Trouble According to Humphrey (15 page)

It felt so strange to see Mrs. Brisbane head off for school. I couldn’t imagine Room 26 without me. I could imagine it without Og, since I was there before he was. But I’d never seen Room 26 without me in it. How could I?

As the day went on, I tried to picture my classmates having math class, doing their school jobs, working on Humphreyville—named for me!

Mr. Brisbane tried to keep my mind off school by giving my cage a terrifically good clean, though he did uncover a secret.

“Humphrey … I don’t think you’ve been eating your food. You’ve just been hiding it!”

I hung my head because it was true. Ever since Miranda got in trouble, I hadn’t been hungry. My yummy treats didn’t taste yummy anymore.

“If you don’t eat, you’ll get sick,” said Mr. Brisbane. “Now, I’m going to give you some yogurt drops right now and you’re going to eat them.”

“Yes, sir,” I squeaked weakly.

Mr. Brisbane headed his wheelchair for the kitchen,
then abruptly stopped. “Wait a second. Maybe you
are
sick! Why didn’t I think of this sooner? You need to see a veterinarian!”

I was puzzled, trying to figure out why a veterinarian could help. I’m practically a veterinarian myself because I only eat fruits and nuts and vegetables. (I have heard of hamsters who like a bit of meat on occasion!)

Soon, Mr. Brisbane whizzed back into the room with some crunchy, munchy yogurt drops. “Eat up, my boy. You have to keep your strength up. You can’t give in to troubles. You have to fight back!”

Was that really what I was doing? Giving in to troubles like Mr. Brisbane had done the first time I met him?

I reached down and took a yogurt drop and ate it. It tasted good. I realized I was hungry, so I took another one.

“That’s a good fellow. You’ve got plenty of fight left in you, haven’t you?”

A few more yogurt drops and I felt a little fight coming back.

“I’ll call the neighbors to get the name of their vet and I’ll make you an appointment. You’ll be back in the classroom before you know it.”

Mr. Brisbane seemed determined, but Mrs. Payne was determined, too.

Once Mr. Brisbane went off to make his calls, I asked Og, “Don’t you miss school, old pal?”

The frog who usually sat like a large green lump began to jump up and down, twanging loudly. “BOINGBOING-BOING-BOING-BOING!”

I took that to be a yes.

HUMPHREY AND OG MISSING
FROM ROOM 26

Mrs. Brisbane says they are safe at her house;
no explanation for their absence is given.

The Humphreyville Herald

I
t turns out I was confused.

A
vegetarian
eats only vegetables.

A
veterinarian
is an animal doctor. Not a doctor who is an animal, but a human doctor who takes care of animals, like dogs, cats, horses and hamsters. Sick hamsters.

Mr. Brisbane was right. I hadn’t been eating much lately, but it wasn’t because I was sick. It was because I felt so guilty about Miranda. Could a veterinarian (Mr. Brisbane called it a “vet”) figure that out? I didn’t think so.

It was quiet in the Brisbanes’ house for most of the day. Mr. Brisbane spent a lot of time in his workshop making things out of wood, like birdhouses and picture frames. Og was unusually quiet, even for him. There were no giggling students or recess bells or spelling tests to keep me awake. I finally crawled into my sleeping hut, but I didn’t actually fall asleep. I kept picturing my friends hard at work on Humphreyville. Or since I was
in so much trouble, maybe they’d changed the name. Somehow, “Ogburg” didn’t sound very good to me.

Time dragged on until Mrs. Brisbane finally came home.

“How are the guys?” she asked her husband.

“Fine, fine, although Humphrey is quieter than usual. Did you get my message about the vet?”

“Yes. I telephoned Mrs. Payne to tell her we’re getting Humphrey examined this afternoon. In fact, I invited her to come along.”

Gulp. I was going to the vet’s office that same afternoon? With Mrs. Payne?

“What did she say?”

“She goes to work at four o’clock.” Mrs. Brisbane checked her watch. “Which reminds me, we’d better get going if we’re going to make it there by four-thirty.”

Four-thirty? It was close to four-thirty already. I only had time to squeak, “Wish me luck,” to Og before my cage was covered and I was whisked out the door with the Brisbanes.

As long as I’d been in Room 26, I’d worried about the problems of my classmates.

Now I was in Big Trouble myself … and my friends didn’t even know about it!

I was glad my cage was covered because the air was freezing cold. But traveling that way is like being blindfolded. By the time I could see what was going on around me, I was in the waiting room of the veterinarian’s office.

“Dr. Drew will see Humphrey in a few minutes,” a man behind a desk told us.

I had a few minutes to look around and I was SHOCKED-SHOCKED-SHOCKED!

To the right of me was a large white dog with brown freckles and huge teeth, like Miranda’s unfriendly dog, Clem. He licked his chops. That meant he was hungry!

I quickly turned my head. To the left of me was a cage with a cat in it. The cat had black fur and white paws. Its dark green eyes were staring right at me, a little
too hard
for my own comfort.

I decided to look straight ahead, where there was a huge tank with fish of every color. Some had stripes and even polka dots, and they swam round and round a pink castle. I wished I could be behind glass instead of sitting so close to those two dangerous creatures. Those “few minutes” the man at the desk had mentioned seemed like a few hours to me.

Then something shocking happened. The door swung open and in walked Mr. Payne, followed by Mandy, Pammy, Tammy and Bwian. I mean Brian.

Mrs. Brisbane was as stunned as I was. “Mandy! What are you doing here?”

Mandy looked as if she wanted to be anywhere but in that office. Mrs. Brisbane gained control of herself and put her hand out to Mr. Payne. “Hello, Mr. Payne. This
is
a surprise.” She introduced the Paynes to Mr. Brisbane and everyone said hello. I must say, Mr. Payne didn’t seem very happy to be there. Mandy acted even unhappier. (I didn’t know if that was because of me or because
of her red nose.) Pammy and Tammy were too busy kicking each other to notice where they were, while Brian tore pages out of a magazine.

“The wife said I should come and see what the doc says.” Mr. Payne was extremely glum. “If that’s okay with you.”

Mrs. Brisbane politely said it was fine with her, but it didn’t seem fine to me. Mandy’s mom didn’t trust Mrs. Brisbane to tell her honestly what the doctor said?
That
ruffled my fur a bit.

“Now see here, Mr. Payne,” I squeaked, which wasn’t such a good idea. When they heard me, the dog and the cat got excited, barking and snarling and growling and meowing in a very unnecessary way! I only hoped they wouldn’t discover that my cage had a lock-that-doesn’t-lock.

Just as I was about to escape into my sleeping hut for safety, a woman dressed all in pale green entered. She had dark skin, dark hair and big, dark eyes, like Ms. Mac, my first teacher.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Melissa Drew. Is Humphrey all set?”

I was all set to get out of that waiting room, I can tell you that!

Mrs. Brisbane stepped forward and introduced everyone to the vet. It was decided that Mandy and her sisters and brother would stay in the waiting room while the adults came into the examination room with me.

It was nice and warm inside, so why was I quivering and shivering?

Dr. Drew put my cage on a padded table and smiled at me. “Now, Humphrey, is this your first exam?”

“YES-YES-YES!” I squeaked loudly, which made Dr. Drew smile even more.

“He certainly sounds healthy,” she said as she opened my cage, reached in and took me out. “Don’t worry, Humphrey. This won’t hurt a bit.”

Dr. Drew spoke to the humans. “This isn’t any different than the kind of examinations you get. Now, has Humphrey had any problems lately?”

“He’s pretty peppy, but he hasn’t been eating as much as usual,” said Mr. Brisbane.

“Made all my kids sick,” said Mr. Payne.

Dr. Drew was surprised. “Really?”

“Yep. He spent the weekend at our house and all my kids got sick. Some of the other kids at school, too. Right?” He turned to Mrs. Brisbane.

“Everyone who’s been sick seems to have a cold, even children who didn’t take Humphrey home,” Mrs. Brisbane said firmly.

“It’s highly unusual for humans to get sick from handling a hamster. It’s more common for a hamster to pick up a disease from a human or another animal. But let’s check him out.”

Dr. Drew’s touch was so gentle, I relaxed. She put one hand underneath me and held her other hand above my head, making a little tent for me. VERY-VERY-VERY nice.

“We’ll check the eyes first, because that’s where we
usually see signs of infection or disease in hamsters.” Cupping me in one hand, she shined a tiny light directly in one eye. Whoa—that’s a wake-up call. Next, she checked my other eye.

“Looking good,” she said. “No discharge or inflammation. Now I’ll listen to his heartbeat.”

Dr. Drew picked up a stethoscope (a word I do
not
want to see on a spelling test). It had a plug for each of her ears and a teeny piece that she held against my chest. First, she listened. Then, she smiled. “Excellent. A very healthy heart, Humphrey. Now let’s check out that weight.”

She set me on a scale that was flat and square. She also put a few chunks of Nutri-Nibbles on the scale. “Those will keep him there for a second.” She let go of me and while I picked up a treat, she said, “Well, even if he’s not been eating well, his weight is completely normal.”

While I nibbled away, Dr. Drew and Mrs. Brisbane discussed what I ate.

“He usually eats everything: vegetables, fruit, hamster food, yogurt drops,” Mrs. Brisbane said.

“Excellent,” said the vet. “Lots of variety. That’s what hamsters like—right, Humphrey?”

“You bet!” I squeaked, and the doctor chuckled.

“But I just found some old food hidden in his cage and realized he’s not been eating as much as before,” Mr. Brisbane said.

Dr. Drew bit her lip for a second, then asked, “Has there been any change in his environment lately?”

Mrs. Brisbane nodded. “Well, I had to take him out of the classroom because of the complaint.”

I noticed Mr. Payne was staring at his shoes.

“So I guess things are a little upset for him,” my teacher added.

“That could be it,” said Dr. Drew. “Some hamsters are very sensitive even to small changes.”

She was right about that. I am a very sensitive hamster. And Dr. Drew is a very good veterinarian.

“Sometimes hamsters get infections in their cheek pouches because they store food there. So, open wide, Humphrey.” She picked me up and gently pulled my mouth open, using the small light to look inside. “Clean as a whistle,” she said. “Fur is nice and shiny. I’ll take a sample of some stool, if there’s any in there.”

I was confused, but it turns out that stool is poo. She took some from my cage with a tweezers and put it in a tube.