True (19 page)

“Yep. You’re eighteen today so you don’t need permission. Rory and Tyler and I all chipped in to get your tat started. We can have them do the
TRUE
today, and we’ll have to add the
Family
part later when we have more money.”

“Oh, my God, this is awesome!” Jayden looked like he might die from pure bliss.

Seeing his joy made me grin. I was happy to be a part of this with him.

As we got out of the car, Riley reminded him, “You know this is going to hurt. Bad. You can’t be jerking around or it will get messed up. And if it hurts too much we can stop.”

“I can handle it!” Jayden sounded offended.

Riley rolled his eyes at me. “I hope this isn’t a disaster,” he said under his breath. “If he ends up smacking the tattoo artist, I will never live it down.”

After a round of greetings and wassups and Riley showing the guy his own tattoo and how he wanted it replicated on Jayden, they were ready to get started. Jayden sat on his hands to keep himself from jerking around. Easton had wandered away to look at pictures of the shop’s work hanging on the walls. Riley kept his hands on Jayden’s shoulders, and I stood next to him, trying to distract him by offering suggestions on what he could do on Christmas break from school.

As the artist worked on him, he made a lot of noise, wincing and yelling out and looking like he wanted to die, but he toughed it out. Riley had suggested the outline of all the letters be done first, so if we needed to bail, at least it would read as something more than a half-done tattoo. Jayden did explain the meaning of the letters to the heavily pierced and tattooed guy working on him, and I think the guy was genuinely touched.

“That’s cool, man. Every tattoo should have personal meaning.”

“Hey, Rory, how do you spell your name?” Jayden asked me.

“R-o-r-y.”

“Hm. So it starts with
R
?”

“Yes.” I watched the letters of their own names appear on Jayden’s arm and I suddenly realized that if you added an
R
to the end,
TRUE
became
TRUER
.

Tears filled my eyes. It was like I belonged there. That I had always been meant to be added to their family.

“Are you crying?” Easton asked, coming over to us.

Busted. “No, I just have something in my eye.” But I pulled him in to my side and forced him to hug me, even though he squirmed. There was something to be said for touching the people you cared about. I was sorry I had spent the majority of my life avoiding it.

When Jayden had had enough, and the letters were outlined and shaded, we decided to call it quits. I took pictures of him before they bandaged his arm, and we let him go into the store next to the tattoo parlor and pick out some candy for his birthday.

“This is the best birthday
ever
,” Jayden declared. Then he looked stricken, like he had said something inappropriate. “Except Tyler’s in jail.”

That was definitely hitting the nail on the head. I was missing Tyler more than ever. He should have been able to share this with us.

So the next day, on my own, I went back to the tattoo shop and had him ink
Truer
on the inside of my wrist in small, feminine, scrolling letters. I wanted to be able to look down at any time and see those letters linked together, a visible reminder of Tyler and my commitment to him and to his brothers.

Permanent.

Like love.

Chapter Nineteen

“Excuse me?” I asked my father, blinking across the dinner table at him. He could not have just said what he did.

“You’re forbidden to see Tyler,” he said, stabbing a spear of broccoli with his fork and avoiding my eye. “I’m sorry, Rory, I know you care about him, but I can’t have you putting yourself at risk.”

Very, very carefully I put my own fork down as I tried to calm myself down enough to be rational. Arguing wasn’t going to accomplish anything. “You can’t forbid me to see him. I’m twenty years old and I don’t even live here the majority of the time.”

“I’m still your father and given the circumstances, I have every right to limit your involvement with him.”

I suppose I shouldn’t have been so surprised, but I was given that I had been home an entire week and nothing had been said to me about Tyler at all. My father had been ignoring that he even existed and for the time being, that had been fine with me. Dad knew Tyler was serving his sentence in jail because I had told Susan, who had told him. There had been no response from my father, until now, two days before Christmas.

“Well, I’m not going to stop seeing him,” I said flatly. “So you can just forget about it.” I tugged at my sleeve, making sure my new tattoo was covered. I didn’t need to give him anything else to freak out about.

“Yes, you are.” Dad stared at me, as if the force of his will could convince me.

Except I was just as stubborn. “No. This is a
serious
relationship, Dad, do you understand that? This isn’t just some guy I kind of like. I would
marry
Tyler if he asked me.” Not tomorrow, but in a few years. But I wanted Dad to get it. This was no casual first crush.

He blanched. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“No, I won’t, because I’m not ready for that,” I admitted, punching holes in my argument. But I was hardwired for honesty, I couldn’t help it. “But I’m telling you, I won’t stop seeing him.”

“Then I’ll stop paying your tuition.”

My jaw dropped. “Are you serious?” I whispered.

He nodded. “He’s in prison, Rory! He’s a convicted felon. His future is ruined. I don’t want him dragging you down with him. I’m sorry for the circumstances of his life, but that doesn’t change the fact that if you stay with him, he’ll ruin your potential. I am not going to just stand here and let that happen, and you can be as angry at me as you want, but I’m not going to back down.”

“Susan,” I said, my voice strangled, looking to her for help. “Tell him this is ridiculous.”

But she just shook her head, lips pinched. “I’m not getting involved in this. You’ve already been using me as a shield, and I can’t be a part of this. It’s between the two of you.”

She was right. I had been. “I’m sorry,” I told her. “But listen to him. He’s being ridiculous!”

“Maybe I should have encouraged you to date more in high school. Maybe Susan shouldn’t have moved in here. I don’t want you to feel like you need some sort of replacement family because you’ve been displaced here.”

I stared at him in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? Do you honestly think my relationship with Tyler has anything to do with you at all? Because it doesn’t! I don’t give a crap if Susan lives here or not . . . that’s between you two. And you could have encouraged me to date in high school as much as you wanted to, and it wouldn’t have mattered because no guys wanted to date me! This isn’t some weird plea for attention or a lashing out because I don’t want you to date. God, Mom has been gone for twelve years. I think I’m okay with you having a love life.” Why did parents always think it was about them? So, so annoying. “I met Tyler and we clicked. He’s a wonderful guy. That’s it. End of story.”

“I’m not going to back down on this.”

“I’ll just lie and tell you I’m not seeing him. How are you going to know?” I asked, defiantly.

“I can check your cell-phone records and watch your social-networking posts and check-ins.”

That was playing dirty. But he meant it. I could see it on his face. “Then I’ll get student loans and pay the tuition back myself.”

I could see he was considering whether he would have a legal leg to stand on to block my getting a loan, but I knew that loans could be taken in my name. And since I was over eighteen, he had no say in it. So we just stared at each other, both strategizing.

“Don’t push me out of your life,” I told him. “Is that what you want?”

“I’m looking out for your best interests. You’ll thank me in ten years when you’re a coroner and you have a respectable husband.”

“Tyler is respectable,” I said, tears suddenly in my eyes. “He has an incredible sense of honor and loyalty and right and wrong. Whether you choose to look past the tattoos and the metal T-shirts or not. Respectable doesn’t always come wrapped in a sweater vest.” I shoved my chair back. “Never judge a book by its cover, you always said. You’re being a hypocrite.”

I took my plate over to the kitchen sink.

“I didn’t make up the fact that he’s sitting in prison right now.”

I paused, water running straight down the drain as I slackly held my dirty plate. “Yes. He’s in prison. And I’m going to still be his girlfriend when he gets out.”

“So you’re going to leave college with a hundred thousand dollars worth of debt? You’re making the biggest mistake of your life.”

I shook my head. “No. The biggest mistake of my life was spending most of it not letting people get close to me.”

***

It was not a fun Christmas at our house. After a tense gift-opening session that morning, I sat on the couch and watched movies in my pajamas all day. Susan was trying to be cheerful. Dad and I were sullen and polite.

The highlight of my day was a text from Riley. It just said “Merry Christmas,” but for him, I felt like that was a pretty grand gesture. Riley didn’t seem like a guy who discussed his feelings. At all.

Kylie sent me a text asking what I was doing. What did she think I was doing? I wondered with a rueful shake of my head. I texted her back.

Nothing. Trying not to strangle my dad.

Are you going out tonight?

Did she think I went clubbing on Christmas night?

Nope. Hot date with the couch and a horror movie marathon.

K. Have fun.

I stared at the TV, listening to my dad and Susan in the kitchen, making coffee and talking. Probably about me, given their low tones. Whatever. I didn’t for one minute believe my dad would really force me to pay for all of my tuition on my own. But if he did, fine. I had a scholarship that took care of everything but my room and board and books, so if I moved into an apartment, I could get a loan to pay for that and my living expenses. I would manage. He wasn’t going to blackmail me.

Two hours and one slasher film later, the doorbell rang. I heard my dad go to answer it, figuring it was the neighbors bringing over a bottle of wine or something as a gift.

Instead, I heard Tyler’s voice. Holy shit. I jumped up, tossing the blanket back, ecstatic that he was out of jail almost two weeks early. On Christmas.

But then I heard my dad say, “I’m sorry, you can’t see her.”

Oh, no, he didn’t.

I shoved my feet in boots.

“I’m sorry for interrupting on Christmas, but please, Mr. Macintosh, just give me ten minutes with her.”

I didn’t wait to hear my dad’s response to that. I grabbed the gift bag with the necklace for Tyler in it from under the Christmas tree, and I ran out the back door, across the deck, down into the yard, and around to the driveway.

“Tyler!” I called, breathless from running in the cold. He turned.

My father spotted me, and I saw the anger on his face in the porch light. “Rory! You get back in this house, right now!”

Instead, I jumped in the passenger seat of Tyler’s car and locked the door. Tyler got in and stared at me. “What’s going on?”

“Just drive.”

But instead he leaned over and cupped my cheek and kissed me, breathing in deeply. “God, I missed you.”

“I missed you, too. Are you out for real? They cut your sentence short?”

“Yeah.” Tyler stared at me for a second, his expression serious, before he suddenly seemed to remember where he was. “Is your dad going to come out here if we just sit in the driveway?”

“I don’t know,” I told him truthfully. “But probably not. We could go somewhere.”

“It’s Christmas, everything is closed. I just wanted to see you, let you know that I’m okay. I’m not going to stay long. I need to go home and see the boys. Riley hasn’t told them I’m out yet.”

“Oh, okay.” He had come to see me first. My heart swelled and I clutched the gift bag in my lap. “Are you okay? Was it horrible?”

But he just shrugged. “It wasn’t the best time I’ve ever had. But it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.” He bit his fingernails and stared at his steering wheel, clearly thinking again.

I felt like I was waiting for something, for him to share what he was thinking. My euphoria started to deflate. I had the sense something was wrong. This wasn’t the blissful reunion I had been imagining, us sitting in his car silent.

“You should have told me you took a plea,” I said, because I was still upset by that. “You don’t need to protect me.”

He lit a cigarette and glanced at me. “Actually, I do need to protect you. What’s going on with your dad? I take it he’s pissed about me going to prison?”

It was my turn to shrug. “He said I can’t see you. But he’s just upset. He’s not really going to cut me off and stop paying my tuition. He’ll get over it when he sees I’m serious.”

Tyler took a long drag off his cigarette, his gaze still focused on the dashboard of his car, his knees apart and up as he leaned against the door. “Rory, I had a lot of time to think when I was sitting in there. Nothing to do but think.”

“Yeah?” I asked, suddenly nervous. Why was he acting so weird? My heart started to thud unnaturally.

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

Oh, God. He did not just say that. My heart started to splinter, my words tumbling out, desperate and anxious. “What? Don’t be ridiculous. My dad will get over himself.”

But Tyler’s jaw was clenched, and he shook his head. “Your dad is right. I’ve got nothing to offer you, Rory. Nothing. The money I had saved for tuition went to pay my fine. I have to drop out of school, and truthfully, the university would probably kick me out anyway for having a felony conviction. I’ll never be an EMT now. That’s done. No one is going to let me be around prescription drugs. Everything has changed, and I don’t want you to have to deal with the fallout from my problems. It’s not fair to you.”

“We’re not doing this again,” I told him firmly, quietly. “We’ve already had this talk and I told you that you can’t make my choices for me. Not you, not my father.
I
make my decisions.”

“That was before!” he said, finally looking at me, the ember of his cigarette glowing in the dark. “I’m a criminal now, don’t you understand that? If I’m lucky, Riley can get me some construction work, but that’s it. My only option. I lost my job, shitty job that it was. We’re nine months behind on paying the mortgage on the house, and as soon as the bank weeds through their red tape, they’re going to kick us out on the street. That is the reality of the situation.”

I blinked back tears. I could feel his worry, the tension emanating from him. “Which is why I want to stick by you. Relationships aren’t for good times only.”

But he scoffed and shook his head. “You don’t get it. I’m a loser, a capital
L
loser.” He formed the letter with his fingers on his forehead, just in case I didn’t get it, apparently. “And that’s all I am ever fucking going to be. You have so much more potential and I won’t be able to stand myself if I ruin all of that for you.”

“Stop being so fucking noble!” I told him, furious. I never swore, and he looked startled that I did. “So you’re broke! I am too, you know. If I’m telling you I don’t give a shit, then I don’t give a shit.”

“Don’t make this harder on me than it is.”

I laughed, tears in my eyes. “Hard on you? You’re the one dumping me on Christmas.”

“I had to see you. I couldn’t let it go on longer than this so that we both wind up even more hurt. It’s better to just get it over with.”

My eyes narrowed at him. “Just get it over with? Like it was nothing. What happened to us being the real deal? Forever? I love you?”

His fist tightened on the steering wheel and he pitched the cigarette butt out the window. “I meant those things. But I need to do what’s right.”

“What’s right is what we have. You and me.”

“Rory, go in the house. Please. I can’t do this.” He sounded agonized, but I had no sympathy.

So that was supposed to be it? He was going to leave because he couldn’t deal with it?

Screw that. “No. I’m not getting out of this car until you stop acting like an idiot.” I folded my arms to prove my point.

“Your father is watching out the window. You need to go in.” Then he opened up his door and retrieved the butt he’d thrown, like he had suddenly remembered where he was. He stuffed it into his ashtray, slamming the door shut. “Please. Just go.”

I shivered in the cold, tears streaking down my cheeks. “I trusted you, Tyler. I gave you my virginity.”

“Don’t put that on me. That was your choice,” he said, his voice distant, and a little impatient. “I tried to stop you. I told you that you would regret it.”

That made me furious. I smacked his shoulder with the gift bag. “Don’t dismiss me like that! If your goal was to be an asshole, you’ve achieved it.”

His response was to lean across me and shove my door open.

That shattered me. I had no fight left. He really was dumping me on Christmas. He had driven an hour right out of prison to tell me he never wanted to see me again.

For a second, I couldn’t actually breathe. I thought I was going to faint. But I swallowed the bile that was rising in my throat and turned to get out. With shaking fingers, I dumped the colorful gift bag on his gearshift. “Merry Christmas.”

He stared down at the green bag, red tissue popping out of it, then tried to shove it back at me, looking stricken. “I can’t accept this. I don’t deserve this.”