Trepidation (19 page)

She shook the snow off, then glanced around, taking in every detail, with a frown perched between her brows. She nudged me. “C’mon!”

The snow wasn’t so deep, only up to our ankles. As we traipsed back through the meadow, the trickling of water echoed all around us. I peered at the icy river that blocked our path. There was no way we could swim across it without getting hypothermia, and I felt boxed in by the winter landscape. I motioned Asia to the right, and she followed. I’d never run so fast over such rough terrain, and I feared falling again, but we had no time to spare.

Asia suddenly stopped, gasping for air.

“I know it’s hard, Asia, but we gotta keep moving,” I said.

She pointed. “Look.”

Buried among the overgrown weeds was something red.

“Is that...a kayak!?” I asked excitedly.

“Looks like it,” she said.

We brushed the foliage out of the way and saw that the boat looked old and worn. It was painted red but was pretty battered and banged up; it had long since seen its better days. Still, I hoped it was waterproof, because the river could carry us to safety much faster than our frozen feet could, and we wouldn’t have to worry about zombies or making tracks for our human predators to follow. 

“I don’t know if it’ll float,” Asia said. “And what if Z’s men didn’t buy our bluff? What if they’re still looking for us? We might be easy targets on the river if they can fire from the cliffs and banks.” 

“We could try losing them by making some fake trails, circling back to our original path and retracing our own footsteps.”

“Uh-uh,” she said, shaking her head. “Too much work, and we’ve got too little time. I say we get the boat in the water and risk it.”

“Well, we don’t now how rough the current will be. Ever been white-water rafting?”

“Nope,” she said, rolling the boat over, “but there’s a first time for everything. Besides, what good plan doesn’t involve a little risk?”

We quickly examined the boat, and it looked to be in good working order. Together, we pulled it out and grabbed the paddles. My feet squished in the ice and mud as we pushed the boat off and jumped inside, with Asia in the front. Paddling as a surprisingly cohesive rowing team, we managed to get the momentum going, with the help of the icy current beneath us.

The men cursed and shouted at us from the bank as we paddled as fast as we could. Gunshots rang out, and one bullet even dinged the side of the boat, but in no time, Mother Nature’s little irrigation system had carried us far away from our would-be pursuers.

Asia glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “We did it, Dean!”

I chuckled. “Yeah, but we’re not through the worst of it. Getting back to Fairport through this freezing, zombie-infested land is gonna be the hard part.”

“I feel like I’ve just been given a second chance at life,” she said.

“So...what are you gonna do with it?” I asked, glad to hear her sounding more positive than she had in a while.

She smiled. “I won’t throw this opportunity away. I’m gonna spend more happy moments with my friends, who are basically my family. I’ve gotta learn to be more optimistic too. These days, life is a gift. You never know. Maybe just this one time, I’ll get it right,” she said, looking back over her shoulder at me.

I smiled at her and nodded. 

“As far as I know, I only have one chance to get it right, so I better get my butt in gear,” she said.

“Yep. Seize every opportunity. That’s always my motto.”

She paddled hard against the current. “We’ve cheated death today. We have no guarantee that we’ll be so lucky again.”

“Today? Heck, I’ve cheated it at least four or five times. I’m pretty sure the Reaper’s getting ticked off at me by now.”

She laughed. “Dean, is there...well, anything about me that I need to change? I really do want to be a better person.”

“You’re fine just the way you are, the Asia we all know and love.”

“Aw. Aren’t you the sweetest? But I know I could try to be less...bossy, for starters, even if you’re too nice to say so.”

“I don’t know about that. I kinda like a woman who takes charge.”

“Heh. Well, some people—like Lucas, for instance—don’t. But I’ll never apologize for being bold enough to live life on my own terms.”

“See? That’s the Asia I know. Don’t change a thing.”

She grinned again.

We skillfully steered the kayak down the river, and I was thankful that everything was going smoothly.

She glanced over her shoulder again. “Do you think we really gave those guys the slip?”

“Always assume you are being hunted,” I said, “whether it’s zombies or humans.”

“Z could send more men after us,” she said.

“Nah, I think he’ll just move his operation.”

“Not when he’s ready to launch an attack.”

“Right. Maybe he’ll just add more security, in case Max tries to attack.”

As we glided downriver, Asia pulled out the map and compass Sandy had given to her. She studied it carefully. “When we see more cliffs, we need to hop off,” she said.

“How off course are we?” I asked.

“Well, it looks like the river is saving us from walking tons of miles. I bet it’s faster than a car. We won’t be far from Fairport at all.”

“Great,” I said. Being on the run was making us both nervous, so I decided to distract Asia by changing the subject. “So, Asia...” I said, paddling hard.

“Yeah?”

“What’s your favorite food?” I asked.

She glanced over her shoulder at me in surprise, looking at me as if I was crazier than Z.

“What? A guy can’t make conversation?” I said with a smirk and shrug.

“Peanut butter and jelly,” she replied.

“Seriously?”

“Yep.”

I chuckled. “I figured you for more of a burger type.”

“When I was little, I would get out the peanut butter and jelly and make this huge mess in the kitchen. My mom said only I could make such a disaster out of a PB&J sandwich.”

I laughed.

“What’s yours?” she asked.

“I have many, but I can’t get enough of my mom’s homemade chicken pizza.”

“Mmm. Now I’m hungry. Thanks a lot.”

“Yeah, I know. I’d kill for a pizza.”

“Me, too, but I doubt they deliver out here...and surely not in thirty minutes or less,” she remarked with a grin. “Someday, I’ll make you a huge pizza.”

“Sounds great. I had no idea you know your way around a kitchen.”

“Yeah, I love to cook. My mom taught me how to make all kinds of Italian dishes. I can even make a mouthwatering lasagna you’d kill for.”

“I never figured you for a cook,” I said.

“Just because a girl can handle a rifle, that doesn’t mean she’s no good with a spatula, Dean,” she snapped over her shoulder.

“We should hang out together more so I can learn all your deep, dark secrets.”

She shot me a smile, and I grinned widely.

When we saw the cliffs, we pulled to the bank and climbed out. The icy water swished around my boots as we disembarked, and we shoved the kayak off to float away, so it wouldn’t alert anyone to where we’d gotten out.

Back in the forest, the snow wasn’t too deep, so we made pretty good time. I kept a constant eye on our surroundings, knowing anything could pop out at us at any time. I inhaled deep breaths of fresh air, and the aroma of pine drifted into my nostrils like a strong perfume.

“These pines...they remind me of my short time in Army boot camp,” Asia said. “I was there when this whole zombie nightmare started.” She gazed at me. “I’ll never forget the moment when I heard the horrible, unbelievable news. There was so much blood, so much chaos, all in the blink of an eye.”

“I know. I’ll never forget those screams,” I said.

“Where were you when it all broke loose?” she asked.

“Believe it or not, I was at the top of a Ferris wheel in North Carolina. Being up there...well, it saved my life.”

“How did you know what was going on?”

“When the wheel finally carried us back down, I saw all the blood and gore. A police officer managed to get us back to the top, where we were safe. I called my dad, and he, my mom, and Nick hurried barely got out alive, because zombies attacked our house.”

“That’s horrible.”

“Well, Dad helped us down, and—”

“Wait...us?”

“My date and me. She took off, along with all the others who’d been on the ride.”

“Where is she now?”

“I don’t know. I don’t even know if she made it out alive. We barely got through, and we had tons of firepower. We must have fought off dozens of those things. Nick led the way and just kept shooting. He got us to a helicopter, and we flew to the island where my grandma lives.”

“Is it a nice island?”

“The best.”

“So why aren’t you on that island paradise now?”

“Because...well, it’s Val. The authorities were gonna kill her, so Lucas and I smuggled her out. When the helicopter crashed, we landed right in Zombie Land, where we’ve been ever since. We just want to get back to the island someday.”

“So your parents don’t even know you’re alive?” she asked.

“Nope, and I don’t know if they are alive either. Apparently, there was an outbreak on the island, and lots of people turned. Several others died in some explosion. I just hope my family’s okay.”

“I know what you mean. I have no idea if my family is alive or dead, and I come from a big family, with lots of brothers. Let’s keep the faith, Dean. We gotta believe our loved ones are all safe and alive. That’s what keeps me going out here.”

I gave her a fist-bump and smiled, not even wanting to think about what I’d do if my relatives were dead. “You’re right, Asia. When there’s nothing else to hold on to, you gotta hold on to hope. I know I do.”

Asia looked at me seriously. “What you did for Val was amazing. What made you stick out your neck for her, a stranger to you at the time?”

“Well, I’d never seen my mom cry as hard as she did the day those people ripped Val out of her arms. When she learned that Val was scheduled for execution, she was overcome with grief, and my grandmother sobbed like I’d never seen her sob before. My mom said it was like losing her for the second time. It was heartbreaking to see their pain, and I couldn’t let my mom suffer like that, so I swore to Mom that I wouldn’t let Val die, that somehow I’d save her. I’d known Val less than a day, but she’s family, and I’d risk anything for family. There’s nothing I won’t do to save the people I love.”

“Blood or not, not a lot of people would go out on a limb like that for somebody they have no bond with. I mean, you didn’t even grow up together.”

“That doesn’t matter. She’s my sister, and I’ll always fight for her, even if it means risking my own life.”

“You’re one in a million, Dean Walters.”

I smiled.

Asia suddenly looked pained and turned her gaze away from me, out into the wilderness. “The two of us...we both carry a lot of scars, embedded deep in our souls. I carry pain around every single day, but I know I’ll walk out of the darkness and into the light someday. Maybe one day, I’ll tell you my story. You won’t believe what I’ve been through. But I just...I can’t talk about it right now. I just keep my scars hidden and try to survive another day.”

“How do you shake it all off like that, bottle it up?” I asked.

“It’s not easy, but I’m sure trying.”

I glanced down. “Sometimes, I feel like I’m carrying a 100-pound stone around my neck, and it’s slowly choking me to death.”

“Just remind yourself that you have no control over what happened. Tell yourself out loud, ‘I will rise above this,’ like a mantra. Say, ‘I’m still here,’ or ‘I will overcome,’ or ‘This does not define who I am, and I won’t let it destroy me.’ You gotta admit to yourself, ‘I’m hurting because of what happened, but I’m able to release it, to let go of this intense pain so it doesn’t keep me down.’”

“It’s that easy?” I asked.

“Well, it seems to work for me most of the time, at least when...” Her voice trailed off, and she steadied her pace.

I left her alone with her thoughts, but after a few minutes, she finally broke the silence.

“I’m freezing my butt off, but I can’t deny how pretty it is out here. It’s just so...majestic,” Asia said. “It’s like a Christmas card.”

I stared at the falling snow and white-tipped trees. “The serenity is an illusion,” I whispered. “Monsters can come crawling out of this scenic picture at any given moment.”

“Stop,” she said.

“What?”

“Stop talking like that, being so negative. That’s not like you at all. What’s going on with you, Dean?”

“I’m just being...realistic.”

“Well, I need something to focus on to keep cool, calm, and collected.”

“Sorry. I guess I’m becoming more cynical. Lately, it all seems to be getting to me.”

“So you’re turning into Nick?”

I stopped and stared at her, realizing she was right.

“You’re
not
your brother, Dean,” she said, trying to reassure me. “You can be tough
and
have a heart.”

“Pssh. If I ever had any heart, I don’t anymore. The zombies may as well have eaten it.”

“I’ve seen it firsthand,” she said.

I walked on, rolling my eyes at her.

She continued, “Look, you can’t let all this make you cold and hard, like all this ice around us. So life dealt you a horrible hand. You gotta learn to deal with it, without losing yourself in the process.”

“I’ve lost so many people I cared about.”

“So have I. Matter fact, so have many of the people you talk to.”

“It’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair. Being thrown into a zombie apocalypse isn’t fair. In spite of everything, we’re survivors.”

“That’s the thing. I’m always just surviving. How many more near-misses can I actually survive?”

“You’re here for a reason,” Asia said.

“So many people are dead, lost in the madness that surrounds us every hour, every minute, every second, every day. How’s a person supposed to stay sane in a world like this? I can almost forgive Z for being a nut-job. This is enough to make anybody go crazy.”

“This zombie war has altered me at such a deep level, but I stay sane because it’s what I have to do. Yes, I’ve been through hell, but I’ll fight and wade through more oceans of fire if that’s what it takes to get to the finish line.”