Tripp (24 page)

“Ready to go in?” I ask as Stacy comes around the corner.

“Oh, hey Tripp. Hey, Rae, I thought you were getting Gracie a kitchen. Where is it?”

Rachel’s shoulders slump a little more before she snaps her back straight and begins to fumble out an excuse. I know it’s stupid—just as I know I shouldn’t step in and try to help her because she’s always been the kind of girl who would rather sink than share a life preserver—but because I’m a sucker who apparently loves to get beat on, I jump in anyway.

“Garage. I’m going to make sure it’s all put together before we bring it out. Why don’t you come get me when you’re ready for cake, and we can carry it in and surprise her?”

Rachel nods slowly and tells me she’ll go with me to make sure I don’t need anything. When we get to the garage, she whirls and throws her arms around my neck without warning. It knocks us both off balance, and we slam into the wall.

She doesn’t let go, though, just squeezes me tightly until my arms are around her waist and squeezing her back with just as much intensity. I could live in this moment for the rest of my life. Christ, I’m so sunk it’s not even funny.

“Thank you,” she says into my neck; I try to focus on her words rather than the feel of her breath against my skin. Maybe I can just focus on both.

Then she says it again as she leans back and looks into my eyes. “Thank you, Tripp.”

I smile and loosen my grip, trying to play it cool. “Don’t thank me yet. I had a hard time putting together an IKEA bookshelf for Tanner last year.”

“Even if you only get to the sink and one cabinet, I don’t care.”

I nod. “We’ll see. Now go play with your daughter. But stop by the bathroom and brush your hair first. You look kinda scary.”

She laughs and punches me lightly before stepping back. “Okay, pieces are spread out everywhere and there are tools. Good luck.”

I wait until she goes to leave, then I say her name. She turns back and I make sure she’s looking at me before I speak. “A bad mom would never have thrown her daughter a party in the first place—let alone worried over the fact that her present wasn’t put together. Only a good mom would do what you’re doing. Try to remember that, okay?”

She nods once before disappearing back into the main part of the house. I step farther into the garage to save the day. One look at the mess in front of me, and I take out my cell phone. Mechanic or not, I’m going to need reinforcements. “Tanner? Yeah, I need you to grab Griff and come to Gracie’s party early. We’ve got some building to do.”

33

Present

I see Rachel in the hallway before school and I know immediately something is wrong.

“How was training this morning?” I ask, wondering if it’s volleyball. She’s been to a ton of tournaments and showcases in the last month, but she still hasn’t accepted an offer or committed to a school. Understandably, the future is stressful for her.

“Good. Coach tells me I’m already stronger and faster than I was last month.”

I wait, but she doesn’t add anything. Struggling not to push too hard, I keep my voice low. “Rachel, what’s wrong? You look upset.”

Instead of shrugging her shoulders and forcing me to ask a million other questions that she gives me one-word answers to, she surprises me. “I’m going to tell you, just not now, okay? Tonight.” I freeze for a second. I understand whatever it is—it’s big.

She’s already taken a huge step in telling me, so I don’t push her to tell me
now
and alleviate the fear balling in my stomach. Instead, I nod, and just about fall over when she asks me for help in the next breath.

“Can you pick up Gracie around five for me? That way I can meet you at my house around 5:15 p.m. and we can make dinner. My mom’s working late again—senior-thesis time.”

Resisting the urge to feel her forehead for a temperature and ask her if she’s all right, I look at her skeptically.

“Sure, I’ll get the car seat after school.”

“Perfect,” she says. Though she tries a small smile, I can see the weight of her worry in her eyes. Leaning forward, I press my lips to hers in a comforting gesture. It’s supposed to be a quick kiss, one meant to reassure her that I’m here to lean on, but when I go to pull back, she’s coming with me, wrapping her arms around my neck, and taking the kiss to another level until I’ve unknowingly turned her and pressed her back against her locker.

I force her to her toes so our bodies line up, and then I tangle one hand in her hair so I can angle her head and take the kiss deeper. When she meets my force with pressure of her own, I can feel the desperation. Gentling my grip, and the kiss, I pull away and tilt her face up to mine.

“Rachel, whatever it is, we’ll fix it together, okay?”

She nods and I kiss her again. When we head off to class in opposite directions, I glance over my shoulder and see her posture is noticeably straighter. My own shoulders ease, and I watch her a second longer, grateful that even just that small bit of contact showed her we’re carrying her burden together.

~

I meet Tanner and Griff for a small workout after school before I go and get Gracie. Since it’s Griff’s turn to pick the workout, we don’t meet at the gym, but at the rec field on campus. I groan when I notice that he’s got his Cross-Fit crap out, mentally preparing myself for an hour-plus of torture.

“Half of my motivation for working out comes from the opposite sex. I can’t get the visual I need if I’m out here surrounded by other sweaty dudes. Or half dead from running,” Tanner grumbles as we jog our warm-up around the track.

“Just think of all the stamina you’ll have when you’re participating in activities outside of the gym,” Griff answers back and Tanner seems to find this acceptable.

“Ready?” Griff asks when we finish our laps and a few early stretches.

“We have to be. I’m grabbing Gracie in an hour.”

Both of my brothers raise their brows. I raise mine right back, challenging them to tell me it’s not my responsibility, or—worse—that I’m too young for this.

Griff speaks first. “Does this mean what I think it means?”

“If you think it means that Rachel and I are together and I’m going to be a permanent part of her life, which means being a permanent part of Gracie’s life, too, then yeah, it does.”

After a second, he nods, accepting that I’ve made my choice. When my eyes turn to Tanner, I brace because I can see he’s thinking.

“She what you want, little brother?” he finally asks.

“You know she is.”

“What about the little one. You ready for all of that?”

Even though there’s a surge of anger that I have to work hard to tamp down so I don’t give in and grab him by the shirtfront to tell him—again—that, yeah, I am ready. I also know Tanner asks the hard questions, because unlike Griff who instinctively understands things—cars, people, situations—Tanner’s always the one who needs to take it apart to see how it works. And right now, he’s asking because when I tell him I’m ready, he’ll know for certain. And he won’t worry.

So instead of putting my fist in his face for caring, I nod. “Yeah, I am. I love them both, Tanner.”

I look him in the eyes when I say it, and it takes him less than ten seconds to accept my answer. “Then let’s get our workout done so you can go get your girl.”

I release my breath and smile, knocking my fist to the one he’s holding out. When we turn to Griff, he’s got his brows raised. “Now that we’ve had that moment, let’s start with the pulleys.”

Tanner and I groan simultaneously, but we go because as hard as it will be, it’s easier when we’re all together.

34

Present

After my workout, I stop by my house to take a quick shower and let my mom know I’ll be eating dinner with Rachel and Gracie.

“At least you’re telling me instead of slipping out after dinner,” she says. I pause long enough to stare at her. “Please, Jackson, you think your older brothers didn’t slip out the side door to go meet a girl some nights? I know you’ve been going to see Rachel after Gracie falls asleep, so I’ll tell you the same thing I told the two before you—be safe, in every way you need to be.”

Words cannot describe how uncomfortable this conversation has made me. I nod and flee. I’m still shaking my head over it as I pull my truck into G’s driveway and head up the walk. When G answers, her eyes light on me, and her face breaks into a smile.

“So, I finally see it with my own eyes. She’s let you in.”

I shove my hands in my pockets—whether or not she knows it, G’s words are far too close to having a connotation that I absolutely cannot fathom thinking of right now. I know she sees my discomfort when an evil smile crosses her face. “Come in then, handsome, and hug me before you take our girl home.”

I brace myself for the hug, but for the first time in years, this one isn’t inappropriate or uncomfortable. It’s supportive, like a hug from my own grandmother, and when G leans back, she cups my face in her hands. “I’ve been waiting for you two to get together. Now that you are, do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“I’m counting on it. Don’t let her stand alone anymore. She’s been determined to be alone her whole life—thinking that every man is like my son, and so every woman needs to be as strong an independent as her mother—but it’s not true. She can be independent and still have someone stand with her. Can you stand with her, Tripp?”

“I already am,” I tell G, and put my arm around her shoulders.

“Good, because something was wrong this morning. I could tell the minute she dropped Gracie off. She said she would be okay, but I’m trusting you to make sure she is.”

“I promise,” I tell her. She squeezes my waist before ushering me the rest of the way through the door and down the hallway. Gracie is lying on the floor with Mrs. Beary watching Sesame Street. She tilts her head back to look at me, and I can’t name the emotion that floods through me when she smiles and abandons her post to walk over and wrap her arms around me.

I lift her and she lays her head on my shoulder. I can feel her breath on my neck.

“She just woke up, so she’s a little snuggly.”

I nod, because I’m afraid if I talk I might embarrass myself. I love Rachel—so much it physically hurts sometimes. Holding Gracie, I recognize that same intensity; it scares me enough I have to take a deep breath. For the past two years, I’ve worried every day about Rachel, hating the fact that I failed her, that I let her get hurt more than once, that I wasn’t able to stop any of the things that have happened. Now, walking out to the car with Gracie in my arms, I understand the stakes are raised. I don’t just love one girl, I love two, and both are connected to a situation I have no control over.

~

Gracie’s snuggle period doesn’t last long, and by the time Rachel gets home, we’ve already played with every toy in her room—some of them twice. We are on the floor in the living room playing with oversized Legos when Rachel walks in. The kiss she gives me is a little fierce and a lot desperate. Though I’m grateful, in the back of my mind are her words from this morning and G’s from this afternoon. Something is really wrong.

We don’t talk about it while Gracie’s awake. However much I want to know so I can start defending, I respect Rachel’s desire to keep all negativity away from Gracie. It’s hard not to be bitter about the way things went down for her, and the way Marcus continues to pop up because he fucking can, but when we’re sitting on the floor in the bathroom while Gracie splashes in the tub, I also can’t really be angry.

“Why don’t I put her to bed for you,” I say after she’s lotioned and snuggled in her polar-bear jammies.

Rachel stares at me as if I’ve spoken in a language she’s unfamiliar with. I smile and reach out to tuck a small flyaway strand of hair behind her ear. “Seriously, you haven’t even been home for an hour. Go shower, take some time. I’ll do bedtime.”

It takes her a minute, but then she nods and I feel like I’ve been given the keys to the kingdom.

“Sure. Lovey’s in her crib, and she likes Boynton at bedtime.
Moo Baa La
and
Barnyard Dance
, sometimes
Snuggle Puppy
.”

I nod, leaning in to kiss her, easing back the emotion by swatting her rear as she pulls away. “Go shower. I’ll come find you when I’m done.”

She turns and hugs Gracie, pressing kisses to her eyes, nose, and lips before squeezing her tightly once more. When she walks out, Gracie holds out her arms, ready to show me her routine. With her on my lap, we rock and read, singing the animal sounds together and going through the tuck-in routine where she has me kiss her, Mrs. Beary, blankey, Lovey, and an entire crew of other stuffed animals before I finally walk out.

Rachel’s still in the shower when I get to her room. I prop myself against her headboard and close my eyes, wondering how the hell she does this every day of her life. I get it—there’s something about knowing that the little girl in the room across the hall is yours, that her needs have to be met by you. It scares you at the same time that it makes you want to give her everything and anything that she wants. But even with the joy, it’s exhausting. Rachel practices every day after school, she works out on the weekends when she’s not at tournaments, works at the auto shop a few Saturdays a month. She’s a 3.5 GPA student, and manages to spend time with her mom and sister, with Katie, and me—all while playing with her kid every afternoon and tucking her in every night.

I’m still reeling from the sheer volume of work she does when I hear her pad into the room. I open my eyes and look at her, skin fresh and dewy from the shower, hair wet and tumbled in long, dark ropes over her shoulders, hands clutched around the towel as she offers me a small smile.

“Hey.”

I reach out and snag her hand, pulling her to the bed and rolling her beneath me. “Hey yourself.”

“Gracie asleep?”

I nod my head
yes
and ask her how her shower was as I study her. Up close like this, I can see everything. My body gets tense and hard. I barely hear her answer as I think of just how badly I want to touch her, to move with her.