Trouble at the Wedding (25 page)

Annabel stared at the lamp, and fear made her feel a bit light-headed, a little bit sick to her stomach. But she didn't feel shame. She ought to, she supposed. For the second time in her life, she'd fornicated with a man who wasn't married to her, and she ought to be all teary and full of shame about her wanton behavior as she'd been the first time around. She ought to regret going to Christian's room and the hot, passionate things they had done, but she didn't regret it. She wasn't sorry she'd behaved like a strumpet. She was just sorry she'd been caught. Because if her family got wind of the gossip downstairs, or if she was with child, it would hurt and shame them. That was the part she regretted.

But the rest? No. How could she regret the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to her?

Annabel stared at the lamp, seeing past it to Christian's room last night, remembering the hard thud of her own heartbeat as she'd tiptoed across the house, down the long corridor, hoping she remembered the correct door from the brief tour of the house Sylvia had given them the day after they'd arrived. She remembered how her hands had been shaking so badly that she'd barely been able to open his door, and how the sight of him standing there without his shirt on had set the butterflies to fluttering in her stomach so hard they might have been stampeding cattle. Even now, she got all fluttery again, just thinking about that man's bare chest. Oh my Lord.

She closed her eyes, going all warm and achy as she remembered how his hands had caressed her, how he'd evoked such hot excitement in her. Even now, it made her catch her breath, how he'd kissed her and touched her and drawn those unbelievable sensations out of her, sensations she'd never known she was even capable of. Never in a million years would she have dreamed fornicating felt like that, like . . . bliss. It sure hadn't been like that the first time around.

The episode at Goose Creek when she was seventeen had been short, painful, and heartbreaking. But last night, Christian had wiped that slate clean. He'd erased Billy John Harding from her soul in a way that getting rich and taking revenge and getting engaged to an earl hadn't been able to do. Christian had made her feel beautiful and vibrant instead of used and thrown away. Christian had given her something beautiful to replace something sordid. How could she ever regret that?

Facing the servants today would be embarrassing, and she wondered if perhaps they ought to just avoid all that and move into town. Make some excuse to Lady Sylvia, and go stay in a London hotel. Or maybe they ought to go to the Continent, something she'd have to do anyway if she were pregnant.

It wasn't as if there was any future with Christian. She knew there wasn't. And he was such a long, tall, tempting drink of water that if she stayed here, what happened last night might happen again. In fact, when she thought of his bare chest, she realized wryly there was no
might
about it. And even if she wasn't pregnant now, she couldn't afford to keep tempting fate on that subject. Europe was probably best. France, maybe. From what Jennie had written, those people seemed to take fornicating right in stride.

The knock on her door made her jump.

“Annabel?” her mother's voice came through the closed door. “Are you all right?”

“I'm . . .” She paused, striving for an excuse. “I'm fine, Mama. I . . . umm . . . I just . . . have a headache, is all.”

“A headache?” The door opened, and her mother came in. Annabel jumped up, turning toward the door and striving to look as if everything in her life hadn't just gone all topsy-turvy again because of a bad boy with blue eyes.

Her efforts at nonchalance didn't seem to work. “You look like you've got more troubles today than a headache.”

She felt a jolt of nervousness, the same apprehension she always felt when she lied to Mama—the fear that she was as transparent as a windowpane. “No, no. I'll be all right. I just need some fresh air.” She strode past her mother and out into the hallway. “I think I'll go for a walk in the garden.”

Henrietta followed her, and Annabel could feel her mother's gaze boring into her back. “I think you should eat some breakfast. That'll make you feel better.”

“No,” she called back, quickening her steps as she went down the hall, relieved that Mama hadn't asked any probing questions, glad the fact that she'd been a strumpet didn't seem to be discernible from the outside.

She wanted to be alone, to think, to make plans, to consider where to go and what to do. The best place to do any serious thinking like that was Lady Sylvia's garden. It was quiet there, and pretty, and the fresh air would do her good.

But she wasn't destined to get to the garden, at least not on her own. When she came out of the hallway, she stopped dead at the tall, dark figure standing by the stairs.

She smiled. She couldn't help it. Despite the circumstances, the sight of him brought with it a feeling of happiness she couldn't hide if she tried. “Good morning.”

He lifted one brow as if surprised by such enthusiasm, and he didn't smile back. Annabel felt a sudden twinge of uneasiness.

“What's wrong?” she asked, but even as she asked, she knew the answer. He must have heard the talk, too. Men back home didn't hear anything servants said, but maybe England was different.

He gestured to the stairs. “May I speak with you in the drawing room for a moment? A private interview?”

With those words, her heart gave a sudden, illogical leap of hope and joy. “A private interview?” she echoed, scared to believe she'd heard him right. Men wanted a private interview to propose.

“Yes.” Christian glanced past her. “If that is acceptable to you, of course?”

Annabel glanced over her shoulder to find her mother only a few feet behind her, but Henrietta wasn't looking at her. “Of course, Your Grace,” she answered, her eyes on Christian.

She looked at him, too, and saw him gesture to the stairs. “Madam?”

Henrietta preceded them down. Annabel and Christian followed, descending the stairs side by side. As they did, she tried to quell any of the hopes she felt bubbling up.

He wasn't a marrying man. She believed men when they said that, at least nowadays. But maybe he'd fallen in love with her. The moment that thought came, she tried to squash it, not daring to even consider it. He must have heard about the servants, and he was trying to suggest that silly pretend engagement business to quiet things down. That was it. Had to be.

Henrietta was waiting by the doors when they reached the drawing room. She gave Annabel a reassuring smile as she and Christian went inside, but when Henrietta moved to close the doors, Annabel realized the drawing room probably wasn't a good idea.

“You know what?” She turned to Christian. “Would you mind if we talked in the garden instead? I really need some fresh air this morning.”

“Of course.”

They retraced their steps out of the drawing room and past Henrietta. “No need for you to tag along after us, Mama,” Annabel said brightly. “The duke's a gentleman. Besides, you can watch us in the garden from the drawing room window.”

“I reckon I can, darlin',” Henrietta called to her in a wry voice. “And you better believe I will.”

“I hope the garden's all right with you,” she said a few minutes later as they exited the house and started across the lawn to the rose garden. “You said you wanted a private interview, and with Mama that close by, nothin' is private.”

“What?” he asked, opening the garden gate for her. “You think she would eavesdrop on our conversation?”

“Ear to the keyhole,” she countered as she walked through the gate. “I guarantee it.”

That made him chuckle, and she felt a bit relieved. As they started along the paved path amid the blooming roses, she decided to take the bull by the horns. “Look,” she said, stopping on the path, obligating him to stop as well. “I know what you're going to do, and while I appreciate this attempt to be noble and all, I think I'll save you the trouble. I won't enter into a phony engagement to stop the talk in the servants' hall. Yes,” she added, “I know about it. My maid told me they're all talking about it.”

“Is that what you think I wanted to propose? A phony engagement?”

She wished he'd smile. She didn't like the gravity of his face. It made him seem so distant, and she didn't like it, not after the beautiful intimacy of the night before. “Well, you didn't ask to talk in private to propose for real,” she said, trying to laugh as if that would be silly. “We both know you're not a marrying man.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “We both know that, don't we?”

There was an odd inflection in his voice, and though the day was warm, she suddenly shivered. “What's wrong? You seem . . . I don't know. I can't explain it. So grave.”

“Should I not be?” He met her eyes. “All the servants know, Annabel. Sylvia knows as well. She would never tell, of course. My sister adores gossip, but she also knows how to keep a secret. It's the servants that are of concern to us.”

“Yes, I know. That's why I think it's best if I leave.”

“Leave?” He looked at her askance. “That's not possible.”

“Why not? I'll go abroad, or—”

“My God,” he interrupted with a laugh, though he didn't seem amused. “Do you think so little of me as that? On the other hand,” he went on in a musing way before she could answer, “why shouldn't you?”

“I don't think little of you at all! I seduced you, remember? It's not like any of this is your fault.”

“Isn't it?” He faced her, and any glimmer of relief vanished at his uncompromising expression. “Annabel, I am not suggesting a phony engagement. I am suggesting a real one.”

“What?” She supposed if she were good at all this high society business, she'd have agreed on the spot and secured herself a duke, but she proved her lack of skill as a social climber by gaping at him in complete astonishment. “You think we should get married?”

“We have to marry. That is the reality of our situation.”

“Because of a little gossip among some servants?”

“Gossip can blacken a girl's reputation in a heartbeat. Why do you think I try to avoid unmarried women? Present company excepted,” he added with a grimace. “I've done everything I could to put myself in your path from the beginning.”

“This is my fault, too. If I'd thought more about it last night, I'd have stayed away. No,” she added at once. “I can't lie. I wouldn't have stayed away, Christian. Last night was . . .” She paused, mortified that she was choking up and getting all sentimental. “Last night was the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me,” she whispered, even as her confession made her feel like a lovesick fool of a girl all over again.

He didn't smile, but something flickered across his face, something that might have been a smile if his lips had moved. But then he looked abruptly away, staring out over the roses. He swallowed, and his lips parted, but for a long moment he didn't speak. “And,” he finally said, “I don't think I've . . .” He paused, then gave a cough, shaking his head, laughing a little as if at himself. “I don't think I've ever had a more beautiful compliment. I'm unworthy of it, I assure you.”

“That's not true. But let's not argue about how wonderful you are, all right? I know you don't want to marry me. And I—” She stopped, for Lord help her, she didn't know what she wanted from him now. Did she want to marry him? She didn't know the answer to that, but she did know she didn't want it this way, because he felt an obligation. He didn't give her the chance to decide.

“Yes, well,” he said, turning to her with startling abruptness, “we're well past what either of us wants, I daresay. We're down to what we must do. Even I, scoundrel that I am, cannot shirk a duty like this one. We exercised no precautions, and as a result, you might be carrying my child.”

My child.
Annabel hadn't thought of a baby in that way until this moment, as his baby, too. She hadn't allowed herself to consider that her future might be aligned with his in such a way. Happiness flickered up again, but again, she squelched it. She didn't want to be his duty. “There might not be a baby. Isn't it better to wait and see before we worry about that?”

He was shaking his head before she'd even finished. “It isn't possible. In circumstances such as these, time is of the essence, and I cannot compound my wrong by delay.”

“No,” she said again, while she still had the nerve. “I won't force you to marry me because of a baby when I know you don't want to marry at all. Besides, we both know that you don't love me, and I—” She stopped, unable to say the rest, unable to force out the words that she didn't love him.

“Listen to me, Annabel.” He grasped her shoulders, preventing her from turning away and ending the conversation. “We have no guarantee the servants won't talk to others outside this house.”

Fear rose up inside her again, more powerful than before—stark, cold fear evoked by the harsh realities. She'd had servants long enough to know that what he said was quite possible. “You mean they might talk to their friends who are servants in other houses,” she said, her heart sinking.

“Word will quickly reach ranks far higher that Sylvia's kitchen maid and housemaid. When that happens, rumors will spread like plague. Eventually, journalists from the scandal sheets will pick up the story. Once they do, they'll print it, in all its lurid detail. They'll lay out the story of your whole life for public consumption, including Billy John Harding, who I'd wager would be quite happy to tell them all about your promiscuous ways.”

“Promiscuous ways?” she echoed, suddenly struck by what he must think of her. “Christian, I never . . . only you and him, I swear to you—”