending me over every surface in the office and taking me from behind.

I keep blaming it on hormones, but I know that’s not it. Well, not all of it.

I keep going back to the conversation we had…that night I was stuck in his elevator. But I never quite finish my thoughts. Because all thoughts always leads back to Max.

And I’ve been thinking a lot about Max this past week. All of the firsts we missed celebrating so far this summer. First kiss, first date, first time he said he loved me. That was today, Fourth of July.

I’ve skipped over a lot of things this summer to avoid facing my pain with others around. I skipped Dan’s birthday party. I skipped firm events that Ron and Alex invited me to. I’ve skipped going to their lake house. I haven’t avoided them. I’ve seen Ron and Alex almost every week.

But I’ve avoided going places that remind me of Max, doing things that remind me of him. I’ve even stopped wearing my rings. At least in public. I’ve always felt a little self-conscious with such a large diamond. Somehow not having Max next to me, I feel a little strange with it on. Like it’s a tag of possession, but I no longer belong to anyone. Luggage lost at the airport that no one claims. I’d rather not answer any questions about it when someone notices it.

In the privacy of my own home, I still cry myself to sleep some nights with pictures of him around me. I still wear his shirts around the house. I’ve bolted awake from a dream, thinking he was next to me and cried well into the morning hours.

I start to jog again. It helps with the anger. Tears I can handle now. I have some feeling of control over the sadness. I can keep it together around people for the most part. I only breakdown when I’m alone anymore.

I put my hands on my stomach as I pick up speed. Our baby helps with the sadness. I know I have to stay positive as much as I can for the baby’s sake. But the anger? I don’t know what to do with it sometimes.

And I’ve been dreading today. It was a turning point in our relationship. The “I love yous” were exchanged and I was forever his. No choice. No control. Just his.

Well…I still had the illusion of control for a little longer. I brush my cheek, shoving a tear away, thinking of that first slap. When all illusions were cleared away. I had one last choice and I made it. Him. Always.

Even with all of the doubts I had. That last day together. I said he couldn’t change, but he was willing to try. For me. He said we’d have a fresh start. No matter the pain he caused me, his love was always stronger. Always.

He said I gave him everything he asked. At least that day, he knew I gave him the one thing I was afraid I couldn’t. A child. And my belief in him. My faith in him. Always.

And now? It’s been so long since I’ve felt his touch. His gentle pets or his rough demands. But I am still what he created. What he made me see in myself. I still need what he gave me. What only he could give me. Freedom to let go. Freedom to give in. Freedom to submit. Freedom to love him unconditionally. Always.

What happens when “always” is cut short?

I realize that I’m running too fast, my breathing isn’t controlled. I slow down again and hear Max’s training in my head. This helps. It helps with the anger and the sadness. I steady my pace and my breaths. For Max. For our baby. I can get through anything. Even today.

Chapter 34 HIM

I don’t stand when the door opens. I just wait calmly at the table. I’ve been waiting for a while. I made myself coffee and toast while waiting for her. I know she’s been jogging again. I asked Dr. Patel about it; she thought it was good idea.

I assumed that’s where she was, but I still felt my heart leap a little when she didn’t answer the door this morning. I still let myself in to look around here for her. I still called her cell. And I was still angry to hear it ringing from her bedside.

She jumps when she sees me. I haven’t moved or said anything. “Shit, Jake! What are you doing here?”

“You left your phone!” I didn’t mean to bark this at her, but seeing her now…my anger just jumps to the next level. She’s wearing almost nothing. A tight tank and even tighter shorts. Yeah, there’s a tiny bump pushing out, but she looks like a model for a Goddamn sex ad, sweaty and beautiful.

“What?!” I pick up the phone I now have on the table and wave it at her. “So what? What are you doing here?!”

“So what?! You leave the house, dressed like that, without your phone, without telling anyone where you’re going even?!” I can hear how insane I sound. I want to stop, really, I do. But I can’t seem to get an image out of my head. Of her being dragged off by some scary asshole and hurt. Because she was out alone, in the barely lit up morning…with no phone even to call for help! And looking like she does!

She’s speechless, shaking her hands in front of herself for a moment. A high frustrated sound of anger escaping her tiny throat. I watch as her face changes from shocked anger to full rage. “You have
no
right.
No
right to talk to me like this. And
no
right to just let yourself in here!” She marches back to the door and opens it. “Get out. Now!”

I don’t move. My own anger has reached the rage level. But this only calms me. I’ve always been able to stay more level-headed when angry.  My other emotions can briefly have control over me. But anger is the one emotion that somehow makes me more still. More focused.

I sit back in the chair and put one foot over my knee. A relaxed posture, my hands behind the top of my head. “I’m not going anywhere, girl.”

And I watch her face change again. It’s amazing how quickly her emotions flit across her face. Each feature morphing with the changes, it’s almost dizzying watching her. She settles on a more calm show of anger. She slams the door closed and walks towards me.

And God help me. I’m stiff. I mean, full alert, this is gonna hurt later. Stiff.

Her hair swings and catches on her sweat soaked skin. Her nipples ache against the thin tank. Her legs stretch and tighten, hips roll and sway. She stops just in front of me, hands on her hips. This only makes her tits stand out more.

It takes everything I can manage not to take my eyes off of hers. I want to run my hands and eyes up and down every inch of her. I want to watch her face change as quickly from this anger to one of pain.

This thought rattles me a little. I drop my hands and look down, but bounce my eyes back up quickly. I’m glad I have my foot up. It’s hiding how tight my shorts are now.

“So
what
did you let yourself into
my
house for, Jake?” She enunciates each word.

“I’ll get to that.” Her eyebrows raise and she looks like she’s gearing up to yell again. I continue to speak calmly, but with a deep edge of anger. “First. Tell me what the hell you were thinking this morning. Jogging before it’s light out, without your phone. And dressed like that.”

She actually looks down at herself. I can see she’s still angry, but my calmness is throwing her off. When she looks back up, there’s an unexpected element of guilt in her face. Impossibly, I’m harder. I have to take a deep breath before speaking, but I can still hear the slight strain in my voice. I only hope she can’t, “You weren’t thinking, were you?”

She shakes her head slightly. But she still manages to sound a little defiant, a little bratty. “These are my running clothes, Jake. What am I supposed to wear? It’s already hot outside.”

I lower my eyes slowly, looking her up and down. I’m causing myself more discomfort, but I like seeing that it makes her uncomfortable too. She moves her hands from her hips and crosses them in front of her chest. I grin. “And I’m sure any guy who would come across you all alone in the dark wouldn’t mind it at all.” I let her look of guilt deepen. As painful as it is to watch. “Don’t go out again in the dark for a run, Lucy. And never leave here without your phone, again.”

She doesn’t say anything, only looks down with her eyes, then lowering her chin.

I raise my voice and anger a little, liking how her head pops up, eyes wider, “Say it!”

“Say what?” She blinks, a beautiful childish pout on her wet lips.

I grin only a little, slowly, “Yes, Sir.”

She continues blinking. I try to read what her looks mean, but they change too fast, finally, quietly, calmly, “Yes, Sir.”

“Good. Now go shower. I’ll make us some breakfast.” Really, I just need her to walk away, so I can stand without her seeing the affect she has on me.