True Bliss (14 page)

It's now Saturday which means a day off from the academy, and having worked three gigs last night, I have tonight off, so I've decided that it's time to make some progress with Kate. Since I've moved in, it has been very cordial and friendly, but I can tell she's avoiding me, and there has only been one message to nightdancer. It was a very quick explanation about how she was really busy, but that she hadn't forgotten about me and that she'd have more time on the weekend to chat. That's something, I suppose.

I'm not sure how that is going to work with us living together. I can't imagine being in the same room as her and chatting to her on the laptop, but thankfully, it hasn't become an issue...yet.

I need to start the day, so I get up and throw some clothes on before sleepily making my way out into the living area where I'm planning on enjoying the kick ass coffeemaker that Mac and Kate have.

I feel my phone vibrate against my leg, and after fixing my coffee, I see a text from Mac.

Mac: How's it going?

Zander: Great. You have the world's best bed. Why didn't I know about this earlier?

Mac: Because you're more into casual?

Zander: Says the queen of non-commitment?

Mac: Shut up! How are the apartment repairs coming along? Not that you have to move out, or anything, but just thought I'd check in.

Zander: Zach called me yesterday, damage is worse than first thought. It's going to be a few more weeks at least.

Mac: Bummer. Oh well, you've got my room as long as you need it. I'm loving this living with my man business, should've done it months ago! Anyway, did you see Kate this morning before work?

Zander: No, just got up. I assume she's left already.

Mac: Yeah she had to be at the salon at nine this morning to open up since the boss is away. She'll be home around five this evening. How are things going with her? When is your first date?

Zander: What first date?

Mac: God! You men are all the same.

Zander: I need to get her to talk to me first without avoiding me.

Mac: What do you mean?

Zander: She's been rather scarce since I moved in.

Mac: A week and a half and you've barely seen her?

Zander: Long story.

Mac: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? How can I help you if I don't know everything?

Zander: Her story to tell, babe.

Mac: Well, I'll send you her number. You just need to spend time with her. There's no way she'll be able to resist your charms ;)

Zander: Maybe, or even see if she just wants to hang out.

Mac: That'll work too. Has she contacted nightdancer?

Zander: One quick brush off message saying she's busy and will talk soon.

Mac: Report back to me how things are going, including the internet thing.

Zander: Yes, Mom!

Mac: Quit it.

I grin as I run through what I need to do before Kate gets home tonight. Basically, it consists of a quick trip to the grocery store for supplies, and maybe a quick tidy up of the house to show that I'm house trained - my mom had one boy and three girls, so she made sure I could cook and clean before I left home.

Before I do any of that, I grab my protein powder from my room and make a shake for breakfast. I try to think about how to approach Kate tonight. If I come on too strong, she'll think it's all about sex, but too soft, and she'll think I only want to be friends, and there is no way that I'm going to be friend-zoned with her.

Grabbing my phone, I ring the one person who I know can help me with this.

“Zoe…”

“Hey, big bro, long time no hear. How's the big city?”

“It's good. How's the tattoo artist?” I ask with a smile.

“God, Mom has a big mouth. He's great. So I know you're not ringing me just to ask about my boyfriend.”

“You caught me.” I sigh dramatically. “No, I need a woman's opinion.”

“Holy shit. Is this about the woman you told Mom about? You'd never ask me for dating advice.” I can hear the shock in her voice, although it's laced with humor. She's loving this.

Out of all my sisters, Zoe is the only one I could trust with this kind of advice. Probably something to do with the fact we're only two years apart. When Dad died, we both stepped up and helped Mom get through it. We'd always been close, but living through something like that just brought us even closer. 

“Yeah, something like that, Zo.”

“So what do you want to know?”

“What do women like to do, to relax? Say, like, after a long day at work?”

“Um, ooookay. Totally not what I thought you were going to ask,” she says with a giggle.

“Zo…”

“Alright, alright! Um, food, wine, trash television, foot massage, romantic comedies. Is that enough arsenal for you?”

It's moments like these that I'm glad to have three sisters.

“Thanks Zo, knew I could count on you. I better get going, but keep in touch. A random text here and there wouldn't go amiss.”

 “Yes, Zan, I will. And we're planning on coming up for your graduation-“

“What? Are you serious? That is awesome!”

“Shit, that was supposed to be a surprise. You can't tell Mom you know!” she pleads down the phone.

“Your secret is safe with me, little sis.”

“Okay, Zan, love you.”

“Love you too, Zo.”

Hanging up the phone, I realize just how much I miss my family. They moved to Indiana for a new start, but it's not easy having your family so far away, especially when you're supposed to be protecting them, watching over them.

My mind shifts back to Kate. From what Mac has told me about her, she's a dreamer. She believes in finding her happily ever after, and all the men, the internet dating, is her search for perfection. It's a lot to live up to, but I'll be damned if I won't try and be everything she wants and needs. I just need her to give me an in; a shred of hope that she might want me too.

KATE

After a hell day at work, Nathan talks me into going out for a wine or two. Actually, it doesn't take much persuasion. I know it's the coward's way out, but I've been limiting my time at home since Zander moved in. I think of it as self-preservation. I'm protecting my eyes from his gorgeous body... his presence...hell, just the fact that I heard him in the shower has me blushing and that's not me. I'm definitely no prude. I'm not sure why it's so different with him.

Two glasses of wine with no food has me feeling happy, carefree, and a little bit tipsy. Nathan has me laughing so hard that my stomach muscles are sore. He's been busy telling me about his adventures with his Puerto Rican 'love machine'.

“Daaarling! This man's butt was so har-”

“TMI, I don't want to know!” I squeal as he just laughs at me.

“Kate, even you would be all over this man. He was fine from the hair on his head to the tips of his toes, and I made sure to pay attention to all of it, more than once.”

“I'm happy for you, Nathan,” I say with a resigned sigh. “I just wish lady love would shine her light my way.”

“Kate, you're a hot mama. Hell, you've got a hot stud living with you and you're sitting here with your gay boyfriend? What does that tell you?”

“That I'm avoiding him.”

“And that if you're avoiding him, there is a reason. Maybe that reason is that you like him.”

“Nathan, I-“

“No, honey, don't try to get out of this. Why are you avoiding him?”

“Because he doesn't want me.”

“And you know this how?”

“Please don't make me say it.” I look over the table at him, my eyes pleading for him to drop this.

“Ever since he's moved in, he's all you talk about, randomly dropping his name into conversations. He's on your mind more than you'd like to admit, and there's nothing wrong with that. What does Mac say about it?”

“She doesn't know. And I hate that she's moved out, and that I can't talk to her about this.” I feel my eyes getting wet.

“She's moved out, but she hasn't cut you out of her life. And as for Zander, if you like him, isn't it worth taking a chance and actually spending time with the guy? You've got...what? At least a few more days of cohabitation with the God of Gorgeousness, right? Why not make the most of it? Get to know him, get to know each other. Hell, honey, worst-case scenario, you make a new friend. But think of all the potential positives.”

Dammit, he makes a compelling argument.

“But what about the internet guy? Nightdancer?” I ask, honestly needing a male opinion on my confusing life.

“Honestly, I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. You've seen Mac get her happy ending, or near enough, and it's just made everything more real for you.” He leans over and puts his hand on top of mine, “You'll find your knight, princess. You just need to be patient, don't force it.”

“You're right.”

“Say that again, I didn't quite hear you,” he replies with a smirk.

“Stop it,” I say, lightly smacking his arm. “I think I'm going to go home. Wallow in self-pity and all that.”

“Just stay open minded.”

“I will. See you Monday?”

“Sure. I'm going to stay and go chat to that gorgeous bartender over there.” He looks over my shoulder and winks.

I glance behind us to see a young, tanned man giving Nathan a flirty grin from behind the bar. “I see,” I say with a smile before leaning over and kissing his cheek.

“You catching a cab?”

“Of course. Safety first.”

I leave Nate behind with his barman, and luckily find a taxi waiting right outside the bar. On the ride home, everything Nate said hits me like a steam train. Is it my fault I'm single? Am I too closed off, too cautious, too boring even? Why are all my friends hooking up and not me?

Maybe my man radar is broken beyond repair. Maybe I'm destined to live a life filled with self-induced orgasms and doting on my best friend's baby.

Would that make me happy? Would I be fulfilled?

God! I've had too much wine to be thinking about life's big questions.

With a heavy heart, and my emotions threatening to bubble over, I walk into my apartment to find Zander watching a baseball game. His long tanned legs stretched out along the couch, his arm propped up under his head.

“Hey,” I say, putting my purse down on the kitchen counter. Scanning the room, I'm surprised to find it sparkling clean. “Wow, you must've been bored today to clean up in here. Thank you, though. I appreciate it.”

He rolls onto his stomach and catches me with a piercing gaze. “You're welcome, babe. Have you eaten?”

“No, but I'll grab something later. I'm just going to get changed.” My voice cracks and I know he catches it. His brows furrow as he studies me, his face filling with concern.

“Kate, What's wr-”

“It's fine, Zan. I'll be out soon,” I say before I rush down the hallway to my room.

Throwing my heels and work clothes off, I put on a tank and yoga pants, then collapse on my bed. Crying into my pillow, I let out everything that has been bottling up for the past few months; missing my best friend, my own feelings of inadequacy, being alone. Everything.

An hour later, I hear a soft knock on the door, and through blurry eyes I see Zander walking toward me. The bed shifts as he sits in the curve of my hips. I watch as he leans over and brushes my hair off my face and behind my ear.

“What's wrong?” he says, his voice soft and comforting. Everything I think.

“I….I'm fine, really,” I reply.

“You can talk to me, you know. I want to help.”

“I'm okay, or I will be. I think I just need to be alone.” My voice is still shaky, and I can tell by the look on his face that he's not buying it.

“I know what you need, Fire...babe. Will you let me take care of you?”

I nod, not sure what he's talking about, but being too emotionally spent to contemplate anything other than accepting whatever he's about to do for me.

“Pancakes.”

I shake my head. I totally misheard him. I must have. “What?”

“Pancakes for dinner. I come from a family of women. When one of them was hurt, upset, or even just a little bit down, we'd have pancakes for dinner. It's a weird Roberts' tradition. Don't knock it till you've tried it.”