Trouble Me (24 page)

“I talk to him every day. I sing to him at night when I can’t sleep. My dad wouldn’t speak to me for a year after Cameron drowned. We lived in the same house, and he wouldn’t even say my name.”

“He had no right to do that. You were just a kid. It was an accident. Nobody’s fault.”

She stops and pulls her hair back into a ponytail. “I’ve stayed alive, wondering what the point to staying alive was. And then I met this man. The future. My future.”

“The one you followed out here?”

“That one. But I don’t know. I don’t know if he feels the same way. I’m afraid he’s going to be changed.”

“By what?”

“Circumstances. When I was in New York, something happened. I thought maybe I couldn’t stand to be with him, when I found out what he’d done. I wanted to hurt him back, maybe even make him go away for good. But I couldn’t stay away from him. I couldn’t help but forgive him. When I thought he might be gone, for real, it hurt me.”

I don’t know how this girl can even function. Her resolve, her strength must be frighteningly deep. “But now?”

“Now, I think if I can see him alone again, without the influence of these circumstances, the things that have him backed into a corner, I think he’ll be himself again. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe we can be together, finally.”

“You sound confident about it.”

“I think I am.”

“He must be a good guy.”

“He is.” She gets that faraway look in her eyes, but the tears have stopped.

“Mari, I’m honored you told me about Cameron. That must have been the worst moment of your life. You’re very brave to share about it.”

“I’ll see him again one day.”

I look at her profile closely. I don’t see distress, but I don’t like the way she just said that. “Things will work out with this man,” I tell her, hoping it’s true for her sake and resisting the urge to ask more questions. It doesn’t seem like the time.

“What about you?” she asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you ready for this baby?”

“Honestly? No. The party was too much. I wish I could have a little peace before the baby train rolls into the station.”

“Why don’t you go to the house in Oregon? Take the boys?”

“I don’t know. It’s almost February. I have three weeks to my due date.”

“You said yourself both the boys were overdue. You have time to sneak away.”

“Los Angeles weather doesn’t make it seem this way, but the weather on the way up the coast could be horrible.”

“So, check the weather. I think you should go.”

I watch Ditto sit down on the sidewalk. He’s done walking, I guess. “I don’t know.”

“Do something for yourself for a change. Take care of yourself.”

“You really think I should?”

“You need to be out of the way somewhere. It’ll get rid of the distractions. Things will come into focus. The truth will be clear then.”

“I don’t know about all that. I can see myself in front of that amazing fireplace, though, drinking tea and reading.”

“And think how secluded you’d be. If Devon’s not the one, who could find you up there? Who could hurt you if you were up there?”

“That’s a point. I just don’t see him for the stalker. He’s not got any good reason.”

“I don’t see it either.” She scratches Ditto behind the ear. “I guess we need to head back, since Ditto’s done.”

“I guess. I like this idea. I think I’ll probably go, Mari. You win.”

She smiles. “Good. I like it when things go my way.”

We walk the rest of the way back home in silence. She’s just revealed a major trauma from her childhood to me. It feels somber, and I struggle for words.

We’re almost to the front door. “I wish I could make it better for you, Mari.”

She smiles at me. “Who knows? Maybe you just did.”

I give her one more hug.

Andrew and I lie in bed. All afternoon I turned Mari’s ideas around and around in my head. I don’t know that Andrew would let me go. With everything that’s happened, I think he wouldn’t want us apart. But I’d have peace. It’d be a strong move, taking the boys somewhere safe until all of this blew over.

Andrew wouldn’t be able to join us, not until
Leave No Trace
was done…maybe four days until he could come up and join us. But it could work.

My phone buzzes. I look at the clock. It’s ten. No one texts me this late.

Thanks for the walk and talk today.
I hope you find peace up north this week. Do it.

Mari. Her words nudge me to make a decision.

I think you should come with. Could you get off work?

I shoot off another quick text to Tessa, letting her know a trip to Oregon might be in the works. Then I check to see if Mari has responded yet. I text her again.

It’d be good for you and me, Mari. Think about it.

“Who are you texting?” Andrew looks at me over the top of his script.

“Mari. She told me something today that makes me really worry for her.”

He sets his script down. “What was it?”

“I think she told me in confidence. But a thing like that, it’d shake you to the core. Transform you. Worse even than what I went through with Peter. I’m worried she might do something.”

“You can’t say stuff like that and not tell me what’s going on. That’s way too dramatic. Fill me in.”

“She got blamed for a tragedy. By her father. He didn’t speak to her. I just wonder when it’s all going to come back to the surface for her. People suffer and hurt themselves over less painful stuff. You and I both know that.”

“I know. So, see, this stuff…”

He looks hesitant. I press for more. “Yeah, what about this stuff?”

He sighs. “I can’t help it. The moment I saw Mari at the pool in New York—I mean, I’d seen her come and go in the mornings. Remember, I was the one who thought you might run with her—”

“I remember that,” I encourage, trying to loosen his tongue.

“But when I saw her at the pool, alarm bells went off for me. Maybe this is why—maybe she’s carrying all this trauma around. Just be careful.”

I sit up on an elbow to get a better look in his eyes. “But you flew her out here for the baby shower.”

He nods. “Yeah, I did, but I didn’t know she was going to drop everything and move here. And now you’re saying she’s troubled. If she needs help, you need to be careful, Kelly. I worry that you’ll take it really hard if you can’t help her.”

“I get it, Andrew.”

He’s quiet for a moment. “Plus…”

“Plus what?” I am gentle. He seems reluctant to say whatever this is.

“All this weird stuff.”

“Yeah?” I’m not sure where he’s headed with this. “But the police arrested Devon.”

He nods. “I know. But even you said it didn’t sit right with you. What about Mari?”

I consider. “I don’t know. She’s been nothing but kind. I like her. And Tucker did a background check on her.”

He runs his hand through his hair, sighs. “I know. But now anyone does any little thing, and I can’t help but wonder if there’s more to it than we think.”

I touch his arm. “I love that you’re worried. But we can’t let it eat us alive. Stay in the moment, right? You’re the one who helps me do that.”

He leans over and kisses me. “This moment requires that I finish reading the script Jeremy sent me.” He picks the script up and adjusts his pillow before lying back again.

I feel a sharp tightening. “Hey, that was a contraction.”

“Are you sure we have three weeks?” Andrew sits up, concern in his eyes.

“Probably closer to four. The boys were both overdue.”

“Maybe baby Pettigrew’s on his own schedule. Sleep now and stop trying to solve all the world’s problems. Remember, we’re slowing things down. If we’re living in the moment, let’s slow down.”

I consider this, turn it over in my mind. “Andrew? What would you think if we went to Oregon? Took the boys? Maybe I could invite Tessa? Maybe Mari if we both feel okay about it?” We’ll go to Oregon, and take Mari, help her heal.

Andrew chews his lip. “I don’t know. It feels like we’re so close to baby.”

“There’s a hospital in Seaside, but I promise, both boys were late. There’s no reason to think this one is coming early. I could take everybody now, and then you could join us on the weekend.”

He sighs. “Let’s decide in the morning.”

“Okay. I think it’d be peaceful; it’d be good.”

“Sleep now, and we’ll talk about it.”

I can do this.

I wake up early, shower and dress, make tea for me and Andrew. Poor guy has another early call, and tonight he might not even make it home.

He comes in the kitchen, hair wet, eyes barely open. “I am so tired. This movie needs to be done.”

“Just wait—the baby will make this look like a leisurely pace. Both of the boys waited until they were about a year before they slept through the night.”

He wraps his arms around me and kisses me. “A baby is at least cute in the middle of the night. The crew looks like a legion of zombies right now.”

I turn to face him. “So, what do you think about my road trip idea?”

He stretches, rolls his shoulders before they shrug up. “I worry. What if you just wait for me to be done, and we go together? I’d feel a lot better. Tucker could come with that way too.”

His lips thin into a worried line.

I can’t push him. We’ve made all these efforts to be together, so it seems dumb to argue about being apart. “I can see how you feel about it. I can wait. I’ll let Mari know.”

His shoulders soften as soon as I say this. “After everything, playing it safe just seems smart.”

I nod. He’s right. “All right, Mr. Movie Star, I’ll wait for you. Give me a kiss.”

He gives me a smooch, and I breathe in the smell of clean Andrew: shampoo and shaving cream. I love it.

Later that morning, when I text Mari to tell her, she doesn’t text back. I start to worry right away. What if letting the secret come to the surface was too much? I don’t want anything bad to happen. There’s been too much already.

I have the day to myself. Mom and Dad came by after Andrew left, took the boys and the dog for a “nature sleepover.” Mom, bless her, stills campaigns to make LA and California seem more appealing. She’s hoping to turn my boys to her side. I don’t know if inviting comparison between the great outdoors in Boise vs. LA will be the way to do it. But she and Dad have them for two days full of hiking and fresh-ish air.

So, I enjoy the day. I nap, I watch some soap operas and Judge Judy/Mathis/Somebody shows, I take a bubble bath and paint my nails. I make a note to have someone else paint my toes—it’s too awkward with my baby belly to reach them at the moment. I try texting Mari again and get no response.

After a lovely warmed-up-leftovers dinner, I call my folks and say good night to the boys, and text Andrew to say good night. I don’t even bother to try to call him. I know they’re pushing hard to wrap this movie, and the next three days will be almost non-stop filming for him.

The house starts to get a little quiet. I miss everyone, and the stillness feels weird. But I know I should enjoy it. I remember the pace a new baby will set. With an infant in the house, getting showered is sure to become a major accomplishment.