Trent (Redemption Romance Book 4) (20 page)

"Honey,"

"Yeah?"

"Don't ever hide in the bathroom in the middle of the night to cry, okay?"

"I didn't want you to know how messed up I am." She admitted reluctantly.

"You're not messed up. It was a horrible thing that happened to us. If you need to cry, I want to be there to hold you, to stroke your hair and love you through it. Okay?"

A little sob escaped her soft lips just before she looked up at me and I placed my mouth on hers.

The kiss started off sweet, gentle and loving. That was as far as I intended to go, but as things usually went with us, it escalated slowly. Before long, I covered her body with mine and showed her once again how much I loved her. By the time we awoke the next morning, we were naked and entwined amongst rumpled sheets. A sweet smile and lazy eyes replaced the sadness from the night before.

For the weeks following, I watched Amber for signs of crying, sadness, and depression. Though she was upset a few times, she didn't exhibit another crying jag as she had that night. Her manic behavior was gone, and she settled down significantly. I started to relax and hoped fervently that we were out of the woods.

On a bright and sunny Saturday morning, a day we were both off work, Amber and I lazed in bed. Snowball was dozing and purring behind Amber's bent knees. We had just finished a sweet and slow session of love making.

"Amber?"

"Mmmhm"

Reaching over and taking her hand in mine, I lifted it to my lips for a kiss and set it on my chest.

"I want us to live together - officially." It wasn't the most romantic way I could have said that I knew it, but as relaxed and sated as I was, I didn't have much energy to put into it.

Raising up onto an elbow, her light, honey-brown hair curtained her face as she peered down at me.

"Don't we?"

She was right, we hadn't spent a night away from each other in months. I, however, wanted more.

"Basically, but I want it to be all the way. I want to merge your things with mine, to find a home that we share, that's ours together."

Instead of answering, she lowered her cheek to rest on over my heart, and I wrapped my arms around her and waited for an answer.

"I like my house, and I enjoy having your condo to go to when we want to be downtown. I see your point, though, maybe you're right, maybe it's time to find something a little bigger."

"Is that a yes?"

"It's a yes."

"If I ask you any other questions right now, would the answer be the same?"

Chuckling softly, her warm breaths puffing out against my skin, she pinched my side.

"Are you fishing?"

"Maybe, I don't know."

"Well, I don't know then. It depends on the question. I'd have to think about it and give it serious consideration."

"I knew I wouldn't get off that easy with you." I teased, tickling her side with two fingers.

Amber's body shook with laughter as she moved up over me. "You always get off with me, but it isn't always easy." Her sultry voice and those blazing blue eyes were all I needed. Her intent was clear and I was rock hard.

She swiped my neck with the tip of her tongue and traced a path down, over my collar bone, to a nipple, where she stopped and sucked, then bit down with her teeth. Even though I'd just cum thirty minutes before, I was fully ready to do it all again. Her soft mouth followed the path down, teasing the head of my cock with sweet kisses and little licks down to my balls and up to the head over and over again until I was begging.

"Jesus, please, Amber, fuck."

Showing mercy, she sucked me fully into her greedy mouth and sucked - hard. As many times as she'd done this to me, I never got used to how amazing it felt. She had become an expert at putting just the right amount of pressure on my piercings.

Right before I was about to blow, I gripped her arms and guided her up over my chest, and took her mouth. Rolling us over, I sunk into her heat again.

~~~

My birthday had come and gone without any word from my father. It had been a week of craziness as far as I was concerned. Amber had decided that since I was to be thirty, I needed a party. I didn't agree, I just wanted to fuck her all damn night, but she insisted.

Amber reserved the private room in the back of Stuben's, an awesome steak house and grill between Plano and Dallas. Stuben's was a bit of an establishment in the area, having been one of the original restaurants in the region.

The classic Texas decor was perfect. Old tongue in groove dark wood floors ran the length of the old red barn. The walls were paneled half way up the huge walls and painted a soft yellow above. The mood of the place was relaxed, as every table was filled with happy diners, loving the quality of the local meat and produce. The Stuben family had owned the land, the surrounding cattle ranch and thousands of acres around it for generations.

A battered and scarred bar ran along the far wall, and a decent sized private room, which I understood had originally been some kind of tack room, was off to the left. Though the room was open to the rest of the space, it was partitioned off in a way to give some modicum of privacy.

She'd invited my mother and sister, her parents, all of our friends, and with Gavin's help a ton of the deputies, we worked with. It was the first time our families had met. Our mothers got along so well, it made me nervous. With heads together, they stayed huddled in a corner for almost thirty minutes before I pleaded with my sister to go over and break them up. The last thing we needed was for them to start conspiring.

The night had been great fun, though I'd noticed Jake trying to take his boy back from Luke's mom at one point and I thought Mrs. Jackson was going to make a run for it. Something had caught my attention during the scuffle, I glanced around and witnessed a secretive smile between Aurora and Luke. Mysteriously, his hand rested possessively on her flat stomach, one I thought might not be flat much longer.

Only the dread of my father's next move could darken my mood that night. Having turned thirty, I had total control of my trust fund, and he wanted a serious piece of it. I tried to watch him, to keep an eye out for him, but he all but disappeared. The apartment he had been renting was now vacant and as far as I could tell, he'd gone to ground. If he was smart, he would have left the area, but I knew that my father's arrogance precluded him from that kind of intelligence.

After talking about moving in together, Amber and I started talking about the amenities we each needed in a home. I wanted a huge yard, or maybe a little acreage. She required a big walk in closet and a good kitchen. I had to have a workshop. She preferred hardwood floors and a bathtub in the master. I couldn't argue with that, she was hot all submerged in bubbles, and if we had a large enough tub, I could enjoy sitting behind her and sliding my soapy hands up and down her amazing chest.

We hadn't contacted a realtor, or started looking at actual houses, but were exploring the concept of each of our own dream houses to trying to figure out how to merge the two.

The warmth of summer had turned into the horrendous dog days. It was miserably humid, hot as hell and sticky. Amber's green sundress clung to her damp skin, just from walking out of the house to my car. I hit the remote start a few minutes before walking out, so the AC would start, and the black leather wouldn't melt our skin. We really needed a good garage at our new place and not just so I could fuck her in it.

"I'm going to talk to my mom today, I think."

Glancing over, I saw Amber twirling her hair around her finger and biting her lip.

"About what?"

Her eyes bounced up, met mine then she looked down again quickly. The hair on the back of my neck stood, she was nervous. Was she avoiding my gaze? What the hell was that?

"Hey, what's this?"

We were stopped at a light, so I seized the opportunity to tip her chin up with a single finger and smile at her, hoping to reassure her.

"I'm going to ask her about - about the miscarriages."

We talked about that possibility a couple of times. I asked her about it a while back, but she was reluctant to bring it up to her parents.  We were headed for an afternoon at her parents' house. They had a huge pool and an outdoor kitchen, both I thought we should add to the list for our own house.

Leaning over the center console, I kissed the tip of her nose then glared into the rearview mirror when the car behind me honked. Looking up, I realized that the light had changed, so I gunned the motor. The smooth purr of the Camaro filled the air around us.

"Mom, can I talk to you?"

We had been swimming, eating and generally relaxing around the pool with Amber's parents for a few hours. It was a great day, the heat only bearable since the pool handy to cool off in.

Standing and grabbing my towel, I grabbed Amber's hand. I wanted to be with her, to support her when she spoke to her mom. I didn't know how the conversation would go. Since we hadn't planned ahead, I wasn't sure if Amber would tell them about our miscarriage, but if she did, I would be there with her. Amber's dad Bradly Moore rose from the chaise lounge he was lounging in and followed us to the sitting room.

It was a casual space, informally yet well decorated. The light maple wood gleamed in the sunlight cascading in through high windows. The walls were painted a light green, giving the room a cool, comfortable feel. I sat next to Amber on the soft yellow sofa and took her hand. We were a united front - now and always.

With Trent's hand wrapped around mine, he infused my body with his love, warmth and most importantly his strength. My body trembled with nerves, but this was important. We needed to know once and for all, why I'd miscarried. Most importantly, if we got pregnant again would the same thing happen over and over as it had to my parents.

I decided the first time Trent brought up talking to them that if a fate like theirs was in our future, I'd get me tubes tied now. I wanted to make love with Trent without fear. Adoption was something I definitely wanted to consider when the time came. He was right, we could still fill our home with love and laughter, our children surrounding us, we might just need to come by them another way.

I had tried to let Trent go so that he could create the life he deserved. I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if I had to, but I knew he wouldn't go. I wanted to carry his children, to feel myself growing round with the life he blessed me with. Regardless of this conversation and what my parents told us, we would be happy, blissful even if we were able to adopt.

With a quick squeeze of Trent's hand to reassure myself one more time, I started in. The look of shock and sadness on my mother's face about broke my heart. She was devastated.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have come, would have been there for you." The hurt in her voice was just slightly less heart wrenching than the tear I watched trail down over her cheek.

My father's face had turned an interesting shade of red and for a moment, I worried about his blood pressure. He had always been healthy, he stayed active and was fit for a man of sixty. In that moment he looked at least ten years older. Had the news upset him so much that he'd aged in just the last few moments?

"You were - Amber, you were pregnant?" my dad croaked, the words sounding rough and foreign, torturously ripped from his throat.

I disappointed him, I had failed my parent. I got pregnant outside of wedlock, with a man they hadn't even known about at the time. Dropping my head, I allowed my long hair to curtain my face and to shield myself from their looks of unhappiness.

"Yes sir, she was pregnant. Unfortunately, we didn't find out about it until it was already too late," Trent answered my father for me. He had removed his hand from mine and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me deeper into his chest.

"Sweetheart," my father began, "Please, honey, look at me. I'm upset, I'm sad - not angry." My dad's voice had softened, sympathy and compassion now laced his every word.

My face still lowered, eyes closed tight, I only nodded that I'd heard him and that I understood.

"I had a miscarriage before your father, and I married too. It was probably one of the most difficult times of my life." My mom shocked me by confessing. My head lifted, and my eyes met hers. I noticed my father's hand had reached across and now held my mother's firmly. He was giving her strength in much the same way Trent did for me.

"It's true. I was so young, not even twenty. I thought my world was coming to an end. Your dad was so wonderful through it all." She paused for a minute to compose herself and accept the kiss my father offered. I was in complete shock. I didn't know why I never saw my parents as being human before. "We didn't really talk about things like that back then, but he did. Your dad was right there with me. We were both still in school. I was in college, and your dad had just begun law school. Even with the demands of his job and his studies, he was with me."

Watching the soft smile on my mom's face as she looked up at my dad, his arm wrapped around her and pulled her into his own chest, much like Trent was doing with me. I recognized maybe for the first time, what an amazing love they shared. I always knew that they loved each other, but in that moment I saw something immeasurably more than I could have understood before Trent.

Understanding what they had gone through and how much all that must have strained them. Watching them together, they were stronger than ever, they held firm in the arms of the one they loved beyond all else. I knew that what I did so long ago, pushing Trent away like I had was me. I wasn't what I learned, but what I did to protect myself and to protect him from pain. It was an immature and selfish response to grief.

Trent believed that he was the one who needed to be redeemed, to be relieved of the things that had happened. I knew he was wrong, it was me. I needed redemption from my own fears, from depression and selfishness - all of it.

"Mama, I hate to ask you, but I'm telling you all this because I need to know. Is there a reason that I had the miscarriage? Is there something genetically wrong that you know of?"

Mom's face turned white and fear flooded through my system, I couldn't imagine what she was about to tell me. This was it, I opened the door. I wanted the truth. Now I was about to get it.

"My god Amber, no, there's nothing wrong with you. I don't have any idea why you would have a miscarriage sweetheart."

"But Mom, you had -"

She interrupted me with an outstretched hand. "No, sweetheart. I had other issues, they're not genetic." She paused a moment, and I wasn't sure if she would continue. She glanced at Trent, then went on. "I had - an injury."

Her words made no sense, I didn't understand what she was trying to say, but as she looked at my father, who gave her a loving and reassuring nod. She smiled slightly and continued.

"Amber, when I was in high school, I was attacked. It resulted in some serious, permanent damage. That's why I had a hard time carrying a baby."

My entire body went rigid, "attacked?" I whispered, unsure if I wanted to know the rest. I was floored by all the revelations of the day. Did I know anything about this woman aside from the things that pertained to me personally? Had my eyes been closed to her all these years?

"Yes, it was late, after an away game. I remember arguing with my mother because I wanted to drive myself. She worried, but I had to finish a test or something after school and needed to leave late. The rest of the cheerleaders had gotten onto the bus, and I was walking to my car. Before I got there, I was grabbed."

"Mom?"

"No, honey, I'm okay. It was a long time ago. It just isn't something I think about much anymore. It was a few of the players from the other team. I'd never - it was..."

Her words trailed off as she stared out the window overlooking the back yard. I was stunned, how could she have gone through such a horrible thing and I didn't know?

My dad kissed her temple, then looked toward Trent and me. I almost forgot that he was sitting there next to me. He was holding me tight, stroking my hair. My entire body was cold and what I didn't realize was, that I was trembling. Just the thought of my own mother having to go through something like that ripped my heart out. I thought back to my own high school experience and a light dawned. 

"I always thought it was because you only had me, but that was why, wasn't it?"

My voice was hoarse with unshed tears, but I knew my dad had heard me, and apparently my mom had too. They knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Yes, honey, that's why I was so overprotective. It was one of the worst nights of my entire life, the worst, maybe. When you started cheering, I was excited and even proud. Even with the happiness, I felt for you, every away game, dance, volleyball game - all of your activities were hard for me. Those away games, though, I just couldn't do it."

"I get it, mom, I'm sorry for fighting you, I had no idea."

"I know, you couldn't have. I didn't want you to go through anything like that."

"Well, thanks for driving me everywhere and for protecting me."

Thinking back over my childhood, I could see it now so much more clearly. My mom had panicked once when I was supposed to go away for a week to science camp with the school and she didn't think she would be able to go. I remembered her and dad fighting about it, but I hadn't understood why at the time. I had even gotten angry with her for treating me like a baby. She and dad rarely argued, he doted on her, was gentle and gave her pretty much anything she wanted. She was the same with him, dedicating her time to him, to his work, his activities, his comforts and then to me as well.

In the end, she rearranged some things and had been able to take me to camp. In retrospect, I could see it. I better understood the state of absolute fear she must have lived in. Even in high school when I began to drive, she would take me to away games. Mom attended any activity I did after school. When I rode with the team on the bus, she followed. She walked me to the bus and made sure I was on safely. Then she'd trail that old bus home. My friends teased me about it, and I remembered being embarrassed, by her relentlessness. She gave me everything. Her dedication and willingness to give up her own time and money to save me from a similar fate showed me what a truly amazing mother she was. My mom had a real life understanding of how something like that would change my life, and she had done everything she possibly could to prevent it.

I moved to her, tears streaming down my face and embraced her. Holding her tight in my arms, we cried together as I thanked her and apologized over and over again. Maybe nothing like that would have happened to me, but one thing I knew, she was there to make sure it never did.

After our tears had been spent, we all went back out to enjoy the day. We ate, swam and played in the sun. We were talking, laughing and thoroughly enjoying the day when Trent's special ringtone went off. After quick hug and kiss to my parents, I gathered our things as he listened and was ready, waiting by the door with everything by the time he ended his call.

"I'm sorry, sweetness." He blinked at me a couple of times, seemingly surprised that I had everything done.

A cheery smile and a quick shrug, I handed over the swim bag and towels and followed him out. Sure, I was disappointed, but I wasn't about to pitch a fit over it. He was needed, and I needed to support him in that.

"It is what it is, at least they waited until the end of the day."

As we got back to the house, Trent jumped in and took the quickest shower in history. Glad he had just finished a full meal, I pulled together some snacks for him to take. I'd gotten pretty adept at this over the past few months. he didn't get called out a lot, but often enough that I came up with a system.

Often times when SWAT was called out, they rushed to the scene, would get briefed and then stand around waiting for hours. I started keeping some dried fruits, nuts, seeds, and Cliff bars on hand. They were all things I could grab and toss in a bag while he got ready. Since those snacks were pretty healthy and not messy, he was able to toss a bite or two in his mouth from time to time. Of course, I always made him coffee, since inevitably, call outs happened late in the day or in the middle of the night. A call could take as few as a couple of hours, up to the longest I'd heard of was twenty-three.

"You know, you're the perfect cop's wife, right?" Trent asked as he grabbed the bag, pecked my lips and hustled down the sidewalk toward his car. The word "wife" sent goosebumps down my spine. I didn't respond to it, just called out that I loved him and to be safe, same as always. I had to wonder, was I becoming superstitious, like so many of the professional ball players I heard about?

Shrugging it off, I turned, tripped over my cat and mentally rearranged my evening.

Two weeks passed since our talk with my parents. Mom called me every day, asking me if I was okay and generally just checking in with me. Now that I understood her better, I didn't allow myself to get annoyed with her over-protective ways.

With our normally busy life, I hadn't taken the time to talk to Trent about the miscarriage. I did consider the possibility of another pregnancy sometime far into the future. Now that I understood that my mother's issues weren't genetic, the fear had lessened - though it hadn't totally gone, I was still anxious after my last pregnancy, unsure I'd be able to deal with another heartbreak like that.

Trent's schedule had been unusually hectic, or more so than normal. Something was going on at work, so he and Gavin both had been called in or needed to stay late almost every day. Finally on our first day off together, and we were going to spend it with his family.

Trent's sister Natalie was hilarious. She was fiery, opinionated and blunt. All things I loved about her and all things her brother found exasperating. Nat was independent and wouldn't accept help with anything.

Pulling up in front of his mom's house, Trent's body tensed. He scanned the front of her property, so I followed suit. Not seeing anything that stood out, I asked him.

"What is it?"

"The roses." That was it, that was all he said. I looked at the cluster of rose bushes in front of the large picture window. Looking over each one, I didn't notice anything.

"What about the roses?"

Nodding toward the largest bush, he explained. "The yellow one, it's really old. Mom split it from my gram's yard when I was little. She dug it up and moved it here when she sold our old house and bought this place."

Scanning it again, I noticed that among her perfectly tended bushes one had some branches broken. Branches that were now lying on the otherwise pristinely neat ground. Aside from those, there wasn't so much as a stone or leaf out of place.

Before any more could be said the front door swung open, and Trina's springer spaniel Daisy bounded out. Her tongue lolled to the left, tail wagging excitedly as she ran toward my side of the truck. As I opened my door, she jumped up and put her front paws on the door frame before I even had a chance to swing down.